


He's my life, my love, my soul, my home

by SergeantStucky_SilentCreepyRage



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Barnes family are the best, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Has The Patience of a Saint, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Established Relationship, F/M, Family Feels, Gay Steve Rogers, I kinda skipped over it, Kinda, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Possessive Bucky Barnes, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Bucky Barnes, Reminiscing, Steve Rogers Has Issues, Tags May Change, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-26 01:00:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 152,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10776177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SergeantStucky_SilentCreepyRage/pseuds/SergeantStucky_SilentCreepyRage
Summary: After waking up from the ice, Steve gets lost in his own head. The avengers notice that Steve gets distant. After a lot of coaxing Steve starts telling the avengers about his past with Bucky. Eventually they all begin to know and love Bucky as well. Soon, a new villain more powerful, skilled and ruthless as the Black Widow shows up and the avengers are forced to fight the Winter Soldier.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic with multiple chapters. I just thought that what if our resident 99-year old captain starts acting like a grandpa and reminiscing about his past. I kind of expanded that thought and made a storyline out of it and voila, a new fic is born. Enjoy!  
> My wonderful beta's tumblr:https://dogesmemelord.tumblr.com/  
> Disclaimer: I do not own any Marvel characters, just my OCs.

Noise. That was good. That was a blessing. Noise, to block out all the static, and screams, and cries, and gunshots, and screams, and screams and screams. The scream that forever haunts him. Oh God, Bucky's fearful scream and, and-

HONK!

Noise. Yes, Steve thinks, noise is good, noise is great, noise is a blessing. And what a better place to get all your thoughts drowned out than standing in one of the busiest places in the country, New York. Deep breaths, Rogers. In out. In out. Sometimes noise was bad. Sometimes busy cities like Manhattan was a curse. Like when all his new surroundings overwhelm him and nothing is familiar anymore. Deep breaths. In out. In out.

It was only a few weeks after the battle of New York and Steve found himself standing in front of Stark --Avengers-- tower. Stark had invited all the Avengers, saying something about 'if the team was together than we could get to the mission faster', which had Romanov snorting. Stark and Banner were already in the lobby, which seemed nice since it looked like they were trying to greet people. Banner smiled and held up his hand in a wave and Stark came towards Steve with a big obnoxious smile on his face.

"Well, if it isn't the Star Spangled Man with a Plan himself, how'ya doing Cap," Stark said in greeting. His smile never wavered and he punched Steve (who bodily flinched away from him) in the arm, before turning around.

"Umm... Fine I guess. I mean things could be better, and umm yeah," Steve answered awkwardly and he started rubbing his neck. His awkwardness and anxiety had never left after he got the serum. He stilled tensed up around people he didn't know and attempted to curl up on himself if they got to close. Only Bucky seemed to notice and only Bucky seemed to get him to speak. But, Bucky wasn't here. No one could bring him out of his head. No one could help with his anxiety. No one would ever see him, and that was all his fault because, because-

"Great. Your quarters is the 82nd floor. Jarvis will show you around and help you with anything that you might need, " Stark continued, blessedly unaware of Steve's current predicament. "My suite is the 90th floor, don't try and come up, but it's locked by Jarvis anyway so don't worry. Brucie-bear's suite is on the 89th floor, I'm sure the good doctor would welcome you with open arms. The common floor is the 85th floor and Legolas' floor is the 83rd and the Spider Queen's is the 86th. Oh and..." Stark continued to ramble as Steve took in the new and unsurprisingly overwhelming information.

Tuning him out Steve turned to Dr.Banner, who was currently looking at something intently on his tablet. He sighed and stepped into the elevator with Stark and let him control the still confusing but not an unfamiliar thing. 'Deep breaths, deep breaths,' he reminded himself. 'Now is not the time for a panic attack, Rogers.' A few minutes later the elevator stopped and Stark stepped out and into a large open living room space that had big picture windows that lead to a balcony, a large dining room straight ahead, a kitchen that looked to be the size of two of Steve's old apartment, and a hallway that had at least 4 doors. Overall, the whole place was massive and impressive.

"So, whaddya think," Stark asked in his usual uncaring, arrogant tone. He smiled again, but this time it was smug, like he just one something or that the chance to impress Captain America was so big it made his head even bigger. Steve smiled kindly and he hoped, it looked grateful as well. He wanted to say, 'this is great thanks', he wanted to say, 'how can I ever repay you for giving me this', he wanted to, oddly enough, hug Stark for his generosity. But all he did was shrug and say "s'cool."

Stark's smile faltered and his uncaring eyes turned cold for a brief second before having his usual facade back up. "Al'right. See'ya Cap. Oh and by the way the spy twins should be around sometime tonight." He turned to leave and before he got to the elevator where Dr.Banner was still waiting, engrossed in his tablet, Steve grabbed Stark's elbow.

"Wait," Steve panicked and took a huge breath. He smiled again, and this time it was grateful. Stark turned around and his body was tense, probably preparing for another fight between them. "Thank you." He hoped that the simple sentence, (the only sentences he seemed to be able to produce), was enough to convey his thanks, his sincerity, and gratefulness. His eyes looked into Stark's and saw the other man look taken aback before smiling. A real and rare smile. A smile that Steve, of all people, was able to get out of him. He nodded and patted him on the shoulder with his free hand and when Steve let go he turned and walked towards the elevator.

"No prob, Cap," Stark said once he enters it. "See you later, right? We got a team meeting on the common floor at 6." Dr.Banner smiled and waved before the door closed and said a soft goodbye. Steve sighed because here he was alone. Alone with his thoughts. Alone with his horrors. Alone without noise. Alone with a scream. And not any scream, but that scream. That fearful scream that sounded like, like -

Thump. THUMP!

The noise jerked Steve out of his thoughts and back into the land of the living. He turned expecting to see a mess, something that would occupy his time and take his mind off things but was greeted with the sight of Agent Romanov and Barton in his living room. Romanov was standing in front of him, turned to Barton who was currently faced down on the carpet as if he fell from the ceiling. Steve looked up to see an open air vent directly above him. He took a deep breath, then another, and another before addressing his teammates.

"Ummm," Steve said, intelligently. 'Great,' Steve thought. 'What a good way to command your team's attention as there Captain. Good impression, Rogers' "H-hi. Ummm... Wha- what're umm you doing here? Stark said you guys were gonin'ta get here later?" It came out as a question and Steve inwardly rolled his eyes at his own inability to speak. Romanov just smirked and kicked Barton in the side, (that totally did NOT have him flinching. Nope. He just shook a little) before helping him up. Barton turned and faced Steve and started to scrunch up his face and rub his head sheepishly. He smiled, much kinder than Romanov, who seemed to be trying to make him as uncomfortable as possible.

"Hi to you too, Rogers," Romanov said smoothly. He cursed how well she spoke and how it seemed like she was laughing at him. "You're coming to the 'meeting' tonight right. I think Stark just wants to us to get along. Of course, it was Pepper's idea. Think you're up for some team bonding?"

Steve just stared at her slightly confused. He was confused by a lot of things and words, no matter how simple they were, always seemed to go over his head. He heard Barton laugh at his face and shrank down on himself once again. "Nat, come on. You're scaring the guy. Stark probably just wants us all to have dinner, hopefully, pizza, and chat 'til we all become friends. No worries. We just dropped by to say hi and see how things were going for you. And you know, get to know each other beforehand."

Steve took another deep breath and let in out slowly. "Um, friends?" Ok, this was going great. First, he made a terrible impression, then got both spies to laugh at him, because of his amazing social skills (well at least he thinks Romanov was laughing. Her face twitched a little like she wanted to trust him but didn't know if she should). Barton smiled kindly again, this time instead of humor in his eyes there was sympathy. Steve hated it.

"Yeah, Cap friends."

___________________________

Sometime later all the Avengers, including Thor who came back from Asgard an hour ago, were on the couch in the common room drinking whatever Stark had given them and talking about their hobbies, skills, likes, dislikes, favorites, and other random things they could remember. Steve learned so much about his teammates over the past few hours. Upstairs when Natasha and Clint (and Steve was actually comfortable using their first name with them, which was wow) had learned a lot about each other and became friends with them.

Clint had a dog and has a house on a farm taking care of his brother's family. He grew up in the circus, which was where he learned archery. He was deaf in his left ear because of an explosion on a mission. His favorite food was pizza and his favorite color was, unsurprisingly, purple. He loves the show Dog Cops and is secretly (after Natasha told him when Clint went to the bathroom) is almost as big of a fan of Captain America as Agent Coulson is. The guy lives off jokes, puns, pizza, and sarcasm, which kind of reminds him of Bucky.

Natasha is quiet but until you get to the friend zone she is caring, sarcastic and surprisingly funny. She doesn't speak of her childhood much but says that it was where she learned how o do everything she does. She never had any family which Steve patted her on the shoulder for and told her welcome to the club. She joined S.H.I.E.L.D shortly after she escaped the redroom and her first friend was Clint. Her favorite color is green and favorite food is some Russian dish that Steve wasn't even going to attempt to pronounce. She likes watching Russian soap opera and her favorite movie is White Chicks. She actually became obsessed with things like animal planet and national geographic because she thinks that ("baby animals are really cute, even cuter than Clint"), which had Clint squawking, and saying that baby animals can't buy her things.

So, overall after spending time with the Avengers, (still very uncomfortable, but nobody has to know that) he finds himself actually wanting to spend more time with them. He enjoys Stark's antics to a degree and is surprised to be able to put up with it. Dr.Banner is low-key and soft-spoken but is a nice guy to talk to and discuss books that they had both read (or in Steve's case Bucky read to him) and enjoyed. Thor is loud and his tales of Asgard is funny and good to listen to. He actually helps take away some of the noise (but it never goes away completely), which is nice. And this is nice. Nice to speak without being in command and hear others joke and tell stories of there lives. He takes a deep breath, and another, and smiles, small but there. He can learn to like it here. Maybe they can learn together.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Bes' friends?" Steve asked hopefully. Nobody ever wanted to be friends with Steve. He was small and couldn't keep up with any of the other boys. Even the girls seemed faster when they ran. Bucky had to slow down to give Steve a chance to keep up. Maybe he can keep a best friend. Bucky said that they could be friends forever, and maybe he was telling the truth. Bucky also was the boy with lots of friends, and Steve doesn't want to be another one of Bucky's friends that he sometimes plays with. He didn't know why but he instantly wanted Bucky's attention. He wanted to be different from everybody else with Bucky. Bucky was the first person to look at him like he wouldn't break or that he wasn't a lost cause. So yeah, asking to be best friends was a big deal for Steve. Steve worried Bucky would say no but right before he could open his mouth to say anything else, Bucky smiled widely.
> 
> "Yeah Stevie, I'll be your bes' friend." He sat up and pulled Steve into his arms and just held him in a hug. Steve calmed instantly, his three-year-old mind was getting too worried over simple things that most three-year-olds don't worry about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's chapter two! It's a little shorter than future chapters, sorry about that but writer's block, ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯.  
> Here's my beta's tumblr: http://mrgoodbar11213.tumblr.com/  
> Enjoy!

It's been about three weeks since all the Avengers moved into the tower. They became friends pretty quickly, which was great for Steve because all of their voices blocked out some of the noise. Plus it's nice having friends, being cared about and having someone to talk to instead of stewing in his room. Plus, Bucky would be proud. Bucky would be happy he made friends and was starting to get a life back and move on. Bucky would be patting him on his back, ruffling his hair saying ' _I knew you had it in you, pal, you got this and_ -'

But Bucky wasn't here to pat him on the back. Bucky wasn't here to ruffle his hair. Bucky wasn't here to hold him, or comfort him, or kiss him, and whisper _I love you, I love you, I love_ -

Bucky wasn't here to do anything. Bucky wasn't here anymore. Bucky was gone. Bucky was, he was- he's-

And nope, Steve's not going to continue that thought. Bucky wouldn't want him to. The last time he did he got stuck in the noise, the loud and un-removable noise that was filled with frantic guilt-filled voices (that sounded remarkably like his own), bloodcurdling screams (and Steve can only hear Bucky's), gunshots, explosions, betrayed yells of Bucky, more Bucky, and Bucky, Bucky, Bucky, _Bucky_ -

In his dreams, it's better. Not peaceful by any means, but better than he would have expected. And of course, his dreams are of Bucky. It's always something good, a memory or an imagined time of a life they could've had. At least it starts that way. Then it's of Bucky somehow dying, (saving Steve cause that's all he seems to be able to do), and him watching helplessly because what was he supposed to do? There was nothing to do but listen to Bucky's comforting words as he took his last breath, (which wasn't that odd, a dying man comforting his lover in his own time of need) and cried as the man disappeared from his sights. At least in his dreams, he didn't imagine Bucky hating him, accusing him of killing him, at least in his dreams he was loved.

He sighed, this was not how he wanted to spend his Saturday. He wanted to talk to his friends, maybe spar with Natasha or Thor. He could talk to Thor, (who quickly became one of his three closest friends) or maybe he could go to Clint's floor and watch and an episode of Supernatural with him and play with Lucky. He and Natasha could talk about the changes in the future. Tony (and okay he's no longer Stark, which is great) is a good friend to talk to and challenge, even if he's sometimes reminded of the past. Bruce is comforting and calm, there when Steve needs to calm down or just focus on something else besides the noise and static in his head.

He turned on the tv instead. Leaving his apartment seems like too much today. He watches whatever is on the and as it turns out, it's a World War II documentary. Steve cursed softly but watched it anyway might as well see what the general public thought of the war. Who knows, might even be fun. Steve learned it wasn't actually that bad, but the narrator had switched from showing battle footage of the regular soldiers to the soldiers of the 107th infantry; specifically the Howling Commandos. He instantly went tense and started shaking as he watched footage of their battles. His mind replayed those memories vividly and he lost track of time. The tv had become nothing more than a small voice until it disappeared completely. The noise and static were back and this time no background noise brought him out of it.

Suddenly his living room transformed from the really expensive looking furniture from the twenty-first century to the trenches of a European forest. _The gunshots were loud, bombs overhead and hitting the ground sounding extremely loud in ears. Screams were heard and he could only guess that it was of the dying soldiers from the group that Colonel Phillips assigned them to work with. He turned to look at his team and counted all of them besides one, the most important one, Bucky. He shot out the trench at lightning speed, barely dodging bullets and screaming Bucky's name, frantically searching all over. "Bucky! Bucky! BUCKY! **BUCKY** ," his voice was louder than the gunshots and he barely noticed when a bullet hit his shoulder. "BUCK-," the rest of his sentence was suddenly cut off by a hand over his mouth and someone pulling him back. The smoke clouded his vision but he didn't need to see to be able to fight the guy off, he was a super soldier after all. But this guy seemed to have a good grip on him and was able to hold him down._

_"Steve. Steve! Jesus, Rogers, calm down. It's me, it's me. It's Bucky, shit. STEVE!" The voice behind him got him to stop struggling and turn around in the man's grasp. He smiled once he got a good view on the guy and saw it was Bucky. But the gunshots were back and his shoulder started to bleed out. The bombs came down faster and there was a higher quantity of them falling. Soldiers were dropping left and right and then Bucky dropped. He went down right before Steve's eyes. There was scream and everything was louder and he heard the worried and distant sound of someone softly calling his name._

_"Cap, Cap," the voice said and it came from Bucky's mouth. But Bucky was down and he never called Steve Cap. But there it was again, Bucky's lifeless body speaking to him. "Cap... Steve, Steve, come on. You're safe. You're not where you think are. You're in New York, Avengers Tower. You're safe." But no he wasn't in New York. They left New York behind. It didn't make sense because Bucky was, he was, he's-_

Something touched his shoulder and he flinched. Time seemed to come back to him (and oh God, when did he lose track of it) and his eyes focused on the tv that was now on a space documentary. He turned and saw Natasha and Clint's worried gaze on him. He smiled weakly and curled in on himself. Just because he calls them friends doesn't mean he's comfortable showing his weakness to them yet. He only got like that with Bucky and Bucky wasn't here. He was, he was, he's-

"- _Breathe Stevie. C'mon breathe for me, baby. There ya go, deep breaths. In out. In out_ -"

-and he's breathing. Deep breaths, listening to the voice of Bucky telling him to breathe, 'cause he would always listen to Bucky, even if it's just a memory.

"You okay?" Natasha asked. She spoke softly like she dealt with this before and Steve wondered if she did this before, he wouldn't put it past her. "You had a panic attack. I'm guessing it happened because whatever was on tv triggered a memory for you. But you're safe. Don't worry." She smiled kindly, unlike the first smile she gave him and patted his shoulder. He looked up from his defensive position on the couch took a shaky breath. He nodded and Clint came back from the kitchen and huh, Steve didn't hear him leave. He was usually more alert. Steve grabbed the water out of Clint's hand and smiled at him gratefully and drank it in small sips.

Clint and Natasha sat with him until he calmed down, his breathing slightly less ragged and wasn't panting. Natasha looked at him and says softly, "Can I ask you something?" She gets a nod in response and she takes a breath and gives his shoulder a squeeze in thanks before saying her question. "Who's Bucky?" Clint looked at her sharply, but she didn't seem to notice or care. She studied Steve intently and gives him a worried gaze when his eyes tear up. His breathing changed in a matter of seconds and he starts shaking again. Natasha looks regretful for asking and tries to calm him down. Clint smacks her head and gets Steve tissues to blow his nose in and wipe his face with.

He opens his mouth, then closes it and says in another small voice that sounds nothing like his own, "If you can bring the other Avengers up here, then I'll tell you." Natasha nods and gets up to go the elevator, which leaves Clint and Steve back in the room alone. Clint rubs his back and gets him more water.

" ’M fine," he says tiredly. Panic attacks can really do a number on him.

Clint just shakes his head rubs his back more forcefully which makes Steve startle and receive a pointed look from Clint. "No, you're not. C'mon, Nat and I'll take care of you. Oh, sorry for Nat's sudden question. She could be insensitive at times, but she's trying. And she doesn't know much about America's favorite Sergeant, Bucky Barnes." Steve just shook his hand as to wave it away. "Nat'll come upstairs with all the Avengers and you could do what you want."

"Thanks, Clint," Steve smiled. The elevator dinged and the rest of the Avengers came out. Tony obviously came from out his lab if the grease stain on his shirt and cheek was anything to go by. Bruce looked like he just woke up since his hair was rumpled and he was rubbing his eyes tiredly, with a coffee cup in his free hand. Thor was basically bouncing up and down, wide-eyed with his curiosity at seeing someone else's suite. Natasha had a determined look on her face as she came back and sat next to Clint. The rest of the Avengers sat in the empty chairs and other parts of the couch that weren't occupied.

"So," Tony started, all the Avengers eyes were glued to Steve expectantly. Tony was obviously ready to break the silence. "Natasha said you had a panic attack and wanted to talk?" Steve blinked and turned to Natasha, and shook his head.

"I don't wanna talk about it. I just wanted to answer Nat's question with all of you around so the next time you guys want to talk about that subject you'll already know." He looked around suddenly feeling shy about speaking again. ' _At least I'm coming back to myself_ ,' Steve thought bitterly.

"Alright. What's the question?" Tony looked pretty eager to learn more about Steve. They talked to each other but not enough to know a lot about each other's lives.

"Okay, um... How much do you know about Sergeant Barnes?" From the corner of his eye, he could see Clint lighting up at the mention of a Howling Commando. Tony stared at Steve like he wasn't sure where this was going and Bruce looked to be in deep thought, probably thinking back on his World War II history.

"The Sergeant Barnes, I know a lot. He was one of my favorite Howling Commandos," that was Clint talking. He obviously was really excited to speak about him. "He was in the 107th, he enlisted after the Pearl Harbor attack, he was part of the Howling Commandos and was your best friend since childhood. He was an amazing sniper, I got my inspiration from him. He died when he fell from a tra-," abruptly his mouth snapped shut as he just realized what he was going to say. He looked at Steve with wide eyes and watched as he took several deep breaths.

"Yeah. Yeah, that Sergeant Barnes, but to answer Natasha's question, his nickname was Bucky. Not a lot of people got to call him that. Only his friends, family, and girls he took on dates." Steve couldn't fault Natasha for wanting to know. She was from Russia and might not have gotten caught up on her U.S history or maybe didn't learn that yet.

Natasha looked to be considering something then nodded. "You were screaming his name in your panic attack, asking him where he was if he was alright. Did you go back to the battlefield?"

Steve nodded and started to rub his arm, another one of his nervous tics. Bucky would scold him for his nervous tics since they weren't always healthy. Rubbing his neck and arm was the only ones he did that he approved of. Anyway, Steve was nervous because he could feel Clint, Tony and Thor vibrating with questions. Questions he might not want to answer.

It was Thor who spoke first. He didn't know any world history so he's just hearing this for the first time. Of all the questions he could've asked, Steve didn't think he would ask this one. " What was he like? He seems to be a brave warrior this, Sergeant Barnes for fighting in the second war against worlds."

Steve smiled fondly. Just think of Bucky made him smile. But this time it didn't bring the static and noise back. It brought back fond memories that he would always hold close to himself.

"Bucky was brave. He was brave, smart, charmin', handsome, protective, and kind; he was the best. He was my inspiration for being Captain America and he knew it too. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't have been Captain America: the War Hero just Captain America: the Chorus Girl. He was really charming and all the dames--girls-- loved him. He went on dates all the time and the number of girlfriends he had could probably fit in the size of this room. He was respectful and kind and always made me his first priority. He helped me through everything and encouraged me.

"I don't know what I would've done without him. He had a huge family; aunts, uncles, mom, dad, and his three little sisters Becca, Beth, and Bailey -"

"What's up with all the B's in the family-" Tony snorted but quieted down at Steve's glare.

"He took care of me since the first day we met. He was kind of possessive of me during the war and everyone wanted to speak and find time alone with me. The only people he allowed to talk to me without him being there to help me out when my anxiety kicked in was the Howlies. Even Howard and Peggy took time for him to trust. He always got proud of my accomplishments and gave me the best he could since I moved in with him when I was sixteen. He was a year and some months older so he was eighteen and had a job and apartment and brought me along with him.

"He was the smartest guy in our school. Got straight A's in every class and his lowest grade was an A-. Tony, you would have loved him. He was the only guy at the base that was able to challenge Howard and when we didn't have a mission he helped design and occasionally helped make a new weapon. He loved math and science and wanted to be an engineer, but spent his college money so I could go to art school for a year and Becca could go to med school. He was probably a genius but-"

"That's cool. If he was around we could probably spend all day in the lab. He'd probably replace Rhodey as my new best friend and Bruce, Barnes and I could science together and-"

" _Tony_." It was said sharp enough that he stopped speaking right away. "As I was saying, he never actually thought about it and preferred not to know. He was brave all the time. When I used to get into fights which, I did every other day, he always showed up even if he wasn't near. I don't understand how he did that, it was like he had a sixth sense for when I would get myself into trouble or1 had a tracking device to always find me. Anyway, he always fought with me and even though he hated it when I got hurt he never told me to stop. He used to be a boxer so he showed-"

"He used to be a boxer. Damn, that's cool." This time it was Clint that interrupted, but he shut up quickly when Natasha hit him with a pillow.

"He showed me how to punch. When he was captured he never let it bring him down or get to him. He just kept going and he talked to me about it but he didn't seem haunted. It was like he almost expected it, but I'm guessing he did. And no, Clint, he didn't enlist. He wanted nothing to do with the war, said that it ruins people and fighting is not doing anything until countries start surrendering but bring death and destruction. He was right but I never listened. He helped me enlist but never did it himself. He was drafted after Pearl Harbor and was really reluctant to go. He only went because if he went to jail he wouldn't be able to play for my medical bills. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. The best friend I could have ever asked for."

"He seems like a great friend, Steven. The warrior Barnes seemed like a good older brother to you. He would be very proud of how far you came, Captain. I myself had failed as a big brother, apparently leaving Loki in my shadow. I would've loved to meet him." Thor looked intrigued about Bucky.

"Umm... brother yeah sure. I could get how Loki felt. I was his shadow. He was the center of everyone's attention and I was an afterthought to them, but I was the center of his attention. He always brought me up front and mentioned me to everybody he spoke with for more than five minutes. He never let me sulk in the background for too long unless I needed to. And you didn't fail as a brother, I could tell you love Loki very much and that's sometimes all you need to succeed. And he didn't have to live in your shadow, he could've gone out and made his own mark on the world. At least that's what Bucky used to tell me to do when I felt left behind or like nothing, and Bucky was never wrong." Steve murmured. He never thought he would have something in common with Loki. Having lived in a shadow most of his life with Bucky in front was something that could make him try and gain attention from other people in the most histrionic of ways, but Bucky always said he was dramatic.

"Aye. But it looks like my love for my brother didn't help as much as I would've liked. Perhaps I wasn't as gifted in the challenge of brotherhood as much as your brother had. He must have been good to his sisters, the Ladies Barnes."

Having Thor refer to Bucky as his brother made him feel weird. Bucky was definitely not his brother. Bucky took care of him, always provided for him, and was always with him, sure, but that didn't mean they were brothers. Bucky and Steve didn't love each other like they loved Becca, Beth, and Bailey. They loved each other like an old married couple. They kissed and hugged and did things in the dark that he couldn't have ever thought about doing with his siblings. "I guess so..." Steve trailed off, not knowing how to finish his sentence.

The Avengers sat together in silence, processing everything that was just said and giving Steve his space. He didn't know how long they sat there but it was Bruce who broke the silence next. "How did you two meet?" It was a simple question. But the question brought back a memory of the time when he met Bucky. He smiled fondly again.

"I was three, I think and he was four. I can't remember a time before Bucky so this is probably my earliest memory. We were at a daycare near my tenement when I..."

**__________________________**

Steve squeaked and pouted as he was pushed to the floor again. He got back up and balled his small hands into fists. He couldn't speak as well as other three-year-olds and he hated it when the older kids picked on him for it or something else that was wrong with him.

"Leave me 'lone," He squeaked in an adorable high pitched voice once he got up again. The other kids, probably about five or six of them (he wasn't that good at counting) laughed at him. He pouted some more when he was pushed down again and the toy car he was playing with was snatched out of his hand. "Hey!"

"We're gonna play with it. And d'ere is nothin' you can do 'bout it," The leader, Tommy, says when he looks at the car smiling. "And you can not touch it no more. Only boys play with cars and trucks. And you're not a boy 'cause you’re tiny and small, and skinny. Go play with dollies with the girls."

"M'not a girl." Steve was getting upset. First, they pushed him. Then, they took his toy. Now they're saying he's a girl, which his daddy told him he's not. "I was playing cars first," he whined. He got up again and went to leave and to find another car instead of getting pushed and hit again and getting in trouble for fighting. Billy, Tommy's friend, came up and pushed him into the round table and made him hit his head. Billy was a chubby kid and always wore a hat. He stayed close to Tommy because they were cousins, and Tommy was loyal to family. Billy laughed as Steve fell. Tommy and the group Joey, Dave, Kevin, and Brandon came over and laughed too. "Owww," Steve whined. He felt a kick to his stomach and he looked up to see Dave staring at him.

His bottom lip started to quiver and his eyes started burning. Hot salty tears rolled down his face as he sobbed when they all started beating him. 'Now I'm gonna get in trouble again' thought Steve. He heard a voice and footsteps that were coming his way and he cried even louder. It wasn't the sitter Mrs. Gondalez, rather it was Kevin's cousin, James. He feared James. James was the tallest kid there and he always was playing with Kevin and his friends. He knew James had a hard hit. He saw what happened to the un-sturdy fake table when he hit it because Tommy dared him to. It broke and nobody else in the day care could break it. Steve wasn't looking forward to knowing what those fists could do to fragile human skin.

"What're you guys doing. I wanna see. Let me see." When the footsteps stopped right in front of his head, he was expecting a kick, not what happened next. "Hey wait, guys," James said and he heard the punch instead of feeling it.

Someone else, it sounded like Tommy, was crying too. Steve opened his eyes to see James standing directly in front of him while Dave, Joey, and Brandon ran away. Billy went to Tommy and pulled him towards Mrs. Gondalez who finally looked up at the sound of crying. Kevin looked angry as he still stood in front of James, his arms crossed and a pout on his face. "What you doing, James?"

"Stop hurting him." It was said firmly. There was no joking in his voice. No mocking. All the seriousness that a four-year-old can have. And that was new, someone defending him instead of the other way around.

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

James smacked Kevin on his face and the same time he yelled," _YES!_ " Kevin looked surprised and tears were forming in his eyes. He stomped his foot and stormed off as he started throwing a tantrum in the room. Tommy was still crying and Kevin mostly won't talk to James for a while but it looked like James didn't care. He turned and knelt down in front of Steve. He had a small smile on his face and went to touch Steve's cheek. Steve immediately tensed, fearing the worst, but a smack never came. James just wiped his tear stained cheek and asked in a soft calming voice, "Are you okay?" He helped Steve sit up in criss-cross position then, wiped more of Steve's tears away.

Steve nodded, then thought better of it and shook his head. James frowned and Steve thought he upset him until James' hand moved away from his cheek with blood on it.

James took out a white handkerchief and wiped away the blood and tears on that. Steve stared at him confused with wide eyes still sniffling. " 'M fine," Steve croaked. "Just hit my head on the table." James nodded and left. Steve's eyes teared up again. When he thought he was making a friend he left. ' _Maybe they're right. Maybe weird people don't get friends_.' Steve was so lost in thought staring down at his lap when he felt a hand on the side of his head.

"I got you a band-aid," James said looking into Steve's eyes with a soft smile. Steve looked back and made a small gasp-like sound. Unlike the other boys, James' eyes were warm and inviting. He crouched down in front of Steve again and put the band-aid on his head. "There, all better." James leaned back to look at his handy work and smiled. He kissed the top Steve on his forehead and whispered, "Now it's all better."

James pulled Steve to his feet and stuck out his hand. "Hi. I'm James Buchanan Barnes, and I'm four. What's your name?" Steve shook his hand eagerly and smiled. So he did make a friend.

"Hi. I'm Steven Grant Rogers. But my momma and da call me Steve. I'm three. Nice to meet you, James."

"You can call me Buchanan since there is already another James."

"Alright, Bu- Buch- Ba- Buck- Bucky?" Steve looked at him fearfully. Maybe he won't like it if he messed up his name, but James smiled brighter.

"Bucky? I like that. Okay, I'll go by Bucky now. C'mon Stevie let's play!" and with that James --Bucky -- dragged Steve away, toward the chest of toys.

They played for hours. They played space explorers. Bucky was the astronaut and Steve was the alien on the moon. The alien, Steve, showed Bucky that the moon was made out of cheese so they had a picnic with cheese and crackers. Then Bucky took Steve to Earth and Steve went swimming at the beach and Steve learned how to use a crayon.

Then, they played pirates. Bucky was the captain and Steve had to walk the plank. Steve swam away then went to the island Bucky wanted to go to and stole his treasure then gave it back because (" _stealing is bad, Bucky." "But it's just a game Stevie and you'll give it back. I'll never let you steal_.") They explored the ocean together and found a mermaid that swam near their boat and became friends with her.

Then they colored in coloring books. They shared a book because (" _We haf'ta share, Stevie. We're friends and friends share. It's what they do." "But I wanna color d'at page." "Then we can color it together." "Oh._ ") They colored a car and it was in the lines too. They colored on the table too, because art is nice.  
Then Bucky taught Steve how to write his name. ( " _Make an 'S' with two big c's one one top and the next one is backward and on the bottom... Close enough. Then a 't' and... perfect. You did it, Stevie!_ ") He managed to write 'S-T-E-V-E' on his paper and 'B-U-C-K-Y' next to it. Then they counted blocks because Bucky can count and Steve can't. They only got up to 10 before they got distracted by a toy airplane.

They ate lunch, little sandwiches and had juice boxes to go with it. They took naps(" _You purr when you sleep. I'm gonna call you Kitty." "No. 'M not'ta kitty." "Fine. You're a Kitten_."), and listened at storytime. They raced and chased each other. They (Bucky)defended each other (Steve) from Tommy and his friends. Admittedly, it the best day of Steve's life.

"Hey, Bucky?" Steve murmured suddenly feeling shy. He turned his head so he could see Bucky better. They were lying on the carpet after running around the room because outside was too cold. October was one of the worst months for Steve because he would get sick the most. Not that Bucky knew, Steve didn't want to freak him out yet, but Steve managed to convince him that they should play inside instead.

Bucky rolled over and looked at Steve with a smile. "Yeah, Stevie?" he answered.

"We're friends, right?"

" 'Course we are. Why'd you ask?"

"Are we gonna stay friends?"

"We can stay friends for as long as you wanna, Kitten."

" 'M not a kitten," Steve huffed and stayed silent for a while before speaking again. "What if I wanna stay friends forever?"

Bucky looked at him again, his eyes wide and huge. He didn't even hesitate as he took Steve's hand and whispered, "Then we'll be friends forever."

"Bes' friends?" Steve asked hopefully. Nobody ever wanted to be friends with Steve. He was small and couldn't keep up with any of the other boys. Even the girls seemed faster when they ran. Bucky had to slow down to give Steve a chance to keep up. Maybe he can keep a best friend. Bucky said that they could be friends forever, and maybe he was telling the truth. Bucky also was the boy with lots of friends, and Steve doesn't want to be another one of Bucky's friends that he sometimes plays with. He didn't know why but he instantly wanted Bucky's attention. He wanted to be different from everybody else with Bucky. Bucky was the first person to look at him like he wouldn't break or that he wasn't a lost cause. So yeah, asking to be best friends was a big deal for Steve. Steve worried Bucky would say no but right before he could open his mouth to say anything else, Bucky smiled widely.

"Yeah Stevie, I'll be your bes' friend." He sat up and pulled Steve into his arms and just held him in a hug. Steve calmed instantly, his three-year-old mind was getting too worried over simple things that most three-year-olds don't worry about.

Time only seemed to fly by when Steve was with Bucky. They played more games like pretend, tag, and hide 'n' seek. They colored more and asked Mrs. Gondalez to read to them. All too soon, two adults, one man and one woman who was pregnant, that Steve had seen before, but didn't know who they were, walked into the room. Mrs. Gondalez went straight up to them and smiled warmly. She hugged them and pointed towards the girl's side of the room where Jane, Mrs. Gondalez's daughter was watching them. They walked over to the room and the women picked up a squealing little girl. Bucky didn't seem to notice them come over towards them, still focused on coloring a dinosaur.

They adults stopped behind their chairs and Steve looked up at them curiously. Most parents looked disgusted at the sight of him and didn't want their child near him. They didn't seem to mind though, they just smiled down at him and the male crouched down at their level, between Steve and Bucky's chair and tapped the latter's shoulder. "What you coloring there, sport?" They male asked Bucky, who just noticed him and broke into a huge smile.

"DAD!" Bucky shot up like a rocket and sprung into the man's--Mr. Barnes'-- arms. "Buna, tata. Mi-a fost dor de tine." Steve had no idea what he was saying or that such words existed but Mr. Barnes looked like he knew.

"Salut, James. Te-am ratat prea, cum a fost ziua ta?"

"Bun. Vrei pentru a satisface prietenul meu." Bucky turned to him then and Steve was scared that he was supposed to know what they were talking about. "This is my best friend, Steve. Stevie, that's my dad," he pointed to Mr. Barnes, who was still crouched and smiled at him, "That's my mom," he pointed towards the women--Mrs. Barnes, who gaze was focused softly at Steve and smiled, "and that's my little sister, Becca." he pointed toward the little girl, now reaching out for Bucky with a huge grin and stubby hands.

"Hi, Steve. It's very nice to meet you." Mr. Barnes said and stuck out his hand like Bucky did. Steve reached or it and shook it forcefully and smiled.

"Hi, Mr. Barnes. 'M Bucky's best friend."

He smiled and Mrs. Barnes came next to Steve and smiled softly.

"Hi, Steve. I'm Mrs. Barnes. It's nice that you're James' best friend." She didn't shake his hand put she patted his hair fondly.

Becca made a gurgling noise and said "bruhba". "May I ask, who's Bucky?" She looked at Steve questioningly waiting for his answer but the man in question answered instead.

"I am!" Bucky beamed. He looked proud at his chosen nickname. "Stevie couldn't say Buchanan and he came up with Bucky!" His voice was excited and happy and Mrs. Barnes nodded, so Steve didn't think she was mad at him for renaming her son.

"Would you like us to call you Bucky, or is that only for Steve?"

"You can call me Bucky. Only my friends and family can call me Bucky."

"Buh-ee" Becca giggled and said it again. "Buh-ee" Bucky laughed and smiled at Becca and told her she got it right.

"Well come on now, Bucky. We better get home. You can see your friend tomorrow." Mr. Barnes said. He stretched out his hand and even though he pouted, Bucky still took it and got up.

"See'ya tomorrow Steve. I'll bring my toy cars and we can play with them without Kevin, Tommy, and Billy bothering you." He pulled Steve out for a hug and whispered, "Goodbye, Kitten," in his ear.

"Bye Buck," Steve said sourly. He didn't know when his daddy would come and pick him up and he didn't wanna be alone. He turned back to his drawing once Bucky and Mr. Barnes turn away toward the door when he heard a gasp.

"Steve, honey, where did you get that bruise?" Mrs. Barnes touch his cheek. Steve looked up at her and saw she wasn't smiling anymore. He didn't know how to answer. He didn't want to admit that Tommy and his buddies were bothering him but he did so Kevin could get in trouble at least. It didn't look like the decision was up to him though since Bucky told them instead.

"Kevin and his friends were hitting Steve." At that announcement, Mr. Barnes walked off towards Kevin and spun him around. He couldn't hear what was going on but then Kevin came over to Steve slowly and reluctantly apologized.

Mr.Barnes grabbed Kevin's arm and said something about him coming home with them before turning and leaving. "He won't do it again, Steve. I promise." Bucky looked Steve right in the eye and, even though they just met Steve believed him. He took his mom's hand only got to the door before turning halfway, waving and yelling, "BYE!"

"BYE!" Steve yelled back and smiled until Bucky disappeared. It was the best day ever. Today he made a best friend and everything was perfect. He smiled again.

**___________________________**

"So ever since that, Bucky and I have been best friends. He taught me to write and read along with my teacher when he went to kindergarten the next year. Daycare was cool and was only better when he had been there." Steve finished.

The Avengers nodded and smiled at how at relaxed their captain seemed just from talking about Bucky. Tony smiled mischievously and said, "I think you should tell us stories all the time. It would be like storytime but better." Steve thought about for a moment then nodded.

"You now what, I think I will."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations-  
> >Salut tata. mi-a fost dor de tine- Hi dad. I missed you?  
> >Salut, James. Te-am ratat prea, cum a fost ziua ta-Hi, James. I missed you too, how was your day?  
> >Bun. Vrei pentru a satisface prietenul meu- Good. I Want you to meet my friend
> 
> Next chapter will be posted next week, Friday or Saturday.  
> Join me on tumblr!  
> http://hidingouthere.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the same time, both Steve and Bucky got up and put their dishes in the sink. On their way back to their room, Bucky kissed all his sister's foreheads and hugged Toby goodnight. Getting ready for bed was always fun. They splashed water on each other while brushing their teeth and throwing clothes at each other while putting on their matching pajamas. They pushed the two cots, that mysteriously appeared in the room one day, together before climbing into the bed and snuggling up.
> 
> "What do you want for your birthday, Buck?"
> 
> Bucky turned toward him and snorted. "Don't'ya think it's a little too late to ask that? My birthday's tomorrow, Kitten."
> 
> "I know that. And I'm not a kitten," Steve huffed. "I meant what do you hope you're getting?"
> 
> "Hmmm," Bucky looked thoughtful for a second. "I don't know, Stevie. I think whatever I do get to I'll love it anyway. Then we can use it together. But, I would want a baseball glove, that way you can have my old one and me, you and Dad can play baseball together!"
> 
> Remember the time when Bucky had a birthday.  
> (Aka I suck at summaries)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter. I wanted it to be fluffy. I think I succeeded in that.   
> Here's my beta's tumblr: http://mrgoodbar11213.tumblr.com/  
> Enjoy!

This day used to be happy. It used to be filled with warm laughter, Mrs. Barnes cooking, cake, gifts, and smiles. That was then, Steve learned. Now, Now was some much different. Now, he was alone instead of with his best friend. Now, there was no cake, no gifts, and no smiles to be given, because the person who is supposed to have them isn't there. There was nothing but the empty hole in his heart that seemed to get bigger when he woke up and realized that Bucky was dead.

Bucky was dead and even though it was seventy years later it was only two months ago for Steve. Bucky was dead and forever twenty-seven. He didn't even make it to his twenty-eighth birthday a few months later. Steve remembered that Bucky loved birthdays. He said it was the celebration of life and getting together with the people you'd want to spend your life with. He always seemed to have a big deep meaning for the simple things that Steve overlooked. Now, he gets it. There is no life to celebrate if the birthday boy himself is dead.

Steve remembered having a big plan too. The Commandos were almost done with the war and Steve was gonna take Bucky to the Grand Canyon once they got back. Bucky always wanted to see it and Steve wanted to do something nice for him for once instead of the other way around. Giving and receiving one of Steve's drawings about a happy memory that they made that year had to be getting old. In the war it was good but he was ready to change things up. If only he didn't fall…

Steve closed his eyes and rolled over on the bed. It would just be a normal day. A normal, Bucky-less day. He didn't think he was up to hanging out with the Avengers and he didn't think Bucky would mind. Bucky let him grieve on his parent's birthday. He didn't let Steve forget his Ma even though Bucky didn't like her. Bucky would probably be touched that Steve remembered his birthday and was taking this day to grieve him. Somehow, in the confusion of everything happening so fast the voice in his head, Bucky's voice, because only Bucky could tell Steve what to do and he would listen, was a normal part of his life now.

His voice drowned out Steve's nightmares, his voice that calmed him down. His voice that gave him direction when he was confused and his voice was a friend when he needed something familiar. It wasn't the same as actually having Bucky here (it would never be the same); the voice was made up to comfort Steve in his times of need and was obviously fake but he'll take what he can get. No sense in complaining when he was grateful that he could remember Bucky's voice perfectly well.

He sighed. That voice was strangely quiet and Steve needed direction at that moment. He didn't know how to go about a day like March 10th without being with Bucky in some sort of way. He actually didn't know how to go through any day without Bucky. The Avengers helped. He was calm enough to talk about Bucky around them when they asked or let them into his suite without his permission. Other days he would stare at an interesting spot on the wall for hours on end. The Avengers knew not to bother him then.

He felt as though he was a failure of a friend. He couldn't even be happy on Bucky's birthday. He didn't even know that there were tears in his eyes before he was sobbing uncontrollably into his sheets until he felt a hand touch his back. "Hey Cap, you alright?" Clint had come into his room for some reason. He'll have to ask later. For now, he'll try to calm down and remember the life of the past. "Cap, come on buddy, get up. What's got you crying this mornin'? You only just woke up. It wasn't a nightmare was it?" His voice was calm and the hand on his back was supposed to be grounding but he didn't think that it would work for this situation. "Cap come on, Talk to me here." He mumbled something probably inaudible in the pillow a few minutes later. He still sniffled and tears were still coming out of his eyes but not as much as before. "What? You're gonna have to speak up, can't hear you."

Steve rolled over and sat up on the bed. He pulled his legs up to his chest and looked over at the mirror. His eyes were puffy and red and he had tear tracks on his slightly flushed cheeks. His hair was messy and from sleep and his shirt was wet from crying on that and his pillow. He was an absolute mess.

"I said I miss 'em," Steve mumbled, more like whimpered. He looked up at Clint with wide sad puppy-dog eyes that he got from Bucky and whimpered again, "I just remembered something important and then I couldn't stop crying." He looked back down in his lap when he heard Clint sigh.

"Alright. Why don't you get up, shower, brush your teeth, eat and come to the living room? We'll do whatever to lift your spirits again." After that Clint left and Steve heard him in the kitchen slamming cabinets and rifling through the refrigerator. He got out the bed and trudged to the bathroom setting the water to a warm temperature. When he was mad or upset Bucky would always get Steve in a warm bath and relax for about thirty minutes before drying him off and sitting him on his lap on the couch talking to Steve and getting him to tell him what's wrong. It worked every time. He figured he could do the same thing now. He could take a warm shower and talk to Clint. It would be different but Bucky would be proud that he was at least trying.

He undressed slowly and when he got into the shower he released a soft sigh. The water felt good on his skin and calmed him down very quickly. He used some apple scented soap to rub all over himself and wash his hair. Bucky always said that he smelled like apples, coconuts, charcoal. He thought it was a weird combination but Bucky said it suited him. He smiled once he got out the shower and felt fresh. He walked back to his closet and pulled out what Bucky would've called Steve's comfort clothes. Really, his comfort clothes were Bucky's clothes. When he was small he would wear Bucky's oversized clothes around the apartment when he was upset or missed him. It had Bucky's smell on it, earthy, coffee, and cinnamon, and it instantly calmed him. Bucky liked Steve wearing his clothes. Something about it marking Steve as his when he couldn't and thought it looked cute on the blond. So, wearing the slightly oversized hoodie, long sweats, and slippers that had a shield on the front reminding him of Bucky in that way.

He walked out to the kitchen and sat on the stool next to Clint and took the offered coffee. He looked down when a cereal bowl of frosted flakes was put in front of him and he smiled in thanks. 

They sat in silence while Steve was eating, the only noise was the clatter of spoons hitting the bowl and clink of coffee cups landing on the table. "So, what was that about?" Steve didn't get how Clint was a spy. He obviously isn't that subtle in asking sensitive or important questions.

"Umm. Jarvis?" He wasn't going to ignore Clint, that was just rude and Bucky and Mrs. Barnes taught him better than to be rude to people, especially his friends. "Can you call all the Avengers up to my floor, please?"

"Certainly, Captain Rogers," the posh British voice replied. It took Steve some time to get used to but he found a friend in Jarvis. He was nice, kind and was sarcastic when they got into odd conversations. Clint sat there confused but didn't say anything, just continued to eat his cereal of lucky charms. "Sir, would like to know, and I quote 'if grandpa says it's Story-Time and if he needs to bring popcorn or a box of tissues?’ "

Steve smiled a little, Tony could get him to laugh at times and feel like punching him another. "Tell him to bring lots of ice-cream and and that yes 'grandpa' says it’s Story-Time." Clint snickered in his seat and left to get on the couch with his coffee and cereal. The elevator opened to reveal a grumpy Natasha, Bruce, and Thor that came strolling over to the couch and sitting in the same seats as last time.

"Clint, you were supposed to bring back food and you were off talking and eating with Steve." Natasha grumped and kicked Clint in the shin before sitting down and stealing his cereal. Clint pouted but let it happen anyway and went back to drinking his coffee. They group started some small talk when the elevator door opened again.

"Wait, guys, don't start without me," Tony came with six tubs of ice-cream in a tray, with whipped cream, and other toppings getting carried in a separate one by DUM-E. He walked up to the sitting areas and handed everyone a tub. Clint got chocolate, Natasha got nutmeg, Bruce got strawberry, Thor got vanilla, Tony had coffee and Steve had butter pecan. He never tried that flavor and was intrigued. DUM-E put the other tray on the coffee table that was in the center and went to take his leave. "So, Capsicle, tell us: what’s the story today?" It's only been a week since he'd told the Avengers about his and Bucky's meeting. Tony seemed to be into knowing about his life before and well, he just didn't want to be alone with his thoughts and the static in his head today. It was a reminder that Bucky wasn't here and he wanted to be distracted.

"What did you guys do for birthdays as kids?" He looked around the room and some of the expressions turned fond others turned grim or sad. He didn't want to bring up bad memories but he needs to know so he could tell his story.

"I grew up with my parents until they died and my brother and I headed off to the circus. Birthday's were the best with him. He would bring me a cake and steal all the balloons and get the clown to do tricks or something. When I was twelve, he brought me my first bow and it was all archery from there. We'd have big parties and the whole circus crew would join in," Clint smiled at the end of his sentence. He obviously was lost in thought of times with his brother.  
  
"Where's your brother now?" Tony, ever the curious man, had asked.

"Hmm. Oh, he's around. He's got a family to take care of so he left the circus when I came to him with a job interview." He smiled and Steve could tell it wasn't from loss or strain. His brother was very much alive and was living a good life if Clint's face was anything to go by. He even seemed fond of his nieces or nephews. "What about you, Tony? What was your birthday experiences?"

"Well, you know, they were huge, dramatic and had nothing to do with me. My dad was the richest and most famous guy in America, so he'd throw me huge birthday parties but instead of letting me invite my friends, he invited press, a lot of business partners and their brats. He invited his other rich friends and other celebrities that he knew. They weren't great but I got a lot of gifts so I can't complain." Steve nodded his head and thought about Howard as he knew him. He was a really big guy when it came to birthdays and loved making fun of Steve's but other than that he wasn't that bad. Steve knew he missed a lot when he went under but he didn't like to think that the war changed his friends.

"I guess I should say something too," Bruce was quiet when he spoke but his tone suggested that he had something nice to say. "My parents couldn't have children so I was adopted. They loved me and thought of me as their own but they didn't let me forget where I came from. Birthdays were no different. They would wake me up early before school, give me one present and my dad made his special birthday day pancakes. We'd eat them and watch my favorite cartoon before I had to go on the bus for school. When I got home I would bring two of my friends and we'd have cupcakes and then I'd open more gifts and hang out with them until their parents' came to get them."

"That was a cute tale, Dr. Banner. I would have been honored to attend your date of birth celebration," Thor declared. He smiled at Bruce and turned his attention back to the room. "In Asgard, we didn't celebrate birthdays because we can't remember them. Being born one- thousand years ago can make a person forget somethings. But, there was Thor's Day. It was a holiday that celebrates my birth. I can't remember when but it was later declared a day that all Asgardians receive presents, like gift exchanging day expect Thor's day celebrates birth."

"I guess now it's my turn," Natasha looked to be deep in thought. Steve knew she didn't have a childhood because of the Red Room and he was about to give her an out before she spoke again. "In the Red Room, we weren't told our birthdates. It was deemed unimportant and a distraction. We didn't think of birthdays or things like that because all we cared about was training for our future missions. It was like that for years until one day, I think I was about nine when a new teacher came in. The teachers were all harsh and demanding and really mean. Everyone was scared of them, but there was this one teacher that looked really scary but he was the nicest one there. He told us to call him Yasha. Yasha had found our files and told us our birthdays and when we had asked why he said that hopefully one day it would be important. When it was someone's birthday, Yasha would sneak into our room after we were sent to bed and give us cupcakes. He made us appreciate each other and make friends. The Red Room never found out until someone snitched and he was taken away, probably killed. He was so nice. It was a shame he worked for the Red Room and the USSR. He gave us the best birthdays up until I was seventeen. It was the best part of living in the Red Room."

Steve smiled at her and nodded. "When I was growing up my parents were too busy to do anything for my birthday, so I never cared. But Bucky would always get excited and tell me that birthdays were important and that it was celebrating life and my life was something worth celebrating. He'd give me a gift every year and his sisters, ma, and da gave me something too. I loved Bucky's birthday though. His was worth celebrating every year. He would have parties with some friends from school and we would have a sleepover. I'd stay at his apartment the day before his birthday, we'd spend the entire day together. It was the best."

The captain smiled and turned to Tony waving his hand frantically trying to get Steve's attention. Steve nodded towards him and he took that as his cue to speak. "Why are you asking about birthday's, Cap? It's not yours, is it? I thought is was on the Fourth of July."

"I'm asking because, well, today's Bucky's birthday," he heard a sharp intake of breath coming from Clint and a look realization coming on his face. "And I finally understood what he meant when he said that birthdays are important and we have to make sure to be grateful and celebrate it every year for that person. You can't celebrate a birthday for someone if they're dead."

"How old was he?" Clint looked curiously at Steve. His eyes held sympathy for the boy that was only a hero to him but now was something he heard about on a daily basis.

"He wa- was twenty-seven," his voice cracked on was. Using past tense to describe Bucky was hard. It was like a bucket full of ice falling on you on a cold day, you'd feel cold and shiver and want to escape for the warmth that won't come. "Today was his twenty-eighth birthday and I was gonna take him to the Grand Canyon 'cause he always wanted to go."

"Why don't you tell us about one of his past birthdays? Maybe that would help you feel better." Leave it to Natasha to come up with good ideas. Talking about it was the whole reason for calling all the Avengers up here. They wanted Story-Time, they were going to get Story-Time.

"I remember Bucky's tenth birthday like it was yesterday..."

**_________________________**

Bucky and Steve ran from the school building to their favorite diner. It was cold out but that didn't stop the boys from running all the there to get their favorite snack; milkshakes. Despite Steve's constant sickness and asthma, he still ran with Bucky like his life depended on it. Bucky didn't even stop. Besides the occasional glance his direction, he kept going at a way faster pace than Steve. And even though Steve wasn't supposed to have milkshakes or ice cream, Bucky let it slide. In fact, it was Bucky who first gave it to him despite his protests.

Bucky had shrugged when he told him that he's not allowed to have any, that his parents would get really mad if he did and simply said, 'What they don't know can't kill 'em.' He had snorted and replied, 'But what I do know can kill me.' Bucky just shook his head and ruffled Steve's hair before dragging him into the shop. That was when Steve was six.

Now, at eight, he knows all the flavors and knows to eat and drink everything slowly. He knows everyone's favorites and which sprinkles are the best. "Come on, Stevie they ain't open forev'a," yelled Bucky. He only rushed him when he was really excited. They were meeting his cousins, Kevin and Toby, and then they were going to play baseball. Kevin and Bucky still didn't like each other but they played just because Kevin's parents wanted them to. Toby and Bucky got along perfectly. Toby was three years older but still loved to include his younger cousin and brother in his fun. Bucky adored Toby, but only got to see him a few times a year since he moved to Indiana. Steve dreaded Toby. Just like Kevin, Toby would pick on him and make him feel less of himself. He only stood up to Toby once and came to the conclusion that all Barnes men had a mean right hook. The only ones he didn't experience for himself was Mr. Barnes and Bucky. He knew how important this was to Bucky though, so he did what he alway did, ignore his own problems for Bucky's own enjoyment.

"I'm coming, don't rush me!"

"Well come faster!"

"Well come faster." Steve mocks in a weird voice that supposed to represent Bucky. He meant to keep it quiet but he could hear Bucky's laugh from here. He's not really annoyed, can't ever be annoyed at Bucky, he just loves hearing the guy laugh. It's satisfying making him laugh, a gorgeous sound that he had come from Bucky. "Don't you think Toby and Kevin will be there when we get there." He's finally caught up with the older boy when he stopped to open the door for him.

"So, that doesn't mean they want us late." Bucky ran straight towards the back where he saw Toby and Kevin sitting. "Hi, guys!" He was bouncing up and down like an excited puppy that finally got his treat. He slid into the seat across from Toby and patted the seat next to him for Steve. Steve sat down and shyly smiled and waved at Toby letting out a meek 'hi' before looking down at the table. Toby barely glanced his direction and instead started focusing on taking out a comic from his backpack.

"So, do you want to read this now or go play baseball after our milkshakes and fries?" The comic he pulled out was the new edition of Adventures of Toto. They loved the comic series, especially Bucky, but they also loved baseball, obviously, this was a tough decision. Both Bucky and Steve shared a look, silently asking each other what to do with their eyes. Steve nodded and Bucky smiled widely turning back Toby.

Steve smiled after Bucky, his smiles were always contagious. He thought that today was going to be a good day. Nobody had bothered anyone at school. The normal bullies didn't pound him at all or even came near him today. Bucky had a little extra money in his pocket for treats. He didn't have an asthma attack, and he was almost finished with Bucky's gift. Kevin didn't even bother him yet, he felt invincible. But all that invincibility shattered when he felt Kevin kick him hard under the table. "Oww! What was tha--"

"Toby didn't ask for your opinion. He doesn't care. He asked Bucky if he wanted to play not you."

Toby didn't do anything but nod as if Kevin was being obvious. Bucky frowns and moves closer towards Steve. "I asked him if he wanted to play, Kevin. He's my best friend, he plays what I play. S'what we do." He looked at Kevin for a long time silently daring him to challenge him. Kevin looked away but Toby looked more intrigued than anything else.

"What happens if he can't keep up?" He asked. Toby didn't like him either but he was quiet about it for the most part. He knew how important Steve was to Bucky and he didn't want to lose his relationship with his younger cousin like Kevin did.

"Then we'll play something else," Bucky says defensively. His hand was already migrating toward Steve like he was ready to pull him from another fight if he had too. He would willingly fight his cousins in a public place for a skinny little kid, Steve thought that Bucky couldn't ever get better. But, like every other time, Steve was wrong, because what he said next rocked Steve's little world. " 'Cause I'm with him 'til the end of the line." He turned and smiled at him, then patted his shoulder obviously happy that he was able to silence Toby's next remark and show Steve that he means a lot to him in the same sentence.

"Alright. Then let's just skip the food and play baseball," Toby said after a moment of silence. He stood up and grabbed his and Kevin's bags from off the floor before heading to the door. Bucky sighed and followed them out, Steve hot on his trail. "Oh, and I invited some of your friends that Uncle George says you play with at school. He said they were coming to your birthday party tomorrow."

That was another thing. Toby and Kevin only came to Brooklyn for one of three things; birthdays, holidays, and other random special occasions that the family might have. Tomorrow is Bucky's tenth birthday and like always, Toby and Kevin were here to celebrate it with him. Of course, Steve was going to be there, they basically been attached at the hip since they were three and four. He was considered part of the family now, but that didn't mean Bucky didn't have other friends. His friends were Steve's enemies. They were nice to him in front of Bucky but, when he turned his back they were the ones that tripped him, or laughed at him, or knocked him down and broke his books. Steve hoped that it wouldn't be that bad but, just his luck, Toby had invited the whole group. Josh, Dylan, Ken, Ted, William, and Gilmore were all there smirking.

"Hey Bucky," Gilmore said. "I see you brought ya cousins," he looked at Kevin and Toby then nodded his head. "And that Rogers kid with you." He sneered towards Steve's direction. He stepped forward again and smiled like nothing had happened and beat the bat down in his hand twice. "Ready to play baseball? Since you're the birthday boy, I'll let you make teams." Bucky simply snorted and shook his head. He didn't follow the crowd, the crowd followed him. More importantly, Gilmore followed him, even though he liked to act like the tough leader of the group. Like everybody else, Gilmore looked up to Bucky, and even though he didn't like to show it, he listened to him. Bucky was popular and everybody loved him, hanging out with him was boosting their reputation and making them less likely to be a target for bullies.

Bucky hummed and looked at them thoughtfully. He pointed to two sides of the sidewalk and told everybody who belonged on which side. "Ted, Dylan, Kevin, William and Ken, you guys be on that team." Each boy nodded and went to their side of the sidewalk. Bucky purposely put Kevin on the other team, knowing how he'd complain about Steve while playing."Me, Stevie, Toby, Gilmore, and Josh will be on this team. Anyone wanna switch." Bucky had looked at all of their shaking heads and nodded. Steve could hear the other boys around him groan but he didn't try and hide in himself again. At least they didn't try to immediately change sides because of him. "Well, let's go." They headed towards the closest park in a large group, Toby being the oldest, led the way.

They set in baseball formation and started to play. Steve enjoyed the game even though he couldn't play. He was a terrible catcher, he couldn't hit the ball because he couldn't see, and he couldn't run to save his life, literally. He sucked at baseball but Bucky glared at anyone who so much as opened their mouths to make fun of him. Eventually, Steve had opted out, much to the other boy's pleasure and Bucky's concern. He knew how much Steve loved baseball and didn't like him quitting things because of others. Bucky squinted his sharp eyes at Steve and stared long and hard, tilting his head to the side, scrutinizing him in a way that was a little deep for a nine-year-old. Bucky's stare could probably pierce through souls and he'd be able to pick through every single secret and break every wall and was frankly a little disturbing for a child. He finally smiled and a nodded his head, happy once again, switching through emotions so quickly it was scary.

"Just stay where I can see you," He warned and went to turn back to his game.

" 'Stay where I can see you,' " Steve mocked again, more to himself this time. "What're you, my momma?" He snorted and walked towards his book bag that was lying in a puddle of mud from yesterday's rain.

"Yeah, I am!" Came the reply that surprised Steve, not expecting Bucky to hear and actually answer. He laughed and retrieved his (gratefully) dry sketch book from his bag. Bucky had noticed he liked to draw and had brought Steve the book for his last birthday. It had touched him a lot and made him want to step up his game in gift giving. He'd normally get him a small toy from the gumball machine from the corner store but this year he'd be giving Bucky a picture he drew of the time when they had gone to Ms. Grayshawl's bakery, two weeks ago. He thought Bucky might appreciate it, all he had to finish was Bucky's book bag and Mrs. Barnes hair. He was done and was just finishing the floor tile's detail when Bucky had shown up.

"Ready'ta go?" He held out his hand for Steve to lift himself up then helped him pack his stuff.

"The boys left and I know how awkward you get when you have to say bye so I didn't bother to tell 'em." He grabbed his and Steve's stuff and frowned when he saw Steve's bag muddy and wet. "They didn't put this in that puddle did they?" He could hear the anger seeping into Bucky's voice and shook his head quickly. He hated it when Bucky was angry and didn't want him to lose more friends because of him. He didn't let himself speak, knowing that his voice would come up high pitched and squeaky when he lied, Bucky could see through him anyway. He rolled his eyes and slung an arm around Steve's shoulders. "Come on, let's get home." Home was the Barnes house, which was bigger than his small tenant but wasn't the biggest apartment either. It had become Steve's home over the years of them knowing.

Toby and Kevin walked beside them. It was only five but it was dark, meaning that anyone could be lurking the streets now. They hurried home and luckily didn't get stopped on the way.

"Uncle George, Aunt Winnie, we're back!" Toby shouted, kicking off his shoes in the direction of the door. They heard shuffling coming from the kitchen and saw a dirtied Mrs. Barnes covered in flour coming out. She put her hands on her hips and Mr. Barnes came out of his room with a crying Beth in his arms.

"Toby, you need to be quiet, some people are sleeping," Mr. Barnes scolded. He stared directly at Toby, his normal calm attitude was changed to serious in a second. As much as he appreciated his family he was protective over his kids if anyone so much as woke them up, he was on them. Mr. Barnes didn't particularly like Toby. He knew that Toby could be mean to Steve and he loved Steve like his child. His protectiveness kicked in on instinct but, family was family, and Bucky adored him.

"Sorry, Uncle George," Toby replied without a care in the world. He took Kevin's hand and pulled him towards Bailey's room. They were going to be staying there for the weekend for Bucky's birthday while Bailey and Beth roomed together. They heard the door close and Mr. Barnes sighed, Mrs. Barnes just shook her head and walked back to the kitchen.

"How was school Bucky?" Mr. Barnes asked. He was used to talking around the house in English instead of Romanian like he would prefer to, so Steve could understand. He didn't get how people could be so nice.

"It was fun, Dad. We got to multiplication in math and Gilmore needed help so I got to sit next to him and help him." Gilmore wasn't the smartest kid or the most behaved. Teachers normally hesitated when he had to sit next to another normally well-behaved kids, but Bucky was smart and very well behaved. He easily helps people with subjects they struggle with, that's how he met Gilmore. He was terrible at math but Bucky (like he was with everything else) was a champ at it. Bucky generally loved math. He loved math, science, literature, and history, so for him, school was always fun. "Then I invited some of my friends here for my birthday party tomorrow. Gilmore, Dylan and Ted will be coming."

"Alright, what about you, Steve, how was school?" Ever since he and Bucky met, Mr. Barnes had thought of Steve as a second son. It was something he always did, ask Steve about his day and actually caring about his answers.

"It was fine, Mr. Barnes."

"Good, good." He set Beth down and she ran over to Bucky, hugging his legs than doing the same to Steve. The girl disappeared into the kitchen, probably going to 'help' Mrs. Barnes make Bucky a cake.

"Dad, me and Steve are gonna go play in our room now," Bucky spoke excitedly. He grabbed Steve's arm and dragged him into their room. Bucky's room became Steve's room after the first year of them being friends. Since Steve's parents always got home late he basically lived at the Barnes' place. "Alright Stevie, wha'd'ya wanna play?"

"I don't know, can we read the comic Toby brought you?"

"Sure!"

He pulled out the Adventures of Toto comic and started reading it to Steve. It was something that he loved doing. Sometimes people ever wondered how he and Steve were friends. Bucky loved reading, Steve didn't. Bucky was very smart, Steve wasn't. Bucky was loved and talented, Steve wasn't and all he had was his measly art. They were basically opposites but their dynamic worked. They finished reading by the time Mrs. Barnes knocked on the door to the room.

"Bucky honey, Steve dear, dinner's ready," Mrs. Barnes' voice sounded through the door. The boys came barreling out the room when they heard her knock on Bailey's room to get Toby and Kevin. The dinner table was set with plates of spaghetti (Bucky's favorite) and orange juice. Beth, Bailey, and Becca were already at the table when they sat down (next to each other) at the table. Mr. Barnes came in and sat when Toby, Kevin and Mrs. Barnes, who was sporting an exasperated look, came into the dining room. "Alright, let's eat. Bucky and Steve, I want you to go to bed early tonight, and Bucky you won't have to wash the dishes since tomorrow's your birthday. Becca can do that," Becca huffed and pouted, but made no further protest. "Toby and Kevin, I want you in the bed early tonight too." She sat as she spoke and soon started eating the food after everyone nodded, knowing well enough not to argue with Mrs. Barnes.

Dinner was fast and simple, nobody was really talking about things that were important. Beth and Bailey were only filling everybody about their day at daycare.

At the same time, both Steve and Bucky got up and put their dishes in the sink. On their way back to their room, Bucky kissed all his sister's foreheads and hugged Toby goodnight. Getting ready for bed was always fun. They splashed water on each other while brushing their teeth and throwing clothes at each other while putting on their matching pajamas. They pushed the two cots, that mysteriously appeared in the room one day, together before climbing into the bed and snuggling up.

"What do you want for your birthday, Buck?"

Bucky turned toward him and snorted. "Don't'ya think it's a little too late to ask that? My birthday's tomorrow, Kitten."

"I know that. And I'm not a kitten," Steve huffed. "I meant what do you hope you're getting?"

"Hmmm," Bucky looked thoughtful for a second. "I don't know, Stevie. I think whatever I do get to I'll love it anyway. Then we can use it together. But, I would want a baseball glove, that way you can have my old one and me, you and Dad can play baseball together!"

Just then Mrs. Barnes walked into the room. "That's a nice plan, sweetheart." She commented. "Now it's time to sleep for your big day tomorrow. Love you, Bucky," she kissed his forehead, "Love you too, Steve," she kissed Steve's forehead too. "I don't want to hear a peep out of this room, understand?" She asked mock sternly. After two answers of yes, mom or Mr. Barnes, she nodded and walked out the room, leaving the door open a bit.

"Night, Bucky," Steve whispered.

"G'night," Bucky replied. "Kitten," he added as an afterthought. Steve huffed and wacked Bucky's arm in retaliation.

**~*~*~*~**

The next day went by fairly quickly the only real complication was when Beth had a breakdown in Mrs.Grayshwal's bakery when they went to pick up cupcakes and it wasn't the one's she wanted. By the time it was three, everything was set up and Bucky was practically vibrating with excitement. He had all his favorite's lined today, chocolate cupcakes, lemon cake with vanilla frosting and chocolate bars. Honestly, Bucky got what he wanted all day.

"Hey, Buck! Your friends are here," Kevin called from the fire escape. He was the only one outside since it was too cold for Steve and Bucky did whatever Steve did. Steve was currently wrapped in Bucky, who was reading Bambi to him. Bucky didn't even look up. He just nodded, even though Kevin couldn't see him, and continued reading. He always got lost in a book, Steve could understand, he got lost in his art. Kevin crawled through the window at the lack of response and exasperatedly said, "Bucky, come on! Your friends are coming. Don't'ya wanna go and get them instead of reading?"

Bucky stubbornly finished his paragraph when he finally looked up. "Sure, I'll get them. Next just don't interrupt me when I'm reading Kev, I don't like to lose my place. Up, Stevie." He tapped Steve's knee signaling for him to get off his lap. Steve did, even though he was somewhat reluctant to remove himself from his comfortable seat, and walked over toward the door behind Bucky. There was a knock on the door and a laugh that accompanied, signaling that Bucky's friends were there. "Hi, guys!" Bucky greeted as soon as the door was open. His enthusiasm was showing again as he smiled brightly.

"Hey Bucky, happy birthday," Gilmore said. He brushed passed Dylan and walked into the house. It wasn't his first time there but he obviously wasn't as common in coming as Steve was.

"Hey, Kevin." He handed Steve a small box and gave him a cruel smile, "Make yourself useful and put that somewhere." It wasn’t a question, just another demand, and Steve was stubborn, he stood up for everybody and would fight everything that he considered a bully, but he never stuck up for himself. Dylan and Ted piled their boxes on top of Gilmore's then surrounded Bucky. Steve sighed, he had hoped he be included and be having fun today too.

"Bucky, what kind of cake ya have? Does it have frosting?" Dylan was a chubby kid, always eating, always stealing lunch money, and always asking for food. He knew that hanging with Bucky would give him protection from bullies and Bucky knew it too, but he didn't care he considered Dylan to be a friend.

"Wait, hold on," Bucky wormed between Dylan and Ted going toward Steve, who was still just standing there. "Stevie you don't haf'ta do that all by yourself. Let me help you." He grabbed two boxes and walked with Steve in the dining room, placing them on the table. Bucky looked at him intensely and Steve knew what was coming next, he tried to leave but Bucky had grabbed his arm, "Don't let them push you around alright?" He spoke calmly but seriously. When Steve didn't answer he tightened his grip and frowned. _"Alright?"_ he repeated pointedly.

"Yesss, fine, I won't, promise" he replied. There was no use trying to get Bucky to leave him alone. Just like his father, Bucky was fiercely protective of his family, especially Steve, and just like his mother, Bucky was hard to argue with. Bucky stared straight into his eyes and nodded, pleased with his answer. He let go and swung his arm around Steve's shoulder, walking them back into the living room. "Guy's, let's play a game!" he called. Everyone smiled.  
  
It was around five when Mr. Barnes called everyone in to wash up for dinner. They were having leftover spaghetti and then cake and cupcakes. One by one, all the boys and Bucky's sister's washed up.

"So, Stevie," Dylan started cruelly. "What are you doing here? Bucky invited you," he pushed Steve's chest toward the back window, "to his party? Why?" He smiled and laughed cruelly when Steve stammered and blushed.

"I-I don't know?" It came out as a question. "We-We're friends?" He wished he was more confident in saying that. He and Bucky were friends. Bucky had said 'til the end of the line. He didn't want people doubting that. He himself didn't want to doubt that. He looked down but remember his promise to Bucky. "Leave me alone." His voice still wavered but he wasn't backing down. He could be stubborn too.

Ted laughed and pushed him back even more, "No. I don't think we will, Stevie." Steve was so glad Bucky didn't call him Kitten in public. He didn't think his already damaged ego could take it. He wished Bucky was here right now too, instead of currently in the bathroom probably trying to fix his hair, making it perfect was, as Bucky put it, an art, ('It has to be perfect Steve.' 'It is perfect Buck, it looks better than mine.' 'That's because you don't even try!') obviously very important to him. Mrs. and Mr. Barnes were currently trying to calm two excited kids, Toby didn't care and Becca was probably in her room trying to fix her play dress. He was alone, again. "I think Stevie, we'll see if Bucky really is your friend. Friends help friends and he's not here to help you now, is he?

"Huh? Wha'd'ya-" he was abruptly cut off by two arms around his waist picking him up and pulling him out the window. He tried kicking them off and worming his way out of his clutches, but he just tired himself out, on the verge of an asthma attack. Toby had gotten off the couch by then and laughed at Steve's slightly hopeful expression. He pushed Steve the rest of the way out and climbed out after him, Ted and Dylan following. Gilmore dropped him on the fire escape and laughed then closed the window.

"Look at the big baby!" Kevin laugh. He was holding a bucket of water that the Barnes kept out here in case of an actual fire. He poured it on Steve and as he instantly started shivering. His breaths were labored and he was getting colder as the March air hit his wet skin. "Aww, it's cold. It can't even stay outside." At some point in his existence, he was referred to as an 'it', to freaky, weird and small to be considered a person.

"Did it come with a warning label? Warning: Can't be left outside and must be monitored at all times," Gilmore didn't always have the most clever or smartest thing to say but the message went across either way. "I bet he's such'a burden to Bucky and his family. It's certainly a burden to me." He laughed some more and kicked Steve's already frail ribs. He looked up at the sky and hoped Bucky would come, but knowing it would be no use since he was known to take ten minutes just fixing his hair. He willed himself not to cry, he didn't want to give them the satisfaction. More kicking happened until he was abruptly moved. Hiding a wince he looked down and saw that they were holding him over the edge.

He looked up at Gilmore and Toby, who were both holding him over, with scared wide eyes. "Guys..." he trailed off, voice small and meek. He latched his hands to the railing still shivered and hissed when his already freezing hands came in contact with cold metal. Laughter was loud in his ears and his labored breaths were turning into wheezes, gasps involuntarily escaping his mouth. _'Great'_ , he thought. _'I'm about to fall off of a fire escape while having an asthma attack. Could this day get any better?'_

Just as it started, the laughter died down, replacing it was a "hey!" in a very familiar and very appreciated voice. "What are you doing?! Where's Steve?!" The hands that were holding him let go like they touched something hot and he couldn't be more grateful for holding on to the railing. The fall couldn't kill him, Bucky's apartment wasn't that far up, but it looked like it sure hurt. Steve's really didn't want to find out. He heard a gasp that didn't come from him and looked up graced with Bucky's concerned face. "Stevie..." he turned, but not before Steve could see the hatred and anger shining in his normally warm and cheerful eyes. "What did you DO?!” He heard a punch and a hurt yell. Then a constant stream of Romanian that he had no chance of keeping up with, "TATA! Am nevoie de ajutorul tau. Grabeste-te. Toby ce e în neregulă cu tine?!"

"Nimic! Am fost de gând să face de fapt. doar ne jucam. A fost doar o glumă, jur!" Toby responded much slower than Bucky had, rubbing his black eye that Bucky must have put there. Bucky pushed Gilmore out the way and grabbed onto both of Steve's hands.  
  
"Ce vrei sa spui tu au fost glumesc? Asta nu e o gluma. Si ai lăsat să plece!" Whatever Bucky was saying, it sounded angry and worried. He looked down at Steve and attempted to lift him but his hands were too greasy with whatever it was that he put in his hair and Steve's already slippery and wet skin wasn't helping, he frowned and held on to Steve much tighter. The fire escape creaked softly, not really made for seven people to stand on.

Mr. Barnes climbed out and looked around at the situation. Eye's wide he rounded on Toby and Kevin, walking the few steps to Steve and grabbing his arms. "Ceea ce este greşit Bucky. o, Doamne. Toby, Kevin ce ai face?! De ce? Intri. ACUM!" He sounded angry too. Even though it wasn't the time, with him dangling from a fire escape wand on the verge of a dangerous asthma attack, Steve thought that both Bucky and Mr. Barnes sound the same when they are angry. Steve could hear Toby telling them all to go back into the house. Distantly, Steve heard the window open and the voices of the other boys farther away.

"Tata, vreau le plecat. Tot de pe ei. Toby, Kevin, Gilmore, Ted, Dylan toate trebuie să meargă. Te rog, nu vreau să staţi în cazul în care au rănit Stevie." He heard names and saw Bucky look betrayed before a stubborn look crossed his face. He still couldn't follow the conversation but he got the gist from Bucky's facial expression, everybody was leaving. It sounded like Toby and Kevin were too.

Mr. Barnes nodded with a grim look on his face. "Nu vă faceţi griji, ei nu intorc. Hai sa doar-l cald şi -l calmeze înainte sa atac de astm bronşic se înrăutăţeşte. Vorbesc engleza asa ca el ar putea înţelege şi cere sora ta pentru a obţine prosoape." He pulled Steve up and placed his hand on the hard, cold metal floor. In the window, Steve could see that this attracted a crowd. Becca, was the first one at the window, looking at Steve with wide eyes.

Bucky spoke next, albeit frantically and pointed towards Steve. "Becca a lua eu niste prosoape. Rapid."

Hearing her name, she looked at Bucky and nodded responding in the same language as Bucky with more fluently than Toby. "Bine. Voi fi înapoi. nu îţi face griji." She ran off and came back with a pile of towels a minute later. She handed them to Bucky who immediately started rubbing Steve down and wrapping him in the extra fluffy one.

"Thanks." He said absently. "You’re okay Steve," his hand was rubbing Steve's back, calming minimizing his wheezes and stopping his gasps. Steve nodded and after a few minutes was dragged back inside. "Sit. I'll be right back." Bucky left Steve on the couch and walked into the dining room where everybody else was.

"Hi, Steeb!" Bailey giggled, popping up from the side of the couch. "Are you cold?" She perched herself on the chair next to him looking at his face with the same with a smile. At Steve's nod, she giggled again and said, "Me too." Steve opened the towel and Bailey took that as her invitation to crawl in with him. They talked about what Bucky might have gotten for gifts when they heard his voice.

"I don't care, Gilmore. I want all of you out. Now! You are definitely not my friends anymore. I never want to see any of you again. And if you go near Steve, I promise you, you'll regret it." Bucky came into the living with a regretful Ted, and sour faced Dylan and Gilmore. He opened the door pointedly and they all filed out.

"Bucky, come on, you're making a mistake. You should kick Steve out instead. He's a skinny little twerp wad holdin’ ya back. What is he good for? Come on we're your friends, he's just a burden." Gilmore said. Dylan nodded in agreement, but Ted was smart enough not to say anything. Bucky punched both of them, giving them twin bloody noses.

"He's my best friend. I'd do anything for him, cause I'm with him 'til the end of the line. So, leave now before I give you a black eye like Toby." He slammed the door. Turned around with a huff and faced Steve. "I won't let 'em bother you no more Steve, I promise. Toby and Kevin are leaving tomorrow 'cause that's when Aunt Karen and Uncle Shawn get here. Come on, let's go to our room and get you new clothes." Bucky picked up Bailey and carried her to the table. "Wait here, Bails, we'll have cake soon."

Bucky motioned for Steve to follow, and walked down the hall to his room. "Okay, you don't have any extra clothes here so you can just wear mine." He handed Steve a shirt and pajama pants when he found them in his dresser. Steve slowly got dressed, trying to get the doubt out of his mind, trying to make sure that Bucky won't notice. But like everything when it comes to Steve he did. "Steve, you know I'm your best friend right? You can't listen to Gilmore, he's full of hooey. And you promised me that you'd try and fight back! You could've gotten hurt if you fell, or worse you could've died!"

"I'm fine, m'just a little cold, I swear. And did try to fight them all off, but I was scared. Normally I'd wait 'til the person they were bullying left and I'd try to hold 'em off 'til you come. And I wouldn'ta have died, so what if I did, what difference would it make?"

"It'll make a world of a difference to me. You're my best friend. I don't know what I'll do without you. And if you died, we wouldn't be able to celebrate your birthday."

"So, a birthday is just when you get stuff and cake."

"No, Stevie. A birthday is when you celebrate life, not getting things."

"Life? I don't get it."

"I know, Steve, but you will one day. Just promise me you won't doubt our friendship. You're one of the most important people to me ever. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay, I promise." If Steve wasn't so cold, he probably would've blushed. They hugged and left the room, somehow that conversation made Steve feel lighter. A feeling in his gut lifting, probably because he knows that he and Bucky are forever.

They ate dinner, had cake and cupcakes, ("Don't you kids think that's enough?" "Nope! It's my birthday, Mom, I can have as much as I want." "Okay, just don't blame me when you have a stomach ache tomorrow.") and Bucky opened his presents. He got a baseball from Gilmore, a bat from Ted, a ball cap from Dylan, two baseball gloves from Mr. Barnes and a broken doll from Beth, Bailey, and Becca. He smiled and hugged his sister's promising to let them play with it when they asked for it back.

Around eleven Mr. Barnes had tired the girls out and put them to bed. "I think it's time for you to go to bed, kiddos, don't you think?" Mr. Barnes walked over to where Bucky was showing Steve how to wear the extra glove that now belonged to Steve, ("But it's your gift, I can't take that from you. Mr. Barnes brought that for you. Not me, it's yours." "Exactly it's mine to do what I want with it. I want to give it to you." "You can't do that." "Yeah I can, it's mine.") and patted both of their shoulders. "Come on, you can play tomorrow. Steve's staying the weekend, right?"

"Yep, Mr. Barnes. Come on Bucky, can we go to bed? I'm tired." Steve faked a yawn that he knew didn't fool Bucky. Steve was a terrible liar. Bucky had thought him to always tell the truth, and that affected him a lot apparently. It was odd though, Steve seen Bucky lie straight through his teeth and not look the least bit guilty. He was such a hypocrite at times.

"Sure, Kitten," Bucky drawled. He packed up his and Steve's glove and walked to their room with Steve in tow. "What's wrong? Stevie? You're not hurt are'ya?” He started to look over him, but Steve shoved him a little.

"I'm fine. I just wanna give you your gift." He looked around for his book bag and pulled out his sketch book, clutching it tightly in his hands. "I hope you like it, it's not really good." The prospect of giving Bucky a drawing was a good idea at first, but know when he actually had to give it up he hesitated. Thoughts raced through his mind already. What if he doesn't like it? What if it's not good enough? Why did I think this was a good idea? Why am I freaking out like this? If I can't show my best friend a drawing then how am I supposed to become an artist? What if-

He was abruptly cut off by a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I'll love your gift, Stevie I promise. Come on, show me." Steve nodded and ripped the drawing out of his book. He slowly handed it over to Bucky with shaking hands.

"Here, I hope you like it..." he trailed off, not really knowing how to continue that sentence. Bucky looked at it and smiled, then he gasped.

"Stevie..." he looked at Steve with admiration. "You drew this?" At Steve's nod, he put the drawing down and rushed up to him, hugging him tightly. "It's amazing! Thank you," he whispered into his ear. Steve blushed and squirmed at the praise but he was undeniably happy. He did something right that day.

"Alright, boys, sorry to ruin the hug but, bedtime." At the sound of Mr. Barnes cheerful voice, they laughed and changed quickly. "Love you, boys." He turned and look at the picture Steve drew sitting on Bucky's end table. "Steve, did you draw that?" He pointed toward the drawing and looked at Steve.

"Yeah..."

"It's amazing. You should be proud of yourself. You have some real talent there, Steve." He pulled the covers over both boys outed the light and left the room. The only sound was breathing and slight wheezing coming from them until Steve broke the silence.

"Sorry for ruining your birthday, Buck."

"Ruining my...? Are you kidding? If anyone ruined my birthday it was Gilmore, his friends, Toby and Kevin. And besides, this was the best birthday ever!"

"Are you sure?" His own voice sounded small in his ears. Bucky turned around to face him and kissed his forehead.

"The very best, Stevie."

They fell asleep quickly after that, and Steve dreamt about two boys, one brunette one blonde, celebrating birthdays with cake, cupcakes and the Barnes family.

**___________________________**

"It was one of my fondest memories," Steve finished. He went back for another spoon of ice cream but realized that he ate it all. Huh, that was quick. It was silent until Clint finally spoke:

"So, you're telling us that you're one of your favorite memories includes you almost getting dropped off of a fire escape?" He looked at Steve like he was crazy. At Steve's nod, he laughed and shook his head. "You're crazy, Rogers."

"Yeah, I know. Bucky wouldn't stop reminding me."

Thor looked to be in deep thought before speaking. "Why was this one of your favorite memories?" He looked at Steve like he found a brother or someone who finally understands him.

"Because that was the day that I finally stopped doubting me and Bucky's friendship. I started thinking that I'm better than what I thought, and realized that I had a family with the Barnes too. It's the little things that made it special."

Thor nodded before Tony suddenly shot out of his chair and looked as if he just found the answers to the universe. "I have an idea," he singsonged. "What if, wait for it, wait for it, Jarvis drum roll please." The sound of drums came from the ceiling and Steve smiled. Jarvis could humor Steve at times. "What if we take Cap to Buckster's grave?" He looked proud of himself and his suggestion was so generous and actually sounded like a good idea that Steve could help but get up and hug him. Tony squeaked and patted him on the back. "Well looks like Cap's in. Who else?"

The other Avengers gave their consent and started cleaning up their ice cream. "Alright. We shall visit this grave. In Asgard when a warrior dies, their souls go up to Valhalla. We could not visit them there, but you Midgardians have a completely different custom, it seems."

"How do they get to Valhalla?" Bruce questioned. He and Thor were trying to understand each other still. Bruce was a man of science, for him and Tony everything had an explanation, but Thor came from a world of magic. Magic was his form of science, it just didn't have a clear explanation or origin.

"We put them in boats and set the boats on fire, while it travels down the river and we watch as the soul travels up to Valhalla," Thor responded. Bruce cringed a little but otherwise nodded. He probably wanted to know how that worked but kept his mouth shut. They didn't need another heated discussion about sciences that they both didn't understand.

They rode in Tony's two sports cars to the gravesite in Brooklyn. Bucky wasn't supposed to be buried there but Steve wanted him to be buried home, even though they couldn't find the body. Nobody could deny a crying national treasure and super soldier anything. When they reached the grave Steve's was already down on his knees in front of it. His eyes were watering but he didn't have it in him to wipe it away. They only times he cried in public was when he was seven and he got beat up and when Bucky died. Now, this makes three times.

"Hey Buck," he sniffed. "Long time, no see, huh? I miss you, but you could probably tell with all the blubbering I've been doing lately. I've been doing good considering. I made new friends like you said to do if something ever happened to you. They're nice, you would've liked 'em. They have been keeping me company and it was their idea to come here." Tony cleared his throat pointedly from somewhere behind him and Steve chuckled wetly. "Well, it was Tony's idea. You'd like Tony, he's Howard's son. Much, much smarter than his Dad though, and a much bigger ego too.

"You'd like Natasha, a lot. Hell, you'd probably flirt and charm Natasha. She's a lot like Peggy, just with red hair and higher heels," Natasha laughed in the background and he smiled weakly. "She's deadlier too. I think you'd try to go against her and fail, but then you'd keep trying 'til you realize you can't beat her, then ask her out. You'd love Clint. He's a sniper like you. I can't tell which one of you are better though considering that neither of you had ever missed. You probably would try and go against him too. I can definitely see you guys being good friends. And you two hanging around in the vents being general nuisances." Steve heard an indignant 'Hey!' and laughed, albeit shakily.

"You'd be excited to meet Bruce. You'd want to know more about the Hulk and probably encourage Bruce to let himself be more carefree and help him control his anger. Then, you'll do science with him and Tony all day in the lab and become one of the 'science bros'." Tony and Bruce chuckled in unison. "Then you'd be fascinated in Thor. You'd ask questions and try to figure out if all of the mythology you read to me was true or not." Thor made a questioning noise but didn't make any further comment. "You'd trick- I mean charm, him into taking us to Asgard then get us kicked out the next day because of your curiosity. Then you'd get us back in again and become a regular guest with Thor.

"It would've been fun if you have been here. Oh, and I understand what you mean when you said that birthdays celebrate life. Can't celebrate a birthday if the person is not alive to celebrate it for. Sorry, it took you dying to finally understand. And Happy birthday, by the way. Sorry I couldn't tell you in person." Steve took out the knife that he normally keeps under his pillow and carved the words, 'til the end of the line' under Bucky's description.

The Avengers came closer to Steve to give him comfort and mumbled 'Happy Birthday, Bucky' under their breaths. Personally, Steve doesn't think that he could ask for better friends to do this with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be posted next week, Friday or Saturday.  
> Join me on tumblr!  
> http://hidingouthere.tumblr.com/


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, now pink-" Steve watched as he dipped red in on a paper plate than white in the same spot, swirling them around to create a lighter shade of gray almost red color. "-Pink is like love, too. It's hearts or peace and joy, it giddiness and awareness. It's embarrassment like light blush and sweetness like cotton candy. Pink is sweet- kisses on a summer's day."
> 
> "Is that what you thought when we first kissed?" Steve had to ask. Was he pink? Was that what Bucky was feeling, happiness, giddy, like Steve was sweet and reminded him of summer?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter. I wanted it to be something else but it kind of shifted from what I originally had in mind. Oh well, it happens.   
> Here's my beta's tumblr: http://mrgoodbar11213.tumblr.com/  
> Enjoy!

Art was something that Steve used to enjoy. He drew everything under the sun. When they were kids, Steve used to draw scenes from Bucky's books. He'd draw dragons, robots, mermaids, pirates, anything that came to either of their minds. When they grew up, he'd draw landscapes, cities, stars, people, or more specifically, Bucky. He enjoyed drawing Bucky. He occasionally drew Beth, Bailey, Mrs. and Mr. Barnes, and once his ma though, she didn't like being a model, but Bucky was his main model. He knew Bucky like he knew the planes of hand. He could draw him perfectly, without even looking at him anymore.

When the Smithsonian gave him back some of his things as a thank you for saving them, he'd rushed home to open his sketchbooks and cried. All of the sketches, doodles, and attempted paintings were still there like they never been moved. He got his trunk back, that held all his belongs from his time in the military. Obviously, they never opened it, and lucky for him his secret sketchbook. That book was for his and Bucky eyes only, filled with drawings of them in various and compromising positions. Drawing them like that was risky enough and he was glad that it wasn't the reason that their deepest, darkest secret wasn't spilled.

During the war, if he couldn't spend his nights with Bucky than he used art as a distractor. His sketches weren't as light and cheerful anymore but at least he still drew. Everything on his pages were dark and brooding, his normal pictures of Bucky even lost it's mischievous aura and was replaced with a deadlier edge. Bucky had said that it was because war changes perspective and perspective changes art but Steve didn't want to believe him. He drew the European forest every chance he got, but slowly the enchanting forest looked like death warmed over, the light in his sketches slowly but surely dying.

He brought a sketchbook on a whim, hoping to get his hobby back, but every time he closed his eyes instead of ideas of things he could sketch, he saw Bucky falling.

He never touched the book again.

He missed it. God, he missed it, but he didn't want to taint something as good, beautiful, and expressive as art with his own failures. He didn't want to draw death, he most definitely didn't want to draw Bucky's death. Drawing it meant admitting it, admitting it meant a new layer of guilt that he didn't think he could handle alone. It also leads to questions that he didn't want answers to. Did he die slowly? Was it painful, or was he unconscious? The fewer details, the better.

His new sketchbook was now sitting on his bedside table taunting him. It bored a hole in the back of his skull every time he looked away, couldn't imagine himself drawing again. Today was no different. The book was still there when he woke, it was still there when he came back from his run, and it was still there when got out the shower.  
  
" _Just draw,_ " he could hear Bucky's voice say in his head. " _Just draw Steve, it can't hurt you. It can only hurt if you make it hurt._ "

Even in his head Bucky was encouraging. It's not like he didn't want to because he did, he wanted to draw. He really, really did, but he was scared.

" _Maybe you could look at your old books for inspiration, ya dumb punk_." If imaginary voices could smile, Steve imagined this one doing it.

After rummaging around in his truck that he still kept in the corner of his room, he retrieved two of his old sketchbook and slowly opened it. It was one of his books from before, one of the ones that still had light. Walking to the living room, he flipped pages until he reached a seat. He stopped when he came across a picture of him and Bucky when they just got their apartment. He'd drew it that night with the memory was still fresh in his mind. Bucky was grinning, he had his right arm over Steve's shoulders, encasing him in a sideways hug and his forehead rested in his hair, his left arm lightly punching Steve's right arm. Steve himself was smiling widely at all the excited attention that Bucky was giving him, and the new prospect of living together alone. He was generally happy in this picture, they both were, they were young, carefree and full of hope of what the future could bring. He didn't know how much time had past and wasn't aware that he was staring until he heard Natasha's voice behind him.

"Did you draw that?" Her voice was amazed like she didn't think Steve of all people would be able to draw that. Inwardly he smirked; he just surprised the Black Widow. Not a lot of people could say they got to do that.

"Yeah, yeah I did." His voice was hoarse and throat was raw like he was crying without producing tears.

"It's amazing." He blushed at the compliment, not use to people commenting on his art.

"Thanks."

They sat in silence for awhile until Natasha spoke again. "Is that Bucky?"

"Yeah," he cleared his throat, "it is."

"He 's very handsome. No wonder he had lots of girlfriends."

He chuckled and patted the space next to him for her to sit.

"That and his addiction to his hair. Used to say that having great hair was everything. It was funny watching him fix it every two seconds."

"Well I can't fault him on that, hair is everything. He obviously got it right, I think his hair just made him hotter," she laughed. "But if you tell Clint I said he has great hair, I'll kill you." They laughed again. "When did you start drawing?"

"I always loved art. It was the one thing I was good at, the one thing I prided myself in. My parents didn't know though, my Da didn't understand art so he didn't like it, and my Ma wanted me to focus on school and sports."

"Hmmm. I guessing Bucky did?"

"Yeah, he encouraged me to get better. Brought me all my sketchbooks, charcoal and color pencils, paint and canvases, even though we couldn't afford it then. He actually used half of his college money so I could go to art school for two years."

"That seems nice. Anyway, Rogers, I came up here because Clint was making omelets, and his omelets are amazing, and he wanted to know if the rest of the Avengers wanted some?"

"Sure, why not."

They climbed into the elevator, the wait to get to the common floor wasn't that long. They made small talk just to past time and was greeted by the smell of omelets and bacon.

The common room was similarly built like the other residential floors. There was a kitchen, dining room, huge living room that had a piano, pool table and lead to a huge balcony that was wide enough to be a landing pad for a Quinjet. The other Avengers were scattered around the room, some of them with coffee cups, others with StarkPads and Clint with a pan of sizzling bacon covered in grease, all of them walking around and talking animatedly. Needless to say, the room was busy.

"Jesus Christ," he mutters under his breath. He could hear Natasha chuckle at his reaction.

"Alrighty Clint, I got the last one. Think he'd be up for the pizza omelet?" Natasha says, announcing their presence in a joke.

Clint turns toward her, flashing a giant, mock horrified smile her way. "Rogers," he says in mock disbelief. "You think Steve, of all people, is ready to try The Pizza Omelet? I don't know, Nat. That seems like a hard task, even for him." He turns back to the stove to put the, now finished, bacon on a plate. "Okay everything's ready sooo, order up," he jokes.

Honestly, Steve doesn't know how people could be so perky in the morning. He's never was a morning person. It was hard for him to find work so he'd sleep in and paint signs or advertising for local shops late in the day. When he did have to wake up early, Bucky would always make sure to drown him in coffee before he had any human interaction with anybody outside of him. After getting the serum he needed fewer hours of sleep so he'd always wake up early with a lot of energy he needed to use.

Luckily Bucky was a super soldier too, so he wasn't alone in that during the wee hours in the morning. It had been Bucky's idea to use running as a way to get rid of the extra energy, plus he thought it was fun to try and play hide and seek with two overly muscled men in a German forest.

He didn't feel so bad about his morning grumpiness though after learning that Clint needed about two pots of coffee before he could function. Clint was gliding around the kitchen piling everybody's plates with bacon and different types of omelets.

"You're right. He probably doesn't even know what pizza is. We have to show him that before he could get on the combo level," Natasha replied as she took her plate, smoothly sitting down at the table in the dining room and plopping her feet on top of Tony's outstretched leg. Steve squeaked, he did have pizza before, thank you very much. Bucky had taken him to a pizza parlor after his high school graduation.

"So, Steve what'cha got there?" Tony, ever the noisy scientist, pointed at the two sketchbooks he'd brought down with him.

"Oh um, it's a sketchbook. I used to draw a lot before. I actually wanted to be an artist," he rubbed the back of his reddening neck. It was strange that anytime attention was focused on him he would freeze and stamper, even in front of his friends.

Tony hummed, nodding his head he replied, "I guess the war got in the way of that dream. I always wanted to be an engineer. I didn't picture myself being the head of Dad's company though. What did your friend Buckster want to be?"

He looked up from his plate that was stacked with four omelets and at least ten strips of bacon, that Clint had put in front of him a few seconds ago, and replied, "Oh um, him too. I mean, he wanted to be an engineer too, but since he didn't go to college he decided that a mechanic was a good enough substitute."

"I wanted to be a makeup artist," Clint offhandedly commented. Natasha looked up at him in surprise and Tony snorted.

"What?" Clint said defensively. "When you live in the circus and befriend clowns you become good at some things. Except I would put people in clown make-up." Steve smiled, Clint could be so weird at times.

"I wanted to be a doctor. An actual doctor, that worked in a hospital, but then I found my love for science and became a scientist instead." Bruce spoke in between coffee sips. "I still got my Ph.D. though."

"I always was looking forward to being the King of Asgard. But now after I have come to Midgard, I found myself wanting to postpone that want, and stay here." Thor spoke. He had a StarkPad in his hands and was shaking it to see if that was going to make it work.

"That's really nice, Thor. I bet Asgard is nice too," Steve replied touched that Thor would pick his friends and an isolated planet instead of ruling his realm. That went away after Thor's next comment though.

"Well, yes. Yes, of course, it's nice. Everything is made out of gold, and other expensive and rare minerals. You Midgardians would be so jealous."

Steve laughed. He never heard Thor be that playful around them and it was comforting. If he could come to another planet with people that were decades, centuries, younger than him, so could Steve. It was strange how he was both the oldest and youngest Avenger if Thor was counted in human years.

"Hey grandpa," Tony said, cutting off Steve's laughter. "Care to tell us a time about your art? I think we could count it as Story Time for this week."

"You're serious about this Story Time thing aren't you?" Steve put down his fork, looking at the collective nods and 'yeses' he got. "Alright then, if you're sure. I remember how getting the serum affected my art so much..."

**__________________________**

Steve loved Bucky. Bucky knew all his favorite things, he knew what go him excited and he knew what he wanted without having to be told. Personally, Steve thinks, he's the best boyfriend ever. One thing that Bucky loved doing was spoiling people, especially Steve. When he asked why, Bucky claimed that it was because he couldn't treat Steve the right way, that spoiling was only a small substitute. Steve didn't believe him but didn't protest either. He didn't know half the things that went through his best friend's mind and stopped trying to find out along time ago.

Bucky had to go to basic this weekend so (being the considerate and overly caring boyfriend he is) he left Steve a little surprise on the table. It was small, looked like it was in a case and had a note attached that read:

 _Don't mope around the apartment Punk, do something. I bought you a gift with a few extra funds I had sitting around, not for anything important, don't worry. I know it might seem useless but I think that you'll find a way to use it anyway. I love you-_  
_Bucky_

Curious, he opened it and nearly dropped the thing in surprise. He'd gotten two paint brushes and a set of paints. He huffed, Bucky knew he was colorblind, everything was in shades of gray, plus black and white. He didn't know where Bucky was going with this but he accepted the gift anyway. If anything, he hated wasting money. He thought this was Bucky's whole plan. Bucky was smart, he knew Steve could barely refuse when he gave him a gift and he knew he could barely refuse when it was something he secretly wanted.

"Well played, Buck," he murmured. He decided to use them tomorrow. He'd always wanted to paint something and that was his chance. He'd need to get to the store grab some food tomorrow so he figured he could pick up a canvas when he left.

"I can't even see colors," he sighed. What was the point, Steve honestly didn't know, but he was going to find out. There were twelve colors in the set, all of which were rendered useless to him. Since he was colorblind he never bothered to learn the names of the colors. Some artist I am, and I can't even draw properly, he thought bitterly.

Sighing, he put the case his sketch book then got ready for bed, it might have been early but, he get's tired easily, and without Bucky there the apartment just seemed empty. He could always go over to Bucky's parent's place but he didn't want to disturb them or any of his sisters. Plus, he had work tomorrow. Newspaper delivery wasn't necessarily a dream job but it paid the bills.

By the night table was another note and he smiled as he finished reading it.

 _I know you're trying to escape the paint, Rogers, but I got a_ _bigger surprise for you. Trust me, I even bought you a canvas. It's behind the couch. Get drawing, Stevie. It'll work out in the end, promise._  
_Love, Bucky_

**~*~*~*~**

It's been a month and he was still painting his (in Steve's opinion, stupid) painting. He drew the outline of a rose garden in pencil, then outlined it in charcoal. He had his paint set out but he didn't touch, only stared. He didn't know the color of things and didn't want to mess up his work by painting a flower purple. He'd been standing there, staring at the paint, like at any moment it would come out and attack him when he felt an arm warm around his waist. Jumping, he went to turn around but was stopped by a hand holding his hip and a chin buried in his hair. He would not admit this to anyone but he might have squeaked.  
  
A warm laugh sounded in his ear and his heart fluttered. "You look like the paint is gonna kill ya'. Don't worry I'll protect you, Baby," a very well missed voice said. Steve smiled and chuckled as well. Bucky was back. That was the only thing that could brighten his day it seems.

"Bucky!" Bucky loosened his grip, so he took the opportunity to spin around and hug him. "Missed you," he mumbled into his chest. He could feel the vibrations of a hum, a hand rubbing his back, and an arm encasing him to return the gesture.

"Missed you too, Baby." They broke apart after a few minutes, even though to Steve it felt like hours. "How's it going here? Ya didn't get into any fights, did ya?" Steve's blush and the way he guiltily hung his head was answer enough. Bucky just shook his head, looking around he his eyes stopped at the canvas Steve had been working on. "What'cha drawing?"

"S'posed to be a rose garden, 'cept I don't know any colors. Why did ya buy me this anyway? You know I'm colorblind." He tried to sound mad and offended but knew that he just sounded like a child trying to scold an adult. Bucky just laughed.

"I told you, it's a surprise. I'll help ya later, for now, we just go to go over to my parent's or Ma'll be pissed that I didn't come to her at all today." Bucky brought Steve his coat and presented it to him in a chivalrous manner. Rolling his eyes, he slipped the coat on, only to feel something in his pocket, he took it out, examined it, then promptly threw it at Bucky who caught it and just put it in his pocket instead.

"Why did you buy me color pencils?" he demanded, officially fed up. He'd didn't get it. Bucky was the realist of the two; he'd tell Steve anything that wasn't or was likely to happen when his hopes got too high, Steve was the optimist, the one who would hope and dream of things impossible to happen. If anything, it would have been Steve that hoped he'll be able to see color again.

"I tell ya later, trust me on this, Stevie. Right now, we need to go to my parent's place. I wanna surprise them. Come oonnnnnn, Stevie. We'll get to that stuff later," Bucky said, grabbing Steve's arm, practically dragging him toward the door. "Well, right after we get to the more exciting stuff."

"What more exciting stuff?"

Bucky's suggestive eyebrow waggle was the only answer he needed.

**~*~*~*~**

The visit to the Barnes' apartment went as it was expected. Bucky showed up, Mrs.Barnes laughed and hugged him in what the Barnes kids and Steve called, 'a Mama Bear Hug'. The girls crowded him, then proceeded to shower him with hugs and kisses and tried talking over each other about the month that was missed. With all the commotion, George had stumbled out his room from what looked like a nap, when his eyes caught sight of Bucky a huge grin graced his face. He patted his son lovingly on the back and congratulated him for getting through basic.

They were invited to stay for dinner, (beans and rice) and the girls told Bucky all about their personal lives that he missed. Becca had gotten a boyfriend (who Bucky had demanded to see, so he could tell if he was perfect for his baby sister or not and make sure that he'll never hurt her) named Eugene, Steve met him, he was a sweetheart, so he told Bucky as much, Bucky had scoffed and told him 'we'll see' in a completely dark voice.

Bailey told Bucky about her classes for dancing, and her new job with something called the USO, and how she might be going all over the world and be famous (Bucky had congratulated her, and told her that he'll also teach her if she ever needs it, with an eyebrow wiggle he'll normally save for the dames he'd dance with at the dance halls just to watch her gag) Bucky replied by telling her to remember him when she's rich and famous. Bailey had laughed and told him she'll remember him as her annoying and picky older brother, Bucky pouted.

Beth told Bucky about a new recipe she tried and that Bucky just had to try it, (Bucky grumped to Steve that she's just trying to make him fat with all her cakes and cupcakes she makes for them) he nodded vehemently and said that if he gets food poisoning he'll know who to blame. He got a piece of bread thrown at him in retaliation.

Mrs.Barnes had commented on his new muscles, (Bucky always had muscles, basic just defined them) and said that all the dames would be falling over themselves for him (she was joking, she knew that the status of their relationship). Mr.Barnes, who was a pretty buff man for his age (" _I'm only forty-two, Steven" "Pfft, yeah right, Dad and I'm fourteen"_ Bucky laughed) had said that Bucky looked like a kitten compared to him.

Bucky had replied that kittens are awesome, lovable, skilled, cuddly and are so much better when they have claws (he looked directly at Steve when he said that, a dangerous smirk present in his voice causing Steve to flush bright red) unlike lions who are lazy and are a scary beast that people avoid. For some reason that didn't surprise Steve at all, an argument erupted from that. Steve laughed when Mrs.Barnes slammed a hand on the table, directing her patented 'Shut Up Or I'll Shut You Up' glare at Bucky and Mr.Barnes, both of them promptly quieted with an audible clap of teeth.

Beth's cake was amazing as always, and instead of getting food poisoning, Bucky got a stomach ache from eating too much. He still complained to Beth. After that, they went home to do whatever Bucky had wanted to do when he got home earlier. Bucky was, as always, right. It was fun.

Now, Steve was staring at his attempted painting like it had all the answers to the universe. He brought his paints out but still couldn't find it in himself to use them.

"You know, I wouldn't have brought that for you if I wasn't planning on helpin' ya out." Bucky's arms wrapped around him as he spoke, his face buried in Steve's hair. "Come on, I'll help ya, I got an idea-"

"That's never a good thing," Steve interrupted. He got a playful smack for his troubles.

"And I think that it'll work. I'll just gotta teach you the colors. "

"How's that supposed to work if I can't see it, genius?"

"Maybe if you let me explain, I can show ya, Steven."

"Okay," he sighed like this was a huge favor he was doing for him. Ironically, it was the other way around. Bucky huffed a laugh in his hair, pulling him toward the couch and sitting him in his lap.

"Alright, well since you made a rose garden I can tell ya the colors that you'll need. Roses are mostly red, but you can paint 'em whatever color you'd like, the stems are green, so is grass, the sky is blue and the sun is yellow. Clouds are white and I think those birds that you drew, blue jay's right?" He waited for his nod before continuing, "are blue. Okay, now I'll help you identify the colors." He pulled out Steve's sketchbook, turning it to a blank page and grabbed the colored pencils and paint. "Okay this color-" he dabbed the paint brush into the first tin and smeared the paint on the page in a circular motion, "-is red.

"Red is the color of blood and fire. It's the color of enemies and power, of anger and energy also war and danger-" he took a color pencil that was the same shade of gray as the paint and wrote 'Red' next to it. "- But red could also signify love, desire, and passion, like when people draw hearts and color it red for valentines day, you might confuse it with orange but, I'll help ya if you need it. Okay, this one-" he dabbed the other brushing a shade of gray similar to red, smearing it under the red on the page in the same motion, "Orange could be determination, or enthusiasm, encouragement, and success. Orange is the color of fall, it's like thanksgiving or Halloween," he wrote 'Orange' next to the smear like he did for red.

"You with me so far?" Steve nodded again, smiling at Bucky's answering grin. "Okay so, next is yellow," he repeated the motion he did with the other colors while he spoke.

"Yellow is sunshine and happiness, it's energy and warmth, it's cheerful and a lighthearted color. It's like the sun or the being of spring; It's pure joy.

"Up next is green. Green is harmony, it's safety or money, it's peace, growth, and nature. I always associate green with luck, like clovers in Ireland fields or leprechauns. Leprechauns always wear green." For some reason this had Steve giggling, Bucky laughed too, but Steve thought that he was laughing at him.

"Okay, now to blue. Blue is calmness. It's ocean waves and the unending sky. It's trust and wisdom, faith and intelligence, loyalty, bravery, and confidence. Blue could also be sadness, like depression or grief. Okay, now pink-" Steve watched as he dipped red in on a paper plate than white in the same spot, swirling them around to create a lighter shade of gray almost red color. "-Pink is like love, too. It's hearts or peace and joy, it giddiness and awareness. It's embarrassment like light blush and sweetness like cotton candy. Pink is sweet- kisses on a summer's day."

"Is that what you thought when we first kissed?" Steve had to ask. Was he pink? Was that what Bucky was feeling, happiness, giddy, like Steve was sweet and reminded him of summer?

"Of course. If I had to describe my emotions with colors I'd be pink with sweetness and happiness, yellow with joy, green with luck, blue with calmness and trust, and red with love." A soft kiss was placed on his lips and he blushed. "Now let me finish. Purple is royalty. It's luxury and extravagance, wisdom and dignity, independence and creativity, mystery and magic. Purple is like being a king and queen.

"White is purity. It's goodness, light, and innocence. It's cleanliness and positive. White is basically perfection. Black is, well, I think black is death. It's hatred and power, evil, mystery, power, strength and authority. Black could also be elegance though, it could be formality and mystery. It signifies fear and the unknown, it's grief and considered negative."

By the time he was done, the page was filled with colors down in a list. Honestly, Steve did think it would help. "Thank you, Bucky." His voice was hoarse and crack, but Bucky didn't comment, he just hugged Steve closer, kissing him passionately. When the broke apart, Bucky only grinned, kissed his nose and walked him over to his canvas.

"Course Rogers, anything for my baby boy. Tell me if you need any help." With that Bucky plopped himself down on the couch after one last kiss and opened a science fiction novel that Steve hadn't noticed before.

Hours later, Steve found himself still painting. He had to call Bucky over once or twice but besides that, he was doing well on his own. His garden was looking nice in gray. He honestly couldn't imagine it in any other color but hoped it looked nice with the reds, blues, and greens. The painting was set up in three layers. The first and second layer flowers were painted in red and the middle layer, where the focal point and biggest flower was, painted in another color that he actually forgot the name of. He'd lost his book awhile back somewhere in the kitchen when he got some milk and was too deep in his work to stop and get it. "Hey, Baby," a sleepy voice from behind rasped. Arms wound around his waist and a chin buried itself in his hair. "How's it going?"

"Good. I'm almost done. Then I'll go to bed. You don't hafta wait up for me y'know."

"I know, Stevie, but I just like watching you." They stood in silence for awhile, Steve painting and Bucky just watching. "You like that color, Babydoll? You've been using it a lot."

"Yea, I do. I think it's my favorite."

"That's yellow," Bucky reminded, knowing Steve had forgotten. "My favorite is blue."

"What's your sister's and your parent's favorite colors?"

"Hmm, um, I think Becca's is purple, Beth's is orange, Bailey's is pink. Ma likes red and Dad likes green. You can ask 'em if you want to be sure." He offered.

"Nah, I'm good. Thanks." After a few more strokes, he was finally finished. "Great! Done! I did it. Críochnaithe!" He turned in Bucky's arms and smiled, big wide and satisfied. "So, what's my surprise?"

"Wow, you got excited quick," he commented. Steve only used Gaelic when he was talking to his --dead-- parents, when he was excited or emotional. "I got you a job working as an advertiser for this business place. All you gotta do is draw things for the boss man so he could sell his things quicker. He just needed to see some of your work in color, so I had to get you to paint."

"Oh my gosh, this is amazing, Buck thank you, thank you, thank y- wait," he narrowed his eyes suspiciously at him, "How does he know that I don't draw in color?"

"Um, I may have stolen some of your work and gave it to his son to show him before I left for training." Before Steve could reply he hesitated added on, "Don't worry, he liked it, obviously. And I only took the ones that you showed everybody, not just me. Promise." He held up his hands in a peaceful gesture.

"Fine," he dragged out the 'e'. "Just don't do it again."

Bucky grinned, dislocating himself from Steve and walking down the hall, towards their bedroom. "I make no promises."

**~*~*~*~**

When Steve had first taken the time to look around after the chaos that just happened, he got to actually appreciate the effects of the serum. He could see, and not just normally and without having to squint but he could actually see color. He was marveling seeing things for the first time, in new a new light when he heard the door to the medical room open. Turning, he was pleased to see his new friend, Peggy, standing there.

"Hi, Steve," she greeted. Peggy was dressed in a bright outfit. He couldn't tell what color she was wearing without his book since things were no longer shades of gray. Ever since that night, Bucky had added even more colors to the book like brown, gray, violet, indigo, lilac and aqua.

"Hey, Peggy. Um, wow, you're lips are really vibrant." Her lips matched the color of her outfit. It was a really vibrate and bright color. Peggy looked visibly startled before storming out the room like Steve had offended her. He heard her mutter, 'I thought you were different' under her breath and he flinched. He didn't know what he did, but he wanted to apologize. As soon as he went to walk after her though, doctors burst into the room. He sighed. She'll get that apology later.

**~*~*~*~**

When he had gotten Bucky and the others back to camp a year later, he almost cried. He got to see Bucky in color. His boyfriend looked so much better in color than he did in gray. "Bucky," he breathed to him the first night back, he ran a hand on his face, marveling and the color and shadows that he could now see.

"Your eyes are blue." The tears started and he couldn't stop them. Everything was better in color and he never wanted it to go away.

"Yea, sweetheart, they are. So are yours and my sisters and Ma and Dad's. Your ma's eyes were green and your dads were blue, too." He smiled at seeing how happy Steve looked.

"Your hair is brown. Is my hair brown? Was my ma's hair brown? What about your sister's? Or-"

"Yes, Babydoll my hair is brown. You and your parents' hair is blond. Blond is kinda like a light goldish color. My siblings' and parents' hair is brown too." Bucky chuckled at Steve's excitement.

“Oh mo dhia, Bucky tá sé seo iontach. Sé go hálainn," he rambled. He could feel Bucky's chuckle from where he was laid on his chest. "You're beautiful, Bucky."

"You are too, Steve."

**~*~*~*~**

Peggy didn't get her apology until a year after the incident happened. When he had relayed the story to Bucky, after he asked why Peggy was so guarded around him when she, according to Bucky, liked him. Bucky had laughed and then face palmed.

"Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie," he scolded. "Pal, when you're talking to women, and mention their lips, they're gonna do one of two things: either flirt with you or feel like you're coming on to them and get offended. Have I taught you nothing?"

"Well, I didn't exactly get that flirting 101 class that you apparently did."

"Shuddup, Punk. Come on, let's go apologize."

Peggy was in her office when they came in. She was alone, which Steve was immensely grateful for. He could feel his anxiety already creeping in and with one look at Bucky, he took over the situation. "Hi, Agent Carter, sorry to bother you, but Steve here wants to apologize to you for offending you a year ago. You see, he was colorblind and that was the first time he ever saw color before. He was just excited and tends to blurt things out when he's like that."

"Yea, I'm really sorry Pegs. I didn't mean to offend you." Steve mumbled. He could feel her eyes on him and shifted, heat rising up in his cheeks.

"Okay," she replied. "You're forgiven. It took you long enough to apologize. I'm glad you're not like those other arseholes though," She had laughed but they both knew she was completely serious. "And James, please do teach Steven something about girls and flirting. He is rather helpless, and you're supposed to be his wing-man."

"I'll try Agent Carter," Bucky replied. "And don't call me James, you sound like my mother when she's scolding me." Peggy's laugh sounded as they left the room.

"So, what do you want to do?" Steve asked.

"I don't know, maybe you could draw me a picture of this beautiful Italian forest. Might as well make something out of it and I know you brought your color pencils, punk."

"Okay, sounds like fun, you just might haf'ta help me with it, though."

"Always Baby, always."

_________________________

"After that, I always tended to draw in color. I couldn't help it. After a life of not seeing it, it was too beautiful to resist."

"You seem to enjoy art. Can I see your drawing?" Thor asked. He looked sincere enough that Steve nodded. "This is amazing, Captain. You have a true talent. Your Bucky was right to help you with this."

"Thanks, Thor." He blushed, he hated complaints. The book was passed around and that was all his ears was filled with.

Everyone had liked his art and he felt proud. He might not have gotten it in a museum like Bucky wanted, but it was still getting shown off to people other than him.

He took the elevator back to his floor and looked at his empty sketchbook, still sitting on the coffee table. Walking to it, he picked it up and opened to the first page. Picking up a pencil and opening his colored pencil box, he began to draw.

" _Good job, babe. Fill one page at a time,_ " he could hear Bucky's voice whisper as encouragement. And it was a relief. Everything came out on that one page, in multiple colors, showing his feeling on the past, present and future. He could do this. He could draw again, it won't be the same, but it'll be a start.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> >críochnaithe- finished  
> >h mo dhia, Bucky tá sé seo iontach. Sé go hálainn.- oh my god, Bucky this is amazing. It's so beautiful
> 
> Next chapter will be posted next week, Friday or Saturday.  
> Join me on Tumblr!  
> http://hidingouthere.tumblr.com/


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve discovers a secret among the avengers, and in turn, he tells them something about himself. 
> 
> Fourteen-year-old Steve Rogers stared out at his best friend's bedroom door. He was nervous, and he was never nervous around him. But what he had to tell him would probably destroy their friendship. Bucky wasn't a judgemental person, he was very open minded and understanding, but this was different. Steve was an invert, he was wrong and disgusting. Bucky was perfect, even if Bucky decided to still be his friend, he didn't want to taint Bucky with his problem.
> 
> He was standing by the door for a long time, Bucky's parents were gone with his sisters to go to the pictures for the weekend. Bucky didn't want to go, he had to stay home to study for his test so he didn't know Steve was going to be here. That's why it came as a surprise when he heard a soft, but amused voice calling out.
> 
> "Are you gonna come in here or not? The door's not gonna hurt ya if you open it, punk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this was up so late. I had a bunch of things to do this weekend and, I got frustrated with life so I kind of had a mini-rage quit. Anyway, here's your new chapter. It has a lot of fluff and is definitely cheesy.  
> Here's my beta's tumblr: http://mrgoodbar11213.tumblr.com/  
> Enjoy!

Last year, (or 1944 depending on who you ask) March 15th was a good day for Steve. It was probably his favorite day of the year. March 15th was the day that Steve and Bucky became _SteveandBucky_. It was the day that Bucky had boldly asked him out, then proceeded to ask to be his boyfriend. Today was supposed to be their twelve year anniversary. This anniversary was supposed to be the best. They had always said that if the were together for twelve years then they would get married. It was going to be hard, but that was something they really wanted. Bucky's dad had been a minister, he told them that he'll gladly marry them if they chose to. They even got an authorized break to go home to Brooklyn for two days in March to get married.

They had their whole family life planned out for them. Of course, they were never going to stay in Brooklyn, as much as they wanted to. They had to move out somewhere, so they could be accepted or at least somewhere that their neighbors or society didn't get suspicious. They were going to adopt some kids, one small scrawny blond and another big and outgoing brunette. They didn't decide on how much they wanted but they had the basic idea. They were going to get two dogs and a cat, probably live in a really large house somewhere in Europe (Dernier had suggested France, while Falsworth was rooting for Britain. It was actually between Romania and Ireland, their parent's countries, though The Commandos didn't need to know that), the whole nine yards.

Then, Bucky had fallen off the train and Steve had crashed a plane in hopes to follow him. If only the lived two more months if only the mission hadn't failed they could have gotten everything. But that's not what the world gave them. Instead, Steve was the only one that had survived the war, even though with each passing day he feels like he's coming closer to being with Bucky again, and Bucky got a cold, harsh death probably frozen in the bottom of a river or having his last breaths before he hit the ground.

So, when Steve woke up, he wasn't surprised to be drowned in tears when he remembered the date. And it was just like Bucky's birthday all over again. Celebrating something he couldn't. Something that he lost a long time ago. He cried for broken promises, for lost dreams, for things that could have been if only he been better if he'd been less of a clumsy person and more of the American hero that saves everyone, especially the person he cared about most. He cried and cried and cried, and could hear Bucky's soothing voice in the background, "... _Just let it out, Stevie. It's okay sweetheart, it's okay to cry, I promise_..."

After crying for what seemed like hours he pulled himself out of the bed, trying to see how to spend his day. Bucky wouldn't want him dragging himself around like a sad puppy today. Bucky would want to see him happy because if he was actually watching up in Heaven, (because the idea of Bucky going to Hell is not even an option) then he'd probably be disappointed. If anything, he should try to treat this as a normal day, if not for him then for Bucky. People break up with their boyfriends or girlfriends all the time. They probably don't cry on their anniversary, they probably go through with their day with few tears. Even though they didn't technically break up, it still resulted in them not being together. He could do the same, so with that in mind, he hops into the shower to construct his day.

He could go find an Avenger to cheer him up. He could go to Natasha but she'd ask questions that are kind of insensitive, Tony, too, and would probably be disgusted or poke fun at his crying face, even though he'd tell neither of them what was going on. Clint would be sympathetic to loss, but Steve wasn't in the mood for sympathy and most likely would confuse it for pity. Thor would be loud and outgoing, talking Steve's ear off about his time in Asgard in attempts to cheer people up but he doesn't know any earthly ways in consoling people. Bruce was his best bet. He wouldn't pry and he'd console, he'd let Steve talk about what he wanted and distract him from his thoughts of bitterness, loss, and depression.

After getting out the shower, he puts on what Tony calls his 'Comfort Clothes'. It's comfortable yes, and Steve did by them to wear when he was in a mood, sad or having a bad day, but the true purpose was to remind him of Bucky and being small. Bucky was always bigger than him. When he was small, he had worn Bucky's clothes around the apartment, after he was given the serum and when they figured out that Bucky had gotten it too, Bucky was _still_ bigger than him. He was beefier and had grown three inches taller than Steve so his clothes were still larger than Steve's own. It's times like this where he'd need to wear Bucky's clothes, not just for his enjoyment and Bucky's strangely possessive and protective nature, but because he just needs the comfort of being surrounded by Bucky. So the 'Comfort Clothes' doesn't really make a good substitute but, it's the principal of the matter.

He opted to skip breakfast today, just downing four cups of coffee straight from the machine. Now he had to find Bruce, luckily he had Jarvis.

"Um, Jarvis?" he spoke. He was awkward around people but it was weird to be awkward around a talking computer that he speaks to regularly when he needs to get out his own head.

"Yes, Captain Rogers?" the computer answers.

"Do you know where Bruce is?" Of course, Jarvis knows where Bruce is. He knows where everyone is, it's his job. He doesn't know why he asks, nobody else does, but he chalks it up to Bucky and Mrs. and Mr. Barnes teaching him to be polite and kind to everyone and everything.

"Dr. Banner is currently on his floor with Master Stark."

"Okay, thanks."

"You are very welcome, Captain."

He smiles at the way the computer answers. If Steve is in a mood he and Jarvis would argue back and forth and there would be no manners present in their debates. Or sometimes, if he wasn't feeling as bad as he was today, Jarvis would snark back an answer in his usual sarcastic manner. Jarvis was a good friend and Steve was mad that he didn't think of asking Jarvis to comfort him instead. When he got into the elevator he realized he didn't actually know Bruce's floor number, but Jarvis just started the elevator on his own, taking him to the eighty-ninth floor.

The ding of the elevator sounded when he reached his destination and he smiled at the interior of the room. The layout of the floor was the same as his but the decorations and furniture screamed Bruce. It was warm and cozy, something that Steve needed right now, the floor was carpeted unlike his own against his bare feet.

At the sound of a low groan, he finally looked up and toward the direction of the couch. His eyes widened when he saw Tony in Bruce's lap making out passionately. He must have made a noise too because both of them stopped and sprang apart when they saw who was there.

"Um," Tony let out a nervous chuckle, "Steve. You're here."

"And you saw that," Bruce continued weakly. The cozy and warm atmosphere was aggressively transformed to a tense one.

"Um, Steve. Look, I think we ne-"

"No, no. I-I'm just gonna... I'm gonna go." He all but ran out the room, his heart pounding in his ears. Back in his own apartment, he ran straight to his bedroom. Tears streaming down his cheeks, it wasn't fair. It was fair that they got to be together when he and Bucky couldn't. It wasn't fair that they got to be a _BruceandTony_ when there was was just a barely there, broken ~~_Steve_~~. No, it wasn't fair at all. So he cried, he screamed, he broke things. He became a mess because it wasn't fair at all.

When he finally calmed, he could see his room was in half of a mess that he was in. There was glass in his hands from the shards of glass from the lamp he threw, blood slowly oozing from the wound. His mattress was off the bed, he could see it leaning against the window and his dresser was slanted on the side. He saw the mess and he wished, not for the first time, that Bucky would be here with him. Bucky would click his tongue and tsk at all the damage, he'd gather Steve in his arms and clean him up gently, murmuring comforting words in his ears and, no doubt, saving the lecture for later. Then, he'd clean up the room while Steve sat in another drinking something warm, wearing Bucky's clothes again to make him feel better. He would feel bad though, he made a mess. He broken things all because it wasn't fair that Tony and Bruce got to be together.

That was another thing, they were queer. They didn't act queer or look it for that matter, but neither did Bucky, they weren't drag queens. Steve thought he looked like it a little but pushed that thought out of his mind since everyone thought he was a model of American value. He wasn't, not even close but learned a long time ago not to argue anymore. He wouldn't tell on Tony and Bruce, they were his friends. He'd protect them, show them how to be a bit more careful, after all, they could be new at this and he had been doing this for twelve years. He could make sure S.H.I.E.L.D never found out, or the rest of the Avengers. He didn't know how they would react, but it might not be the same reaction as the Commandos' open arms. He wouldn't kick them off the team because that would be hypocritical, but he'd pull them aside to have a serious talk, the same talk that Colonel Phillips gave him and Bucky.

He cleaned himself and the room up before he left to find them. It was time for him to be the good leader he is and help out some friends. When he walked out the room though, the team seemed to have different ideas. He gulped, feeling cornered at being on the receiving end of the angry and some murder faces of his friends. He could do this though, he could talk to them, they were his friends, they wouldn't laugh or hurt him. He just had to stop feeling so anxious. He could imagine Bucky's body next to him, feeling the brunette there for support and guidance, even if it wasn't real.

"Steve. Listen, I know what you were told that two men or women being together was wrong but it's not. Trust me. I think you just need to think about this. We've come a long way from when you were growing up. Things are different now. People like us have protection, we can't get beat or killed or imprisoned just because of our sexual preferences. It's illegal for you to do that. We can't get kicked out of things for that either, we can vote and we're normal, not some invert. We're not secret, we got parades to support us for crying out loud! Hell, we even could get married if we want to."

"Tony-"

"No, Cap, let me finish. Come on, we are treated so much better than that, it's not something that's a shock or disgrace. Sure, there's some people that are still homophobic, but all they could do is peacefully protest. I know you don't like me and Bruce anymore but, we're your friends. If you still want to be friends."

"Tony-"

"I'm not done yet. We're not gonna change, but don't kick us off the team because of this. We love avenging, love saving people and we're doing good like this, Cap. Times have changed and maybe, maybe you should too."

"Tony-" Steve was honestly baffled. They thought he liked girls? Huh, well he might not be able to lie but he can sure as hell keep secrets. Times has changed, during Tony's ramble he could hear that people like him and Bucky were treated so much better, they could even get married. Legally. It was like a dream come true, Bucky was right, (like always) things would get better.

"Wait, I want to add something," Natasha obviously deciding to enter the conversation. " I don't care if you're my friend, Bruce and Stark are my friends, too. You lay a hand on them, I'll come after you. You can't kick them off the team for this, but you could leave, and leave the tower since this obviously disgust you so much. I know you're Captain America but why don't you let some of your 'American morals' change to fit the twenty-first century," She sneered.

Steve was floored. Seeing his team, no, his friends, protect each other like this, it made him happy. It reminded him of the Howling Commandos all over again. "Are you done?" he asked.

"No, wait just," Tony sighed, slightly defeated. Steve didn't like that look on him. "Just think about it, a'right?"

"Yea, sure... Done." He didn't have to think, if they were accepted then they could do what they want. He wasn't going to kick them off anyway, he was queer, too. If Bucky were here he'd be so happy that the world had changed like this.

"You thought about it? That quickly? Come on, Steve this is serious-" Bruce started speaking to, a slightly frustrated look on his normally calm face.

"I know this is serious, I didn't need to think. I was never going to kick you off the team, especially for something like who you like, that's stupid."

"What? But, but you-" Clint wore a very adorable confused face. Steve laughed, this is what happened when you assume things about people.

"I'm what? From the forties? You honestly think that there were no homosexual people then? They weren't invented in the twenty-first century, y'know. Or is it because I'm Captain America? That I'm all about American value and morals? Obviously, you haven't listened to my stories enough to know that's not true. Don't make assumptions, Clint, trust me it gets you nowhere."

The Avengers stood baffled. He couldn't help but laugh, all of them had confused looks on, even Thor, who must have been told what was going on and what Steve's reaction would probably be. Ha, he surprised the Black Widow again, that was another point on his chart. Gathering up his courage and imagining Bucky's comforting hand on his shoulder, he said something that he previously dreaded thinking about. "Besides, I'm gay. Wouldn't kicking 'em off the team be hypocritical?"

They stuttered and Steve had to hold back a laugh. Tony and Bruce might be accepted along with anyone else but that didn't mean people wanted their national treasure and icon to be gay. People wanted him to get married to some girl, have kids and live the American dream with his sweetheart. Hell, people even went as far as to pick someone (Peggy) for him. Bucky would have smacked them if he saw what was in history books.

"You-you're gay! H-how? When did this happen? Since when?" Tony broke out of his shocked state enough to ramble.

"Um, since nineteen- always. I mean, I didn't just wake up one day and say 'Hey, I want to be gay'. It wasn't accepted then so I had to hide, and honestly, that was torture."

"Wait, what about Peggy? Wasn't she your true love or something?" Clint spoke.

"Nope. We never went out. I mean, she kissed me once but it didn't mean anything. She knew I was gay, but she still liked me so I guess it was a comfort to her."

"Are you sure? You could like both you know? You could be bisexual," Bruce spoke softly, but Steve got offended. Of course, he was sure, it was his feelings, he knew what he wanted in love, that he was sure of.

"Bisexual?"

"Yea, it's when you like both guys and girls. I'm bi, and so is Tony. I didn't mean to offend you, but it just looked like you really loved her."

"Bisexual, huh. That word would have been useful in the 40's. And no, I love Peggy but like a sister, not like a lover."

"Did Bucky know?" Natasha asked, she was curious, he could tell. She probably wanted to know if Bucky ever started to treat him differently.

"Yea, he did. He actually knew before I told him. I apparently am not good at hiding secret magazines in my room. And I know what you're thinking, yes he was fine with it, he was... Bisexual, I guess. Well, I know he liked both, his parents were fine with it too."

"Huh. History is so much different than what I was told," Natasha said.

His stomach rumbled then, and Clint laughed. He could eat, he wasn't feeling as bad as he was before. Striding to the fridge he made himself some cereal, frosted flakes were his favorite.

"So, what were you doing in Bruce's room anyway, and why are you wearing your comfort clothes? Are you okay? You weren't trying to steal my man, were you?" Tony said, noticing his choice of clothes.

"Oh um," he blushed, looking down. He didn't think he could tell them. Not because he didn't want them to know but because the words were too hard to push out his mouth. "Um. Todays... Today is, or well was me and Bucky's twelve year anniversary. We had big plans, we were gonna get married and move into a house somewhere in Europe together, and I just, I needed some comforting, so I was going to Bruce, and I didn't mean to interrupt anything. I-"

"Woah, woah, calm down Capsicle, it's okay. And twelve years, nice. I didn't realize you and the Buckster were together."

"Well, we were good at hiding it. I'm just surprised it didn't slip."

Thor was looking down at the table the whole time until he suddenly jumped up and clasped a hand on Steve's shoulder. "Friend, Steven, you should tell us a tale of you and your Bucky's adventures. When did you go on your, what did Darcy call it, first date?" That was honestly a great idea. At the other Avengers' nods, he began.

"Sure, why not. I remember that day, it was fun. Okay, so I was almost fifteen when..."

**_________________________**

Fourteen-year-old Steve Rogers stared out at his best friend's bedroom door. He was nervous, and he was _never_ nervous around him. But what he had to tell him would probably destroy their friendship. Bucky wasn't a judgemental person, he was very open minded and understanding, but this was different. Steve was an invert, he was wrong and disgusting. Bucky was perfect, even _if_ Bucky decided to still be his friend, he didn't want to taint Bucky with his problem.

He was standing by the door for a long time, Bucky's parents were gone with his sisters to go to the pictures for the weekend. Bucky didn't want to go, he had to stay home to study for his test so he didn't know Steve was going to be here. That's why it came as a surprise when he heard a soft, but amused voice calling out.

"Are you gonna come in here or not? The door's not gonna hurt ya if you open it, punk."

That calmed his nerves down, but not enough. He didn't want to tell him, but he did. He didn't want to risk his friendship, but he couldn't hide anymore. It was killing him. Hiding from his parents, that was easy. But hiding from, Bucky? Nope, not going to happen. He was surprised that he wasn't found out already.

"Sure, Buck." He walked into feeling slightly uneasy. His anxiety was coming back and if he didn't get his nerves in check the anxiety attack would trigger an asthma attack. "Um, I got to tell you something?" It came out as a question and he cringed. Why was this so hard? It was Bucky, not some random stranger.

Bucky was spread out on his bed, leaning on his elbows with his books laying flat on the sheets. He looked up when he detected the slight wavering to his voice. "Sure, Stevie, what is it?" Bucky's gaze never left his and usually, he found that comforting, feeling as though he was endlessly supported from him. Now it just made him queasy. "Steve, you okay?" His voice was worried, concern taking over his once relaxed face.

"Yeah, yeah I'm..." he took a deep breath like Bucky had taught him to do when he felt overwhelmed or out of breath. "I just. I-I gotta tell ya something important and you might not like it." He started to bite his nails, that was already down to stubs when Bucky lightly pulled his hand away from his face.

"Don't do that," he scolded. He watched as Steve's face grew anxious, sighing he took Steve's hands in his when the other went to wring them together. "Steve, come on, I'm your best friend. You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Yes, yea, yea, yes. I-I know. It's just. This is bad. It's not... It's not good."

"Steve, come on, this is you we're talking about. You don't do bad things. You wouldn't even hurt a fly. You don't hurt anyone unless they hurt someone..." he trailed, eyes going to the side before snapping back to Steve's, widen in fear. "Are you okay? Nobody hurt you did they? _He_ didn't hurt you did he? 'Cause I swear, if someone did I'll-"

"No! No. No, calm down, I didn't get into a fight, and no _he_ did not hurt me. It's okay, I know you don't judge or anything but, hear me out, okay?"

"Okay."

Taking a deep breath, he began. "I like boys. Like, like _like_ boys. In the romantic and sexual way. Like, I'm queer? I-I am queer, I mean. I'm queer." He bit his lip, another nervous habit he did if he hands were occupied. He waited to be kicked out or screamed at. He waited for Bucky to drop his hands like it burned him. But Bucky didn't do that, he only gave a small relieved chuckle.

"Oh. You made me think you were hurt. Thank God, don't scare me like that Stevie," Bucky said, he patted Steve's back and turned back to his work. Maybe Bucky didn't hear him, he was acting as if this was normal. So, Steve said it again.

"Um, Bucky, I said I'm queer, as in liking guys. You are familiar with the term right?"

Bucky only laughed. "I am familiar with it, thanks for asking," he said sarcastically. "I already knew you were queer. But don't call yourself that. Queer is an insult, use the word gay it means the same thing, it's just nicer."

"Wait, what? You-you knew?!" he shrieked. How could Bucky know, Steve thought he did a good job at hiding. What if someone else knew, what if _he_ knew? Bucky's voice broke through his thoughts.

"Well of course I knew. I'm your best friend, you really think I can't tell how you're feelin'. Why do you think I stopped mentioning girls." Bucky chuckled a little bewildered like Steve was the crazy one for trying to have secrets. "Besides, yesterday when I was helping ya clean your room, I found a male model magazine under your bed. You should probably hide that better," Bucky said as an afterthought.

"And, and you didn't tell me? You don't care?"

"Well I didn't want to tell you, I wanted you to feel comfortable enough to tell me. And of course I care, I care a lot. Now that we both know you're gay, you're gonna need a lot more protection. Luckily, you have the most amazing best friend ever to help ya hide it."

Steve smiled despite himself, he never thought that Bucky would go above and beyond with this.

"Thanks, Buck."

"Anytime, Stevie."

Steve had decided to stay awhile, he didn't want to go home yet and Bucky was, once again, making him comfortable. They sat in silence, Bucky studying and Steve sketching him on a blank paper that Bucky'd given to him. It was probably an hour later when Bucky finally closed his books with a grateful sigh.

"So, are you comfortable with it?" Bucky said, breaking the silence. At his confused look, Bucky rolled his eyes at him in a way that said, ' You're an idiot'. "Comfortable with being gay, Steve," he said with a small smile.

"Oh. Um, yeah, I guess. Well since I know that you are okay with it, I'm way more comfortable." Steve said. Bucky rolled his eyes at his grammar but didn't bother to fix it like he used to.

"Good, good. I'm glad, cause that means that I finally get to tell you I like guys too."

"You're queer?!" At Bucky's glare, he amended his question. "You're gay? I meant gay."

"No. Not, not exactly."

"Well, what're you then, if you like guys and you're not qu-gay?"

"I don't know," Bucky didn't like not knowing things. He was smart, he knew a lot of things, always reading more to find new things out. He especially didn't like to be clueless when it came to identifying himself. "I like guys, but I like girls too. I don't know what to call that, though."

"That can happen?"

"Yep." He popped the 'p'. "I know I didn't tell you, but it was because I wanted you to feel comfortable enough with yourself before I dumped this onto you, too."

"You wouldn't be dumping anything that has to do with you on me. I wouldn't have said anything bad about it."

"I know that Stevie, I said I knew you were gay for months. I meant dump this," Bucky took Steve's hands again, but somehow this felt more intimate than before. "I like you, Steve, I like you a lot, and it'll really make me happy if you go out with me, like on a date. Will you go out with me?"

"O-on a date?!" he squeaked. He liked Bucky, had a huge crush on Bucky. Okay, that was a lie, he was in love with him, but he didn't think that Bucky would like him, too. His thoughts must have shown on his face because Bucky had started to rub his knuckles, look him right in the eye, and say the best thing that Steve had ever heard.

"I love you, Steve. In love with you. I really would like to go on a date with you, if you say yes."

"Yes!" he screamed. Blushing he lowered his voice, answering calmly, "Yes. I would love to go out with you. I'm in love with you, too. I didn't think you could love someone like me though."

Bucky's smile faded, turning to a small frown. "What do you mean, someone like you? You are amazing, you're beautiful, you're kind, sweet, stubborn, talented, feisty and a generally good person. There is nothing not to love about you; you're perfect." Bucky pulled Steve closer to him, nuzzling his head in his hair. "And you smell good too, like apples."

"If you say so," he muttered. He wasn't sure that was true, Bucky could be quite biased when it came to Steve, but he knew not to argue. Bucky would defend his honor from everybody, even Steve himself until he was blue in the face. "Wait," he disentangled himself from the warm embrace to stare at Bucky imploringly. "How are we gonna go out? People can't know where qu-gay. They'll beat us, or jail us, or worse, kill us."

Bucky laughed, his head tipping back and body shaking. "Stevie, we're with each other enough that people are used to us together. They think we're brothers, what's the problem with using that to our advantage, just not telling 'em the truth."

"Well, I guess that makes sense," he said. It did, they fool people into thinking they are brothers but are really going out. They were with each other enough for it to seem normal, too. "And I could never be your brother," He added as an afterthought.

"Why not?" Bucky answered suspiciously.

" 'Cause I don't got a big enough head."

"Hey!" Bucky squawked. He smirked, and that was all the warning he had before Bucky pounced on him, tickling him mercilessly. "I don't have a big head, it's normal sized. Your's is just abnormally small."

"Uncle, Uncle!" he breathed. Bucky stopped the onslaught, hands still hovering over his body. They laughed together, Bucky leaning above Steve. Their eyes locked, the laughter dying down immediately. Slowly, Bucky got up, pulling Steve with him, guiding him toward the door.

"Saturday," Bucky said, his hands holding Steve's. "We'll go out next Saturday, I'll pick you up at twelve so be ready. Wear something cute."

"Okay." Their eyes never left each other, Steve was too enticed to break the moment. "I'll be ready. What are we gonna do?"

"Don't worry, I gotta plan." Bucky's right hand trailed up Steve's arm, towards his shoulder, rubbing the joint between the neck and shoulder. "It's getting late. You should go, your Ma'll be home soon, and you got mass tomorrow." Despite what Bucky said, he didn't let go. Steve thought his grip even tightened.

"Okay, see ya tomorrow?" They were speaking in whispers now, he didn't know why but thought it was fitting.

"Yea, see ya tomorrow."

"Bye."

"Bye," Bucky's face got closer until they were sharing the same breaths. Bucky leaned in and placed a kiss on Steve's cheek. Steve blushed, feeling his heart rate picking up. Bucky moved back stroking Steve's cheek in his right hand.

"Bye," He breathed. Bucky trailed his arm back to Steve's hand, connecting them again. Their fingers slipped through each others as the let go, sending a shiver down Steve's spine at the light caress. He turned, walking out the door to leave the apartment, a small smile playing on his lips and blush still firmly in place.

**~*~*~*~**

The next week was the longest one of Steve's life, Saturday seemed so far way and when it finally came he was a great ball of nerves. It was 10:30 but he felt like 12 o'clock was only two minutes away. He was still in his pajamas currently freaking out over his wardrobe. The downside about going out with Bucky meant that he had no help in getting ready if anyone found out they'll be done for. Panicking he grabbed his best button up and his cleanest pair of khaki pants. Bucky had said to wear something cute, he hoped it was cute.

Bucky was the more stylish one of the two, his hair was always done, he had nicer clothes and wore the stuff that people seemed to like, he always dressed the best, making it seem almost effortless. Steve didn't have an eye for this stuff, sure he could tell if someone was cute or nice but he could never describe it for himself or think it applied to clothes. Puppies were cute, babies were cute, hell, even old Ms.Otis was cute! But how the hell could clothes be cute?

He was brought out of his panicky state by the sound of insistent knocking on the front door. He didn't think it was his Da or his Ma, they left hours ago and didn't come back for their lunch break 'til noon. So when he opened the door he was pleasantly surprised to see three of the four Barnes children standing in front of him.

"Hi, Steve!" a fourteen-year-old Becca said. She walked into the house, Bailey, and Beth tailing her, straight into Steve's room. He just stood there, dumbfounded. They just walked into his apartment like they owned it, going to do whatever they please like they belonged there and this was their stuff too. Steve could laugh, they were acting more and more like Bucky every day. Becca turned from her stride to where Steve was still holding the door open.

"Are you coming?" She said like this was some huge favor that Steve had asked of her, that she clearly didn't want to do.

Shaking himself, he closed the door following the girls into his room. "Okay, what do you guys want? I gotta-" he paused, not sure where to go with this. They may not be able to read his expressions and lies like an open book like Bucky can, but he roller coaster that he wore his emotions on his face. "-thing with Bucky in like 2 hours so this has to be quick."

Beth snorted, "Yeah a 'thing'. You mean a date? That's kinda why we're here genius," the nine-year-old laughed. "Honestly, how dumb do you think we are? Buck's practically vibrating with excitement."

A look of horror crossed his face, "You know?! You know I'm queer?!" He didn't know how they knew but didn't want this to turn out badly. He loved the girls, they were like sisters to him, he didn't want to lose them because of this.

"Jesus Christ, Steve, say it any louder and all of Brooklyn will know," Bailey snarked. "Honestly, you looked like a lovesick puppy when you left the house yesterday, did you seriously think we wouldn't ask Buck for questions?"

"Of course we know," Becca, the apparently more responsible Barnes girl, said. "And we don't care, neither does Mom or Dad. We're just grateful that you got together finally and are going on a date."

"Speaking of dates, you need to get ready, which is exactly why we're here," Bailey said. "I need more teenage drama in my life anyway, Becs is boring."

"You're not even a teenager, Bails," Becca argued, already defensive.

"So what? I'll be twelve in like five months," Bailey argued back. "Anyway! We're here because you need help getting ready! You need to wear something cute," (there someone goes with the cute thing again), " and we have to make sure you're presentable. You're about to go on a date with Bucky Barnes, can't have you looking ugly."

"Bailey, that's not nice," Beth scolded. "Steeb doesn't dress ugly. He's boyishly handsome. It'll be fun! Like dress up!" She gasped, a sound he knows well, mostly coming from Bucky when he found a new way to tease him about something. "It'll be like that book Bucky read us, _Cinderella_. We'll be the fairy godmother and Steeb would be the pretty, pretty princess." She never did say his name properly, it was always 'Steeb' since she was two, now she was almost ten, he didn't know if it was because she can't say it or because she simply didn't want to.

"Alright, Mr. Princess, we have a lot of work to do we only got an hour and a half so let's get you dressed," Becca said, grabbing his arm to make him stand still so Bailey and Beth could hold different shirts up to him. He didn't even get to protest, knowing he'd lose the argument anyway. He couldn't believe they just thought that they could come into his house like this and take over, but when he thought about it, they actually could. They were Bucky's sisters after all.

An hour and four hair brushes later, Steve was finally already. He looked nice, or as nice as he could with his limited wardrobe. He was wearing a button-up shirt that he had no clue what color it was in but was told it 'will bring out his eyes' he had khaki pants with it, suspenders slung up on his shoulders. Apparently, this was the 'cute' Bucky was talking about because the girls fawned over him.

"A-are you sure I look g-g-good? B-Buck's gonna be here i-in," he glanced at the clock on his wall, "thirty minutes. I-I gotta look nice," he stammered. He only did that when he was extremely nervous or on the verge of an asthma or anxiety attack.

"Yes, Steeb you look perfect. Absolutely adorable!" He blushed, Beth's smile only widened. "Oh my gosh, you gotta keep blushing, honestly you'll put puppies to shame with that face."

"I just wish that I could fix his hair, what do you do to it in the morning? Rub it with your pillow?" Becca stressed, pointing the brush to his unruly hair, she finally gotten it flat on his head the long bangs covering his right eye. "I took me forever to do that, and styling hair is a gift for me, Steve." He self-consciously touches his hair, feeling a little embarrassed at his bad attempts to do it himself.

"Girls, we're scaring him a little. Come on, Steve you'll be fine. You and Bucky were best friends before this, it's going to be the same as all the other times hanging out, except more kissing and hand holding. You got this," Bailey reassured. She patted his back and kissed his cheek.

"Yea, then when you come home, Me and mama can make apple pie for you," Beth added.

It calmed him a little, seeing all of Bucky's sisters being confident with this date. He tried not to focus on the panic and the what if's, everything would be fine, this was Steve and Bucky, after all, everything would always be fine.

They sat in the room, Beca talking about how school was, Beth was talking about a picture she wanted to see and Bailey was venting on how annoying Donna Blakes was, even though she was her best friend. Bailey was in the middle of talking about how Donna tripped Riley so she could be Victor's valentines when three sharp knocks on the door interrupted her.

Steve felt a flutter in his stomach, the knocking pattern meant it was Bucky on the other side of the door. He could do this, he could do this without fail. Dating can't be that hard, Bucky does it with ease. Then again, everything Bucky does comes naturally for him. "Okay," he whispered, psyching himself up. "Okay, I got this." When he reaches the door he squares his shoulders, but nothing prepares him for the sight of Bucky Barnes when he finally opens it. He sucks in a sharp breath, feeling immensely inadequate compared to him.

Bucky was wearing a white button up with black slacks and his favorite navy blue jacket. He had his hair slicked back instead of his usual slightly curled manner. A smile was on his face, not his normal boyish smirk (which Steve still thought was cute), but the smile he normally saves for dames he'd take out. "Hi, Steve," he said. His voice sounded as confident as he looked, not an ounce of nerves wavering it. "I see you clean up nice."

Steve blushed, he could hear Beth in the back 'awwing' at the gesture. "Not as nice as you apparently," he shot back. Even if he was nervous and was going on a date, it didn't mean he didn't have have the mind to do what Bucky always told him; compliment your dates. Bucky didn't blush, but he chuckled in a way that meant he was touched by the compliment "Besides, I had your sisters to help out. They really did know what they were doing."

"That's where they went. I thought they went to a friends house or something," Bucky commented. He waved as the girls came out the room, giggling. "Mom and Tata wants you, girls, to help with lunch." The girls nodded, sliding past him to get outside on their way home. "Ya ready to go?" Bucky held out his hand and Steve hesitantly took it. Why was Bucky being this intimate? He knew what being seen together meant. Bucky grinned and pulled him into a bear hug. "Let's go, we don't have long before it starts."

"Before what starts?" Maybe he could make him slip and tell where they'll be going. Bucky just grinned, tugging Steve toward the front door, out into the crisp March air, it wasn't that cold out but he was lucky he grabbed his jacket before opening the door. Walking toward whatever destination Bucky had in mind, they talked about small things, like Steve's art and things they wanted to do over the summer. Finally, they reached the pictures, Steve gasped. They couldn't really afford to go here much. "What are we gonna see?"

"The Wizard of Oz," Bucky grinned. He didn't know what the movie would be about but he trusted Bucky. He nodded and went inside, holding the door open for his date. Bucky smiled, making exaggerated surprised faces. "You're such a gentlemen." He pinched his cheek, ruffling his hair for good measure.

They brought snacks, (popcorn), soda and had a few extra nickels for chocolate bars, (Bucky paid, even though Steve insisted that he could help out) and found seats toward the back. The movie itself was good, Steve was mesmerized by the acting. Halfway through the movie, Steve had moved closer to Bucky, their hands now touching on the arm of the of the seats. He moved closer even more to Bucky, (would probably be in Bucky's lap if it wasn't for the chair's arm digging into his side), chasing his warmth, he shivered.

"You okay?" Bucky's arm snaked around his shoulder, giving off warmth without meaning to. He shivered again, leaning into the arm around him, he loved going to the pictures he just hated the cooling system that was always on.

" 'M fine, just cold." He was surprised to feel Bucky's favorite jacket go over his shoulders, He looked up, eyes wide with surprise, Bucky never let anyone so much as touch his jacket, let alone wear it. Bucky just winked, kissing the top of his head and turn back to the movie. He smiled, big and wide, blushing like a schoolgirl at the thought of wearing his crush's jacket on a date.

The rest of the movie was pretty uneventful, just the occasional hand brush in the popcorn and the snuggling closer to the other when no one was looking. By the end, he was pretty satisfied, he just had chocolate (something he found that he wasn't allergic to, thank god) and soda. He thought they were going home, so he just followed Bucky, mindlessly talking about the movie and other's they'd want to watch, but they didn't stop at home, they stopped at a train station.

"Where are we going now?" They couldn't be going home, now that he thought about the path he just taken he definitely tell they weren't going home. Home was the opposite way, he didn't know where they'd be going. "Come on, Buck, tell me?"

"We're going somewhere. Come on, Stevie, it'll be fine. You trust me don't'cha?" Bucky had an innocent expression on his face and even though he saw him use that face hundreds of times to get them out of trouble he still fell for it. Only for a second, though, he was learning from past mistakes.

"You want me, small, skinny defenseless, Stevie Rogers, sometimes Kitten, to go on a train with a complete dope who knows where and sounds like he belongs to a gang? That's sketchy Buck, even for you. My momma taught me better than that, Barnes." Even on a date, he could still find time to be a little shit. Bucky's eyes darkened for a second before he threw his head back, laughing, full body shaking.

"No, I don't want you to do that. I want you, little, skinny, not so defenseless, Stevie Rogers and sometimes Kitten, to go on a train with his best friend to continue their," he looked around making sure no one was there, "date, somewhere that I know is fun and doesn't have anything to do with gangs. That's not sketchy, 'even for me'." Bucky had a huge smirk on his face, his eyes filled with amusement.

"Fineeeeeeeeee." He whined, sighing like it was some big obligation. Bucky pushed him lightly, making him laugh and grab onto the railings for support. He has never been on a train before, if he needed to go somewhere he'd walk or Mr. Barnes would insist on driving him. Bucky dragged him into a cart, pulling him on a seat near the door. The ride itself was nice, not a lot of people in since it was only 2:30; people were still at work.

When the got off, they had to walk a few blocks, stopping a few times to make sure he didn't get an asthma attack. After a few minutes, they'd finally stopped at their destination, Coney Island. He would deny this to his dying day, but he squealed, all giddy and excited. Coney Island was a gift. He'd only been there a handful of times and that was only on holidays. He looked to Bucky, making sure this wasn't just a trick, and at his nod, he all but dashed into the park.

It wasn't full of people but there was still plenty there, he smiled, he saw little kids with their parents, other teenaged couples, (even though he and Bucky weren't a couple. _Yet_ ), and adults just strolling the beach at a distance. It was perfect. Bucky came up from behind him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"Wha'd'ya wanna do first? We could play games," he pointed to the ring toss, "or ride some rides," he pointed to a roller coaster a few feet ahead of them," we could walk on the beach, but we'd been walking for a while now, or we could get something to eat. Your call." Bucky obviously had this whole thing planned out. He knows he was working a lot, saving money, but Bucky always claimed it was college funds, now he knew. How long had Bucky been planning this?

"Let's go play games, I wanna know if you could win me that bear," he pointed at the teddy bear at the gun game towards the left, "then we could see what to do from there?"

"Sure, let's go." Bucky dragged his hands and they were off. The guy at the booth explained the game. Knock down all three spaceships before time runs out, simple, or so it seemed. Steve tried first and promptly failed. He learned four things those five minutes of being at the booth, One- he can't shoot or aim a gun to save his life, Two- he's terrible at carnival games, Three- he can't see moving objects up close and, Four- workers could get very defensive about their games.

"It's rigged! I should have gotten at least one point! I hit the one space ship!"

"No, you didn't you, pimp! You lost, fair and square, now get out of my face! Leave, or let your friend have a turn, you bitch!"

"I'm not a bitch or a pimp, asshole, and I'm gonna-" Bucky was holding him back now. He was seriously close to punching the guy, who did he think he was. He was told that he the customer was always right, and even though this wasn't technically a store or diner the same rules should apply.

"Just save it, Steve, I got this." Bucky pulled him back and went up to the booth. He shot the guy a look, "And you don't insult my friend or you'll get what's coming to you." Bucky said it so calmly but he heard the underlying threat in his sentence. The guy nodded, looking a little wary at Bucky, smart choice, he wouldn't stop Bucky from punching the guy.

Bucky placed a nickel on the table, grabbing the gun and readying himself. The guy started the game and in thirty seconds flat, Bucky had shot down all spaceships. They both stood, shocked at his quick achievement, but smug nevertheless. "I want that bear," he pointed towards the bear that Steve had earlier.

"Um, nu-uh. You cheated. You're not getting that bear," Booth guy said, he crossed his arms over his chest like a petulant child.

"How did I cheat?!" Bucky shot back, incredibility audible in his voice.

"You-you, I don't know how all I know is that you _did_." Bucky gave a frustrated snarl, fisting his hands on the booth's table.

"Nu-uh. He hit all of them, so he won, 'fair and square'," Steve mocked, he took the bear from its stand and gave Bucky a look, at the enraged face of the booth owner, they gave him twin looks that them seem like angels, (a look they both got from Bucky), and watched him calm down. "Thank you, sir, for allowing us to play."

"Yea, you just made our day," Bucky added. With that, they, ran off laughing at the complete confusion that spread on the guy's face.

"I hope I didn't just ruin our dat- day out." He said when the reached a bench. He didn't want to be the cause of the date ending, he wanted time to stop their fun, not his carelessness.

"Are you kidding?! That was fun, Oh god, did you see his face, he was so mad," Bucky doubled over laughing. "Come on, we got to get home at ten and we got one last stop after this so, let's go." Bucky pulled him up and ran.

They played more games, enraged more people, (but only because the guy at the 'Guess My Age' booth said Steve was seven. He was about to be fifteen in four months, for crying out loud!) and got their faces painted, (Steve got a balloon and Bucky a panda). They rode some rides, not ones to make him dizzy, but enough to give him the adrenaline of fall and spinning. Then they ate at Nathan's, stuffing the hot dogs, fries, and soda's in their mouths like their lives depended on it. Finally stopping in front of a roller coaster, The Cyclone.

"Come on Stevie, it'll be fun! You never rode this roller coaster before, you're finally tall enough! Don't be a chicken, Steve." Bucky goaded. He kept pushing him toward the coaster, laughing every time he tried to scramble away.

"Nu-uh. I'm not doing it. I refuse, let me go. Buck, let go. It's not nice to manhandle your dates," He whisper-shouted. Just because he was scared didn't mean he was chicken. Okay, so that's exactly what that meant but he wasn't going to admit that.

"Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk," Bucky started making obnoxious chicken noises in his ear, he let go doing a ridiculous chicken dance along with his mocking.

"I'm not a chicken!" He protested, Bucky only got louder, making people start to stare at them. He got a little uneasy under the looks of strangers and Bucky didn't look like he was stopping anytime soon. "I'm not. I-I- fine. I'll do it."

Bucky's grin was blinding, he grabbed his arm dragging him to the line. He could do this, the ride doesn't seem so bad. He could hear people's scream but tried not to think of it. People scream on rides all the time, he was screaming on the previous ride and that was fun. Roller coasters weren't any different.

They stood in line for about a half hour when they were ten people away from the front.

"Hey," Bucky said softly, dragging his attention away from the coaster. "We don't have to do this, y'know. I was just kidding, not doing this doesn't make you a chicken, you're the bravest man I've ever known. It's okay if you're scared, Mom doesn't like rollercoasters either."

"I'm not scared, it's just," he sighed. "I'm nervous. I have never been on a rollercoaster before and I think I'm so small I might just fly off or something."

Bucky laughed, head tilted back, and body shaking. "I'll hold on to you extra tight to make sure you don't fall, Kitten."

He blushed a nickname, it was never used in public, something that he was grateful for, but he found that he actually didn't mind, so long as no one heard.

They soon got to the front, paying the worker and getting into the cart. They sat behind two girls, that way they could hold hands or have an arm around each other without getting noticed. The ride soon started, and it wasn't that bad, it was a slow start, getting to the top of the track, gave way to a beautiful view. Famous last words. The descent was torture. They moved so fast, that he almost thought he was going to fly away. Going straight down, at the sudden drop, he was sure he'll never do anything like this again.

The ride never seemed to stop, just kept going really quickly. The twist and sharp turns were the sanest part of the coaster. There were more drops and he screamed in terror. He was partly afraid of getting an asthma attack up there. He turned to Bucky who was screaming and smiling like it didn't feel like they were dropping to their deaths. Bucky looked at him, grabbed his shoulder and pulled him into his side. He felt safe, or as safe as he could get dropping eighty-five feet.

The ride came to a stop and he all but ran out the cart, running to the nearest trash can. He threw up, his breakfast, his lunch probably yesterday's dinner and a few organs. He felt a hand soothingly rub his back in small circles.

When he was done, he looked up to see Bucky with concern all over his face, but in his eyes held amusement. Bucky was laughing at him, the _jerk_. He couldn't believe this was the guy that he declared was his best friend and crush. What kind of guy did that, laughing at his date's misfortune.

"Shut up," he said aloud. Bucky's concern wavered, he looked ready to laugh for a second before his mask was back on.

"I didn't even say anything!" Bucky exclaimed.

"You were thinking it."

"I don't have any idea what you're talking about."

They were interrupted from their bickering when the two girls that were in front of them tapped his shoulder.

"Excuse me, but do you need some gum? It'll help get the vomit smell out your breath." A girl with brown hair that stopped at her shoulders and brown eyes said. She had a pink polka-dotted dress and a bow in the back of her hair. She held out a stick of gum, offering it to him with a kind smile.

He hesitantly took the gum, popping it in his mouth while giving the girl a suspicious glance. Girls weren't exactly nice to him, thinking he was too small and sickly to waste his time on. He looked a Bucky who was looking right at the girl, a small smile playing on his lips. So Bucky liked her, he wasn't surprised, the girl was cute and Bucky did say that he still likes girls. Maybe the girl likes him too, it would be stupid not to, Bucky was amazing, he was perfect. Maybe she was just being nice to him now to get to Bucky later, he sighed, he hoped that this wouldn't happen on their date.

"I'm Connie, by the way," she did a little curtsey and giggled when Bucky smiled wider. The girl - Connie- turned to her friend that was watching Bucky jealously, "And this is Bonnie."

Bonnie was blonde and had hazel eyes. She had a white dress with blue polka-dots on it. Her hair was curled and shoulder length and her arms were crossed over her chest, matching her stormy expression. She was looking at Bucky with longing. Maybe both of them liked him and she was upset that her friend got Bucky first. Bonnie uncrossed her arms and held out her hand, letting both of them shake it. "Hi," she said shortly, frown obscuring her features.

Connie elbowed her friend, turning back to look at them, "I couldn't help but notice, that you two are all alone, no girls to enjoys your day with so I was hoping that you would want to join us for a walk along the beach."

He hoped that Bucky would say no, he hoped the could just continue his date, but the look on Bucky face said it all. They were going. With that they walked to the beach, Bucky holding Connie's hand and Bonnie staying arm's length distance from him. The walk was a little calming, let him get his thoughts together. He was having fun and hoped Bucky was too. He had thought that Bucky really liked him, he had said he loved him but maybe he was still set on marrying some girl and hoping to be normal. He probably wouldn't mind him still being queer but that didn't mean it didn't hurt to see him go off with some girl. Steve looked at them, Connie and Bucky were talking about something in hushed tones. He couldn't hear it over the waves of the water and his one deaf ear but from the excited look on his face, it was obvious that they were making plans.

They had walked for about twenty minutes when they stopped under the deck of the boardwalk. They dropped hands and smiled at each other. Steve was just about to ask why they were there and if they wanted him to leave when Bucky spoke up.

"Okay, let me just say I'm sorry for walking off without telling you Steve and letting you make assumptions but trust me, you need to hear this, so just listen okay?"

He crossed his arms over his chest, he would listen, even if he was mad at him, Bucky could literally tell him anything and he'll happily do it, no questions asked. "Okay."

"Same goes for you Bonnie, just hear us out," Connie cut in. Bonnie still had a stormy look on her face but she nodded curtly.

"Okay, Steve and I are dating, or well just started dating," Bucky began, Steve stared in horror, Bucky just spilled their secret to complete strangers. He looked at Connie but her face didn't change, Bonnie's did though, her expression blank and unreadable. "And you and Bonnie are dating," he looked toward Connie in conformation. Connie nodded, and Bonnie blanched.

"We were thinking, if this is okay with both of you of course, that we could pretend to be dating each other when we want to go to more suspicious places."

"Right," Connie picked up, "let's say that me and Bonnie want to go to the tunnel of love, we can't do that together without people getting suspicious of us. So Bucky and Steve would come with us."

"And if Steve and I want to go to a dancehall, we could take you as or dates, we don't haf'ta dance but we could sit and talk at a table without being caught. It'll be like a double date."

He was impressed, it was a good idea, he wasn't necessarily opposed to the plan. If they needed fake girlfriends to date, then so be it. He'll do anything to keep Bucky. And on the bright side it was helping Connie and Bonnie out too, they got to date without it seeming weird. He looked to Bonnie, who was smiling hopefully at him. He nodded and she smiled brighter in return.

"Okay, I'm in if she's in," Steve said, tilting his head in Bonnie's direction.

"I'm okay with it," Bonnie replied, a soft smile on her face.

The girls hugged, looking about ready to have a private moment. He looked away and felt a hand slip into his. Looking up he saw Bucky smiling down at him softly, "I already got everything we need to contact them, let's go finish our date." He kissed his forehead, directing him from under the deck, back into the beach.

They walked to the front of the park, no longer holding hands but staying as close to each other as possible. He checked his watch, it was 8:37, basically been there the whole day. They had until ten pm. He wondered where they were going next.

Riding the train wasn't as lonely as before, it was filled with plenty of people, trying to get home from work or wherever they were heading. It was overly crowded but the good thing about it was that he basically got to sit in Bucky's lap for the whole ride without people wondering why. It was ten minutes after nine by the time they got off the train, heading towards the direction of home.

"Where are we going? You said we had another stop right?" He questioned.

"Yep, I'm gonna take you out to a dinner, get something to eat then walk 'ya home," Bucky said. After a while, he murmured, "Your Dad's not home right? Neither is your Ma?"

"Nope, Ma is working 'til twelve and Da doesn't come home on Saturdays," he sighed, used to this behavior from his parents by now. "Why?"

"No reason, I'll probably hang out with you for a little bit then," Bucky smirked. "No funny business unless you want it of course," He added quickly.

"Alright, seems fun."

They rest of the walk was in silence, a comfortable, just enjoying the walk and each other's presence. The night was peaceful which made the walk more worthwhile.

Finally, the arrived at a small diner not that far from their apartments. It was cute inside, the tables were plaid covered, the chairs were red and white. The floor was made of white and black tile and walls were white. There were two people working behind the counter, one looked to be a perky girl with pale skin and red hair, another was a tall boy with ginger hair. Bucky lead them to a table in the back corner, it gave them a little bit of privacy to do stuff that wasn't necessarily platonic. A waitress, with curly black hair and brown skin, shyly walked to their table.

"Hi fellas, what would you like to order?" She said, her voice small.

"Um, can we have two milkshakes and some cheese fries, please, uh..." Bucky gave her a questioning look, silently asking for the girl's name.

"Kayla," she replied.

"Kayla. That's a nice name. Can we order that please, Kayla?"

"Sure," she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before leaving to get their food.

"They only have one type of milkshake here, sorry," Bucky said, turning back to Steve. Steve shook his head, it was fine as long as it wasn't chocolate, he didn't want to get an episode again.

They chatted about nothing until Kayla came back with their food. Since they were sitting in the back they were able to steal glances and soft touches without people looking in their direction.

Kayla came back a few times to check on them but she didn't notice the way they were acting with each other, or if she did she didn't say anything. The night was perfect, time was dwindling down so they left around nine-thirty to go home.

The walk home wasn't far, the diner was only ten minutes from Steve's place, so they had twenty minutes before Bucky had to be home.

"Thanks," Bucky said when they got inside of Steve's room. "I had a really good time tonight, we can do it again right?"

Steve looked up confused, why was Bucky asking if they'll go out again, he thought he made that really clear. "Yea, of course. I loved going out with you, it's not exactly a hardship."

"Good," he stood in front of him, cupping his cheek with his hand. "I can't really stay. We stayed at the diner longer than I planned, but I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sure," he answers, slightly disappointed.

"Hey, Stevie?"

"Yea, Buck?"

"I'm gonna kiss you," Bucky leaned in, pressing his lips to Steve's.

He felt like he was floating, Bucky tasted amazing. His lips were soft, not chapped like his own, and he obviously knew what he was doing unlike him. He felt a hand place itself on his hip and a thumb caressing his cheek. In return, he wound his arms around Bucky's neck, moving closer to him even though they were already pressed together. After a few more minutes (he thought years had gone by) they pulled apart, panting.

"Wow," he breathed, no really finding the words to describe it. "That was an amazing first kiss, I know why girls do it all the time with you now."

Bucky chuckled, "Used to do it. I'm not with them now, I'm with you." He looked completely serious, not an ounce of humor or mischief in his expression. "I'd really like it if you'd be mine, and I'd be yours. Would you want to be my boyfriend, Stevie?"

"Yes," he'd love that actually, being someone's boyfriend. More importantly being Bucky's boyfriend and Bucky being his. "Yea, I'd love that."

"I love you," Bucky whispered, his words sending tingles against his lips.

"I love you, too," he said.

Bucky stepped back, taking a deep breath before placing a quick peck on his lips. "I'm glad I got to be your first kiss," he smirked. He left the room, and a wide grin threatened to take over his face. He just got a boyfriend! He's dating Bucky, his crush, his love, his best friend, and now his _boyfriend_ , _Bucky_! He didn't think it could get any better than that.

**____________________________**

"... he was the best thing that ever happened to me. That night I only learn that it was only the start of the love we had."

He looked down, eyes shining suspiciously. He didn't want to cry about this, especially not now, not while he was reliving a happy moment.

Thor put a comforting hand on his shoulder, "I'm sorry you had to go through the hardship of losing your love. Your Bucky seemed to care a great deal for you if he was willing to sacrifice his family, friends reputation and himself just to call himself your lover."

"Yea, Cap," Clint said, trying to lighten the mood, "he seemed like a great guy."

He smiled, talking about Bucky in a positive view made him miss him and feel better at the same time. He was thankful that he got this off his chest, that his team knew and would comfort him in any way.

Natasha stared at him for a while before nodding her head, whatever war that was going on in her head she came to a decision. Standing up she walked towards the elevator, leaving him and the rest of the Avengers confused. "Come on, I'm taking you all somewhere. Steve go change into something presentable." With that, she left the floor, the elevator signaling that she was going to the lobby. The rest of the Avengers shrugged going to the lobby as well, leaving him alone in the too big, too quiet and too lonely apartment, the apartment that wasn't graced with Bucky's presence.

The static in his head came back again, he hadn't heard it in awhile since he normally hangs out with the loud group. Now, all alone and feeling like he could die at any moment, he heard it. He heard screams, his name being shouted in fear, he heard blast and gunshots, bombs, the unforgiving and howling wind-

Shaking himself he goes to his messed up room to get clothes, not sure what she wanted him to wear.

". _..wear something cute, baby, we're going out..._ "

He puts on his white shirt with a black jacket and dark jeans, it passed as casual and something that was good enough if Natasha took them out that was somewhere nicer.

Going down to the lobby he thinks about his life; all the failures and disappointments, all the broken promises and crushed dreams. He thinks about all the what if's and wonders, not for the first time if is life would've been any better. He thinks of Natasha, who suffered the most out of all of them. She didn't have any promises, she didn't have any dreams for anything growing up. Was living no childhood and having nothing to live for then making a life for yourself better than having on and dealing with the disappointments and heartache?

He doesn't get to answer his question though, the door opens to the lobby revealing the Avengers lounging around the area. He steps out the elevator, catching Nat's attention.

"Come on, I'll drive three of you, the rest either take your cars or bikes, I don't care. I just refuse to take the train, Steve you're coming with me," she didn't even turn from her stride out the lobby, commanding them easily. Steve doesn't know why she's not the leader of the team, she's way better at this than he is. He doesn't even feel comfortable leading, and she does it with ease.

They got to the cars that weren't supposed to be parked outside the tower, Natasha getting into her black flying car, (he wasn't kidding, he saw it float once) and patting the seat next to her. Clint smiled widely, opening the door next to her and trying to get in when she slapped him, hard. He yelped, clutching his ass in his hand.

"That's for Steve, dumbass," she stated, "get in the back or get in another car." She pushed him out the way, even though the angle was awkward.

He got into the car, a weird expression on his face. Maybe Natasha wanted to console him, maybe she wanted to get him dating again, maybe she would-

"First loves are hard," She stated it like a fact, not an observation. "But, when you talk about Bucky I could tell now, it was more than a first love." She was retreating in herself, no longer showing emotion but her mask. "I was in love before I met Clint."

He could hear Clint small noise of interest and Bruce's awkward chuckle. "What was it like?" he found himself asking.

"It wasn't like a serious love, more like a crush that could have developed. I was sixteen then and I was crushing hard, all the girls in the Red Room were."

"How did they have a crush on someone if all your... handlers treated you poorly and didn't allow you to have emotions?"

"Not everybody was like that. Yasha was nice, he treated us like people, gave us names, and showed us emotions. We all had crushes on him, even if we couldn't see his face he probably was really hot. I told him that I liked him when I was seventeen because I was heavily sedated after a test. He turned me down, said I was too young for him.

"I was crushed, I didn't think I was good enough so I cried when everyone was asleep. But my friend, Yelena, found out, told Yasha and he kissed me, said I was beautiful. Said he that he thinks his heart belongs to someone else, his dead partner, he couldn't love or be with anyone else after that. He told me that I'd have someone who loved me that stay me for me, someone who I couldn't stay away from and would have everlasting faith and love for me. He was right, I met Clint and I fell in love. I've gotten over Yasha awhile ago but I'd still feel like a teenager with a crush sometimes when I think of him."

"What does this have to do with me?" He asked. Bucky wasn't just his first love, he was his only love. He wasn't ever, ever going to love anyone like he loves Bucky.

"Because Bucky was your Yasha and your Clint. He was your first love but he was the one that had everlasting faith and love in you. I want to remind you that even if they're not here physically, there's still going to be reminders that they were. That's what Yasha used to say when one of us remembered our parents."

She stopped the car in front of the Museum of Natural History. He didn't know why they were there but didn't question it.

"We're here to relive your past," Nat said, leading them through the crowd of people towards the World War II section. It was filled with a bunch of Captain America memorabilia. Each Commando had a section, Steve's being the biggest, and had information about their time in and after the war, and quotes they did on interviews.

Bucky's platform was almost as big as his, it had his birthday, his parent's address, the names of his sisters and parents, his rank and academics and sports. He read and reread the paragraph they wrote on him until it stuck. Turning he watched the video they played of him and his team, they were getting ready for a mission, he had his compass and Bucky was right next to him. He remembered that moment, the camera couldn't see it but Bucky's hand was on his back, caressing it slightly making him tingle and sending spikes of electricity up his spine.

"Who is James Buchanan Barnes, friend Steven? Why don't I see a picture of your Bucky here?" Thor asked. The God was spinning around the room confused, a small frown on his face.

"Huh? Wha'd'ya mean Bucky's-" he stopped, remembering that Thor's not from earth, he doesn't know any of earth's history so he doesn't know anything from the howling commando's lives than what he told him. "Oh, Bucky's full name is James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky was just a nickname that friends or dates called him."

"How did he get Bucky from James?" Tony asked, looking at the picture of Bucky like he was crazy.

"He didn't, I made up the name. It's not from James when we met he introduced himself as Buchanan because there was already a few James' and Jimmy's in our daycare. But I was three so I couldn't pronounce Buchanan and Bucky came out instead. He liked it, so it stuck."

"He was a year older than you?" Clint asked, looking at Bucky's birth and death (even saying it in his head was hard to do) date.

"Yep, he liked to tell me that all the time too. Since his birthday was before mine he liked to tell me when he was two years older than me and rub it in my face. He'd always say, 'you should listen to me Steve, I'm older than you by _two_ years now' or he'd say, 'respect your elders, Steven' when I was being 'too sassy'."

"If you were together then why did you have a picture of Aunt Peggy in your compass?" Tony jumps in, his attention now on the video that Steve was currently watching.

"Because we couldn't be seen together so Bucky came up with a plan to make people think that me and a Pegs were together. Bucky gave me the compass as a gift for my birthday, and Peggy gave me the picture of her as a joke. Under her picture though is a photo of Bucky, I just couldn't let people see it."

Natasha came up next to him, placing a hand on his arm. "You too made a beautiful couple. I'm glad you got to be happy then."

"Yea," he said, looking at a then smiling photo of Bucky. It was one of his rare smiles during the war, the smiles he only gave Steve when he was truly happy. "Yea, I really, really was."

"... _I'll always be with you, sweetheart, even if I'm not there physically, I'll always be in your heart_..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be posted next week, Friday or Saturday.  
> Join me on tumblr!  
> http://hidingouthere.tumblr.com/


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tell us how it happened," Natasha demanded, leaving no room for argument.  
> "Nat, come on, this is a sore subject for him. Don't you think-" Clint was cut off from his reasoning by a glare.  
> "No, Clint, this is something he needs to talk about. He's been through a lot in his life. And he only had Bucky to talk to. Even if that had been enough then, he could have more now. It's not good to keep all of that bottled up."  
> Even if he wanted to agree with Clint, he had to admit Nat was right. He did keep it all bottled up, only Bucky really knew. But Bucky was gone, and they were the next best thing. It was time for them to be his support too and not just the imaginal presence of Bucky.  
> "Um, okay," he said, awkwardly. "It's not gonna be a good story, though."  
> "It's alright Steve, tell us." Natasha encouraged. "We want to know you, all of you. Good parts and bad."  
> He closed his eyes, leaning back on the couch and began, "I can remember the day Bucky found out..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: CHILD ABUSE PRESENT IN THIS CHAPTER. IF THIS TRIGGERS YOU PLEASE DON'T READ.  
> In other news, here's a new chapters. The next to weeks are going to be very busy or me so I might not be updating, sorry.  
> And here's my Beta's tumblr:  
> [Beta's Tumblr](http://mrgoodbar11213.tumblr.com/)  
> Enjoy!

He was losing. He should be able to win this. His team was getting cornered, he was running out of ammo and people were running, going down all around him. He was running, and running and running until there was no where else to run. Tony was hurt, probably wouldn't be able to take another shot, Natasha was chasing after him. Clint was hiding somewhere.

His team was dead. Only him and Tony left. Natasha and Clint switched to the other side, guns blazing, tag teaming anyone and everything. It was almost too much, all he had was a gun, probably five bullets, no shield, no clue where to go. 

He heard Tony make a noise of frustration and fear. Then he was dead. Natasha sounded triumphant, picking up his weapon and moving to where he was crouching down. He ran again, she shot again. She was a good at shooting, he found that out the hard way. She shot him twice. One, two. No hesitation. He was about to die, he wouldn't win this one, he couldn't win this one. He was alone. 

He expected a attack, but there was nothing. Grenades stopped going off, guns stopped firing, people stopped moving. He was scared. He was alone. His team was all gone, meaning he was officially surrounded by enemies, not the first time this happened to him, but he had no backup, no goal but to win this fight. He moved. Very slowly, still crouching, still clutching onto his gun. There was a shift, a crunch then it stopped. Silence. 

**BAM!!**

A shot, he didn't know what direction. He was slow, he couldn't tell where he was going. He was hit. The bullet went in him, probably somewhere in his stomach, he couldn't tell. Next Bullet and he was out. Another shot, from somewhere toward the right. It hit him, and he fell, dead before he hit the ground.

**!!GAME OVER!!**

He blinked. He didn't know how long he was sitting there but due to his friends concerned faces he concluded it was a long time. 

Steve looked at his hands, just noticing the shaking, he felt his erratic heartbeat, beating a little too fast for normal, he noticed the tears sticking to his face and the harsh breaths he was taking.

Clint touches his shoulder and he lashed out, punching him right in his jaw. He could hear the crack of bone and felt sick. 

"Oh God! I'm sorry Clint. I'm so, so sorry." He babbled. He couldn't believe what he just did. He hit someone, not just any someone but his friend. He hit him for no apparent reason and broke his jaw. He did something that he promised himself he'd never do, he hit someone.

"S'fine," Clint mumbled, clutching at his definitely broken jaw. He walked toward the kitchen, maybe to get something to help the aching.

"He'll be fine, Steve, he'll heal. He'd been hit in the jaw before. What I'm worried about right now is you. I guess playing battlefield wasn't a good idea for a World War 2 veteran, huh?" Natasha asks. She goes to the kitchen taking Clint with her to the elevator, most likely going down to the medical floor.

He sat there, just thinking of the things he'd done. He didn't know how long he was in a panic attack. Couldn't remember when it started. All he knew was that he lost the game, dying and then he'd punched Clint. He felt bad about it, real bad. He'd promised himself that he'd never, ever do something like that to anybody (unless they deserved it, of course). He'd promised himself that he'd never become like _him_.

Across the room, he could feel Tony's eyes on him. It didn't help with all the thoughts roaming through his head. It made him feel like he knew. And nobody was supposed to know, not now, not ever. Not even the commandos knew. Only Bucky, but then again, they grew up in each other's pockets, of course, Bucky knew. 

"What are you thinking about?" Tony questions. "You look kind of guilty. Clint'll be fine, he took worse hits." It's an attempt to comfort and normally, he'd appreciate the gesture, but now it just highlights the fact that he'd hit someone. It doesn't really matter on the amount of strength he used. He still did it.

"I know, I just feel..." trailing off, he sighs and hangs his head.

"You know," Tony starts, "you can tell me anything. I've been told that, when it counts, I could be a great listener." Tony touches his shoulder, a wordless show of support. He smiles despite himself. 

"Sometimes I just feel like I should be back in the '40's. Back when everything was so simple, when, if I punched somebody, I'd know they'd be okay because I was to weak to do any damage. Bucky would cheer me up pretty easy, since he always seems to know what I need. Even spending time in the war would have gave me comfort. Not the war itself, that was Hell, but the people there.

"Dum Dum, Gabe, Dernier, and the guys made it easy to get along with. They were so easy to talk to and more than welcomed to help. Pegs was like the sister I never had. Okay, that's a lie, Becca, Bailey and Beth were my sister's too. Hell, even Howard was a good shoulder to lean on." He continues looking down at the floor, feeling sad about all the friends he'd used to have. All the friends and family he'd lost. 

"Yeah right," Tony scoffs. "Dad was probably a terrible shoulder to lean on."

"What? No he wasn't. Howard was nice, I liked him, the commandos, liked him, Hell, even Bucky liked him! He was amazing and-"

"Okay!" Tony huffed, standing up abruptly. "He was obviously nice to you and your war buddies. But not to me! He was never nice to me. He always just ignored me. And drank. That's all he did, drink, make weapons and other stuff for the company, and ignore me. Do you have any idea what it was like to be ignored by your own parent?! To not have your, very present father, not be a father to you at all?!"

Steve sat there, silently listening. He did have a idea of what Tony was talking about, but he didn't like thinking about it. His own Ma ignored him. She didn't talk or even acknowledge him unless the Barnes' dragged him down to the hospital where she worked when he got sick. She acted like he was non-existent for 13 years of his life until Bucky had yelled at her and forced her into paying attention, then she died three years later. His father, well, he definitely didn't like thinking about _him_. His father didn't ignored him, he was a steady presence in Steve's life. Only it wasn't productive. His Da was downright abusive. He'd drink and barely worked, going from job to job in the city. He'd either come home late or stay home all day, the days he'd seen Steve, his first and only interaction with him was to beat him. Most of his bruises were from his father, not like the guy actually cared. In Joseph Rogers' eyes, everything he did was wrong and disgusting, worthy of getting a beaten over. 

He must have sat in silence for too long because Tony just stomped his foot in irritation. "No? You don't know what it's like. So don't tell me you know Howard, because you don't. He spent his free time looking for you all over the place, and ignored me for it. He praised you and scolded me. He didn't know me! But was best friends with your ghost, apparently. You'll probably end up like him one day! I-" he stopped, marching his way towards the elevator. 

Steve moved back on the couch, tears in his eyes. He didn't mean for any of this to happen. He never wanted to hurt Clint. He never wanted to horde all of Howard's time away from Tony. He never wanted to be famous. He never wanted to get into a fight with Tony. He'd never wanted to to become like him. He never wanted anything besides Bucky, and it looks like that was the one thing he didn't get.He sat there thinking about his friend. Howard had changed and not for the better. He became a drunk, from the sounds of it, drinking for enjoyment and to forget. 

"... _War changes people, Stevie. Don't be surprised if some of us come out different_..."

Poor Tony. The kid probably didn't have a Bucky growing up, and if he did, they probably didn't talk anymore. Tony was probably all alone. But he had his mother, that's one more person than Steve ever had. 

All he had growing up was Bucky and his family, never his own. His Ma was there for him for three years before she eventually died. It wasn't fair how life treated them like this. Tony shouldn't have to suffer from longing his father's attention, it didn't seem right. Howard and Tony's would have gotten along like a house on fire. It wasn't fair to Steve to just take it all away (even if he wasn't awake for it).

After the war, everyone seemed to be doing fine. Peggy started her own government agency (read: Shield). She had a husband, and two kids, Melissa and Steven. Her five grandkids visited her often and she had an exciting military life. He thought that she was doing perfectly fine. He knows she's in a nursing home, 5 years after her husband's death, suffering from Alzheimer's.

Howard was looked to do fine as well. He was rich, married and had a kid. That was the kind of like he dreamed about since he was young, he can't believe that Howard would just throw it away. 

Tony is a good kid. Sure, they didn't get along at first, they argued and almost fought each other but, who doesn't. Steve sees that Tony is just a damaged person, trying to do good in a world that he thinks he failed. He could picture young Tony in his mind, doing all sorts of experiments trying to get his father's attention and, better yet, approval. 

He doesn't get why someone can ignore Tony. He's a loud person, his presence itself demands to be seen and heard at all times. Tony is the type of person you'd want to get to know, not leave.

Steve, on the other hand, is not that type of person. He was a small sickly boy who mouthed off at everybody and everything. He was a failure, a disappointment. Not someone noteworthy. It's not a mystery as to why his father hated him and his Ma didn't even give him the time of day. 

" _Everything special about comes from a bottle_."

Tony might have been mad at the time but the words still hurt. They drifted along in his head, reminding him that he used to be 90 pounds of nothing. He couldn't help but think they were true. He wasn't good enough for anyone, and even though Bucky would deny it, he wasn't even good enough for him. 

He heard the elevator door open again, multiple footsteps coming out of it. The Avengers. His friends. They would never hurt him, they're not like him. He's not a disappointment to them, even though they didn't really know him before. His Da would have liked his friends. He liked Bucky a lot, even if the feeling wasn't mutual. 

His friends would never hurt Tony either. Tony was always in everything. Always appreciated, always welcomed and always loved. He wouldn't be ignored or anything that Howard did to him. They were all good people, they had a bond and some history together that made them know each other from different perspectives. 

"Steve," Tony said. He stood up in front of him, hunching his shoulders slightly. "I'm sorry I snapped at you, you did nothing wrong, obviously. I just..." he paused, looking around for the words, "It's just hard sometimes. Thinking and talking about Howard brings up bad memories. I know you don't understand but, I'd-"

"But I do." Okay, he can admit, he hadn't meant to blurt it out but the damage was done. He wanted to make Tony feel better, and if this was the way to do it then, so be it. 

"What do you mean, ‘you do’?" Tony sat next to him, scooting closer to his face, probably trying to tell if he was lying or not. 

"I'm mean," he started digging his nails into his wrist, a nervous habit. If Bucky were here, Steve'd get told off. "My Ma wasn't exactly the best. She didn't like me. At all. I meant it when I said all I had was Bucky. She just ignored me."

He looked down, taking deep breaths to talk about the hard parts. He could hear the rest of the Avengers go to sit as well. 

"My Da didn't earn the dad of the year award, that's for sure. He hated me as much as my Ma, he was just more... vocal, about it. He... hit me?" It came as a question, he hated admitting it as much as he hated talking about it. "He didn't talk to me besides to yell or insult. He didn't touch me unless it was to punch or kick or slap. I didn't think it was wrong until someone found out."

"Your dad abused you?" Tony looked sad, he looked regretful. At his nod, he reached out and hugged Steve. "I'm real sorry for saying all that about you. You do know what it's like." They hugged for a while until someone cleared their throat.

"You said someone found out, was it a teacher? Or perhaps a caregiver? A friend of your parents?" Thor looked sad but intrigued as well.

"Um no, it was Bucky. I- we were really little and I was being careless and he saw my bruises, so he, well, he asked about it. He hated my parents ever since."

"Tell us how it happened," Natasha demanded, leaving no room for argument. 

"Nat, come on, this is a sore subject for him. Don't you think-" Clint was cut off from his reasoning by a glare.

"No, Clint, this is something he needs to talk about. He's been through a lot in his life. And he only had Bucky to talk to. Even if that had been enough then, he could have more now. It's not good to keep all of that bottled up."

Even if he wanted to agree with Clint, he had to admit Nat was right. He did keep it all bottled up, only Bucky really knew. But Bucky was gone, and they were the next best thing. It was time for them to be his support too and not just the imaginal presence of Bucky. 

"Um, okay," he said, awkwardly. "It's not gonna be a good story, though." 

"It's alright Steve, tell us." Natasha encouraged. "We want to know you, all of you. Good parts and bad."

He closed his eyes, leaning back on the couch and began, "I can remember the day Bucky found out..."

**_________________________**

He was gonna be late. He was already late. Bucky was gonna kill him if his Daidí didn't do it to him first. He was already in trouble with his parents. Now he was gonna be in trouble with his teachers and, even worse, with Bucky. 

His eyes stung, not only from the thought of Bucky being mad at him but also the slap his Daidí had delivered to his cheek. It was hard enough to knock his loose tooth out, making him have gaps in the front. He cheek stung too, and his eyes were watery, but he didn't cry. He knew what happened when he cried. 

"DON'T DO THAT AGAIN, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, BOY?!" His Daidí bellowed. 

He nodded numbly, moving out the way and grabbing his bag. He was late now, Bucky would be annoyed. Bucky liked school, he didn't like being late, but he insisted on walking Steve to school, even if the building was in the opposite direction. 

His cheek was probably pink or maybe red. He bruised easily so his chest and side of his neck was going to be a dark shade of blue and black. His eyes were, no doubt, puffy, but he could chalk it up to allergies. Spring always made him sneeze so it wouldn't that far fetched. He made it out the tenements door, just smash into Bucky's body. He looked up into Bucky's eyes and smiled cheekily. 

"Where were you?" Bucky asked, clearly annoyed. "We were supposed to be at school seven minutes ago."

"I was... I-" he didn't talk about what happened at home. He never did; his Daidí told him not to, so he won't. "Daidí was talking to me, it was something we had to do before I left." It wasn't a lie but wasn't the truth either. It still made him feel bad.

"Oh, alright. Let's go," Bucky wrapped his small arm around Steve's shoulder. Steve expertly hid the hiss that came out of his mouth when it was touched.  
The walk to school wasn't that long, only about 10 minutes, but today was different. He was tired, his small seven-year-old legs couldn't continue to carry him without feeling like they were burning. He felt like he walked miles instead of two blocks. 

"You ok there, Stevie?" Bucky asked, looking over at Steve when he wobbled. 

"Yea, I'm fine," he lied. And that was his first mistake, he can't lie. He's terrible at it, Bucky told him so enough times for him to know not to. Bucky's frown was an obvious indicator that he knew that Steve was lying.

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am!"

"No, you're not!"

Without even thinking about it, he reached out and smacked Bucky on his left cheek, as hard as he could.  
"YES, I AM!" He screamed, his high pitched voice making everyone on the street stop and stare. Bucky even stopped, he looked at him with wide eyes, like he couldn't believe Steve just done that. He let his arm fall off of Steve's shoulder, reaching up to touch his cheek.

"You hit me," he whispered. His voice was small and full of betrayal. He blinked, like this wasn't real, then stepped back. "No, Stevie, you're not ok."

He looked down, shame and fear stopping his movements. "I'm sorry," he croaked, tears springing to his eyes. He reached out for Bucky hand then let it drop, thinking better of it. He just hit Bucky. Why would he want to be friends anymore? So, of course, he was surprised when he felt a hand in his. 

"S'okay, you'll tell me why later," Bucky wasn't looking at his face, his gaze was off to the side. "Right now, I want to know where those bruises came from? Did you get in a fight yesterday? Did you get into one earlier?"

As soon as Bucky said that he started freaking out. Did Bucky know? Bucky couldn't know, his Daidí would hit him again! Or worse, Daidí could hit _Bucky_! That was a problem, Daidí was not going to _hit_ his best friend.

"Ummm," he said. He looked at Bucky's face and saw the concern there. "Nooooo," his voice cracked like it does all the time when he lies. "I'm fine. I didn't get in a fight, I just... fell?"

Bucky looked at him suspiciously, one eyebrow raised. "You fell?" He said dryly.

"Um. Yeah." It wasn't even a good lie but some people, like Mrs. Grushaw from down the hall, who didn't get into other's affairs wouldn't know.

"Don't lie to me, Steve. What's wrong, who did this?" Obviously, Bucky wasn't one of those people.

"Nobody. Just leave it Bucky, we're gonna be late." He grabbed his arm, trying to pull Bucky along, But Bucky just stood there, still concerned and getting worried.

"No, Steve, come on, we're best friends. You can tell me anything, I won't be mad at you, I just want to know who hurt you."

"No, I can't tell you, I'm sorry." And he really was. Bucky was his best friend, he'd tell Buck anything he’d ask, but he can't risk Bucky getting in trouble too. 

"Alright, come on though, we're not goin' ta school." Bucky swung an arm around his shoulders again, pulling him to the direction of Bucky's apartment that they just past. "Dad's still home so he could take care of those cuts."

"I don't need anyone to take care of me! I can do it myself!" 

"I don't really care, Steve. You're hurt, so I'm taking you to get better."

He lost the fight, as always. If you had to describe Bucky in one word, the word ‘overprotective’ came to mind. If someone hurt a friend, they were instantly Bucky's enemy. If a friend got hurt he'd do everything and anything to make sure that person was okay. It was impossible to stop him when he got like this so Steve just decided to go with it.

As promised Bucky's dad was still in the apartment, watching a two-year-old Beth. 

Mr. Barnes looked up when he noticed the front door opening, he looked worriedly at both boys and ushered them in without a word. Putting Beth in her high chair, he came to stand in front of them, arms crossed.

"What are you two doing here? School started awhile ago and you know they don't like it when you're late." Mr. Barnes said. He may have been scolding them but he was still worried, they were both good kids that would never do something like skip school, especially at the young ages of seven and nine. 

"M'sorry, Dad, but Steve's hurt and he need someone to make him better. He won't tell me who beat him up, though." Bucky crossed his arms, too.

He sighed, it wasn't really Mr. Barnes problem, he could handle himself. He was almost eight, that was practically an adult. 

"Steve, let's look at your wounds, shall we?" Mr. Barnes steered him in the direction of the table and sat him on it. "Alright, take off your coat, good, good. Jesus Christ, kid! Who did that to you?"

His coat and scarf and shirt were all off, so all his bruises were showing. He didn't like being in their attention like this, didn't like being treated like he was weak or an invalid. "No one," he lied. " ‘S fine, I just walked into a wall," he tried to brush it off.

"I thought you said that you fell," Bucky's tone was accusing, pointing out the obvious lie in his statement.

"I um, I did. I walked into a wall, and then I fell?" His voice cracked again and he couldn't help but roll his eyes at himself.

"Steve," Mr. Barnes said, his voice patient, "I need to know exactly what happened. Who did this to you? Where were you before Bucky came and picked you up?"

"Nowhere," he said, evasively, at the same time Bucky had said, "At home." He shot Bucky a glare. 

"Did your parents know this happened?" Mr. Barnes had a strange look in his eye, it made him cautious.

"Ma didn't," he answered truthfully.

"But what about your dad?"

"He... He didn't. I'm mean... Yeah," he sighed, hanging his head. He felt like he disappointed him somehow like Mr.Barnes was expecting that answer but didn't want it to be.

"And he sent you to school like that?" At his nod, Mr. Barnes continued. "Does he know who did this?"

Another nod.

"If I asked him, will he tell me?"

He shook his head; No, Daidí wouldn't tell anybody.

"I gonna ask you a very important question and I need you to answer truthfully, understand?"

"Yes."

Mr. Barnes got eye level with him, a serious expression on his face. "Does your dad hit you? Did he do this to you?"

He was shocked that someone found out. Shocked and scared. Someone finding out meant punishment, and that he was too hurt for another beating today.

He reluctantly nodded, "Yes," he said, his voice was small in his own ears.  
Mr. Barnes sucked in a harsh breath. He nodded sadly, his eyes hard. "Okay, thought so. Thank you, Steve." He turned to Bucky who was still standing there, confusion evident in his expression. "I want to go get the band-aids in the cabinet, please."

Bucky nodded, looking worriedly between Mr. Barnes and Steve before walking away to the bathroom. 

"I'm fine, Mr. Barnes," he says. "I don't need band-aids." He doesn't. He's fine, his parents won't hurt him, he was taught that parents love their children, even if they show it in odd ways. 

"Yeah, you do. You’re bleeding, buddy," Mr. Barnes points at his side, a spot that's red and slowly oozing. 

"Oh."

Bucky comes running back in, a box of band-aids in one hand and washcloth in the next. "I brought this to clean up the blood, Dad," he says, holding up the cloth. 

"Thanks," Mr. Barnes gets to work cleaning him up and patching up the cut. The process doesn't take long, he only had three cuts on him, not a lot but enough to get Bucky to worry. Bucky spent the entire time talking to him, they talked about baseball and what they probably missed in school. Bucky looked like he wanted to ask questions, wanted to know what caused him to get a beating but he didn't, he held back and Steve was grateful for it, he didn't want to talk about it yet. 

"Okay, listen up, this is important." Both boys sat on the floor, Beth was sleeping stretch out in their laps, and Mr. Barnes was sitting across from them. "Parents, Moms, and Dads, they are supposed to love their kids, they are supposed to give them everything, teach them right from wrong and support them. They aren't supposed to hit their kids, not unless it's for a whopping. So, what I'm trying to say is that Steve your father is not supposed to be doing that, I need you to know that this is not okay."

He stared at Mr. Barnes wide-eyed. Daidí always hit him, but he never thought of his Daidí like another bully, but if he picks on people just because then that's what he is, a big bully. But, his Momma never did anything about it. Sometimes his Momma was there when he got beat, and sometimes Daidí would hit his Momma. He didn't know what to do, but he knew he had to stop him.

"Why?" Bucky asked. It was a simple question but had a big answer. Because something happened to his Daidí that made him a bully, Steve knew. He heard his Momma talking to Mrs. Donna about him, about how his Daidí was the nicest guy, how he always wanted kids and how he was so excited to for Steve to be born. He wanted to know what changed in those few months that caused Daidí to act like that. 

"Because he was a soldier. Sometimes, bad things happen to soldiers and they can't take it, he takes all his anger, all his pain and shoves it at other people. He hurts people because he's hurting."

"But you were a soldier too, you don't hurt us." Mr. Barnes smiles, he moves closer and kisses Bucky's forehead, then Beth's and then, surprisingly, Steve's. 

"I handle my pain in a different way. I don't know what he's been through, and he doesn't know how to fix it, but I did. Enough about me though, this is about Steve," Steve looks up, thinking they want him to add to the conversation too. They don't, Mr. Barnes just addresses him when he speaks, "I'm gonna try to get your father to stop, but I need you to tell me if he does it again. If you need to stay over and get away from him, you and your mother are always welcome."

"Momma's never home, and when she is, she doesn't try to stop Daidí; She lets him do what he wants."

Mr. Barnes eyebrows pull together, he breathes in deep, eyes closed. "Okay, just you then, if your mother doesn't care, then she can't come."  
He doesn't argue, he just nods and tries to absorb everything he'd just learned. His Daidí is a bully because he was a soldier, he bullies people because of that. He knows now, what he wants to do, when he grows up he's gonna be a soldier too. Not to be like his Daidí, but just to prove to himself that he's different, that he can be a good soldier and stay a good man.

They all stayed home that day, Mrs. Barnes was surprised when she came home to see them not at school and Mr. Barnes not at work. He stayed for dinner with them and played dress up with the girls until it was time to leave.

"Come on, Steve, I'm gonna take you home. Bucky, get your hat," Mr. Barnes said. He didn't even turn around to know that Bucky home was getting ready to leave, too. The car ride home was uneventful, just them talking about random things like going to Coney Island and a new comic book.  
Inside of the tenement, the bottom three floors were quiet but once they got to the fourth floor they were greeted with loud yelling coming from his apartment, the unmistakable voice of his Daidí.

"I DON'T CARE I'M LEAVING! I CAN USE MY MONEY HOWEVER I WANT!"

The answering voice was quiet and calm, couldn't really be heard, but he picked up on the words, _no_ and _not yours_.

"IT'S MY HOUSE, MY WIFE, MY MONEY, SO IT'S ALL MINE! MINE ONLY!"

Bucky grimaced at his grammar, murmuring something under his breath. 

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, WOMEN!"

There was an echoing slap that bounced off the walls and into the hallway. Mr. Barnes moved, putting Steve and Bucky behind him, blocking them from the door. He knocked on the door, hesitantly. Steve didn't get why his parents fight all the time, and since his daidí was a bully, that meant they should try to stop the argument quickly. 

The silence that came after that knock was long and deafening. On the other side of the door, a smash of glass could be heard. He flinched. He knew what that glass was, it probably was Daidí's whiskey or beer or scotch (or whatever he'd been drinking that time) bottle, getting thrown or hit against something.  
Bucky, of course, noticed the flinch, he reached out, pulling Steve close to his body, shielding him from the door. He glared at the door like it can somehow make his parents disappear or make them better, nicer than they are, like they would be intimidated by a nine-year-old. 

The door opened to his obviously drunk Daidí and Momma in the background. "What?" Daidí asked, but then smiled politely when he saw who it was. "Ah, George, what a surprise. What are you doing here this late?"

Steve couldn't see Mr. Barnes' face but he could tell that there wasn't a smile on it. "Bringing your son home, he didn't go to school today," Mr. Barnes started and he cringed. Great, another reason for Daidí to get mad. Daidí glared at him from the doorway, he shrunk back into Buck's arm, who was holding him protectively. "And I'd like to talk about why, if that's okay with you. If Sarah would be so kind as to watch the boys in the hallway, I'd like to have a chat."

Momma stepped out into the hallway, flashing Mr. Barnes a polite smile. The apartment door closed, Mr. Barnes on the other side with Daidí. He couldn't hear what they were talking about but could guess, they were talking about what happened today, about Daidí being a bully. 

"Hi, Bucky-" Momma started, a smile on her face, the one he'd see her use when talking to children. 

" _Don't_ call me Bucky. _You_ don't get to call me Bucky," Bucky said. He was serious, giving her a look that Steve couldn't explain. 

"Okay, James then. Hi James, how was school? Did you have fun today?"

"I didn't go to school today, I stayed home with Steve, and yes I had fun," Bucky replied, he kept giving her a look.

"Ah, I see. That's good, I'm glad you had fun. Sorry, you had to stay home though, at least you had your sister and dad to keep you company."

Bucky huffed, "And Steve. I had Steve to keep me company. Why aren't you asking him these questions? He's your son."

Momma was getting increasingly uncomfortable and he should probably step in. She was a victim of Daidí's bullying too, she doesn't need to be hassled right now. Besides, that's the way his mother always acts around him, with a detachment and reluctant intimacy that people think they're strangers. 

"Leave her 'lone, Buck. She ain't bothering nobody," he said. He had to defend her, she was his Momma and Mrs. Allen, his teacher, told him that boys should defend women, especially his Momma. 

"No. She ain't nice to you," Bucky said. He was turned to Steve, protectiveness clear in his eyes. "And you," he said, now pointing to Momma,"need to talk to him. He's your kid!" Bucky was getting worked up now. Steve could see it in the way that his jaw ticked and fist clenched. 

"Buck-"

"No. Talk to him. I don't see why you don't. Steve's amazing, and nice and talented."

"You wouldn't understand, James. Drop it and wait for George to come out." Momma said, her voice held an authority that he knew she only used for panicking people or someone who needed to listen. 

It didn't work on Bucky apparently, only severing to make him madder. "Then make me understand. Why is that so hard? Why is it so hard to talk to your-"

"Enough! I will not be having this conversation with you. You wouldn't understand what it's like. You don't know what it's like to have a kid and not get what you expect! He's not my son, he's just a large -or in his case _small_ \- disappointment. My son would be athletic and smart and healthy. He wouldn't be so needy but he would be helping his poor Mother. His father wouldn't hate him, but feel proud! That's my son, not this, this, _burden_!"

It was the first time he ever heard his momma refer to him, and it brought tears to his eyes. Not because he was finally being acknowledged, but because he was wasn't what his parents wanted. He’s a disappointment and a... burden, whatever that means. He had always thought his momma loved him, sure he had deep down had a feeling he was alone but just cast it away. He couldn't believe that his doubt was actually right, that he was alone, with nobody to love him. 

His lower lip trembled as he struggled not to cry. He wouldn't cry in front of her, he wouldn't cry in front of anyone. He won't show weakness or fear, he'd prove them wrong and be someone to be proud at. He'd show them all. 

Bucky gave his momma that look again, this time intensified, and he finally figured out what it was. Utter disdain. Bucky hated his Momma and, even though he was against anyone hating anything, he didn't have it in himself to call him out on it. 

"Steve's... Steve's perfect," Bucky said, his voice was firm, eyes filled with rage. "And he obviously didn't get that from either of you."

Bucky grabbed him by the shoulder, pulling him in and he couldn't help it, being wrapped in Bucky's arm like that, feeling safe and secure, like nothing could hurt him, the dam just broke. He sobbed, shakes wracking his body. Bucky gently pushed away, wiping his tears and shushing him, rubbing his back so the sobbing wouldn't trigger an asthma attack. 

After the tears had subsided, Mr. Barnes came out the room, looking angry and concerned. He thanked Momma for watching them and took both of them away, picking up Steve and pulling Bucky quickly by the arm. 

"And by the way," Bucky said to his Momma as they descended the stairs, "Steve does have someone that's proud of him. Me."

With that, they left, no one looking back and regretting their actions. Back at the Barnes apartment, the girls were asleep but Mrs. Barnes was still awake, waiting for her two boys to come back. They'd been sent to bed after she made sure that they were okay emotionally. They weren't but said they were fine. All they needed was comfort from each other anyways. Getting to bed was no hassle, Steve had his extra pair of pj's and a spare pillow to sleep on in Bucky's bed. They were quiet and not just because of the sleeping girls down the hall. 

"Bucky?" He whispered, his voice was drowsy, showing how exhausted he really was.

"Yeah, what is it," the older boy answer, the words slurring together as well.

"Whats a burden?" He asked. It still irked him to not know. He got called many things in his long seven and a half years, but never that and he wanted to know. What was a burden and what made him one?

It was quiet for a second before Buck spoke, "Something you're not." He said, then went to sleep. 

**~*~*~*~**

It was always hot during the summer, not really much they could do about that, but open the windows and hope the breeze would cool the rooms down. Steve's tenement got stuffy and even walking around in nothing but shorts and wife beaters still felt like too much. Bucky's apartment was a lot cooler but got flooded when the kitchen sink broke, so everyone was out doing their own thing to stay cool or have fun before school starts. Becca, Bailey, and Beth went out with Mrs. Barnes to the beach, Mr. Barnes went to get some supplies to help the landlord with the plumbing and Bucky, being too lazy to move in the ninety-degree weather, opted to stay at Steve's place. 

The thirteen-year-old was excited, he'd never had Bucky come over to his place before, even though he had a very good reason. But, like always in the summer, Da was out doing God knows what all day and Ma was working double shifts at the hospital. They had the day to do whatever the hell they wanted. 

"Wha'd'ya wanna do?" Steve asked, leaning up against the window.

"Don' know," Bucky replied from where he was sprawled across Steve's bed. "Wanna draw?"

"You can't draw."

"Want me to read to you?"

"You already did."

"Wanna play a game?"

"What game?"

"I don't know, 's kinda why I was askn' you." Bucky drawls. "What about Rock, Paper, Scissors?"

"What? No. That game's for babies," Steve replied. A beat. "I bet I'd win." Bucky grinned.

In their fifteenth round of the game, they heard the front door open and close behind them and froze. No one was supposed to be home, it made them want to stay here in the first place. With his hate-hate relationship with Da and his non-existent relationship with his Ma, being here with them didn't make the place the sanctuary they were looking for. 

Walking out the room, he saw his mother hang up her coat and take off her shoes. He rolled his eyes, about to walk back in his room to crawl out on the fire escape when he stepped on a creaky board and cursed. His mother looked up and wrinkled her nose. 

She didn't acknowledge him after that, just went to the kitchen, probably to get her lunch. He sighed, it's been five years since Mr. Barnes had confronted his Da and still nothing changed. Ma still looked at him with disgust and Da was still mean to him, still hitting him, a lot harder now too. Da had stopped at first, to Steve's relief, but had started up again a month later, applying more and more force this time. 

Bucky did his best to get him away from the situation but he couldn't do it all the time. He stayed at the Barnes' place enough days to call it his home, his true home. But, he had to be at the apartment sometimes, he had to be there to get clothes or sometimes he had to stay home because of Da's stupid rule that doesn't do shit to protect him.

"Stevie? Who's there?" Bucky calls from the room. He doesn't say it but Steve can hear it loud and clear, Is it _him_? Do you need help?

"No one," he answers, already turning back to his room. "Just Ma."

"Oh. Okay, come on then, I'm gonna get us something to eat. Be right back." With that Bucky slides out the room, ready to get food, because he knows that Steve can't stand being in the same room as Ma. But there was something else in his eyes that caught Steve's attention, something that made him think twice about Bucky's intentions, that made dread fall into the pits of his stomach. He only saw it for a few seconds, brief, but it was there. Determination. 

He leaned against the door with his right ear, his good ear and listened to the conversation that already started, that he could tell was about to turn bad at any second.

"Hi, Mrs. Rogers," Bucky says, pleasantly, almost to pleasantly. His voice has kindness tinged with it. Not the type that Bucky would use with everybody or the type for old ladies that he meets and inevitably charms, but the type he uses before he puts himself in Steve's fights, the type that's fake and means you're on his bad side. The type that means trouble. "Having a good day?"

He can't see her face but he could guess that by her voice she's surprised. Bucky doesn't talk to her much, but when he does it's usually with detachment, disinterest or boredom. "Um. Yes, I am, James. Thanks for asking. How about you?" 

Steve peeks his head out the door to hear better and see their faces, just in time to see Bucky smile, kindly. He wants to snort, it's so fake. Bucky could be described in many words, has many traits and one of them happen to be his loyalty. Bucky is nice and kind to anyone and everyone. He hates bullies as much as Steve does and can't stand injustice, maybe not as much as him but it's still there. Bucky hates violence, can't stand it, but he'd help out in a fight if he thinks someone needs it. All of Brooklyn knows this, that Bucky is the type of man you'd want to grow up to be like or bring home to your parents on Christmas, but once you get on his bad side, once you hurt someone he cares about, his friends and God forbid his family --which Steve is under the label of-- all that is thrown out the window. 

"Oh, it was fine," Bucky's grin turns sharp, dangerous around the edges. Almost shark-like. "But, I think it's about to get even better."

And that's it. That's when he knows that his Ma is screwed and Bucky is up to something. That's when he knows that shit is about to hit the fan. Because that line, that 'it's about to get better' line, combined with that smile, it only could mean trouble. 

"Well, that's good to hear. How long were you here?" His Ma says, oblivious to Bucky's intentions. 

"Not that long. I got here, around the second you left. I got bored, not much to do when it's too hot in the summer and your parents didn't leave me any money. But I get it, it's not like we have change to spare," Bucky picks up an apple and examines it, takes a bite and continues talking. "I mean," he says in between bites, "my parents have six people to care for. You, you and Mr. Rogers on the other hand only have three."

Ma hums, not quite agreement but not disagreement either.

"How'd you spend your Fourth of July Mrs. Rogers? Did you and Mr. Rogers go out to watch the fireworks? Were you guys pretending to be a happy couple?"

"We are happy, James."

" ‘S not what it looks like to me."

"And how would you know? You're never here."

"Your son is." Ah, there we go. That's what he was aiming for, Bucky tried and tried to get Ma to see him at first, but he finally gave up, claiming that she's just not worth it. "He's here, he tells me everything. Your arguments, fights, plans. So tell me," Bucky leans on the table, apple discarded, feet crossed, "how'd you spend your Fourth? It wasn't like me was it is?"

"How did you spend your Fourth, James? Did you and your family go out, I went out with mine."

"No, you went out with your sorry excuse of a husband. You left your child. Your family. _I_ , no, I mean, _we_ celebrated your son's birthday. Did you know that? Do you even know when his birthday is?"

"Of course I do! He stole America's!"

Bucky scoffs, starts taking bread out to assemble a sandwich. Steve watches, intrigued on how this will turn out. "I doubt that. Do you talk to him? Acknowledge him, notice he was there? 'Cause it sounds like you just did that a for the first time in five years."

"I... What's this about James?"

"Steve," He replied simply. The guy in question's heart started hammering in his chest, feeling like he was about to get picked apart and laid open. 

"What about him?"

" _What about him_? What about-? Are you serious?! He's your son! And no, before you go off on a rant about him not being what you expected," Bucky says, holding a hand up to stop Ma from arguing back, "just listen. You always go off about wanting to have kids, about wishing you and Mr. Rogers could have a family. But you do! Maybe not with Mr. Rogers but you have a son. Sure, he's not that athletic but he loves sports, he's a clever son of a-" he pause, then redirects his sentence, "He's clever, real clever, and sneaky when he wants to be. He's so talented, it's amazing. His art is probably putting Da Vinci to shame. 

"He's a really nice boy. A good kid. You want a son, you have one, now it's time for you to stop being so stubborn and pay attention to him. He doesn't deserve this, no one does, so stop it. I'm getting tired of seeing him get hurt! You want a kid, you want to be a mom, act like it. You have a kid, a great one and the thing about him is that he's yours. Yours to love and protect and care for. To acknowledge. 

“Stop blaming all your problems and misfortunes on him, cause he did nothing. You want a kid? Well here's your chance to have one. He's thirteen already, so do something about it."

From where he's standing, he can't see his Ma's face, but a hear a soft gasp, likes she's reliving something for the first time. Like Bucky's rant was affecting her as much as it was affecting him. 

"You... you're right. He's my kid, and I failed as a mother to him. I always wanted a kid and when he was born, it was the happiest moment of my life." Ma says. Steve wants to roll his eyes, wants to scoff and say 'then where's the love?' but he doesn't do either. He listens, trying to find out the truth in all of this. "I was so happy, and, and then Joseph comes in. He takes one look at him and scoffs, not really interested or excited about him at all. That's when I knew I'd never have the family my mother wanted for me. So I discarded him too, I thought that maybe Joseph could get on my good side that again, that we'll be happy again. That didn't happen."

"No shit. But you can make that happen."

"How? It's been what? Thirteen years? Would he even forgive me?"

"He would," Bucky answered. Steve wanted to scoff and say no. Wanted to deny it but he knew it was true. He'd forgive her, there was no doubt about it. He'd forgive anyone. "You could start by giving him something for his birthday." 

"Yes, that's a good idea. But what James? What does he like?"

"Maybe you should find out," Bucky finished making his sandwich by then, just talking freely, he walks deeper into the apartment, going to the living room, behind a wall where Steve can't see. 

Ma comes walking toward him, and he jumps back into the room, opening a sketchbook like he was drawing the whole time. He's scared, nervous really. He doesn't know what Ma will do or say, never really dealt with acknowledgment from his parent unless it was to hurt. He didn't know what to feel about this. 

"Steven," Ma says. She walks into the room, looking around like this is his first time in here. It probably was. He looks up at his name being called, slightly awed that she actually is going through with this. In the background he can see Bucky, who moved behind the door, smiling slightly and nodding his head in encouragement. Ma clears her throat and tries again, "Steve?" This time it was said pleasantly like she was testing out what his name sounds like.

"Yes, Ma?" He replies hesitantly. It's been awhile since he ever talked to her as well. Behind her, Bucky gives a thumbs up, and makes a goofy face, effectively calming his nerves.

"You're my son, and I haven't been a good mother, I don't know you very well. So I'm going to do something to change that."

 _Are you planning on doing this for real? Or is this just a joke?_ he wants to ask. _Are you gonna continue to do this? Even after Bucky leaves?_ He says none of this. Instead, he said, "Yeah? Like what?"

"Get your things, boys, we're going to Coney Island."

**_______________________**

"...Ma was a nice person once we got past that whole... thing. I can tell I actually got my personality from her and looks from Da. It was weird, talking to her at first, but I got used to it. I missed her a lot when she died."

The Avengers stared, wide-eyed like they were still expecting him to continue. 

"Jesus Cap, your childhood was a sob story. How'd you grow up like that and still be okay?" Clint asked, incredulously.  
It was a rhetorical question but he answered anyway, "I had Bucky." That's what he needs right now, Bucky. Sure, it was good to talk about for once, but now, now he needs that comfort. The Avengers are great and all, but they're not him. They will never be him.

"Steve, do you need-" Natasha starts but gets cut off.

"I'm leaving," He snaps, "I'll be back later, I just... need to take a walk."

With that, he leaves, not bothering to take a coat, even though the March weather is harsh and cold. He walks to Starbucks, coffee seems like a good idea, and it's not far from the tower. 

It's pretty empty inside, just one or two customers lounging around. It makes sense, people are probably at work, it's still only ten am, not that late. The coffee he orders is full of sugar and piled in whip cream. He snorts, Bucky always said he had a sweet tooth. 

He walks to the park, figuring it'll be empty besides a few people walking around or maybe some dog walkers, thinking it'll be a great place to calm down, to clear his thoughts. He's so focused on remembering the directions when he bumps into someone, making them both fall.

The guy he bumps into is a black man, with black hair and chocolate brown eyes. The man drops everything he was holding, all his papers, his phone and a cup of coffee from Dunkin' Donuts. Steve, being the gentlemen the Barnes' raised him to be, helps the guy out, picking up all the papers with his clumsy hands, feeling guilty at ruining the guy's morning. The guy is wrapped up in a thick winter coat, despite spring coming in a few weeks, hat and scarf still in place. 

"Thanks," the guy says when they're done. His coat has coffee on it and the phone is ruined, yet his words are still kind. 

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," he starts babbling. "I haven't been having a good day, and wasn't paying attention to where I was going, I'm sorry. I'll pay for a new coffee and phone and-"

"Hey," the guy says, managing to sound gentle and commanding. Like Bucky when he had to get other soldiers out of panic attacks and in the moment when he went what the Commando's called 'Sergeant Barnes' mode. He could tell by the way the guy is holding himself that he was a soldier too. "It's fine. You don't gotta pay or nothing, I got it."

"No, no. I dropped, I pay for it. Let me do it, please?" He argues back. "It's just, I'm gonna feel real guilty about this until I pay you back. So please, if just to get this off my conscience?"

"Sure," the guy says, holding out his hand. "I'm Sam."

"I'm Steve," he replies, shaking the hand firmly but carefully, not wanting to hurt anyone else. 

"Great. Now that we're friend's, let's go get some coffee."

The walk back to Starbucks is filled with small talk, boring. He orders Sam a latte and biscuit, just because he told him when Sam asked. 

"So, what do you do?" Sam asked him, drinking his coffee outside, to whatever destination Sam was going before. 

"I um... work for a government agency." He's thankful that he'd been able to stay out of the spotlight for so long. He won't get noticed when he walks around New York, which is something he is entirely grateful for. 

"Okay. I work down at the VA. You should come. I mean, I could tell you're a soldier too, and with those bags under your eyes, I can take a guess and say you're not dealing with it well."

The nightmares are something he refrains from talking about. He wakes up screaming, every morning, always the same name on his lips, always Bucky he's crying out for. His dreams are always more vivid than what actually happened, always more painful. Sometimes he dreams of him catching Bucky, and Bucky falls out of his grasp anyway. Sometimes he dreams that Bucky's the one the plane with him, but he was the only one to wake up. Sometimes it's of Bucky still being alive when the plane crashes, screaming over the radio for Steve to come back, for him to not die, to not crash. He always has nightmares, every night, like a routine.

"I'm fine. Don't get nightmares that often." He became better at lying after becoming Captain America, his voice doesn't crack if he concentrates. Sam raises an unimpressed eyebrow and sweeps his eyes over Steve's face. Clearly pointing out the shadows that are under his eyes. "I just had a bad day. My friends were poking at a wound that I thought was healed."

"Maybe you should come to get a therapist then. Soldiers have a hard time adjusting, having sore spots mix is just gonna make it worse." He has a point, a good one, but Steve won't tell him that.

"Well, maybe I don't need a therapist. Maybe I just need a friend." Bucky would be proud of him for talking so smoothly. 

"A friend that doesn't pick at wounds?"

"A friend with similar life experience."

"Well, new friend, you owe me a new phone," Sam says, patting his back once they reached the VA.

"I thought you said I don't have to give you one!" He squawks.

"That was before when you were just a random stranger on the street," Sam says, grinning cheekily, "But now, we're friends, so you owe me. Sorry man, but it's the rules."

"The rules of what?"

"Friendship with Sam Wilson," He scoffs. "You know where to find me. I expect one in two days."

"Don't count on it," he says, turning around to get back home. He will get him one, it's only fair. Plus, he's friends with Tony Stark, he could get Sam ten and Tony won't even notice he's missing the money. A StarkPhone would be a great gift, or so he been told by Clint. "Bye," he shouts after Sam.

"Leave already, Steve, I gotta go to work!"

He smiles, yea Sam could have all the phones he wants. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter might be posted next week, Friday or Saturday. Comments and Kudos give me life.  
> Join me on tumblr!  
> [My Tumblr](http://hidingouthere.tumblr.com/)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Um... Buck was a giant nerd. He'd stay after school to talk to his science teacher and spend most of his time reading at the library during the winter. At first glance, people always thought he was the one getting me into to trouble but it was always the other way around. I'd pick fights with everything that moved and he took us to science conventions for fun!"
> 
> They laughed but Tony was at the end of his seat, hanging on to every word. "Steve, that was like, my entire childhood. Forget Captain America, Sergeant Barnes is my new favorite hero."
> 
> "Tell us more," Sam said. Out of all his friends, Sam knew the least about Bucky. He knew the basics of their friendship and that they grew up together but everyone knew that. He knew some of Bucky's personality but not enough to be able to say they know him like the Avengers do. He can only talk about so much without giving away the fact that they grew up in different centuries and fought in a cold European forest rather than a hot and dry Afghan desert. 
> 
> "Sure." So, he did what he has always done, he sat back, tried to relax and began telling his story. "So one day, Buck's dad came home with this letter..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this took long time to post. I'm sorry for this chapter taking so long, and not posting but life y'know? Anyway, enjoy this chapter.  
> [Beta's Tumblr](http://mrgoodbar11213.tumblr.com/)

The Avengers filed out of the quinjet one by one, basically dead on their feet. Their mission took longer than expected, they were all battered and bruised and wanted to get some sleep. Steve especially had been disappointed in getting home late. He had plans the next day and didn't want to be too tired to do them. He was going out with Sam (not a date, even though Natasha was trying to get him to make it one) to watch a movie, Star Wars. He'd never seen it before but Sam promised that he'll like it.  
  
Right now, he just wants to shower and sleep, without being interrupted by nightmares. But first, he needs to give the debriefing to Nick Fury. He is by no means fit to deal with Fury, especially this late.   
  
Fury is something else entirely. He's loyal to a fault, but someone Steve's not sure he can trust. Fury trusts no one, shares with no one, and most of all, probably wouldn't give a flying fuck what your opinion is. Besides, Phil and Hill, of course.  
  
Phil is not bad, he's great actually. He cares about what people think, what their feelings are and whether or not they're comfortable. Phil is just a genuinely nice person. He's also a fanboy of Captain America, and always seems to treat Steve with creep-like respect. Not that the guy's a creep, of course, it's just... sometimes Phil can be to... attached. Phil was the first person to be nice to him as soon as he came out the ice and Steve will always think of him as a close friend he can count on for everything. Phil is loyal to his friends, which differs from Nick who is loyal to himself. Phil is trustworthy, someone who'll do just about anything for you without you even asking, like watching you while you sleep, Steve can attest to that.   
  
Maria is withdrawn and professional but when she warms up to you, she'll drink and laugh and joke around. Kind of like Natasha is in some ways. Maria is married to her work too but saves time for friends. He and Maria aren't that close, but close enough to comfort each other and ask the other for guidance. Maria's nice to talk to but when work gets involved she becomes the definition of the word _professionalism_.   
  
All three of them are there at the debriefing, so it’s not too tedious like it is when it's only Nick. The debriefing isn't as short as the other ones and Phil, blessedly, brings him a cup of coffee, topped with a pile of whip cream. His favorite. The debriefing turned more into an interrogation for answers he did not have after thirty minutes went by.   
  
"Why were those weapons inside of the vault?"  
  
"I don't know, sir."  
  
"Who put them there?"  
  
"No clue, sir."  
  
"What were they being used for?"  
  
"For the millionth time, I don’t know!" When Fury looks at him in well, fury, he shrinks back in on himself and adds a meek, "Sir."   
  
Bucky's imaginary presence was snarling at Fury to 'calm the fuck down and don't you dare raise your voice at my Captain.' If only Buck was actually there to pat him on the back and debrief with him, then this would be going much smoother.  
  
"Look, Rogers, I know how much you want to go home, I want to leave too, but this is important. Something here is not adding up and I need to know why. You can't tell me anything that seemed suspicious or out of place there besides the weapons that you or the other Avengers saw?"  
  
"I can't speak for the rest of the Avengers but I know for me, nothing, sir. Just a normal bank vault on the outside and on the inside there was a bunch of weapons and-" There was something, though. A door. To where, he doesn't know, but only got a glance at it, he didn't see a handle but it was there secretly hidden in the walls.   
  
"What? Captain Rogers, I know it may sound like nothing but it could help," Maria states.   
  
"There was a door, hidden in the far back. I don't think anyone was on the other side, I didn't hear them and there was no way to get in. No handle, no lock, nothing, just looked like someone cut of a part of a wall and put it back in place."  
  
"Thanks, Rogers. We'll send a STRIKE team to look into it. You're dismissed," Fury waves him off, already looking down at the file folders of intel on his desk. When he's almost out the door he hears Fury say, "Oh and Rogers, those were S.H.I.E.L.D weapons, if you see or hear anything I want you to tell me."  
  
He merely nodded in response. Finally, time to go home.   


**~*~*~*~**

He still woke at a considerably early hour in the morning. He had about four hours before he had to go to Sam's and he was still dead on his feet. No amount of coffee would make a Super Soldier go from 0% to at least 75% awake. Unless it was from Asgard but he doubts that there 's even coffee up there.   
  
' _You could take a nap_ ,' Imaginary Bucky says. Bucky's ghost is always there but when he's sleep deprived or weak or lost a lot of blood (it happened once, he tried to be careful) Bucky’s ghost was more of a steady presence. He's there and Steve can see him or more like an outline of him that's lightly colored and comes whenever he needs him but like this, it's more like an actual person than a figure of imagination.  
  
"But I need to get ready," he answers, he always answers when he gets like this. He can't help it, it seems so real. He's just glad that he's alone, he doesn't think it's a good idea for anyone to see him doing this. Captain America is not and can't be crazy. He's a national icon, and icons are perfect, therefore Captain America is perfect. But, Steve Rogers, on the other hand, is not. Steve Rogers is allowed to grieve to be the imperfect and awkward person he is.   
  
' ‘ _M glad you think that. Means you're treating yourself right. Now get some sleep, Steve_.' Steve guesses since this Bucky is imaginary, he can read his mind. Weird. Bucky comes closer, goes to touch him and even that feels so real.   
  
"I can't," he answers to the open room. "I got things to do. I shouldn't even be talking to you, you're not real."  
  
' _No, I'm not, but I'm making you feel better, aren't_ I?' It's not a question, they both know the answer to. It is making him feel better. Bucky will always be his rock, alive or dead.  
  
"Yes but it's not healthy. This is crazy, I'm crazy, I'm-"  
  
' _No, you're not. You're perfectly fine_.' The ghost tilted it's -his?- head and thought for a second. ' _Or at least as fine as you can be, considering_.'  
  
"That's not the point!"  
  
' _That's exactly the point. You're allowed to grieve, Steve, in whatever ways you need. Besides, inside every sane person, there's a madman struggling to get out_." Bucky pushes him on the couch and he falls, cushioned by the pillows. ' _Now sleep. Shhhhh._ ' Gratefully, he falls asleep.   
  
Sometime later, Jarvis wakes him up from his nap. He feels 20% functional, so a shower and a food will probably boost that up another 15%. He doesn't know who to thank for this idea, himself or a figure so he just ignores its, just focuses on getting ready. He only has an hour 'til he needs to go, so he takes a five-minute shower, dresses in the first thing he finds (it happens to be a Captain America hoodie and a pair of skinny jeans. Very funny Tony) and eats a shit ton of protein bars. He's ready, he's good.  
  
Thor comes to his floor a few minutes later, looking calm and relax, unlike his team who's a big ball of anxiety. Thor has become a really good friend in the past few weeks. He's reliable, full of life and is 'another goddamn giant blond puppy,' as Tony so eloquently put it. Thor makes himself comfortable on the couch while he paces around, thinking of a good time to leave, if he should bring snacks, if so, what should he bring. Why is it so hard to do this? With Bucky, it's been a simple thing. But then again, he's been going over Bucky's house since he was three, unlike Sam who he met a week ago.   
  
"Friend Steven," Thor booms, "What troubles you? It's nothing to do with your lost beloved, does it? I will alway listen to your tales if so."  
  
"Huh," Steve looks up from his pacing and shakes his head. See, Thor is such a good person, so worried for the well beings of others, if Steve didn't still claim Bucky as his best friend then it would have been Thor. "No, I'm fine. It's just," he sighs and sits next to Thor. Thor moves and sits up like he's preparing to hold the weight of his friend's problems on his shoulders as well, such a good person. "I'm trying to impress someone and I don't know how. I want 'em to know I'm Cap't America but I don't want him to be my friend just for that. I'm going to his house in like thirty minutes and I don't know what to do."  
  
"Hmm," Thor says, ever the helpful Avenger. "Why don't you invite your new friend here, that way we can all meet him and he can see what you do. Lady Natasha would integrate your friend and see if he could be trusted with other things later on."  
  
As far as ideas go, it's not a bad one. Sam could come over, they could get to know each other more and the Avengers can meet him. If all goes well, it's a win-win situation. Perfect.   
  
"Okay, let's do it. Thanks, Thor."  
  
"Aye."  
  
He takes out his phone and starts texting Sam hoping it's not too late to change plans.   
  
**CAPSICLE** : Do u think u can change plans?  
  
**BIRDY** : Yea sure. Why? Whats up  
  
**CAPSICLE** : The sky  
  
**BIRDY** : That joke is so old Steve  
  
**CAPSICLE** : Alright need u 2 come 2 my place  
  
**BIRDY** : Alright man where u live  
  
**CAPSICLE** : is it okay if i pick u up

**BIRDY** : olkay let me send u my address  
  
**BIRDY** : okay*  
  
"Thor? Can I ask you for some personal advice?" Steve ask, hesitant. Out of all the Avengers, he goes to Thor when he needs advice. Him and Thor, they are cut from the same tree. They both need help getting the hang of the twenty-first century, both fought in wars, both lost people, and both are trying to figure out how and where they belong. They have the same problems, the same experience but Thor is older, he's seen more, and indirectly, knows more. He can go to him.   
  
"Yes, friend Steven?" Thor answers, looking earnest and kind.   
  
"Is it okay to grieve to the point where you start to go crazy?"   
  
"Hmm. I would say so. I remember when I started grieving for my brother. I missed him terribly, I felt, well, depressed. I loved my brother, so when he was just so suddenly gone, there was nothing for me to feel but sadness.  
  
"But you have a different story, don't you? You watched your beloved fall to his death, in similar ways I saw Loki fall but unlike me, you blamed yourself. I felt guilty, yes, guilty for driving him to madness, but I ultimately didn't make that decision for him to let go. You, on the other hand, blame yourself for not being faster, or stronger. This craziness you think you have, what is it?"  
  
"Hallucinations."  
  
"Most people would be happy to see a dead loved one, but unless it's hurting you, driving you into further madness, I see no need for it to stop. My mother said that when her mother died, she hullicated her for days. It made her feel better and helped her with that difficult time. If such thing is doing the same for you, then I see no reason for you to worry."  
  
Steve smiles, Imaginary Bucky had done everything that Bucky would have done, did the same things he did when his Ma died. Admittedly, it is helping, helping him cope with the loss, a little bit at a time. It's like withdrawal. Slowly trying to reduce an addiction, and in his case, his addiction is the past, is Bucky. If what Thor says is true, then he'll be fine, he is fine, just sad, just grieving.   
  
"Thanks, Thor."  
  
"Anytime, my friend."  
  
He goes to pick up Sam, who doesn't live that far from the tower. He doesn't have a car, preferring to ride his motorcycle so he just borrowed one of Tony's. Not the really flashy and expensive ones that say 'STARK' on the license plate but the one that Bruce or sometimes Clint uses. It's a normal car that anyone can afford (it’s so weird that everyone and their mother can afford a car so easily now). Sam's place isn't that big. It's an apartment in a really high-rise building on the twelfth floor. He didn't go inside, just took Sam to the car and drove off.  
  
"So, you're bringing me back to your place already? I didn't know we were in that stage of a relationship yet." Sam puts a hand over his heart and flutters his eyes. Gross.  
  
Sam was the only person, (besides the Avengers) that knows he's gay. He had told him last week when Sam had told him about losing him wingman, Riley. It only felt right to tell him about Bucky (obviously not using his nickname to be discrete because that was a dead give away, everyone knows Sergeant Bucky Barnes) and the truth about their relationship. Sam was supportive, giving Steve encouragement to take all the time he needed to be more open about his childhood, his past and himself in general. Sam was joking, Steve knew. Sam was trusted enough to know that Steve is still in love with Bucky, and would probably never get over him.   
  
"Ew, no," he jokes. "You're not my type."  
  
"What? Tall, dark, and handsome ain't your type? It's everybody's type!"  
  
"Try tall, brunette, and beefy, then we'll see."  
  
"Are you calling me slim, Steve! I'm hurt. What am I not muscularly enough for you? Do I need to dye my hair brown? Am I not good enough?"   
  
"Sorry pal, you just won't do," He says, laughing at Sam's over dramatic reaction. "Next time though, maybe you'll fit the requirements. And who knows, maybe you'll even pass!" He pats Sam's knee in sympathy, looking sorry and like a little shit at the same time.  
  
Sam slaps his hand away, makingwerenoise in outrage. "You jerk!"  
  
Silence settles over the car, they only have about five minutes to get there without traffic. His phone lights up and pings, telling him he has a text. Don't text and drive, he knows but he's at a red light, it'll be fine, just a quick check.  
  
**THUNDERCAT** : FRIEND STEVEN, I HAVE TOLD THE OTHER AVENGERS OF YOUR FRIEND SAM AND THEY WISH TO ACCOMPANY YOU TO WATCH THIS MOVIE  
  
**PLAYBOI** : Thor buddy, where’s your caps lock?  
  
**THUNDERCAT** : I DON'T KNOW OF THIS CAPS LOCK YOU SPEAK OF. IT APPEARS I HAVE MISPLACED IT  
  
**SPIDERQUEEN** : Steve can we come over to your place? I'd love to meet sam  
  
**PIZZAGUY** : You just want The no if they are dating or not  
  
**SPIDERQUEEN** : Shut up, clint  
  
**CAPSICLE** : I'll ask if he's okat woth it  
  
**CAPSICLE** : Sorry I mean, okay with it*  
  
**PLAYBOI** : Terrible spelling cap  
  
**CAPSICLE** : I have thick fingers  
  
**SPIDERQUEEN** : That's what he said  
  
**PIZZAGUY** : DAMMIT NAT I WAS GONNA SAY THAT  
  
Steve smiles and shakes his head, his friends are weird. "Hey Sam, my friends want to know if they can come too. They already live in the building so we wouldn't have to wait that long to start."  
  
Sam smirks, "If this Clint guy that keeps getting stuck in weird places, and getting his hands and feet stuck in jars of peanut butter, is there then I'm all for it."  
  
**CAPSICLE** : He said yes!  
  
**PLAYBOI** : Congrats on your engagement  
  
**CAPSICLE** : For the last time, we're not dating!  
  
**IT'S NOT EASY BEING GREEN** : I'll bring popcorn  
  
When they pull up at Avengers Tower, Steve breathes in deep. He reminds himself that Sam was friends with him before he found out that he's not just another soldier but the soldier, Captain America. Sam gapes, stares at the tower, him then back at the tower again. As they enter the building it looks like Sam is trying to collect the dots about Steve being any one of the Avengers.

He tries not to sweat and chomp on his nails but he does anyway habit. The rest of the Avengers are lounging around his living room when they get to his floor. They all stop talking and turn their heads toward them, thinking, assessing.   
  
Natasha's eyes are sharp as they take in Sam. Her green eyes seem to pierce right through him and see into his soul, see what type of person he is. Clint is more relaxed but looking intently at Sam like an older brother would look at the date his little sister brought home. Thor is still friendly, but he's sat up a little, showing off the width between his shoulders and rippling muscle showing from under his soft gray t-shirt. Tony eyes are cataloging, Steve can basically see the wheels turning in his head, behind his eyes. Bruce's eyes turn a little green, not enough to be a Code Green situation and enough to show his control over the Hulk but the threat is still implied. Hurt Steve and you die. Personally, Steve thinks that he can't get away from being the little brother figure in every friendship and relationship he has.   
  
Sam's eyes had gone wide, with awe, with fear, he doesn't know, but he looks like he'll pass out either way.  
  
"Ho-ly shit!" Sam turns around, back toward Steve and exclaims, "You're an Avenger! You're Captain America! Why didn't you tell me, man?!" Sam looks like he's about to bust. He showing similar actions of a kid who just got candy for the first time in three years. He's basically bouncing on his feet, showing his excitement in his huge smile and overeager energy.  
  
"Um," he says awkwardly, "You never asked?"  
  
Sam laughs a joyful sound, not mocking like most people were at his social awkwardness. "Steve, who asks someone they just met if they're a superhero? Well, now that I've been picked apart by the Avengers, wanna watch StarWars. I got the perfect movie combo."  
  
"Um," he glances at the Avengers who nod in, not quite an approval but not disapproval either. "Okay, sure. Bruce, you got the popcorn?"  


**~*~*~*~**

  
The Avengers seemed to like Sam well enough, they all laughed with him, and joked, Natasha even let her carefully constructed mask slip. And Sam was right, StarWars is great. They didn't watch the movies in order but Tony had said nobody does, so he didn't protest. Things were fine, they were going perfectly until Sam asked the question.   
  
"So, your guy, Sergeant or whatever, is he Sergeant Bucky Barnes?" Sam asked as the credits to the third movie start to roll. Steve had been sitting relaxed, stretched out on the couch but now he sat up straight in his spot, tensing. He knows it's okay now, knows that Sam has no problem with him being gay but he can't help it. It's a habit that makes him fear that guessing who he's with his going to make his life crash in flames. "Steve?"  
  
He hadn't had a panic attack in a long time but it's happening again. He doesn't know what set it off this time, but it still caught him off guard. All of a sudden, he can't breathe, he can't move, only try to pant for breath and claw his way out the fog that already settled in his mind.   
  
_He was panting on the ground, out of breath and trying to get back up. He had too, if he didn't perform to his best ability then it'll all go to waste, then he'll get blue ticketed and even worse, so will Bucky. This is all his fault, if he just hid better, kept his mouth shut and head down then none of this would ever have happened. But, luckily he made a deal, he belongs to the army, he's their weapon, their lab rat, their scapegoat, and him and Bucky, most importantly Bucky, get off scot-free. He remembers all the begging he had to do to get Senator Brandt to agree. "Please, please. I'll be good. I'll do what you want, just don't do this. Not to him, you can do whatever you want to me just don't hurt 'em," he begged and begged and begged. The senator was too respectable to kick him, but Steve guessed he would have if he was someone else._  
  
_"I don't want no homosexuals in my army! I especially don't want any perverted faggot as my national icon. What's that supposed to represent?!" Brandt had eventually given in and he's been doing trials and tests and missions after missions nonstop the past several months. He crashed on the ground looking around, he couldn't help but think that everyone was staring at him, laughing at his weirdness._  
  
_Everything was hazy in his sleep deprived mind. Bucky came up and shook him, "Come on, Stevie get up." He was shaken again._  
  
_"No, I can't gotta go and report." Bucky went rigid, still._  
  
_"It doesn't matter," Buck stated firmly. "You can't go on like this anymore. That's something we can deal with together, but I can't sit back and watch you run yourself into an early grave!"_  
  
_But he had to. He had to, he had to, he had to, he-_  
  
' _Stevie, come on_ ,' Imaginary Bucky is back, gently prodding his shoulder. ' _Breathe, in and out sweetheart. It'll be okay. This isn't the army, this is Sam, and Sam is a good guy, trust him_.'  
  
"But-" he gasped out, shutting himself off with a gasp of breath.   
  
' _But nothing. Breathe. Breathe and focus on their voices_.'  
  
"Steve, Steve, Steve! Steve, buddy, breathe man. C'mon-" he knows this sounds like Sam but Sam was never in the war. Sam was born in the 80's, not the 10's or 20's. He needs to breathe to focus again, to figure out what's wrong he needs to-  
  
"Breathe, Steve. I need you to tell me five things you see. Can you do that?" It registers that this is Sam's voice. That Sam is only trying to help.  
  
"Ye-s," he breathes, quickly. " Tv, couch, carpet, Bruce, popcorn." He answers in one big rush, forcing each word out his mouth.  
  
"Good, good. Now can you tell me four things you hear?   
  
"Music, heartbeats, coffee machine, footsteps."  
  
"What about three things you can touch?"   
  
"Cushions, pillows, bowl." By now he calmed down enough to breathe properly and see clearly. No one talked for a long time. Bruce gave him his favorite tea, Tony got Jarvis to put on soothing music, Natasha rubbed his back and Clint, Sam and Thor gave him food and talked to him. "I miss him," he muttered eventually. "And the flashback was triggered by Sam saying he knew I was with Bucky. Someone else knew and it didn't end so well."  
  
Sam reached out and put a comforting hand on his shoulder, "Sorry man, didn't mean for that to happen." He said. "Tell us something about him."  
  
"Um... Buck was a giant nerd. He'd stay after school to talk to his science teacher and spend most of his time reading at the library during the winter. At first glance, people always thought he was the one getting me into to trouble but it was always the other way around. I'd pick fights with everything that moved and he took us to science conventions for fun!"  
  
They laughed but Tony was at the end of his seat, hanging on to every word. "Steve, that was like, my entire childhood. Forget Captain America, Sergeant Barnes is my new favorite hero."  
  
"Tell us more," Sam said. Out of all his friends, Sam knew the least about Bucky. He knew the basics of their friendship and that they grew up together but everyone knew that. He knew some of Bucky's personality but not enough to be able to say they know him like the Avengers do. He can only talk about so much without giving away the fact that they grew up in different centuries and fought in a cold European forest rather than a hot and dry Afghan desert.   
  
"Sure." So, he did what he has always done, he sat back, tried to relax and began telling his story. "So one day, Buck's dad came home with this letter..."

  
**_______________________**

  
Steve listened attentively to Bucky telling him about some science thing he didn't understand. Bucky was talking animatedly, his arms flailing around as he spoke and his eyes lit up. Bucky's been talking about this thing for thirty minutes and he still has more to say.   
  
They're on their way to pick up Becca, who gets out of school a half hour after them, then going to the grade school a few blocks down to get Beth and Bailey. It's been their routine ever since Mr. Barnes got that promotion at work. They get out of school, pick up the kids, and go home. Mrs. Barnes comes home at four to get dinner ready and help anyone with anything if they need it. (They don't, Bucky and Steve help the kids with everything so Mrs. Barnes can rest). Then around six, Mr. Barnes comes home, normally tired but still being (overly) cheery. (Secretly, he thinks it a Barnes trait to somehow always be in a good mood).   
  
Unlike Steve though, who doesn't mind Bucky's excitement about science even though he doesn't really understand, Becca, Beth, and Bailey do. So normally Becca brings Teresa to walk with them sense she lives in the building over, Beth brings her friend Jenny, who's their neighbor and Bailey brings Dot, her best friend, along with them so they don't have to hear Bucky talking. He doesn't get it, they all have something they like rambling about. Steve has his art, Becca liked to read her stories that she wrote, Beth liked cooking and Bailey loved dancing, they all talked about it to who'll ever listen or sometimes won't listen. Bucky definitely was the person they all rambled to the most, so to Steve it's only fair that the girls listen too.   
  
Becca was already outside talking to Teresa and another boy that he couldn't remember the name of. He thinks it's Jack, but isn't sure. He watched as Becca blushed and giggled as Jaden gave her a card and a wink. Bucky who was watching the exchange as well immediately stopped talking and went still. He turned to see Bucky's facial expression and shook his head amusedly. It's his 'I'm A Protective Big Brother' face he’d seen get used more times than he could count. Bucky uses it with him more times than he could count but it's funny watching him do it for someone else. Becca had always laughed at him for it, now it's his turn.   
  
Bucky walks -stalks- over to them, making his presence known with his heavy stomping. "Hi, Becs! Hi, Teresa! Who's this?" He says, over exaggerating his excitement. He looks Jacob up and down, smiling pleasantly, sticking his hand out for a handshake. "I'm James."  
  
Becca looks fiercely at Bucky, then carefully at Jonah, "This is my friend, Josh." Josh! That's his name! "Josh, this is my _annoying_ ," she shoots Bucky a look, "older brother." Josh shakes Bucky hand, smiling.  
  
"C'mon Becs, Teresa, we gotta go, Beth and Bailey can't keep waiting for us. Nice to meet you, any _friend_ of Becca is a friend of mine." Bucky made sure to stress the word like it would stop any ideas of them being more.  
  
It's funny to him that Becca can't date, or rather she can, Bucky just won't _allow_ her too, he'll scare them off or annoy the hell out of them, even though Buck got his first girlfriend when he was twelve. When Josh walks away, Bucky turns to his sister, raising an eyebrow. She just huffs and walks toward the gate, Teresa, who receives Bucky's Protective Big Brother Care too, sniggers.

  
Bucky smiles, innocently to Steve, his eyes wide and dimples making it look real, but he'd known Bucky for a long time, known him enough to see through all his plays. Once they get a block away from the school, Bucky starts rambling again, this time on something different than what he was talking about before, this time it was about something that Stark Industries made.   
  
He'd heard about Howard Stark, everyone has. Howard is only a few years older than them, eighteen and already has a thousand dollar company. Bucky talks about Howard all the time, how smart Howard is and how his inventions are going to change the world. He'd be jealous if he didn't know that Bucky was completely and utterly devoted to him. Bucky was as big a fan of Howard Stark as he was of _The Misty Harbour_ and _The Shadow_.   
  
Becca liked Howard Stark too, but for completely different reasons. She had seen him in magazines like _Time_ and _PlayBoy_ , and instantly thought him dashing, not that he was going to disagree, Howard is handsome but he'd never tell anyone he thinks that.   
  
They reached the Grade School just to get crashed into by Beth and Bailey. Beth was shorter than the other Barnes kids when they were nine. She had freckles on her face, dimples in her cheeks and dark auburn hair, she, unlike all the other Barnes kids, took after her mom in everything. The other Barnes had their dad's look and mom's personality. It was weird sometimes, to look at Beth and Bucky to see how they are related. They had the same eyes though, the same piercing grey-blue eyes that were staring up at him now.   
  
"I did it, Steeb!" The girl cheered, she was holding up a test that had 'B+' in marker written on the front. "I passed my test! Thank you!" Since Bucky had gotten a job to help out his folks, (despite his parents protest) he hadn't been home on the weekends to help the girls study for their test, so Steve had stepped up to the plate and helped Beth the best he could, he was proud to say that it all paid off.   
  
"No problem, Beth. Y'know I like helping you out."  
  
Bucky smiled at his sister and suggested that since it was hot out and Beth got a good grade that they go to the diner for ice cream. They had enough saved up to get everyone ice cream and candy as a treat.   
  
"Hi Mrs. Williams, how are you today?" Steve asked. Mrs. Williams was the owner of the diner. She was a nice person, about the same age as his Ma and makes the best cookies in all of Brooklyn.  
  
"I'm fine, sweetie, thanks for asking. How are y'all?" Mrs. Williams answered, her southern accent coming out strong. Mrs. Williams had known them since they were in diapers. When she first moved into Bucky's apartment building and was in desperate need of a job, she had offered to babysit him and Bucky. They had referred to her as Aunt Angie when they were younger, but after she got married they had called her Mrs. Williams. Mrs. Williams had kept babysitting them when they needed it and when she was pregnant with Jenny, Mrs. Barnes had helped her with pregnancy and donated some of Becca's old baby clothes. Needless to say, they took the title of favorite customers.   
  
"We're good, Mom," Jenny answers. Jenny and Steve seemed to be the only two paying attention to what Mrs.Williams was saying. Everyone else, Bucky included, was huddled by the ice cream bar. Jenny and Steve walked over to them after exchanging more pleasantries with Mrs.Williams. Bucky had them telling Michael, the guy behind the counter, what ice-cream they wanted and in what cone. They looked more like people getting offered a million dollars than kids who was just getting ice-cream.   
  
Michael wasn't new to the diner so he knew that Jenny doesn't have to pay and everything for them was 50% off. He gratefully piled their cones full with ice-cream with a smile and wink. They all liked Michael, he was one of the few people that never made fun of him. Michael was one of Bucky's friends, they met on tryouts for the baseball team and got along well with their love for sports and science. Micheal, like Bucky, seemed to really excited about this science thing (that Steve finally learned was a convention) that was happening this weekend.   
  
Those two would have started a never ending conversation if it wasn't for Bailey's instant tugging on Bucky's shirt and Beth's whining about going home.   
  
Their ice-cream was starting to melt in the June heat and Steve, being the clumsy person he was, dropped his strawberry ice-cream all over his new shirt. Perfect. But, luckily for him nobody apparently knows how to eat ice-cream if the way that Bucky has chocolate smeared on his nose, Becca has her vanilla ice-cream all over her hands, Teresa has a chocolate mustache, Bailey and Beth both have strawberry and vanilla smeared all over their faces.   
  
The walk home was short after that, just them talking about what to do tomorrow since they had no plans for the weekend. It was going to be too hot outside to play if the weather pattern continues and inside the apartment was no better. The apartment wasn't a relief from the summer's heat, the cold of the ice-cream already faded away.   
  
Mrs. Barnes was at the stove already cooking dinner, which only served to make the place hotter. She had turned when they opened the door, took one look at their faces hands and clothes as they dropped down on the couch and dining chairs and scowled. She pointed to the bathroom then turned back to her cooking, scowl still firmly in place.  
  
They didn't need to be told twice, they scrambled up to clean themselves before she really got on their cases. Mrs. Barnes is probably the most wonderful person in the world, definitely the world's best mom, she would never beat them for getting her furniture dirty, but that sure as hell didn't mean she wasn't scary when she wanted to be. She would just know when they would do something wrong or was about to cause some trouble, she would just appear, and would act so confused about it when they asked where she just came from. Steve swears she was a ninja or assassin in a past life. They all made up stories about what she used to do, how she was a super ninja ("Not an assassin, Steve, ninjas are cooler") or had powers that let her teleport, or that back in Romania she used to be a spy, of course, they never said that to her face. No, saying that to her face was something nobody had the courage to do.   
  
They had nothing to do in the meantime, so they all sat in their own corners Steve sketching, and Bucky fixing the currently broken radio. The place was filled with a comfortable silence, the only noise was from the cars that passed, or some loud kids running up and down the block. By the time Mr. Barnes came in, Bucky had fixed the radio and was reading and Steve had drawn five sketches (all of Bucky).   
  
Mr. Barnes had come home with a smile on his face, nothing new, but his smile was excited like he was expecting something. "What are you boys doing tomorrow? Nothing planned, no dates?" Mr. Barnes asked over the table.   
  
"Nothing plan," Bucky confirmed, eyeing him suspiciously. Mr.Barnes was one of those people who'd come up with a something to do that sounds like fun when he talks about it but it's anything but when they get there. Like last year's fishing trip, Steve still has nightmares about it.   
  
"Good good. I need you both awake bright and early tomorrow, or at least out of bed before eleven am. We're going to that science convention." Mr. Barnes smiled triumphantly at Bucky's surprised gasp. "When I got my promotion, I received a bonus," Mr. Barnes started, completely ignoring Mrs. Barnes withering glare, "And decided to take you to that convention you wanted to go to."   
  
Bucky could do nothing but smile and nod, if he wasn't eating, Steve would have thought he'd sprout out 'thank you's and hugged his dad until he couldn't breathe. For the whole night, Bucky was chatty, telling him about the things he wants to see, the things he hoped is there and the stuff that'll be fun to do. He couldn't help but smile, Bucky's excitement was contagious.  


**~*~*~*~**

  
The next morning Bucky was basically bouncing with excitement. One the train, Bucky's foot kept bouncing in anticipation. It was funny watching him act like an overeager kid. Steve thought he'd seen all of Bucky's excitement, but it was nothing compared to when they got there.   
  
There was model airplanes, models of planets and the solar system, and other inventions that he only got a glimpse at. It was funny, to say the least. It wasn't crowded so they didn't get separated or bump into anyone while they were walking. Mr. Barnes seemed happy to be there, he had an amused smile on his face whenever Bucky talked about something he liked.   
  
They ran into Michael once who was there with his brother and sister-in-law, he had paid attention in their conversation in hopes to understand what was going on.  
  
"I saw a flyer that said they'll be a guest here," Michael said, pointing to a small stage in the center.  
  
"Who do you think it'll be? What do you think they're gonna show?" Bucky asked.   
  
"I don't know. I heard one of the people in the concession stand talking about it being someone who owns a really popular company. She said that he was in a magazine and was making a really cool machine."  
  
"Howard Stark was in a magazine," Bucky says absently. At the same time, Michael and Bucky's eyes light up, smiles so wide it almost split their faces. "Do you think..?"  
  
"I don't know!" Micheal was the most excited Steve seen him, and he thought that the most excited he ever been was when he got a homerun in baseball.   
  
He couldn't help but laugh at them and call them nerds, then cover it up with a cough when they turned to look at him. He blushed at being caught, Mr. Barnes laughed at that, and he turns to give him a mock-glare.   
  
"C'mon Stevie, I know you wanna meet Howard Stark as much I do," Bucky smirked at him, his eyes once filled with wonder and awe was now filled with mischief. He narrowed his eyes, he knows that look, and that look means being embarrassed by his boyfriend. Bucky leaned down and whispered in his ear, "Maybe even more. After all, I only knew you liked fellas after I saw him on the cover of that magazine."   
  
Steve blushed so hard he was as red as a fire truck. Bucky shook with laughter, walking away with an extra spring in his step. That bastard. They walked around a few more times until employees came around announcing that the guest was about to present.   
  
They stage was light up and there was some sort of metal suit standing in the center of it. Bucky looked intrigued like he was trying to figure out what it was.  
  
An announcer came on the stage, in a flashy red dress. She walked up to the microphone and began to speak, "Ladies and gentlemen, I am honored to announce our guest speaker, Howard Stark!" The crowd erupts in applause and cheers joins in as well. He doesn't know that much about Howard Starkrealizebut he hates being the odd one out.   
  
A young man walks up on the stage, all confidence and charm in his smile. He kisses the announcer on her cheek, then takes the microphone from her, waving to the crowd. "Thanks, doll," he says to the girl with a wink. "Since we already had introductions, let’s get into the invention." Howard waves his hand in a come here gesture and two other girls in matching red dresses pushed the metal man thing toward Howard.   
  
"Now," Howard continued, "I want you to think about crime. About all the bad things in the world that happened; Like all the soldiers who fought in the Great War that’s now dead or murders, rapes, muggings. Imagine if there was a way to prevent that. We have police, yes, but sometimes they get hurt too, what if there was a way to protect them?"  
  
The crowd looks to be in thought. He is too, he doesn't get it, how would a bulky metal thing help people? It looks too big to be fast, too heavy to be carried around. Bucky looks just as confused but is open to listening to his explanation. Bucky looks back at Mr. Barnes and then the robot thing, and Steve understands. Mr. Barnes is a cop, he's risking his life anytime they get called out, and Bucky is worried, wants his dad safe. Steve does too, Mr. Barnes is a much of dad that he ever had.   
  
"Well, with this suit we can can! In the future with the right resources and technology, I can make a suit that flies. It'll be able to fly, so it can get to places quicker, help people faster. It's going to be made out of a really strong metal, like titanium so bullets can't penetrate it. It would have weapons in places like guns or rifles. You'd be able to control it easily. With this technology, we'll be able to help the safety of the world!"  
  
The whole crowd cheers, everyone liking the idea. Even Steve thinks it's great. Yes, it sounds impossible but he believes in Howard Stark's abilities. Howard allows people to go on stage and examine the suit. The line is long but he doesn't mind waiting. If he's being honest, he kind of wants to see the suit work, too.  
  
"I think I know what I wanna do after school," Bucky says. Bucky never knows what he wants to do. He knows there's not a lot of options but the Barnes' don't exactly have a lot of money saved up for college. Bucky always wants to try out everything before he commits to it. When they were younger, Bucky had pretended to be Mr. Barnes for a day and followed him to the station, he went with Mrs. Barnes to her job and even learned how to bake cookies from Mrs. Williams. So too here Bucky say he has a concrete idea, it's surprising, to say the least. "I wanna be an engineer. Like Howard. Work at Stark industries. If what he says is true, and that suit can help people then I wanna help make it, and other things like it."  
  
Mr. Barnes thinks on this for awhile, Steve himself thinks on this, even though it's not his decision to make. If Bucky goes to college, that's four years of him not seeing his best friends, his boyfriend. It'll be the longest time they spent apart and Steve doesn't think he'd know what to do with himself. There had always been Bucky, he'd known him since he was three, he's nothing without Bucky, but that won't stop him from supporting him.  
  
"College is a lot of money, James," Mr. Barnes starts, he only uses 'James' when he's being serious or something is important. "But, if this is something you're sure you want to do," at Bucky's rapid nodding, he chuckles. "Then Winifred and I will do whatever we can to help."  
  
Bucky's smile is blinding, Steve didn't think that he could get happier but, like with many things, he was wrong. They get to go on stage a few minutes later, and he can't help but laugh as Bucky's dash to the machine. He takes his time to try and hide his excitement but by the way, Mr. Barnes chuckles amusedly and Howard's smug grin, he knows he failed at that.  
  
Up close the suit looks even bigger. He lifts one of the arms and is confused by the dead weight of it. How could it fly like this, he wonders. All this metal, it probably weighs a ton. He sees Bucky walking around the suit twice, inspecting it, then grinning wide.   
  
"Mr. Stark?" Bucky questions, trying to catch his attention from one of his helpers. Howard looks over, lifting an eyebrow. He watches Bucky closely, knowing that whatever he has planned could go,well or really bad. "I was just thinking, what if you could put a person in there." He points to the machine, and Howard’s eyes fly to his hairline.   
  
He can't help but raise his eyebrows himself. In that suit, there's no way anyone could fit in there without suffocating, and it would only make the machine much heavier to lift off the ground.   
  
"How would I do that?" Howard asks challengingly.  
  
"Well, if you make the wiring small enough and use a hard metal that’s both light and strong, then someone should be able to fit in there and walk around with it, right? It'd be like a personal airplane shaped like a person. And with a person in there, there's no way the machine would, I don't know go, off on its own."  
  
Howard ponders that for a while. "Yes, I see where you're going. If a person is in there, we can assure that it'll be easier to control. If the metal is light enough then someone would be able to use it without a lot of effort. But, what metal is like that? I don't think that titanium is light enough."  
  
"What about titanium? I hear that's light. And if the suit is going to be like a plane, it'd have propellers or something strong to help carry that weight."  
  
"Yes! Titanium is perfect." Howard grins at Bucky. The kind of grin that means he finally found someone who understands. "What's your name?"  
  
"Bucky Barnes."  
  
"Well, Bucky, I think you are onto something there." He turns toward Mr.Barnes, who still looking at the suit. "You," Howard points, "have a very brilliant son. I really hope he considers finding a job in engineering. He'll have a recommendation from me if he ever decides to work at Stark Industries."   
  
Howard shakes Mr. Barnes hand, then Bucky's, and when he gets to Steve, he can't help but blush when he remembers exactly what that hand has been doing the last time he thought of Howard Stark.   
  
They walk off the stage, heading towards the train station after a quick goodbye to Michael who seems just as entranced by Howard as Bucky had been. The ride home was nothing like the ride there, it's calm and a little more quiet compared to what it was the first time around. He thinks he understands Bucky's excitement about this, he was just as excited when Ma had taken him to an art museum.   
  
All in all, the today wasn't bad, it was actually fun. Plus, Bucky's nerd side is cute (not that he'll ever tell him that). 

**_____________________**

"... really, he was a giant geek. It's strange how anyone ever thought he was cool, he's a dork!" Steve finished with a laugh.   
  
Steve had remembered those days clearly, he'll always remember them. But sometimes, sometimes he wishes he didn't have to. Sometimes he wishes that it wasn't up to him and him only to remember is his past. Yes, museums and history books are filled with biographies and other events in his life but besides that, he has nothing. Yes, he knows that some people like Peggy and Beth are still around but he can't bring himself to go to them, can't bring himself to ask if it was all real.  
  
That's the thing isn't? If his life before that was real. He knows the people were, he knows that the war happened and he was in it, he knows that he lived during the depression, but that doesn't give him any proof that he had this life. It could have been a dream, a figment of his imagination to keep him company in the ice. Or, if it is all real, then he wants to remember, he has no one here to do it for him.   
  
Peggy's memory is slowly going, and she wasn't there for his childhood, she wouldn't know. Beth is now in a nursing home and she has a life, made a life for herself and he doesn't want to intrude and mess that up just because he's afraid of the what if's.   
  
That's why he tells these stories, isn't it? That's why he wants anyone who'll listen to listen. These stories of his life, and if people know, it has to be real, can't just be part of his imagination.   
  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Are you telling me that Buckaroo helped Howard with the first Iron Man suit?" Tony ask, incredulous. "Because if you're actually telling me that my whole superhero origins come from two nerdy teenagers then I'll realize my whole life is a lie. I thought Howard made the suit but if your BFF made it too, then I'm technically Bucky Barnes' legacy! Bucky Barnes is like my father!"  
  
The Avengers stare at him in silence and a long moment no one says anything until Clint and Sam burst out in laughter. Soon, Thor joins in and Natasha, Steve can't help but, too. It's only when Bruce clears his throat they start to settle down.   
  
"Tony how many cups of coffee did you have?" Bruce ask.  
  
"Not enough. I need more," Tony marches out the room to the kitchen with a worried Bruce close on his heels.   
  
"Sorry, I messed up our movie night, Sam," He offers. He knows Sam has been looking forward to this as much as he has. Sam had just moved to New York, he's kind of in a desperate need of friends that’re not currently living in DC.   
  
"Nah man, it's cool," Sam replies, waving a dismissive hand at his apology. "It happens, flashbacks. And I'm glad you told me about your boy. I think it's the most I've heard you talk at once. Or in the whole two weeks that we've known each other."  
  
"I just miss him," he whispers in a quiet, vulnerable voice. "And nobody gets it. People miss people all the time but, it's like it never happened. Nobody ever treats it like it’s real. There's no photographs, no other people to talk about it with, no nothing. It's like my whole childhood doesn't exist.  
  
"And Bucky, he would have loved this century Sam. He would have loved it. He should be the one that lives here, not me. He should be here enjoying himself, he'd figure out technology a lot quicker than I have. He'd make friends. He'd like the better equality that here now. He'd enjoy Star Wars or helping Tony and Bruce in the lab. He'd like to train with Natasha or have sniper competitions with Clint. He'd understand Thor and know what he's talking about, he'd be happy.   
  
"He'd love it here. How money is a not as tight as before. All the food he could buy, just for the sake of having it. All the clothes, the games. Me? I don't fit here, but him? He'll act like he was born in this time. He'd move on, instead of crying over the past.  
  
"But he's not here. He's not. And who's fault is that? Mine. If- if only I was better, was faster, stronger, more careful. But I wasn't. I was slow, weak, careless, it's my fault he fell. My fault he went over. I killed him. I killed my best friend. I killed the love of my life. I took his life when the only thing he ever did is make sure I had one. I miss him, I miss him, Imisshim, Imisshim, Imiss-"  
  
' _You finally ready to let it all out_?' Imaginary Bucky ask. He shakes his head and Bucky gives him a confused look. ' _Why not? You should_.'  
  
' _But then you'll leave_ ,' he answers in his own mind, not wanting to talk out loud like this. ' _Right? I won't see you again. You'll be gone_ '  
  
Bucky nods sadly, ' _You're right, you won't see me_.'  
  
' _So why would I want to do that_?'   
  
' _Because it's not healthy_.'   
  
He narrows his eyes, ' _You told me to do whatever I have to do to grieve.'_  
  
' _Yes, I did. But now you're grieving. Don't hold on to this because of fear, Steve. It'll only hurt more.'_  
  
' _But, you'll be gone_ ,' he stressed like that alone could somehow make him understand.   
  
' _No. Not gone,_ ' Bucky insist. ' _Just not visible. I'll still be here. Right in here_ ,' he points at his chest, where his heart is. _'And here_ ,' he points to his head. ' _All you gotta do is remember_.'  
  
' _I will_.'  
  
' _Then let go_.' In his mind, Imaginary Bucky kisses him, but he knows it's just wishful thinking. He needs to grieve. He needs to let it out. He needs to let go. So he does.   
  
He doesn't even realize he's crying until Sam gently wipes a tear away. He cries even harder, the dam already broke, now it's time for the flood. It hurts, crying like this, uncontrollable shaking, sobs racking his body, but it feels good, getting all this out, letting himself for the first time since Ma died to grieve, properly.  
  
When he finally stops he see, all the Avengers not so subtly look away, they know he hates crying in front of people, so he appreciates the effort. He doesn't have a mirror but he could guess what state he's in right now, his eyes all puffy, his face flushed, nose a bright red color and tear tracks on his face.   
  
"Do you feel better now?" Sam ask, gently. It seems like everyone is treating him gently like he's made of glass and he'll break. He won't deny and say that it doesn't help though. He nods not up for talking just yet. His throat is raw and dry, and he needs something to drink. "Wanna call it a night? We only have two more movies left to go, we can watch another time."  
  
He shakes his head not wanting them to leave, not wanting to be alone just yet. "Stay," He rasped. His voice is as rough as sandpaper. Natasha passes him a cup, and he gulps down its contents greedily. "I don't wanna be alone."  
  
"Do you wanna go visit him again?" Thor ask. For someone with a loud voice even louder enthusiasm, Thor really knows when a somber mood takes place.   
  
"His grave? No. But something else. Like a museum again."  
  
"What about the Smithsonian?" Sam ask.   
  
"The Smithsonian? Isn't that in DC?" He's heard of the Smithsonian when he first came out the ice. Phil had told him that most of his belongings are there. When he called the place asking for some of his things back, they had told him no, stating that he was dead so it's their property now. After the battle of New York, Natasha and Fury had pulled some strings and gotten the museum to (grudgingly) give back the things he had asked for.   
  
"Yep, but you're the Avengers, I think you guys can handle finding your way to DC." Sam says. Which is true, Tony has his twenty sports cars and they have the quinjet to get them anywhere.   
The Avengers look at each other, then shrug. "Sure, why not?" Steve says.   


**~*~*~*~**

  
The Smithsonian was easy enough to get to. They took the quinjet because it was faster and had enough room to fit all seven of them. The Smithsonian, in his opinion, looks even better than the first museum the Avengers took him to.   
  
He's never been there before but it looks like Sam did if the way that he automatically walks to the World War II section was anything to go by. They go to the back which is a huge exhibit just based off Captain America and his Howling Commandos. He's greeted with his life story being spoken over the speakers.  
  
" A symbol to the nation. A hero to the world. The story of Captain America is one of honor, bravery, and sacrifice." He scoffs. That's the not necessarily true. He didn't think anything he did was that honorable, he was a soldier like anyone else, just following orders. It wasn't honor when one of the reasons he wanted to enlist so bad was because he wanted to prove that he could do this like everyone else, he wanted to prove that he was not his father, that he was someone more, someone, better. He did sacrifice something -someone- though and that was the biggest mistake of his life.   
  
"Denied enlistment due to poor health, Steven Rogers was chosen for a program unique in the annals of American warfare. One that would transform him into the world's first Super-Soldier." He hates how the museum talks that up. Like being a super soldier is something to be proud of. It is, at first, but he hates it now. He hates how it makes him different when all he wanted to be was normal. He hates how it made him durable when all he want to be was dead. Just like he was on the inside after Bucky died. He hates how it makes him old when he's trapped in his young body and mind in a completely different century that he doesn't understand when, just a few months ago, he was happy in his own time.   
  
"Battle tested, Captain America and his Howling Commandos quickly earned their stripes. Their mission: taking down HYDRA, the Nazi rogue science division." He never wanted to kill anybody. He thinks that what made him different from most soldiers, that's why Dr.Erskine chose him of all people. But he did want to kill Hydra, he wanted to chop it off at its neck, so no more heads could take it place. Only because they had Bucky, they hurt him, experimented on him, changed him, and Steve was so, so angry when he found out. He wanted to kill all of Hydra when Bucky died. He knew that the train and the fall was his fault, but Hydra had some of the blame, and when he got rid of it, all he had to blame was himself. To him Hydra wasn't just an extension of the Nazi empire, it was a whole other being, filling out its own agenda, and wiping it out, after what they’d done, was his only mission.   
  
"Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield. Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service of his country." Bucky. He was -is- Steve's whole life, and if this exhibit was trying to showcase that, then they failed miserably. Bucky deserves more than a footnote, he definitely wasn't one in Steve's life. All he has a small section with a picture of him (which is definitely an off-guard because even though Bucky had not been brought down by the war, he was still just a soldier but he didn't smile when he thought no one was looking). He deserves books and his own exhibit just about how great he is, how good he is.   
  
Steve walks closer to the picture of Bucky on the wall and touches it. He traces the lines of Bucky's face like he would do to his sketches or the real thing. Breathing in deeply, he drowns out the sound of recordings, people around him, and focuses on the past, resting his head on the wall.   
  
"I'll always remember," he vows. No one is around to see his tears.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be posted next week, Friday or Saturday.  
> Join me on Tumblr


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Salt and mayonnaise," he shrugs. "Bucky used to do those pranks on me all the time. April Fools was fun back then."
> 
> Clint raises an eyebrow. "You guys had April Fools back then?"
> 
> "Oh yea, it was fun. Mr. and Mrs. Barnes always tried to get Bucky and me out the house that day, fewer pranks to worry about. And when me and Bucky lived together there was a prank massacre going on. We lived in pranks."
> 
> "Musta sucked when the war came around."
> 
> "Nah, I mean, it wasn't as fun, but we still did things. War was Hell, it was good doing something relaxing and different for a change." At the nods of the Avengers, he continued, "There was that one year when it got out of control and the Howling Commando's started a prank war, completely Bucky's fault by the way..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's chapter eight. I was a bit nervous on how this chapter played out but I think it's fine. Enjoy. And thanks to my beta for editing this chapter. [MrGoodBar](http://mrgoodbar11213.tumblr.com/)

No one is awake at the Tower at three am. Well, no one except Steve. And Steve should be sleeping. He's not awake this early because of nightmares, no it's April first. That means April Fools.

April Fools is probably his third favorite holiday. When he was younger, he and Bucky used to prank everyone in the house. They'd work together, then when the other least expected it, they'd prank each other. It was fun, probably the highlight of his childhood.

Now that he's in a new century, a century where there's a lot of new and easily affordable things, there is also a lot of ways to prank people. That's one of the good things about being here. Pranking people always gave him joy as a kid, why stop just because he's in a new time.

Not all of the pranks are bad, some of them are small, little things, that won't be such a big deal. Others would probably get the other Avengers mad. But hey, April Fools!

He was creeping back to his room from Natasha's floor, his last victim. Pranking Natasha was the hardest. She's the Black Widow and has training from the Red Room, her reflexes are incredible, and she's always aware when she's sleeping. He actually can't believe he got out of that alive.  
  
Back in his own room, he slips back into bed, a smirk on his face. He already asked Jarvis to wake him up as soon as the first Avenger wakes, so he can hear their reaction to the prank.

Today is going to be so fun!

When he woke up this morning to the sound of Jarvis telling him that Bruce is waking, he all but scrambles out the bed. Bruce's prank was one of the simple ones. He didn't want to actually hurt Bruce in any way but he thought this would be fun.

Something he learned from Bruce was that when he woke up he was very disorientated. He relied on his glass, and his memory to help around the room. It was something he used to his advantage.

He creeps up to Bruce's floor, using the stairs to draw less attention and slides up next to Bruce's door. He peeks his head in and smiles when Bruce raises his. Bruce rubs his eyes with his hand before reaching over to where his night table should be for his glasses. When Bruce's hand touches nothing but air he lets out a confused grunt and swings his legs over the bed. He gets up and walks to where the table should be, looks around officially lost.  
  
Something that no one but his close friends and family knows about Steve is that he's a nice guy, a good man, but he'll prank anyone just for the laughs. That's about to be something all the Avengers learn today.

  
He wouldn't actually take Bruce's glasses if Bruce couldn't see without them, they're only reading glass, they're on the other side of his bed, and he's a little shit, not an asshole.

Bruce sighs, put upon, walking about his room. It's obvious to Steve that he has no clue what's going on. The dresser he normally grabs isn't there, the chair that sits in the corner is gone, and his bookshelf isn't under his window.

Steve chuckles under his breath, so far, so good. Bruce keeps walking until he hits his head on a mirror. The mirror isn't a wall mirror, it's on a stand a flips, so he has to stifle his laughter when the mirror flips with the force of the hit and hits Bruce on the back of the head.

Bruce looks up, confused and finally seems to take everything in. All his furniture, besides his bed, is glued to the ceiling. Bruce rolls his eyes and chuckles too. "Tony," he says, fondly, huffing a little when he tries to reach up to his dresser. He can't do it, even when jumping and Steve laughs aloud just watching.

"No, not Tony," Steve says upon entering the room. "I think I beat him to it." He reaches the dresser, but can't really get into the first draw. He had to bring in the step stool Tony keeps in his lab for this.

"You did this?" Bruce can't keep the surprise off his face. One of the things he hates about being Captain America is that people expect him to be a golden boy. He's definitely not, even though the Avengers knew the difference, between Steve Rogers and Captain America, they still sometimes get surprised at the differences between them.

"Yep," he said, popping the 'p', and handing Bruce his glasses.

"Thanks," Bruce said absentmindedly. "Steve, not that I mind the prank, but, I kind of need my clothes from there." He sheepishly pointed up to the dresser that was hanging above his head and shrugged.

He knew what he was doing, he was a super soldier, pulling off furniture from glue was easy. He pulled the stool that he put in the bathroom and started pulling down all the furniture. He just finished placing down the bookcase when Jarvis announced that Natasha was waking. He all but ran out the room. One prank down, four more to go.

Natasha was already awake when he got there. Awake and struggling. She was pulling and flexing her arms and legs to get out of the plastic wrap that Steve had tightly wrapped around her and the mattress, making he successfully tied down to the bed. Steve considered hiding, and helping her out but decided against it. Bucky was right, it is funny when you're watching this on another person.

  
"Hey, Natasha," he greeted, amusement evident in his voice. "I was gonna ask if you want some breakfast but you seem a little, _wrapped up_  
at the moment." He couldn't help it, he laughed, his eyes crinkling up at the corners when he smiled.

"Rogers," Natasha growled, her glare sharp, "you're going to help me out this or I swear, if you walk away, you will regret it." He stared at her, normally Natasha was very threatening when she was up, but tied down in plastic, she just looked like a pissed off cat. A laugh bubbled from out his chest and Natasha's glare hardens.

"It's funny, Natasha. It's funny. Why aren't you laughing?" Steve asks innocently. "I get it, you're a little tied up  
right now but you can still laugh." He walks to the edge of the bed, looking down at her and laughed. "Y'know, this is how it feels when you pin me down when we spar. I hope you know that this isn't personal, just revenge." He smirks, placing her knife that she keeps under her pillow, on top of her open palm, teasing her, "I'll leave you to that, see ya' later, Nat!"

He smiles cheerfully, then walks out the room, his laugh sounding behind him. He doesn't hear her call out again, just hears her struggle and mutter under her breath. He just sat down in his living room, ready to eat something when Tony wakes. Tony was one of the hardest pranks to do.

Luckily, he has Jarvis on his side.

Since he's not allowed in Tony's suite, he had to get the prank ready on his own. Jarvis had DUM-E, Butterfingers and U come in and carry it to Tony's floor. Jarvis allowed him to have a projector in Tony's room, just to see his reaction.

The projector came up on his tv. Tony was groggily rubbing at his eyes, and groping around the bed for something. He pulled out his phone and turned it on. Next, Tony slipped out of bed, then tripped on a black bag that was lying on the floor. Steve snorted, typical Tony.

Tony sat up, looked at the bag, around the room, then promptly freaked out. "H-h-ho-holy shit!" Tony shrieked. There were bags everywhere, but they weren't shaped like normal. They were shaped as bodies. "Oh my god," Toney whispered. "Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god!" Tony scrambled away from the bags like it'll come after him if he touched it.

"Jarvis! Jarvis!" Tony shouted. Jarvis answered, not showing a hint of mischief as he spoke. "Where did these bags come from? Who put them there? What's going on?" Tony was basically in hysterics. All the energy he was showing surprised Steve, Tony's never that lively before his coffee.

  
"It appears that there is no security footage of anyone entering the tower, Master Stark." Jarvis prim voice answered. Tony reached out with a metal rod he got from, somewhere and poked the bag that was hanging from the ceiling, it swayed. The three bags lying on the floor were stepped over and the bag that was lying against the door was looked at in consideration then disgust. Maybe Tony thought about escape but thought better of it. "My room is a crime scene," he muttered incredulously. "Jesus, of all the things to wake up to." He poked the bag by the floor and the 'head' fell sideways like the neck could no longer support it.

"Perhaps it's best to open one of the bags, Master Stark," Jarvis suggested. "That way we can identify the victims."

"Yeah. Yeah, J, you're right. Let's do that." Tony took a deep breath, then walked right up to the one that tripped him and opened the bag where a head should be. Instead of being greeted by a face he was looking at a huge empty water bottle. "What?" Tony then continued to open every bag and kicked the last one, that was hanging out the window, to the street. Steve winced, hoping it didn't drop on anyone. "Jarvis, what just happened?"

"It appears you've been pranked, sir," Jarvis said, seriously. "Captain Rogers wants to replay a message: 'April Fools, Stark'." Steve laughed at Tony's bug-eyed face.

"What? What?! No. Nonononono. Don't tell me I got pranked by Capsicle. No! Rogers! Rogers, if you can hear me I will-" Jarvis turned off the projector.

"Happy to be of service, Captain." Steve thinks that if AI's could smirk, Jarvis would be right now.

His giggles don't die until he's back into Natasha's suite for breakfast. It's her turn to host breakfast, a tradition that started a few days ago, and he decided to cook since Natasha is still currently wrapped up. Bruce comes to her floor first, sitting at the island behind the stove.

"So, did you only prank me?" Bruce ask.

"No he didn't," Tony says upon entrance. He has a 'body bag' in his hand and throws it at Steve. "He got you too, Brucie-bear?" Tony slides a stool next to Bruce and hides his face into his neck. "He's a monster." Steve and Bruce roll their eyes, used to Tony's dramatics at this point.

"Where's Natasha?" Bruce asks, and Steve starts laughing again. "Oh, um she's wrapped up  
in something."

"Huh? Wrapped up in something? Wrapped up in what?" 

"Plastic." Natasha's voice cuts in sharply. Natasha walks into the kitchen and throws a big ball of plastic wrap at Steve's head.

"Hey," he whines, "Why is everyone going after me today?" He laughs again, clearly happy with himself. _Well done, Steve_ ,  
he thinks. _You've pranked the Avengers to shame_. If he wasn't cooking, he would have patted himself on the back.  
  
  
"What's with that smug look on your face?" Clint asks minutes later when he and Thor finally wake up. Thor came down as soon as he started frying the bacon and Clint came when the coffee was on. Steve swears, the Avengers respond quicker to the promise of food than they do with missions.

"Nothing," he says evasively. Since he figured he was so mean to Natasha this morning, he took over all her hosting duties. He gives Clint and Thor their plates he'd put out earlier, Thor with extra bacon and pudding, (because it's " _almost as good as pop tarts"_ ) and Clint with a cup of coffee with more sugar than necessary.

Clint eagerly grabs the coffee cup and takes a huge sip, not bothered at by the temperature, then promptly spits it out right in Tony's face. He tried to make his face look innocent but there was no denying he did it, with his snorting and shaking. He's not the only one laughing though, Natasha, Bruce, and Thor are as well.

Clint looks disgusted, looks at the coffee, then at Steve, then back at the coffee cup, like he can't figure out where it went wrong. Tony looks appalled, his face is dripping and flushed, the heat of the coffee, probably burned him but he seems to be frozen in shock.

Thor takes a spoon full of his pudding, and Steve can't help it, it's his last prank, but he watches in awe as Thor eats it with mild indifference, then watches how his face morphs into one of rage and betrayal. "WHAT CURSE WAS CAST UPON THAT CUP OF PUDDING?!" He bellows. Thor takes his orange juice and downs it all in one go, picks up the pudding cup and throws it across the room, hitting Tony in the face, _again._

  
Looks like it's just not Tony's day. That seemed to be enough to get Tony out of his shock though, he flails his arms and grabs napkins, wiping his face so quickly. "Y'know, there's a perfectly good super soldier to spit take on over there. He's the one who pranked you anyway, so why spit on me?!" Both Clint and Thor ignore his question, and Steve watches in unison as they both turn and look at him curiously.

"Salt and mayonnaise," he shrugs. "Bucky used to do those pranks on me all the time. April Fools was fun back then."

  
Clint raises an eyebrow. "You guys had April Fools back then?"

"Oh yea, it was fun. Mr. and Mrs. Barnes always tried to get Bucky and me out the house that day, fewer pranks to worry about. And when me and Bucky lived together there was a prank massacre going on. We lived in pranks."

"Musta sucked when the war came around."

"Nah, I mean, it wasn't as fun, but we still did things. War was Hell, it was good doing something relaxing and different for a change." At the nods of the Avengers, he continued, "There was that one year when it got out of control and the Howling Commando's started a prank war, completely Bucky's fault by the way..."

**___________________________**

His sleep was peaceful, not interrupted by the sound of sirens, of yelling, of gunfire and bombs, not interrupted by nightmares or screams or pain that just won't go away. But then he woke up, not because of an alarm, or his internal clock getting him up, not for food, or for Bucky but because he was fucking itchy.

Laying down he scratched his side, then his chest, then his leg. "The hell?" He distractedly scratched at his arm, that was getting redder, and redder, the more he rubbed. Sitting up, he looked around his tent for something that could be causing his itchiness. It may be allergies but he thought the serum had fixed that.

There's nothing around that would cause alarm but that doesn't mean anything. He could have touched something poisonous on their last mission, he could have come in contact with something that Hydra made, something that could hurt a super soldier, he should warn Bucky just in case.

The tent flap opens and Bucky walks in. "Hey," Bucky greets. "Couldn't sleep?" It was still dark out, really early in the morning, he was, on good nights, knocked out by then.

"No, just itchy." He wants to cuddle up to Bucky, wants to get him to rub over his body to soothe the itches, but he doesn't know if this is contagious or not.

"Oh really?" Bucky sits down on the cot opposite of his, stretching out and pulling up the blanket. "Why's that?" Bucky rests his head on his pillow, closing his eyes. "You don't have a rash do you?"

"No." At least he doesn't think so. 

"Go to sleep, Steve, we'll talk in the morning."

If he was paying better attention he might have noticed something different happening with Bucky.

In the morning, he took a shower, but on new clothes and still was itchy. His skin was pink from all the scratching, Bucky had got him to stop at one point but it became unbearable and he started again.

He was looking for the gauze in the tent when he came across the source of his current dilemma. Itching powder. He sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. "James Buchanan Barnes!" He stalked out the tent on a new mission; killing Bucky.

"Bucky? Bucky? Bucky!" He found the man in question digging in the dirt. "What are doing?" He questions, getting off topic for a moment.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing." Bucky is up to something, that much is obvious, but he knows it has nothing to do with him. Bucky goes after one person until he runs out of people to prank. Whoever the victim is, he feels sorry for them.

"What? Whatever," he throws the tin of itchy powder near Bucky's feet. "We're really starting this again?" He raises an eyebrow like he's not impressed. Admittedly, he is, Bucky's gotten smarter in his tactics, putting the powder on the inside of his clothes rather than on his body so he'd stay itchy with whatever he's wearing, even after he showers. That's a good idea, something he wished he thought of.

"Huh," Bucky says. "I don't know where that came from." He doesn't even try to make his fake (but completely convincing if it's used on the right person) innocent 'Who Me?' face. He's completely absorbed in his... whatever he's doing.

"Don't even try to deny it. You've used this trick on me since we were kids." He crosses his arms, trying to look intimidating but just looking like a pouty child.

"And yet, you still fall for it." Bucky finally looks up, a half-smile on his face. All the dirt he had in his hand was put in a cup. "Wanna help me prank Morita. It'll be the return of Steve and Bucky: Original Pranksters."

The answering grin was all mischief. "Let's."

So the prank wasn't the worst one they pulled, maybe one of the tamest, but they don't really have that many supplies to work with, being in a war zone and all. Either way, Morita was definitely surprised. And mad.

  
"What the hell is this?" His drink is dribbling off his chin, and onto his shirt. Maybe it was a little mean but it was funny to watch. When Dernier was serving coffee, Bucky had taken Morita's cup and switched it for a new one. He added hot water then sprinkled enough dirt in it until the water was brown. Then to top it off, Steve added some coffee to it to make it smell like coffee. Overall, it was probably disgusting, which made Morita's reaction so much better.

Bucky and Dum Dum chortled, much to Morita's displeasure. "Oh my god! You should have seen your face. Y- you looked so funny!" Bucky spoke between laughs.

Steve was sitting in a chair across from Morita, he managed to keep a straight face as he looked him straight in the eye and drank is coffee. He exaggerated a moan at the taste, smiling as he put the cup down. "Delicious. Do you want some, Jim?" he laughed when Morita looked disgusted at the coffee.

"How can you drink that? It's disgusting it's terrible, it's-"

"A prank," Bucky says, smiling. "That's not coffee, it's dirt and water." Morita looks a little green before running out of the breakfast hall, presumably to the bathroom. Twin smirks were on their faces as Morita ran.

"You just started a war, Barnes!" He shouts as he retreats.

"Well, that went better than expected," Steve remarked.

"Of course it did. I made it up." Bucky sounds way too smug for this little prank.

"Wait, wait, wait," Gabe starts, "You guys did that? I mean, I figured Bucky did but Steve did too? _Damn_."

"Yep," They both get up in unison, going to walk out the mess hall. "There's a lot more where that came from."

***~*~*~***

Dum Dum was sleeping in his tent when Steve decided to prank him. It was a simple prank. He had some of Bucky's shaving cream and poured it on Dum Dum's hand. He had a feather pen that he ' _borrowed_ ' from Colonel Phillips.

He moved next to Dum Dum, bring the feather over his nose and tickles it. Dum Dum can sleep through anything, so he's not even sure it'll work. But Dum Dum stirs, his nose twitching. He tries to bat the feather away with his other hand but Steve moves it too quickly.

  
He tickles Dum Dum with the feather again, this time watching in fascination as he moves the cream covered hand to his face and wipes all over the bottom half. With that, he takes the razor and shaves the bushy mustache off his face. If anything he's doing him a favor, that mustache looked like a squirrel died and rested above his lips.

Just because he can, he shaves the very top of his head, leave the top bald but the sides and front covered in hair. Dum Dum stirs again, sniffling then cracking an eye open. "Ugh," he grunts. Before Dum Dum can wake up fully, he jumps up and out the tent.

He crashes into Bucky as soon as he walks out the tent. Bucky looks bewildered, completely caught off guard which is nothing like him. Steve is ready to apologize when he sees what Bucky has in his hand. He's holding an axe which makes him pause because... what?    

"What?" He blurts.

"What?" Bucky says back, defensive. They stare at each other for a long time, not saying anything. Steve's stare is confused, Bucky is daring, daring the other to question him.

"Okay then." He says. Bucky nods, apparently satisfied with his answer. Bucky continues on his way to wherever he was going, though the only tent in that direction is the Officer's tent, like Colonel Phillips tent. He should probably stop him but Dum Dum is waking up and he can't get caught yet. And this is Bucky, he wouldn't do anything so stupid, that'll get him kicked out the army. Hopefully. Probably. He'll check on him later.

Later on that day, Dum Dum finally comes out, freshly showered and wearing a hat. Nobody pays any mind to him when he sits down by the fire. He's quiet for a few minutes before speaking. "I would like to know which one of you bastards did this to my hair." The rest of the Commandos look up surprise and shock on their faces. They stifle laughter when they see his clean shaven face. "Was it you, Jimmy?" Bucky shakes his head, trying not to laugh.

Bucky catches his eye, a question in his gaze and he nods. Bucky breaks out in giggles, and the others follow suit. "What's with the hat, Dugan?" Gabe asks in between laughter.

Dum Dum sighs, put upon and takes off his bowler hat. The top of his head is bald like someone shaved it during the night. Steve smirks, who would do that?

"Woah," Falsworth shouts surprised. "What happened to you, chap?" Falsworth wasn't playing poker with them, he just came from the showers after getting tripped into some mud by a branch that mysteriously appeared in his path. Weird.

"I'll tell you what happened. Someone decided it'll be funny to shave my face and head. And I don't know who it is! Was it you?You're the only one who wasn't here." Dum Dum is just accusing everyone, it's hilarious but maybe it's time to drop some hints in. After all, one of the best parts of a prank is when you get credit for it.

"Well that's a shame, Dum Dum, but who did it probably did you a favor. That mustache looked like a dead rat." Steve says. He figures if he goads Dum Dum he might guess that it was him.

"A dead ra-," Dum Dum face has flushed. "It was just bushy. It was bushy and perfect. Do you know how long it took to get it that way?"

"Probably a few days, with the way it kept growing," he replies. "Besides that hat suits you, you should probably wear it all the time."

"My head is bald!"

"Listen Dum Dum, I'd hate to cut you short, but me and Bucky have things we need to do. Don't we, Buck?" Bucky nods, standing up and stretching. "See ya, fellas." Steve doesn't need to know if Bucky is following or not. He doesn't even need to wait for Dum Dum to get what just happened.

"Cut me short?" Dum Dum mutters. "Cut me? Cut, cut my hair! Rogers! I'll get you for this, Rogers!" Steve laughs as he retreats with Bucky into his tent, ready to plan a prank on someone else.

***~*~*~***

Steve leaves the conference room to see Gabe panic. He has no clue what's going on. Gabe is freaking out, it looks like he's counting in his head and has his eyes. When he opens them, he makes a noise in what Steve guesses is frustration.

"Do you see that bear?" Gabe demands when Steve enters his line of sight. He turns to where Gabe is pointing, furrowing his brow when he sees nothing.

"What bear?" He has no clue if it's something to worry about or not. Is it a real bear? Even though it'd make no sense for one to be out here, he seen weirder things happen.

"The bear that's-" Gabe stops talking when he sees there's nothing there but forest. "There was a bear. It was right there, it's a BuckyBear. The one they made from the comics."

He looks again, maybe his enhanced eyesight can see something. But no, there's no bear, no stuffed toy anywhere.

  
"Maybe it moved?" He offers. He has no idea what to do in this situation. He's seen soldiers in shell shock before but he never gotten them out of it, that was Bucky's job. And this is different, would the same precautions even apply?

"Moved? Sure, the bear moved. A stuff toy animal moved! Because that makes perfect sense." Gabe whirls around, pointing a finger at his face. "I'm not crazy."

"I never said you we-"

"You were implying it!" He just nods and holds his hands out, backing away slowly. Maybe he should get the Commandos a week of leave.

The next time he sees Gabe freak out, he's just walking to the med tent for some more vaseline. He and Bucky ran out when they were doing... stuff. "You saw that right?" Gabe ask. He winces, standing outside the tent rather than going in it. He won't make that mistake again. He feels sorry for whatever person has to deal with this next.

"Saw what Gabe?" Bucky's voice answers. Ooh, this wasn't going to end well. Bucky cares about the well-being of his teammates, specifically the sanity of his teammates. He is kind and gentle in his Commands when he has to make them, but when a soldier got lost in their head, suffering from shell shock, Bucky was harsh and commanding when getting them to calm and focus. Gabe was in for something.

"That BuckyBear! There was one right there!"

It’s quiet for a moment, probably Bucky looking around, then, "There's nothing there. Gabe." He can't see Bucky, but he imagines him raising an eyebrow, completely unimpressed.

"There is! Or was! Maybe you just didn't see it."

"Gabe, I'm a sniper. It's my _job_ to see everything, and I didn't see anything, there's nothing there."

"Yes, there was! It was a BuckyBear sitting right there! Right on that table!"

Bucky finally comes into view, putting a hand on Gabe's shoulder. Comforting, placating."Okay, pal. Let's say there was a bear there, which there isn't, where would it go? How would it get there?"

"I don't know! I just know it was there and now it's not."

  
Bucky sighs deeply."Y'know, Steve gave us a week of leave. Why don't we go out tonight, get a drink or two and tomorrow, we'll talk about this bear thing."

Before either of them can see him, he backs away and turns to go somewhere else. He doesn't really want Gabe calling him in for this. Someone snickers in front of him. "Falsworth? What's so funny?" He doesn't see how it funny, Gabe might not be okay.

"Nothing chap, just that he fell for it." Falsworth turns, and in his arms are at least a dozen BuckyBears.

"Did you-?" "I may have brought a lot of BuckyBears, then put them in everywhere that Gabe is about to go into then take them out when he questions someone about it. "

"So you're basically making him look crazy?"

"Yes." Steve snorted. This was perfect, he loves that idea. "Man, Monty who knew you had it in you." He pats Falsworth on the back. Just then, Bucky and Gabe walk out of the med tent, Bucky's hand on the small of Gabe's back, lightly pushing him away from the tent. "Y'know Bucky's going to kill you if he sees those bears." Bucky hates BuckyBears, he hates the comics. He can go on and on and on about how he's not a teenage sidekick, and that he's a sergeant, a deadly sniper, not a goddamn _teddy bear_.

"So don't let him see." Steve blocks Falsworth as Bucky walks by, still talking to Gabe.

"I'm not crazy!" Gabe cries, followed by a, "I know pal, I know. Sure you’re not," from Bucky.

He doesn't miss the wink Bucky throws over his shoulder toward Falsworth.

***~*~*~***

Bucky does get them to go to a bar. It's not the same bar the went to when the formed the group, it's a different one, more lively, the music reminds him of the dancehalls Bucky would go to.

Gabe found out it was a prank by now, apparently, half the team had a meeting without him and figured it was best to carry on with the prank if he didn't know (rude) and Morita couldn't keep his mouth shut and told. 

Now, most of the Commandos were split up. Dum Dum was over at the bar drinking, Gabe was talking to Dernier in French, Falsworth was sweet talking some dame, and Morita and Bucky were nowhere to be found. If he didn't know him any better, he'd think that Bucky had a girl with him in there room upstairs.

Steve though, was bored. He didn't want to drink (he couldn't get drunk anyway), didn't want to charm any dames (he's queer), he just wanted to talk to someone. Okay, talk to Bucky. But, he still didn't know where he was.

He decided to just go up to the room, no sense staying down here. Besides, he can sketch something, the sound is quiet and peaceful up there. No interruptions, right? Wrong. As soon as he opens the door to the room, he freezes. So do the people in the room.

Bucky has a hand down the skirt of some dame, and a hand in her bra. The dame has pink lipstick painting her lips, matching the blush on her olive cheeks and going down her chest and stomach. Then realizes he she doesn't have a shirt on. Quickly averting his eyes, he looks at Bucky, whose hands are still frozen.

"Steve," Bucky breaks the silence first. "It's not what it looks like."

He furrows his brow, looking at the obvious lie in Bucky's statement. It's exactly what it looks like. On closer inspection of the dame, he realizes that the dame is all hard muscle instead of soft curves. He notices that the bra doesn't quite fill out right, and the hair looks slightly lopsided on her head. Then he finally looks at her face and sees no one other than Jim Morita staring back at him.

The shock and betrayal slip off his face as surprise takes over instead.

"What," his question falls flat in his own ears. "Morita? What is going on?"

Bucky retracts his hands, wiping them on his slacks, then sighing. "I'm helping him with a prank. Wanna help?"

He's still staring at them as he nods hesitantly like he still can't believe he's agreeing to this. "What's the prank about?" He walks further into the room, already discarding his idea to sketch.

"Morita, here is going to pretend to be a pretty dame and trick Falsworth into liking 'her'. Then, right before Monty kisses 'em, Morita will reveal who he is." He wants to laugh, he can imagine Falsworth face when he learns the truth.

"How will that work? People won't take very kindly to him dressing like that, even if it's for a prank."  
Buck rolls his eyes but nods. "We thought of that already, don't worry we have a plan." Morita nods too, blush still spread on his body.

"Don't worry," Steve smiles, "I've seen many naked and half-naked men before. You have nothing to be ashamed of." " _Men_? What do you mean _men_? I know you've seen _one man_ naked before." Bucky raises an eyebrow.

Now it's his turn to blush. "High school. Locker rooms. Gym." He mutters, his cheeks hot. "C'mon, this is about Morita."

Bucky nods, but his face says 'We're talking about that later'. They move around Morita, Bucky fixing his hair, Steve doing his make-up. Next, they finish working on what Bucky was doing before he walked in. They stuff the bra with pillow cases and fix how Morita's boxers look under his skirt.

With the make-up and the bangs, he doesn't look like Morita. Now, he looks like any normal dame that'd be at a bar. They walked Morita down to the hall, leaving Morita in the stairwell. Now, it was the fun part of their plan. Getting Falsworth to meet 'her'.

"Hey, Monty," Steve greets. Falsworth was sitting alone right now, no dame in sight and sporting a black eye. "What happened to you?"

"She had a fella," was all he said. Steve snort, patting his back in a counseling gesture. "There's another dame you can talk to. Her name's Marge. Bucky and I think she'll be perfect for you." Apparently, his earnest face makes people believe and trust him. Even after all the trouble, he's been causing.

Falsworth gets up and follows him to the stairwell. Morita is standing on the stairs, talking to Bucky like they didn't know they were coming.

"Oh, hi again, Captain," Morita says, his voice sounding a lot like a female. Morita turns, his eyes sliding over to Falsworth, who's behind him. "Who's this?"

"This is Major James Falsworth. He's a member of my team." Morita blushes a little, moving down the stair and closer to Falsworth. "I'm Marge," She greets. Falsworth takes her hand and kisses it.

  
"Hello, Marge. Pleasure to meet you." Steve makes eye contact with Bucky, who nods and Steve follows him up the stairs. "We'll just leave you two lovebirds alone then," Bucky says but gets completely ignored, the only response is a blush that’s on Morita's face. Who knew he was such a good actor.

They don't go to their room, as much as he wants to, they have to stay here to complete their prank. A few minutes pass before Falsworth and Morita come up, holding hands.

"Can we borrow your room?" Falsworth ask. "I promised her that I'll show her a good time."

"Yeah sure. Stevie and I were just leaving. Here's the key," Bucky has him a key, then drags Steve off behind the door in front the stairs. They look through the window and eavesdrop on their conversation.

Falsworth has Morita against the door, he goes to lean in but Morita puts a hand on his chest, lightly pushing him back.

"Before you kiss me, I have something to tell you," Morita whispers. "What?" Falsworth says, breathless. "You don't have a fella do you?"

"No, no. It's just," Morita takes a breath, pausing for dramatics. "April Fools!" Morita smiles, all smug and Steve can't help but laugh. He can't see Falsworths face from where he's standing but he imagines it to be bewildered.

"What?"

Falsworth repeats. Morita puts a hand on Falsworth shoulder and turns him around. Steve waves from the window, with a little smile, when Falsworth's eyes meet his. He was right, he is bewildered.

"What?" Morita pulls off the wing and quickly wipes his face void of make-up. "Hey pal," he says, sounding like a guy again. "Surprise, surprise, it's me!" Falsworth turns into a brilliant shade of pink and mumbles something about, 'goddamn  
super soldiers and their idiot friends' when he walks away.

***~*~*~***

  
Their prank on Howard was more of a practical joke than a prank. Ever since the Frisbee Incident, Bucky had been a little mad at Howard. Howard, in turn, was a little wary of Bucky. That was something that they could use to their advantage.

They got Howard to think they were still mad at him, even though they forgave him for it months ago. Then, they implied that they'll be coming after him for revenge. Now, all they have to do is sit back and watch as Howard slowly drives himself into madness.

Steve and Bucky were walking into the lab to get a new rifle Howard made for Bucky. This was a perfect opportunity to watch Howard freak.

Howard had taken to looking over his shoulder, being cautious when he opened the door and watching them from out the corner of his eye.

"Hey, Howard," Bucky says upon entering the room. Howard started, jumping at least a foot in the air and dropping what he was holding.

"H-hi fellas." Clearing his throat, Howard shoved his hands in his pockets, trying for casual and failing, hard. "How can I help you?"

"Just here for the rifle we've been working on," Bucky answered, moving to the table with a bunch of weapons and metal and other materials.

Steve leans against the wall, just watching as Bucky swishes things to the side and picks up the rifle. It looks like the M1941 Johnson Bucky's been using. Bucky picked it up, aimed at Howard but didn't shoot. Bucky didn't hit Howard, he never would. He lowered the rifle and Steve saw him smile.

"This is great. Thanks," Buck slung it on his back, picking up something new from the table. "I'm keeping this knife." He pocketed it. They surrounding Howard, Bucky going in front and Steve staying in the back. Howard flinched. "This gun, it works just like a Hydra weapon right?"

"Yep," Howard said, popping the 'p'.

"So it'll disintegrate everything when I used it." Howard nodded. " So, if I was to shoot something, and Phillips wanted to know who did it, it can't be traced back to me?"

"N-no." They both heard Howard gulp. "So I guess that means they better watch their backs." Bucky had a considering look in his eye, a smirk on his face. He dug in his pocket and Howard tensed. Bucky took out some crumbled up paper and handled it to Howard, who reached out and took it warily. "Here you go, schematics for the magnet, as promised."

"Bye Howard." Steve patted him on the shoulder, Howard moved away so quickly, holding onto said shoulder, as if it's in pain. Howard watches them go, never once taking his eyes off them. "Should we tell him we're not actually mad and that it's just a prank?" He asks, looking back toward Howard, watching him scramble to check around the room for anything.

"Nah," Bucky smirks. "He's smart, he'll figure it out eventually."

They never do get around to telling Howard.

***~*~*~***

Steve was pissed. He wasn't normally pissed, especially at this person, he was annoyed at most, but this, this is different. Bucky had pranked everyone, he somehow wormed his way into every prank and joke, not including his own. He could count the number of times he was just walking or woke up, cursing Bucky's name in the past month. Bucky even pranked Peggy, which was a feat by itself. Steve wasn't a wimp, he'd been called stupidly brave a thousand times, but even he isn't brave or stupid enough to do that. Bucky even left him behind. They were no longer the Original Prankster's but now it was just Bucky and his sidekick.

So he wants something that most sane, rational and good people want. Revenge. He got all the Commandos to agree to a prank for him. It was simple, all they had to do was lure Bucky out. They had decided that Steve should be the one to do it. Even though he can't lie, and Bucky can always tell when he is, Bucky would follow him anywhere, no questions asked, except if it's something that he considers 'Steve Patented Stupidity'.

Bucky was by the officer's tent, talking to Peggy. Peggy was in on the prank too, she doesn't take to kindly to someone setting her up. Going on a wild goose chase for no reason besides Bucky's enjoyment is not making Bucky her favorite person in the world right now. Peggy nods her head in his direction and Bucky turns, looks at him and smiles brightly. He says bye to Peggy and jogs toward him, still smiling.

"Hey punk, where you going?" Bucky asks once he sees Steve's still walking.

"Just going for a walk. Wanna come?" Not exactly the truth but not a lie either. Bucy doesn't say anything if he caught on, just nods in agreement.

He leads him through the forest, not in a clearing but a place full of trees. He knocks his hand against once, a signal the Commandos made so they could continue their prank.

"Hey, Cap!" Gabe runs out from behind a tree, pretending to be out of breath. "We need you to help. Dum Dum got stuck again and you're the only one who would help, being a super soldier and all."

He nods with a grin. He wasn't told what excuse they would say to get him to ditch Bucky, but this was perfect. Dum Dum had a bad habit of getting stuck in things, trees, sleeping bags, tanks, jeeps, and surprisingly showers. This situation is not as unbelievable that Bucky would be suspicious.

"Buck, I need you to do me something. Can you scout out the area? Find places that we'll be able to have an advantage of Hydra and Nazis over?"

Bucky looks at him sharply, a man on a mission. "You think that they know where we are?"

"No, no, no!" He says quickly, not wanting Bucky to worry. "I just wanted to try something, I'll be back to explain." He jogs off toward the direction of the base and when he's sure Bucky's preoccupied he turns right, where he knows the Commandos are. "So, did Dum Dum really get stuck again?"

Dum Dum looks offended for a moment before scowling and nodding. Ha! He kind of wishes he was there for that. "Chair didn't like me," he mutters, looking away.

Dernier says something in French and Gabe laughs. "That's because Bucky put glue on it before you sat down."

Steve couldn't help the laugh that bubbles out of him. Steve had been doing that prank on people since he was ten, it was fun to see someone else trying it out.

"What? That bastard! I swear when I get my hands on that little slimy jerk, I'm gonna-" Dum Dum never got around to finishing his threat, not when they heard Bucky shout.

When the commandos got there, they were greeted with the sight of Bucky dangling from a tree by a rope.

"Well, well, well," Steve said. "Look what we got here. You caught up in something, there Buck." Bucky looks at him, his eyes narrowed and lips formed in a pout. Somehow managing to look adorable upside down. Not that Steve was ever going to tell him that, Bucky's ego doesn't need to get bigger.

"You did this?" Steve just smirks. "You all worked on this?"

Just then Peggy walked toward them, completely out of breath. "Oh good, he's still there. I thought I missed it," Peggy said, looking at Bucky with maybe too much satisfaction. "How does it feel to be on the other side of it for once, _James_?"

  
Bucky doesn't miss a beat. "How does it feel to be the second best shot, _Margaret_?" He snarks back. Peggy snarls and Bucky grinned. "You planned this, Stevie?"

"Yep. Gotta lot more in here," he taps his temple, "Than just ideas for pretty pictures."

"Surprisingly." Bucky ignores his offended look to keep talking. "I'm proud of you. You got me. You've taken my crown. Good job. Now cut me down."

"I think you should stay up there. You always did say you loved trees."

"I never said that. Those words never once came out my mouth. Get me down, Stevie."

"What? You never said that? I can recall you telling me this once, in daycare. I asked what was your favorite plant, you said trees."

"I was four! Get me down!"

"Sure." All the commandos groaned. "For a price." He was graced with cheers.

"What's the price?" Bucky looked suspicious, crossing his arms and trying to look intimidating. "We want you to-"

"What the hell is going on here?!" A new voice shouted. They all turned around (or at least most of them, Bucky just spun in circles, when he tried to turn) to see Colonel Phillips walking--stomping--their way.

"We want you to take the blame." He rushed out. The Commandos and Peggy ran, not stopping to cut Bucky down. He never ran as fast he did just now. "It's Bucky's fault!" He said when he ran past Phillips.

"Wait! No! Stevie, don't! Stop! Don't leave me! Come back! Steve! Steve! Steve!"

**_________________________**

"... Bucky still got the most pranks in, but I did the best prank, we were tied. But we got in trouble for it though, even though it was Bucky's fault." He finishes off the last of his pancake.

 "Was Bucky mad at you for leaving him there?" Tony sniggers.

"Yeah. I was put in the doghouse for a few days after that."

"What's the frisbee incident?" Clint ask. 

"That, my friend, is a story from another day. " He yawns. "I'm beat. Imma take a nap. Bye, guys." He lays down on his bed once he gets to his room, not bothering to put the covers on. He's asleep in seconds.

 

He knows something’s wrong the moment he wakes up. He can't move his arms or legs, can wiggle his body more than a few centimeters, and he feels restrained. When he opens his eyes, he's immediately confused. He's not in his bed, but he's still in his room.

He tried looking up but he hit his head on something hard, solid, like a wall. He looks down. Looking down means looking at his room from above. He sees, the floor, his dresser, his desk, easel. And his bed, which is holding all the Avengers, looking up at him, smiling.

"Well played guys." He chuckles, looking down. "Now let me down."

"Y'know, you look really nice up there. Like ceiling decoration." Clint comments.

"I used to have one when I was a kid. It was a Captain America ceiling light. Never saw one that looked this real though," Tony said offhandedly. "I think you should stay there. I like it. Plus I needed to try out my new magnet somehow. If it's strong enough to handle you, it'll be fine." He just noticed the hard metal that was strapped to his back. Dammit, Tony. The Avengers all got up and filed out the door, not looking back, not looking guilty, but smug. They got him.

"Wait! Don't go! Come back!" He was aware he was the only one in the room. "Please. I have to pee."

Clint came back to his room, Steve looked down at him, hopeful, but Clint shook his head, snorting. "Nope. I just left my coffee." He picked up the purple mug that was on the nightstand and left.

He's not here, but Steve blames Bucky on this too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be posted next week, Friday or Saturday.  
> Join me on [Tumblr](https://hidingouthere.tumblr.com/)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I have friends, yeah, the Avengers and my friend Sam. I use to have a best friend too. He used to do what Chanel did, he'd come visit me every day when I was sick and in the hospital every day and stay for hours. But then he died, in war, so he couldn't visit me anymore." He did not stutter at saying this. His voice did not  
> crack as he spoke. And he very pointedly, did not shed a tear. 
> 
> "You were sick, too?" Sarah, thankfully, skipped over the part about Bucky dying. Good, 'cause he didn't want to talk about it. 
> 
> "Enough to end up in the hospital, yes." 
> 
> "What did you and your friend do? Chanel and I just watch Pokemon on Netflix that’s on Mom's tablet with Camden." 
> 
> This he could talk about, this, is something light and something that Sarah herself would understand. Maybe his story could give her hope that she could get better too. He knows that currently, there's no cure for cancer, but it can give her hope that, maybe one day, she could leave the white walls of the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter was shorter than normal, I'll try to make next chapter a little longer. Also, I'm hoping to post two chapters a week. And thanks to my beta for editing this chapter.   
> [Mr.Goodbar](http://mrgoodbar11213.tumblr.com/)  
> Enjoy!

Steve came into the common room, smacking a stack of papers on the coffee table. The Avengers stopped from what they were doing to look at the papers. "What are those?" Natasha inclines her head toward papers. Natasha didn't stop what she was doing, just kept finishing to paint the black polish onto her perfectly pedicured nails.   
  
"Community service," he replied. Placing his hands on his hips, he begins his lecture. "We Avengers don't do enough for the community. We need to start doing more."   
  
"Doing more? We do, do enough. We risked our lives for the world just a month or two ago. I say that's enough," Tony said, lying back down on the couch, and taking out his phone.   
  
"So do firefighters, so do police, so do soldiers, and more people. They all risk their lives and try to do more good, why shouldn't we?" He argues. In the war, The Commandos went to different towns trying to get all the civilians to safety before Hydra got to them, before they got bombed. They gave them their spare food, and if needed, clothing. They didn't have to, it was war. It would have been completely understandable if they paid them no mind, but they didn’t. Now he'll make sure the Avengers do too. "Choose something from the list and tell me. "   
  
Steve gave each of them a booklet of twelve pages that he made, a list of twenty-four services and its descriptions on it. He turned to leave, trusting them to figure out what they wanted to do. "You're not giving us a choice, are you?" Clint calls out.   
  
"Nope." Steve goes to turn the corner but stops before he heads into the kitchen. "Oh, by the way, we're going to a volunteer at a children's hospital tonight, so I hope you have no plans." 

  
**~*~*~*~**

  
"Now we're going to introduce the some very special volunteers; the Avengers!" One of the nurses announced. The kids gasped and cheered, raising from their spots on the floor or turning in their wheelchairs to face the door. There are shrieks and cries for Iron Man or Thor, Captain America and Hulk. A few kids call for Natasha and Clint but they don't seem to mind, in fact, the seem fine to just talk to the small crowd they attracted.   
  
The kids in the room were great. They were nice, playful and so full of life like they weren't in the hospital 24/7. They talked to him and got them to sign their things. He told stories that his mother used to tell him or recalled some of his and Bucky's favorite memories. In return, the kids told him their story. Why the were in the hospital, their names, their families and friends and pets, and toys. He felt like he really did some good, cheering up kids who saw a hospital most their lives.

When those kids moved on to lunch, the Avengers were given permission to walk around the halls, and visit other kids. He roamed the hallways for a while, looking into kid's rooms and saying, 'Hi', holding small conversations.   
  
He stopped when he got to another floor, the cancer ward, and stopped at a room at the end of the hall. The name on the door said ‘Sarah Parker’. He doesn't know what caused him to walk in, the name, remembrance of his Ma, or the fact that the girl had cancer. It doesn't matter, he's there for her anyway.   
  
"Hi," he greets awkwardly. He waves a little, and smiles, trying to come off as friendly and caring Steve Rogers instead of his stoic and military Captain America persona. The girl looks back in awe, her mouth open in amazement.   
  
"Hi," she whispers. "You're Captain America?" Sarah asks like she can't believe it, even if he's right in front of her. He came in his uniform because, without it, no one would know him from Adam.   
  
"Yep," he replies, rocking back on his feet. "And you're Sarah?" He knows the answer but thinks it's a good way to engage her.   
  
"Yeah! How do you know my name?" The girl's excitement turns into curiosity. "What are you doing in my room? Did my mom or Nurse Joy ask you to come?"   
  
"Well, your name is on the wall outside your room, and I just came to visit and help you feel better. And, I guess, I like people whose name is Sarah. It was my Ma's name," he reveals.   
  
Sarah's brown eyes hold more questions, not satisfied with his answers, wanting to know more. Steve likes her already. "Go ahead," he prompts. "You can ask me questions."   
  
She smiles at the invention, showing the gap between her teeth where they obviously didn't grow in. "What's it like being Captain America? Do you like it?"   
  
What's it like being Captain America? It's- it's- "Hard, for the most part. Being a superhero isn't easy, but I like that I can help people."   
  
"Do superheroes have friends? Do they have best friends? I have a best friend, her name's Chanel. She visits me every day, with my mom and brother." Sarah's innocent question, that should be easy to answer, struck a chord in him. Did he have friends? He had the Avengers and Sam. Did he have a best friend? No, not anymore. His best friend is dead at the bottom of a ravine somewhere in Europe. And it's his fault.   
  
"I have friends, yeah, the Avengers and my friend Sam. I use to have a best friend too. He used to do what Chanel did, he'd come visit me every day when I was sick and in the hospital every day and stay for hours. But then he died, in war, so he couldn't visit me anymore." He _did not_ stutter at saying this. His voice _did not_  
crack as he spoke. And he very pointedly, _did not_ shed a tear.   
  
"You were sick, too?" Sarah, thankfully, skipped over the part about Bucky dying. Good, 'cause he didn't want to talk about it.   
  
"Enough to end up in the hospital, yes."   
  
"What did you and your friend do? Chanel and I just watch Pokemon on Netflix that’s on Mom's tablet with Camden."   
  
This he could talk about, this, is something light and something that Sarah herself would understand. Maybe his story could give her hope that she could get better too. He knows that currently, there's no cure for cancer, but it can give her hope that, maybe one day, she could leave the white walls of the hospital.   
  
"I got sick with pneumonia sometime near Christmas..." 

  
**___________________**

 

Steve bounced his leg in anticipation, from where he was sitting on the front step of Bucky's apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Barnes were taking all the Barnes kids and him Christmas shopping.   
  
He was told to wait in his apartment, it was too cold for him to walk outside, especially since he didn't have things like a scarf and gloves. He easily gets sick anyway, no need for him to try to go out and catch something if they can pick him up instead, they said. As usual, he didn't listen.   
  
When the Barnes' open the door twenty some minutes later, to see Steve there, their faces vary to surprise and anger.   
  
"Steve!" Bucky exclaims, "What are you doing here?! It's too cold for you to be out, you could get sick!" Bucky unwraps his scarf and ties it around Steve's neck tightly, almost choking him. Bucky shoves the gloves onto Steve's hands and glares when it looks like he was going to take them off.   
  
"Bucky, these are yours!" Steve says back, unable to accept any form of help, especially at the cost of others. "I can't just take them!" Mr. Barnes pulls him into the car, feeling his head for any sign of a fever. "I'm fine." He pushes Mr.Barnes hands away, lightly, he knows he can't hurt him but it's rude to push adults.   
  
"You didn't take them, I gave them to you." Bucky opens his arms to hold Bailey and straps them both in under that one seat belt. Steve himself was holding a small giggling Beth. The car couldn't hold seven people without kids sitting on someone's lap.   
  
"But-"   
  
"Steve," Mrs. Barnes cuts off crisply, "There's a reason we said we'd pick you up. Bucky's right, it is too cold for you to be out here, especially without proper covering. Bucky'll be fine, he doesn't get sick easily, so take what he's giving you and be thankful. Hopefully, you won't wind up at the hospital." Mrs. Barnes turns from her seat and gives Steve a look, he nods his head, murmuring thanks to Bucky. He doesn't _want_ their help. He doesn't _want_ their pity. He's _perfectly_ capable of taking care of himself. 

  
~*~*~*~  

  
He _needs_ their help. He _needs_ their pity. He's probably the _worst_ possible person to take care of himself.   
  
He's on the floor, gasping for air after he just ran up for flights up steps. His Ma isn't home and Daidí hasn't been around at all that week, and he lost his keys. No way to get in the apartment, no way to get his inhaler. Even though it's winter, he's burning up in what can only be the beginnings of a fever.   
  
He tries to do the breathing exercises that Bucky showed him but it's hard to do alone, he doesn't think it could get worse. Then, he starts coughing. Violently. He had coughs before, but never this bad. Fluids come out when he coughs, this never happened before. He had, admittedly, been coughing this week, but not this bad. He knew that he should've told Bucky but he didn't. He wanted to prove them wrong, he wanted to show them that, yes, he can take care of himself. He wanted to prove that no, he won't get sick, at least not every winter.   
  
He leans back on the door, trying to even his breaths in between coughs when Bucky, miraculously, comes in view.   
  
"Stevie, Steve! You left your sketchbook and-," Bucky cuts himself off, must be because he's so surprised at the state he's in. His vision starts blurring, he's getting spots in them, but he keeps trying to even his breath, just like Bucky taught him. "Mom! Mom!" Bucky's yelling is panicky, which isn't helping him try to calm his erratic heartbeat.   
  
The next thing he knows is Bucky behind him, holding both of his hands to his chest. He tries to mimic the breathing, but it's too fast, not calm, not right. He closes his eyes.   


**~*~*~*~**

  
When he wakes, the first thing he hears is the sound of arguing in hushed whispers.   
  
"What do you mean you won't pay for his bills? He's your son," the first person says. Steve thinks she sounds like Mrs. Barnes.   
  
"It's too much money to spend on him," the second person says. Steve thinks it’s his Ma.   
  
"He's a kid, they cost money. If you didn't want a child, why did you have one?"   
  
"Well, of course, I wanted a child. I asked God for a child, but all I was given a burden and a freak."   
  
Distantly, Steve wonders if it has anything to do with him.   


**~*~*~*~**

  
The next time Steve wakes he hears a soft childlike voice, that sounds remarkably like Bucky, telling him, "It'll be ok. You're gonna be ok, Stevie. I know you will. You can do this. You can do anything, Steve." And a deep scoff coming from a different side of the room that counters it.   
  
He can smell coffee like the kind his Ma would make and thinks briefly that he's taking a nap on the couch with Bucky, and his Ma is making coffee. 

  
**~*~*~*~**

  
The third time Steve wakes he hears loud crying coming from what he thinks is the middle of the room and the same crying person saying, "But he, he, he... he-” hiccup “-ha- has to b...b... beee-" hiccup "- alive. He's-" hiccup "-my -" hiccup "-be-bes-best friend." Hiccup.   
  
He can hear a soft caring voice that Steve knows is Mrs. Barnes saying, "I know, honey. Bucky, I know, but I'm so sorry, he might not make it." The crying gets louder. He can smell beer and knows that his Daidí is close by and can feel warm socks on is ice cold feet.   
  
Steve hopes that whoever Bucky was crying about is okay. 

  
**~*~*~*~**

  
The fourth time Steve wakes he can hear someone, probably Bucky, saying a bunch of Hail Mary's and other prayers in a jumble of languages that he is too tired to place. He can smell perfume and knows that his Ma is getting ready to go to work. He can hear someone coughing and feels the hand in his tighten it's hold as the prayers are getting faster. He can taste fluids in his mouth and wonders for a second what it is, before passing out again. 

  
**~*~*~*~**

The fifth time he wakes he can hear Bucky singing his favorite lullaby ' _you are my sunshine_ ' very softly in his ear. He can smell and taste vomit as if he bathed in it a few hours ago. He can feel fingers in his hair and loses himself in the feeling pretty quickly. When he opens his eyes, he is welcomed by a bright light and wonders if this is what flying to heaven is like. He sleeps. 

  
 **~*~*~*~**

When Steve wakes, he blinks. When his eyes focus, he blinks once, twice, three times to get adjusted to the light. He turns his head to the left and smiles weakly at Bucky's hopeful expression. He goes to speak but when he opens his mouth instead of words a cough comes instead. After a few minutes, Steve was able to get out a, 'Hi Bucky'. Bucky's smile widened and he surged up to hugged Steve. He laughed and hugged back before grimacing at his raw throat.   
  
"What day is it?" Steve asked after a few minutes of silence. He hoped it wasn't too long. He hated missing school and making Bucky and the Barnes family worry. He hated feeling like a burden to his parents. He hated being sick in general. But Bucky made it better. Bucky always made it better. From the look on Bucky's face though, Steve knew he wouldn't like the answer.   
  
"Ummm. It's December 23rd." He smiled a happy excited smile and said,"The good news is it's almost Christmas. I brought you a gift and everything. It's really cool. It's -"   
  
"Buck?" Steve asked softly. Bucky cuts himself off, looking at Steve like he'd do anything he'll ask, which Steve doesn't doubt. He knows Bucky will do whatever it takes to keep him happy but, he's a kid, he can only do so much. "When can I go home?"   
  
Bucky doesn't answer right away. He sighs, "I don't know. But, if you have to stay here for Christmas then I'll stay."   
  
"You shouldn't have too. Stay with your family, be at home, not in some boring hospital. It's my fault I’m here anyway, I should have been better at taking care of myself." 

"Yeah, Stevie, you should but, you don't have to do it alone. We're here for you. _I'm_ here for you. I'm with you 'til the end of the line, Stevie."   
  
Bucky's words aren't just a childhood pinkie swear, they're not promises, they're much, much more; they're _vows_. 

"I'm with you too," Steve promises, no _vows_.

  
The moment is ruined when the door is bust open. Mrs. Barnes comes in the room, surprise on her face.

"James, I told you to tell us if Steve woke up." Mrs. Barnes sends Bucky a disappointing glare then moves to check on Steve. "Steve, honey, are you okay?" He nods, he's fine, or as fine as he can be. He's a little sweaty, and his nose and chest still feels congested, but it's not as worse as he was before. "Bucky, I need you to get Doctor Hollen, tell him that Steve's awake."   
  
"Sure, Mom." Bucky runs out the room, completely ignoring Mrs. Barnes reprimand of, 'No running!' Doctor Hollen comes into the room, checks Steve's temperature than other normal medical procedures. Steve had stopped paying attention, really he’s looking off to the side, having a staring contest with Bucky who is sitting down in the chair next to him, still holding his hand. Bucky's face transform from his, 'I'm totally gonna win' look to his 'are you okay?' and 'I'm confused' look. "Steve," Bucky whispers, "Doctor Hollen is talking to you."   
  
Steve turned his head, looking at the doctor questioningly, "Yessir?"   
  
"I was saying that if you want to go home, you have to be monitored and kept in bed. Your pneumonia cleared, but I'd still be careful. You still have the flu, so let Sarah or Mrs. Barnes look after you. Don't leave the bed," Doctor Hollen gives him a stern look. He knows how many times he tried to leave the bed at home, even in the hospital. "Only unless it’s an emergency. Got it?"   
  
"Yes, Doctor Hollen, got it."   
  
"Good. Now, Steven, I need to ask, did you really not hear me when I was talking?" Oh no, is he in trouble? He really didn't hear Doctor Hollen, he wasn't trying to ignore him he just, didn't hear.   
  
That was odd, maybe he was just talking lowly. He shakes his head, no point in lying. "Okay, I need to test something. James, would you like to help?" Bucky nods enthusiastically, jumping up from out of his seat to go to Doctor Hollen. "Now we're going to play a game called telephone, in this game we have to whisper things in someone's ear then pass it on to the next person. The last person has to say what they heard. I'm going to tell you something James, but you have to repeat it in Steve's _right_ ear, got it?"   
  
Bucky nodded, listening intently to what Doctor Hollen whispered to him, then giggling. Bucky then repeated it in his right ear, or at least Steve assumed he did. He couldn't hear, just a faint whisper. "What'd you say?" Bucky leaned down and if the feeling of breath on his ear was anything to go by, Bucky said it again. He just didn't hear. "I can't hear you," he says worriedly.   
  
He should be worried, he can't hear anything, even though he was hearing just fine a few second ago. "Why can't I hear you?"   
  
Before Bucky can say anything, Doctor Hollen touches his shoulder. "James, I need you to repeat what you said in his left ear."   
  
Bucky nods, moving to his left side and whispers, "There's a snake in my boot."   
  
He heard that clearly and he whispers that to Mrs. Barnes who then whispers something to Mr. Barnes, repeats the sentence.   
  
"Steven, it seems like you have developed partial deafness in your right ear. Don't worry, it's nothing that bad, you just won't hear that well or at all on your right side." He didn't notice that before Doctor Hollen had moved to his left, and how it sounds clearer than it was when he was on his right.   
  
He sighs, his hearing was the one thing about his body that was normal, like other people. He didn't have any problems with it, it was perfect, but now that's ruined too. "Okay," was all he said.   
  
"Good," Doctor Hollen replied. "I'll check up on you later, Mr. and Mrs. Barnes, I'll talk to you about his condition and treatment before he goes home tomorrow. Are you leaving now or later?"   
  
"Later," Mr. Barnes answered.   
  
Doctor Hollen nodded, he went to leave, only to have Steve interrupt his departure with a question. "I thought you said I get to leave?" He accused.   
  
Doctor Hollen's look, for once, wasn't his serious face that he normally has, it was patient. "Steven, you just woke up from being unconscious for the last two weeks. Why would you think we'll just let you go home without monitoring you overnight to make sure you're okay?" He shrugged, Doctor Hollen sighed. "Get some rest, Steven." Then he left.   
  
Bucky took the absence of the doctor to climb up into the bed with him. "Hey Stevie," Bucky reached out over the bed to get something, coming back up with a book. "Want me to read my new book to you?" Steve looked at the cover, ' _Winnie the Pooh_ ', he nodded, wanting to hear Bucky's voice more than the story, out of fear that he won't be able to hear out of either ear. Bucky opened the first page and began. "If you happen to read an another book about Christopher Robin, you may remember that he once had a swan, or the Swan had Christopher Robin, I don't know which, and that he used to call this swan Pooh..." 

  
**~*~*~*~**

  
  
"Bucky, c'mon we have to go," Mr. Barnes said for what Steve guessed was the tenth time.   
  
"No! I don't want to! I wanna stay with Steveeeee!" Bucky whined. Bucky was holding on tightly to the bars of the bed when Mr. Barnes tried pulling him off it.

"Bucky, let go. We should let Steve rest. We'll come back tomorrow and then bring him home. " Mr. Barnes pulled Bucky once more, but Bucky didn't let go. " _James_." He said with finality.   
  
Bucky scrunched up his nose and slowly let go.   
  
"Just five more minutes." Bucky pleaded. "Please Dad, then we'll go."   
  
Mr. Barnes nodded, "Five minutes. But that's it. We're already late for dinner."   
  
Bucky sat down next to Steve again, grabbing onto his hand. "When you get out of here, we gotta go somewhere."   
  
Steve looked over at him in confusion. "Go somewhere? Go where?" They went everywhere they possibly could in Brooklyn. They've been to the park, the beach, Coney Island, the ice cream shop. Where else could they possibly go?   
  
"Yeah, like travel. Where do you want to go?"   
  
Honestly, Steve never thought of leaving Brooklyn. This is his home. His life is here, his family, and his best friend. What's in the outside World that'd made Bucky think of leaving anyway?   
  
There's nowhere else he'd like to go to or to see. Besides... "Ireland. I wanna see Ireland." He knows he's Irish, not because his parents told him, but because of the bullying he'd get at school because of this, and how Mrs. Grushaw told him when he asked. He always wanted to see the place he came from. And if it's as beautiful as she described.   
  
"I always wanna go to the Grand Canyon. So that's what we'll do. When you come home., we’re gonna open a piggy bank and start saving, then when we have enough, we'll leave. Maybe you won't get sick in Ireland. It'll be fun. You can't be locked up in a hospital all your life. Is there anything else you wanna do?"   
  
"Um, I don't know. Why do we have to figure this out now? Can't we do it when we're older?"   
  
"Nope. We should figure it out now, then do it before it's too late."   
  
"Too late? Why would it be too late?"   
  
"Because-"   
  
"James," Mr. Barnes reprimands. "No."   
  
"But Dad, he has to know. I should tell-"

"Bucky," Mr. Barnes sighs, "I think that we should tell him too, but the doctor said not too. He said it might make this worse. We don't want that to happen."   
  
"I don't want him to be unprepared," Bucky shoots back. Steve has no idea what they're talking about. This has something to do with him, he knows. It’s something Doctor Hollen doesn't want him to know. But, if Bucky thinks he needs to know, then he needs to know. "Steve, Doctor Hollen said that you probably won't live past fifteen. He didn't want to tell you because he didn't want you to worry."   
  
He's been worried about is health anyway. Now he just knows there's no point in worrying. He's going to die either way. That explains why Bucky would want him to have as much fun as he can.   
  
Bucky must see something on his face because he's there trying to comfort him in seconds. "But you won't die," he says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world like a doctor didn't just say that he would. "They said you we're gonna die with this pneumonia and the flu but you didn't. You came out on top and lived. You're stronger than that. And stubborn. You'll be fine. And we'll be here to help you any way we can."   
  
Bucky gathers him in his arms and hugs him. And right now, with a deadline on his life, it's the best possible feeling in the world. 

  
**___________________**

 

"... he made going to the hospital so much more bearable. I wish he was here to do the same when I have to go on missions." Having Bucky here would just make it easier, it'd give him something to focus on besides pain and worrying if the serum will heal him again.

"Captain America?" Sarah asks hesitantly. "If you got better when they said you wouldn't, would I get better too?" 

Steve lowers himself to his knees, taking hold of Sarah's hand. He wants to say, ' _you'll get better, you're strong_ ' or ' _you can do it, I know you can_ '. But he doesn't. One thing he hated when he was sick was getting false hope and lies. Sarah deserves that truth, that respect of knowing how she'll be.   
  
"I don't know," He tells her honestly. "But let's just hope you will. That's something I needed. When I had no hope for myself, I always had at least one person to hope for me. That was the thing that helped me most. And I will hope for you Sarah, I'll hope you can get better."   
  
This is something he can do, this is, in some ways, better than being a superhero, better than fighting. Because at least this way, he can give hope to a little girl that's fighting for her life. At least this way, no one has to get hurt while saving a life.   
  
"C'mon, Steve, let’s go home," Natasha puts a hand on his shoulder. He looks up at her, then stands, feeling unnerved that he never heard or noticed all the Avengers walk into the room.   
  
"The Black Widow," Sarah whispers in awe. "Wow."   
  
Natasha turns to look back at the girl, something in her eyes makes Steve pause. He saw that look before. It was the same look in Bucky's eyes when they first met, when Bucky fought off those bullies. It wasn't pity or sympathy; it was care. Natasha seldom shows that she cares, especially around strangers.   
  
"If it means anything to you Sarah, all of us, me included, hope for the best for you. Good luck." Sarah hands Natasha a book, a scrapbook and opened to a seemingly random page. "Can you sign this? Please?" Looking over her shoulder, Steve can see pictures of the Natasha all over the page. Pictures of her in action during the Battle of New York, pictures of her in fanart and other merchandise that was made. Stickers that were stuck in each other the four corners and random white spots. Obviously, a lot of dedication went into making that page. "I have skin cancer. During the Battle of New York, you saved me and brought me to my brother. I could have died, but the worst thing that happened to me was getting cancer. So, thank you, for saving my life."   
  
Natasha stares at Sarah, then she signs the book, handing it back to her. "You're very welcome."   
  
Sarah holds the book to her chest and stage whispers, "Camden will be so jealous!"   
  
Before they get to leave, Sarah calls him back. "Wait! Can you please sign my book too, Captain America?"   
  
He doesn't hold back a grin as he signs.   
  
_Dear Sarah,_  
  
_I hope you will get better. You're a very brave and strong girl, and I can only wish to be as brave and as strong as you are. Keep fighting, one day, you might overcome this._  
  
_Your friend, Steve (Captain America)_  
  
They walk out, giving Sarah a wave as they leave.

"Pepper can organize a gala. For donations for these kids, and the hospital. Sometimes kids like Sarah need help, and as Avengers, it's our job to protect and help them," Tony says.   
  
"Not all fighting has to be physical," Steve states. "Yea, let's do it. I wanna come back here knowing I did something to help. Not just Sarah, but everyone."   
  
Tony stops him before he goes into the elevator. "You're a good man, Steve."   
  
"Yeah?" He thinks of Bucky, of the fall. Of how terrible and weak it was of him to let Bucky fall. Of how it's his fault. Of how he killed his brother, protector, best friend, the love of his life. Of how, even though he's big and strong, and fast, he wasn't good enough to help the person that matters most. "Not good enough."   
  
He shoulders past Tony, going into his suite and walking toward his bedroom. He remembers the promise that Dr. Erskine asked of him, and feels guilty.   
  
"... _That you will stay who you are, not a perfect soldier, but a good man_..."   
  
"Sorry, Dr. Erskine, looks like I couldn't keep your promise."   
  
He opens the closet and hangs up the shield.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be posted next week, Friday or Saturday.  
> Join me on [Tumblr](http://hidingouthere.tumblr.com/)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn't bother mentioning his relationship or lack thereof with his father, no little kid needs to hear about him. "I've been bullied."
> 
> "But, you're Captain America. Why would someone bully you?"
> 
> "Because before I was Captain America, I was Steven Grant Rogers. I was a short, skinny, and a small kid. Smaller than all the rest of the boys and some girls. I was too weak to play sports like the rest of the boys. I was always sick, always getting in the hospital. I was color blind, and deaf in one ear. That was reason enough to make fun of me." He doesn't mention that he got beat up because of those things, he doesn't mention that he got bullied because he was Irish, and because he was gay. Cooper didn't need to hear that. "But I had a friend and a family that care and tried their best to help me."
> 
> "What did you do?"
> 
> Steve sighed, he didn't really want to get into this, but he wanted to help Cooper, so he would. "I was ten maybe when the bullying got really excessive..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here's chapter 10! Sorry it's so late, I had a busy day. I might put up chapter 11 this week too. Warning, there is some homophobia in this chapter, so if that's a trigger to you then you might wanna skip over it. Anyways, enjoy this chapter.

They were all tired by the time they got back. Even Thor, who somehow always managed to be chipper any time of the day, was feeling down. This mission took a turn for the worst, quickly escalating. No civilians got hurt, thank God, but it was harder than expected. Something wasn't adding up, and it was really bothering him.

Fury decided to be gracious (for once) and allow them to have a night's rest before the debriefing. Steve was fully intending to use that time for sleep, but he couldn't help but go over the mission in his head, over and over, like a mantra.

Something, somehow, was able to knock Tony out of the sky. The Iron Man suit should be able to withstand almost everything, but it fell, it went down, and wouldn't work anymore. The only thing that was pulled out the suit was a stray, single bullet, right in the center of the arc reactor. Perfect shot.

Something, somehow, had managed to put the Hulk to sleep, taking him out of the fight. Neither Hulk or Bruce was hurt, he was just unconscious. Thor, Natasha, Clint, and Steve had to pick up for the rest of the Avengers.

It was unnerving how the Avengers were almost beaten.

The mission had taken a weird turn, he got shot in the stomach, and if he was anyone else, he would have been dead already. Then, instead of the shooter finishing him off, he shot the enemy behind him, shooting his own ally. The shooter, then disappeared, seemingly no longer in the fight. He was able to get closer to the bottom, and when he did, he heard screams, screams that sounded familiar, but distant at the same time. When he finally got to the bottom there was nothing there, nothing there but walls.

When he looks back on it, he can't help but think that the screams were in his own head. Natasha had gone down, something similar to a Widow's Bite electrocuting her. Thor and Clint carried on and found to prisoners, two kids, not far from Steve's age, in cells, Wanda and Pietro. They were safe, but couldn't tell them anything about why they were there and who brought them there.

He thinks of Bucky, and what he would've done to help Wanda and Pietro. Bucky would've tried to keep them, to let them into their family, as a sister and brother, if they didn't have any family like they claimed. Once upon a time, he would've done the same thing, but he's different now. He's not Bucky, he's not the same guy as he was seventy years ago, that guy died when Bucky fell. Now he just made sure they were okay, gave them enough of his back pay to send them to college, and send them on their way. He wishes Bucky would be proud of him for that.

He didn't realize he fell asleep until Clint was there to shake him awake. "Wake up, dude," Clint said, "C'mon, we have to get to that debriefing with Fury." Clint shoves a cup of coffee (that won't do much for him anyway) in his hand, then herds him out the bed.

The Avengers, Hill, and Fury are already in the room when they got there, waiting patiently, or as patiently as those two can get, which isn't very much.

"Rogers," Fury greets, "Glad to see you can join us." He grunts in reply, plopping himself in the nearest open seat. "Alright, this mission was more difficult than expected. What's something that contributes to that?"

"Whoever those people are, they seem to know us. They knew our skills, our weaknesses, what to use to take us down. They knew what would distract and take us out from the mission, they were really able to do a number to us," Tony sums up.

"Something's not adding up here," Natasha remarks. "This castle has been abandon for a while, now all of a sudden it’s being used and has powerful weapons, prisoners, and agents. That's not something that could be done in a day."

"And the thing that took out Bruce while he was Hulk; Wasn't that impossible? How was someone able to do anything like that? And it knocked Tony out the sky, that's not that hard to do if it has good aim, but, dead center of the arc reactor? The bullet didn't even go deep enough to kill him," Clint says.

The rest of the Avengers state their theories and their sides of the mission, which basically sums up to the million dollar question: what's going on?

"Steve?" Hill asked, "You've been awfully quiet. Anything you'd like to add?"

He thinks back on everything that happened. "Whatever shot at them," he waves a hand in the general direction of Bruce, Tony, and Natasha, "shot at me too. Shot me in my stomach, would've been a kill shot if I didn't have the serum, but it had the perfect opportunity to kill me when I was holding the wound. I was wounded, why not use that as an opportunity to kill me? But it shot one of the agents behind me. It shot whoever it was working for."

"Maybe it was a machine? Maybe it malfunctioned? Maybe it missed?"

"It could've been a machine and it could've malfunctioned, but it didn't miss. Nothing could've missed me, I was out in the open, my shield was gone. The agent wasn't even behind me, somewhere off to the side. That's not missing, that was deliberate."

"Thanks, Rogers," Fury states, "Anything else?" Everyone says no. "Dismissed."

He doesn't mention the screams.

**~*~*~*~**

"We need a vacation," Clint says, flopping down on the couch with a beer. "We've been doing nothing but missions for a while and we could use this time to relax."

Tony wholeheartedly agreed, but Steve and Natasha were hesitant.

"What if we're needed, though?" Steve asked, "Some missions, like the one we had yesterday, require the Avengers participation. If we're not there, how are we gonna help?"

"Relax, Steve," Tony says, "We'll just come back."

"We really should be focused on the missions," Natasha stresses. "With how hard they've been getting lately, I think training and going over them is the best course of action."

"C'mon, Nat," Clint whined, "You know that resting before a mission, regrouping, is the best thing for us right now. Going over it isn't gonna help no one, it's in the past."

"Yea, but if we could just-"

"If I may, Lady Natasha?" Thor interrupts, looking at Natasha in question. Natasha nods, and Thor continues. "We've almost been bested in this battle, almost, but not quite. We've been sent on a lot of missions like this, and maybe, the reason why we haven't been... winning, is because we are tired. Every warrior needs a break, or they will break, my mother would say. Let's take some time to recharge, then come back full strength when we return."

"Where would we even go?" Steve asks petulantly. He would rather stay here, instead of going out. He can't understand why they would choose to vacation and have fun when, not only their lives but others lives and in danger. Or maybe he can, he just chooses not to.

"We can go to Hawaii or California-"

"I hear Asgard is great this time of year."

"Guys, I know a place," Clint interrupts. "We'll need the quinjet to get there though."

**~*~*~*~**

"Y'know Clint, when you said we'll need the quinjet to get there, I thought you meant some uncharted island that only S.H.I.E.L.D knows about, not some farmhouse in Iowa," Tony said, his words light but tone completely disapproving.

Steve couldn't help but agree. This isn't something he'd pictured from the way Clint described it. 'It's only us,', 'open space for miles', and 'it's really beautiful, puts Hawaii, to shame' gave him the idea that they were going to some island. It doesn't matter though, Clint wasn't wrong. The place was really beautiful and had a lot of space. It kind of reminds him of the family home that the Barnes had in Indiana, large enough to hold all forty-seven of them for the holidays and summer, and a lot of space to go outside, play sports or explore. It feels so familiar that he thinks this is the perfect destination.

He immediately knows why Clint choose to come here when two small children came running out, and an obviously pregnant woman walked out at a moderate stroll.

"Uncle Clint! Uncle Clint!" The kids shouted in unison.

Tony moved back a step, muttering something about little agents.

Clint grabbed on to the kids when the hugged him, picking up the girl and brought the boy closer to him with his free hand. Clint moved forward to the pregnant women and kissed her on her cheek. "Hey Laura," Clint greeted.

The girl, after looking around at all of their faces screamed, "Auntie Nat! Auntie Nat!" She broke out of Clint's clutches and the boy dashed off, running to Natasha and hugging her the same way they did Clint.

"Hey guys," Natasha greeted fondly. "Hi, Laura," Natasha said louder, waving to the women-- Laura, Steve's brain supplied.

Steve was just trying to figure out who they were when Clint came over to Natasha, touched the kids, that were still connected to her, heads and explained, "This is my brother's, Barney's, farm. His wife," he pointed to Laura, "Laura and his two kids," he pat his on the kid's heads, "Cooper and Lila. Come on in, there's enough room for you all here."

The Avengers walked into the, admittedly large house, settled into their rooms and then explored when they got the okay. Steve wondered around the outside for a bit, coming to a stop when he found a tree house.

He and Bucky always wanted a treehouse when they were younger. Growing up in Brooklyn though didn't give them the opportunity to have one. When they would go to the Barnes' vacation home, they'd only get a few days to play on the tree house that was there. He remembers having a certain conversation that, when they move and have kids after the war, they were giving them a treehouse, whether they wanted it or not.

This treehouse was a perfect size, nicely nestled in the tree. The treehouse wasn't the only thing that drew his attention though, he heard crying or sniffling, coming from the tree, and couldn't help but try to fix the problem. But that made him face another problem, climbing up the tree.

He sized up the tree, it was pretty large, and tall. He, admittedly, never climbed a tree before, that was Bucky's thing, but he has scaled up walls, and jumped over them.

He looked at the steps that were on the tree, psyching himself up to climb them. "Here goes nothing," he muttered. He put his hand on one wooden plank and pulled himself, putting his feet on the two closest planks at the bottom. He continued to pull himself up until he got to the top. He didn't step in the tree house, not sure if his weight would hold.

Inside the house was some small kids chairs, one pink the other green, and a blue table. There were toys scattered about and in the corner farthest away from the door, was Copper, knees to his chest and hands rubbing at his eyes.

"Hey, Cooper," Steve said delicately. The boy didn't answer but he expected that. Living with the Barnes' gave him plenty of opportunities with children, and when they were really young, Becca, Bailey, and Beth, made sure they had the opportunity to act as exactly that, children. "Coop, what's wrong buddy?" Steve asked.

"Leave me alone," Cooper grounded out. It sounded harsh through the tears. Then Cooper looked up, a horrified expression on his face and said, "No. I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to say that. I mean, you can talk to me, you're Captain America, of course, you can it's just... I don't want to talk about it."

Steve sighed, of course, these kids would realize that he's Captain America, of course, they would try to treat him special. He doesn't mind now though, if he could use this to help Cooper.  
"Yea but that's fine. Everyone is entitled to being alone if they choose to be. But do you really want to be alone?"

He remembers Becca when she cried over her first boyfriend cheating then breaking up with her. He remembers how she locked herself in her room and wouldn't come out, not to her sister's calling, not to Mr. Barnes’ calling, and not even to Mrs. Barnes’ coaxing. Not until Bucky stood on the other side of the door, not until Bucky kept talking and talking, knowing she could hear, just wouldn't answer, not until Bucky had said, 'But do you really wanna be alone,' after Becca asked to be, had she opened the door, and let people in.

When Cooper didn't answer, Steve was about to go get Clint until the boy replied, "No."

Steve reached out a hand, an encouraging expression on his face and Cooper took it. They climbed down the tree and sat under it.

"What's up, Cooper?" He was really worried. Was it the unexpected guest? Was it something else? He couldn't help but worried.  
  
"I'm starting school tomorrow," was all the boy offered, like that explains anything. It was April, school would be ending in two months, and it started in September, why wasn't he in school before. At Steve's confused expression, Cooper explained. "My dad has a dangerous job. To keep us safe, no one really knows about us, besides Mr. Fury, Uncle Clint, and Aunt Nat. Now the rest of the Avengers know. I've been homeschooled since I was six and dad decided that I’m old enough to go to school and take care of myself. But I'm scared. What if no one likes me? What if I get bullied? What am I going to do?"

Being bullied, it was a terrible thing. He should know, he's been bullied all his life besides the three years he'd been Captain America. "Tell someone, either your parents, or Clint or Nat, or a friend, or teacher. It doesn't matter just someone who you think would help. Besides, I'm sure they'll like you. They have no reason not to, you're a nice boy."

"You won't get it. There's reason to make fun of me. Like how I never went to school before, and that I don't see my dad often because of his job, and that I don't have a phone or a computer or tv. You're Captain America, your life was perfect, no one ever had reason to make fun of you."

He doesn't bother mentioning his relationship or lack thereof with his father, no little kid needs to hear about him. "I've been bullied."

"But, you're Captain America. Why would someone bully you?"

"Because before I was Captain America, I was Steven Grant Rogers. I was a short, skinny, and a small kid. Smaller than all the rest of the boys and some girls. I was too weak to play sports like the rest of the boys. I was always sick, always getting in the hospital. I was color blind, and deaf in one ear. That was reason enough to make fun of me." He doesn't mention that he got beat up because of those things, he doesn't mention that he got bullied because he was Irish, and because he was gay. Cooper didn't need to hear that. "But I had a friend and a family that care and tried their best to help me."

"What did you do?"

Steve sighed, he didn't really want to get into this, but he wanted to help Cooper, so he would. "I was ten maybe when the bullying got really excessive..."

**_______________________**

Steve was out of breath, ready to have an asthma attack, but still kept running. He had to, or he'll never be able to get away. He was running from, yet again, another bully. This time, it was different from the all the other times he got bothered in school. During recess, he always had Bucky there with him and to (though Steve didn't want to admit it) protect him. Now he's alone. Bucky, being a year older than him, moved on to 6th grade, middle school, while he's still stuck in elementary. Without Bucky's protection, all the bullies get to come after him, with no one to watch his back.

So, Steve does something he hates doing, running away. He's not running away from a fight, there's no fight yet, contrary to popular belief, he doesn't like starting fights, he will put himself in one to protect someone but will try to avoid a fight if it has to do with him. Bucky would be proud of his self-preservation that he does have.

While running, Steve may or may not get distracted, he may or may not trip on a book bag, he may or may not fall on his face and scrape his knees. But, he did get grabbed by Ryan.

"Gotcha," Ryan sneers. Ryan forcefully drags him up then pushes him into a tree, he heard something crack and he winces, not sure if that was the bark or his spine. "Look at little Rogers, he's all alone and defenseless. Yet another year I’m stronger than you, Rogers. Just imagine all the fun things we can do."

He wants to just nod and back down, but he was never one to back away from a fight, and it looks like his brain to mouth filter isn't going his way today. "Yet another year that I'm smarter than you, Lance. How's it feel to be left back?"

Ryan Lance was a year older than him, he was just as strong, and maybe even as charming as Bucky, but definitely not as smart. Ryan is the type of person to put someone down, to make himself seem big. Ryan lets people's opinions of him get to his head, sometimes (all the time). Some girls, (Becca included) blush easily for popular guys that were cute and strong, or how some boys, thought he was a good dependable guy to play sports with or go to when they have a problem, boosted his confidence. Too bad no one ever complimented him on his grades.

He knew the punch was coming before it came. Ryan punched him right in the eye, making it black. He flinched a little but mostly held his ground, not wanting to let Ryan think he had the upper hand, well more than he already knew he did. Steve tried to give as good as he got, but he was no match up against Ryan. Ryan punched his stomach and he gasped as all the air went right out of his lungs. His head got pushed back against the tree making a thunk, he whimpered, clutching his head like that can stop his impending headache.

Ryan smirked and huffed in triumphant, picking up his sketchbook that fell when he tripped. To his horror, Ryan looked through it, flipping the pages casually. The calm handling of the book however changed into a fast and furious one. The smirk slipped off, a look of disgust taking its place. "What the hell is this?!" Ryan shouted, angry like it was him who just got beat up and had his privacy violated.

When Steve can look up without being dizzy he sees the sketch that Ryan was so angry about. It's a sketch he drew of him and Bucky, that wouldn't seem so out of place, he and Bucky are always together, there in every page of that book, but towards the end, his drawings taken a... stranger edge. Gone where the platonic sketches of them, and here where the more, intimate touches. In one sketch, he and Bucky were holding hands, in another, they were sharing milkshakes and in another, they were hugging. This particular sketch was one of them kissing, something they never did before but something he recently learned he yearned to do. On pages of his school books, he wrote Mr. Steve Barnes on the top corners with hearts doodled around it. 

Gone were the smart remarks that he had on his tongue, now he only felt fear, fear lacing itself around his body and holding him down, paralyzed.

"Um," he stammered. "Um, um. I-it's, it's-"

"You're disgusting, Rogers. What's wrong with you? I knew you were different but I didn't think the disease ran this far." Ryan picked him up, holding him at arm's length like if he coughed on him he'll become queer too. Steve's no expert but he's pretty sure that's not how it works. "You're one of those queers. I should tell someone, like the police or, or," a slow smirk fell over Ryan's face. "Or, I could keep this to myself, just between the two of us." At Steve's hopeful expression, Ryan snorted. "For a price, of course." And Steve's face fell, he didn't have any money, everything he owned was some clothes that grew too small for Bucky or some that his Da brought when he was feeling generous and the sketchbook that Bucky brought him. Ryan rolled his eyes, "I already know you're poor, Christ, everyone does. You're just gonna do chores for me. Like my homework, clean my room when I ask, tell me answers on a test, whenever I have something I don't wanna do, you'll do it."

"I'm not gonna do your bidding," Steve inserted. He already had enough things on his plate, he couldn't add being Ryan's minion to the list.

"Oh?" Ryan asked innocently. "Then you wouldn't mind if I showed your parents this book, will you? They'll kick you out." When Steve didn't react Ryan frowned. It wouldn't matter if Ryan told his parents, they already wanted nothing to do with him. He was kicked out their apartment from the day they left him in the hospital after his birth. He sleeps at the Barnes' house more often than not, anyway. "What if I showed James?" He felt his blood run cold, his hands started shaking and tears gathered in his eyes. No, he can't tell Bucky. It doesn't even matter if Bucky accepts his queerness or not, he can't know that he was the one Steve went and got a crush on. "And then the Barnes' will know. Surely you wouldn't want to lose your only friend and his family, now would you?"

He shakes his head, no he doesn't want to lose them, they're all he has. "Okay," he agrees, voice small.

"Good," Ryan smirks. He lets go of Steve, wiping his hands on his pants then taking a step back. "Meet me at the gate after school. We have a history essay to write."

"My sketchbook." Steve steadies himself, trying to glare at Ryan like he's not scared of him at all.

"Oh no," Ryan laughs cruelly, "I'm keeping that." Ryan walks aways when toward his friends that have been trying to get his attention for a while. "The gate, Rogers!" He calls, pointing to said gate while he walks.

Steve sighs. For the rest of recess, he manages to avoid Becca, knowing that if she saw him like this she'll demand to know what happened. He hides, under a picnic table, just sitting there since his entertainment was taken away.

When the school day ends, he dreads leaving the classroom, but does anyway, he needs his book back, and for Ryan to keep his mouth shut. He doesn't see Ryan by the gate when gets and he sighs in relief. His torment is being held off if only by a little it. But then he sees Bucky waiting by the gate with Bailey, Becca, and Beth, his heart drops. He walks up to them slowly, his feet dragging on the cement, and his head down.

"Hey Steve," Bucky chirps. His smile at seeing him fades though when he finally looks up to see him. "Steve? Steve, buddy what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm fine." He lies through gritted teeth, feeling guilty about it a second later.

"Dude, c'mon don't lie to me. You know you're terrible at it. What's going on?" Steve shrugs. "We're not leaving here without you telling me."

He mumbles something under his breath.

"What? What's that? I can't hear you?"

"I just had a bad day." He says a little harsher than he was intending, glaring at Bucky. The glare isn't as effective with his black eye, but he still does it.

"Jesus Christ, Steve! What happened?"

"Like I said, nothing. Just got into a little argument."

Bucky scoffs. "Little?"

"Yes. Little." They stare each other down, daring the other to give in first.

"We'll talk about this later. When we get home."

Behind Bucky he sees Ryan several feet away, leaning on the gate. Ryan raises an eyebrow, sort of a 'Come on, I'm waiting' gesture.

"I-," he gulps. "I gotta go. I can't go home with you, I'll meet up with you later."

"What? Who are you going with?" Bucky turns and sees and grimaces. Bucky never liked Ryan, they butted heads more often than not, but they worked and talked together, Steve even seen them laughing with each other, but that doesn't mean he's just gonna let Steve go. "You're not going with him." Bucky crosses his arms, letting go of Beth's hand to look intimidating.

"You don't get to tell me that. You're not the boss of me."

"Did mom say this was okay?"

"She's not the boss of me either. She's not my mom." They both know that's not true.

Bucky raises his eyebrows. "Ok, I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that. Look, you know I'm worried about you. Steve, you're like my little brother, I have to protect you."

Like his little brother. If that statement didn't just shatter his heart he doesn't know what will. "I'll be fine. He's just as old as you are, he'll protect me too."

Bucky looked at Ryan, "Yea, he better." He gives Steve's shoulder a punch. "Be home by five, or I'm not helping you past mom's rage." Bucky picks up Beth and takes Bailey's hand. "C'mon Becs." They walk away toward home, leaving Steve alone.

"You're like his little brother, huh?" Ryan mocks. "So romantic."

"Shut up," Steve hisses.

"Wonder what he'll think if he knew his 'little brother' was queer for him," Ryan continued, completely ignoring Steve.

"I said shut up."

"Bet he'll stop caring for ya, or maybe he might even try to fix you. You should just leave now before he finds out on his own, 'cause we both know he's smart enough to." Ryan muses. "He obviously cares about you a lot, better just leave before he finds out his brother is a fairy and gets hurt for it."

"Shut up," Steve shrieks. "Please," he adds, voice small. Should he leave them? Ryan is right, Bucky's definitely smart enough to figure it out, it would be kind of selfish to keep staying, especially when he knows they'll get hurt and hate him for it anyway.

When they reach the abandoned lot, turned into a baseball field, Ryan dumps his backpack onto him. "Remember it has to be at least a 'B' or I'm telling Barnes."

"What about my homework?" He asks, he has a lot of math problems that he's hoping Bucky would till help him with.

"I don't know or care. Just get my work done."

So he does, it took him all of the hour and a half that they were there but it's a nice essay, at least get a B on it. He gives it to Ryan who reads it over, then stuffs it in his bag. He winces, the paper's probably crumbled now.

"C'mon, I'm leaving, and you have to go home before your _brother_ gets mad at you," Ryan says laughing, "Of course you have a curfew and at five pm? Such a baby, Rogers."

"It's dinner. That's when Mrs.Barnes is normally done with dinner. I can stay awake for as long as I want. I don't have a bedtime." That isn't necessarily true. When he's at the Barnes house he needs to be in bed by eight-thirty pm. When he at's his parent's tenement, they don't care what time he sleeps, as long as he's out of their way. But Ryan doesn't need to know that, it'll just make this situation worse.

Ryan lives in the opposite direction he does, so he leaves Steve to find his way home without so much of a goodbye. Steve huffs, he only came here once or twice with Bucky, he didn't really know the way home. Luckily, he ran into Bucky's neighbor, who took Steve home with him.

When he got there, the table was already set and everyone was eating. No one said anything as he sat down, but Bucky got up and gave him a plate, a small unsure smile curling his lips. Steve smiled back, and the world went on as normal.

**~*~*~*~**

Ryan's dictatorship over him went on for weeks. For weeks, he spent recess getting the, as Ryan put it, 'queer beat out of him'. For weeks his grade dropped because he was too busy doing Ryan's homework instead of his own. For weeks he did Ryan's chores, going to his house to clean his room, or wash the dishes, or watch his little sister when he wanted to play ball. For weeks he spent his Saturdays going to the store when Ryan didn't want to. For weeks he spent scared, scared of Ryan, scared of him telling the police, scared of him telling Bucky. Every day was torture.

Until he got home. At home, he was able to talk to Bucky, if only for a few hours. At home, Mrs. Barnes treated all his bruises and cuts, icing his blacken eyes and cleaning all the blood out his clothes. At home, he, Bucky and Mr. Barnes went outside and played sports. At home, Becca showed him how to braid hair and Bailey and Beth liked to include him in their dress up or playing with their dolls.

Right now, he really wished he was at home. Ryan had him pinned against a tree, punching him in the stomach and face, laughing. Ryan had long since stopped trying to make him normal, claiming that he was already an invert, why not just add being queer to the mix.

Ryan was still going in with the punches and didn't stop. Not until Becca came over and yelled at him.

"What are you doing?" Becca demands. Becca was always the loudest kid in the house, and easily the bossiest. When she asks for things, they're more like demands, and everybody always answers.

"Trying to show this kid that- wait a minute, why am I answering to you? Go, get lost, kid." Ryan makes a shooing motion with his hand like he's trying to discard her. No one talks to Becca like that.

"Don't talk to her like that," Steve finds the strength to snap. He may not be able to help himself, but he can and will help her.

"Oh? Why not? I can talk to anyone anyway I want. I'm older, I'm in charge."

"Says who?" Becca ask. "'Cause I know, no teacher in their right mind would give a role like that to you."

Ryan glares at her, pushing Steve back into the tree then stands to his full height, turning around to tower over her. "You know what little girl, I'm gonna-"

"Gonna what? Hit me? Punch me, like you did to him? I dare you." Becca crossed her arms, trying to make herself intimidating. Somehow Steve thinks that she looks most intimidating when she's in her ballerina skirt and has a plastic crown in her hair.

"Are you really going to dare me? Just because you're a girl doesn't mean I can't do something to you."

"You're not gonna do something to me though, because you know how much trouble you'll be in when I tell Bucky. Do you really wanna anger Bucky?" When Ryan didn't reply Becca smiled and continued, "Mhm, thought so. So, are you going to tell me why you were beating up my brother, or do I have to tell a teacher to find out for myself?"

"There wasn't a reason. We were just playing," Ryan moves back and throws an arm over his shoulder like Bucky does, but unlike Bucky, Ryan crushes his shoulder in his hand. "Right Steve?"

He nods and looks down, not wanting to meet Becca's eyes because he hates lying to her, she is like his sister after all. Becca looks at him in worry and disappointment. "Playing doesn't give people black eyes," Becca mutters. "Oh look, you're friends are calling you, you should go to them."

"They're not my friends. And you're just trying to get me to leave."

"So, you not so dumb," Becca deadpans. She picks up his book bag and throws it toward the direction of Ryan's friends. "You should go get that."

Ryan grumbles, but complies, finally leaving them alone.

"You didn't have to do that, y'know. I had it perfectly under control." Steve dust himself off, picking up his scattered books and putting them back into his discarded bag.

Becca scoffs and moves his face so she can get a good view, they are the same height, so it's easy for her. "Look at you. You have a black eye, a split lip looks like that loose tooth of yours finally came out, and your nose is bleeding. Jesus, I don't even wanna know how bruised your stomach is gonna be. What are you gonna do?"

"Don't say the Lord’s name in vain, Becca. I should tell Father Matthew next mass."

Becca gives him an unimpressed look. "Don't deflect. What are you gonna do? Go to the nurse? The principal's office?"

"No. And stop nagging me. You sound like Bucky."

"That's the point. He told me to watch after you, y'know. I can't just stop because you don't wanna be looked after."

"No, I just don't wanna be coddled. And I should be the one to look after you. I am older."

"We look after each other. You know that. And it's not coddling, it's care."

Steve huffs. They stay in silence, Steve allowing Becca to clean his face the best she can, then looking for his tooth, ("for the tooth fairy" Becca says), then they just sit and relax under the tree in comfortable silence, when finally, Steve breaks it.

"You can't tell Bucky." He doesn't look at Becca when he says this, he stares down at an interesting spot on his shoe. He can't decide if that's blood or paint, but he's betting toward the former.

"What? Why not?" Becca turns around to face him, a confused look on his face. "I have to. This can't continue, Steve."

"No! You can't," Steve pleads.

"I have to. Steve, what's wrong? Why don't you want me to say something?"

"No, Becca, please. Don't. Bucky's gonna hate me if he finds out. I can't lose Bucky. You guys are all I have. I can't Becs, please, please." Tears prick in his eyes, and his breathing starts to heavy. Becca's never seen him look so distressed, and that, Steve knows, worries her.

"I'm sorry," and Becca really does sound and look sorry, "But I have to. He's your best friend, Steve. He can never hate you."

Steve calms his breathing and wipes his eyes, he's about to plead again when the teachers call everyone in. He gets up, shouldering his bookbag and heads off to the door, leaving Becca behind. "Friendships can be broken."

Becca says nothing to that.

**~*~*~*~**

He picks at his food while he eats, not at all hungry but knowing he shouldn't be wasteful. He knows everyone, especially Bucky and Becca, are giving him strange and worried looks but he doesn't dare look up.

He knows that Bucky knows something happened between him and Becca, he just doesn't now what. Becca's been silent this whole time, not talking to him besides to throw him worried looks, or tilting her head in a 'Go on, tell him' gesture. It was awkward because he and Becca were close, she was easily his second closest friend, it was weird to not do something with Becca at all today.

"So, Steve, where's that sketchbook I gave you? I haven't seen you using in a while," Bucky breaks the uncomfortable silence. Steve's eyes widen, he goes through many different emotions at once, betrayal, annoyance, fear and finally settling on anger.

"Becca! You promised!" He exclaims in outrage.

"I didn't promise nothing! You know that!" Becca defends.

"Then how does he know about the book?!" He demands pointing his fork at her.

"I don't know! You never told me anything about your sketchbook! I just know what I saw." Becca picks up her own fork, jabbing it in the air in his direction.

He's about to retort when, "Hey, put the forks down. Both of you." Mrs. Barnes demands, leaving no room for argument. They both listen, dropping the forks and looking down at their plates. "There's no yelling at my dinner table, you both know that. So apologize. Now."

"Sorry, Becca."

"Sorry, Steve."

"Now, what's all this about? And don't either one of you lie to me." Neither Steve or Becca said anything, still staring at their plates. Mrs. Barnes raised an eyebrow and nodded, Mr. Barnes took his cue, reaching over and twisting both of their ears.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow." They say in unison.

"Bucky, dear, do you know anything about this?' Mrs.Barnes ask. Bucky shakes his head, he, for once, knows nothing. "Your best guess?" When something happens, either an argument that is seemingly random taking place or a broken object, Mrs.Barnes always ask Bucky what happened. It's not that she blames Bucky for it, or that he's just nosy, but he's very observant. He connects the dots for her all the time, getting information from things people told him, or things he heard and saw. Mr. Barnes jokes that he's a young detective.

"Um. Well, one day last month, Steve got beat up but he never told us the reason, so I'm guessing it has nothing to do with him defending anyone. It kept happening repeatedly this month but he said nothing about it since he's so secretive. I'm guessing that Becs accidentally found out and he wants her to keep it a secret. But she wants to tell someone, and they argued about it, now they're not talking cause they disagree."

Mrs. Barnes raises an eyebrow at the both of them. "Steve, Becca, is that correct?" They both nod their heads. "Why don't you want Becca to say anything, Steve?" Steve shakes his head, he doesn't want to say it, it'll ruin everything. "Steven." He points at Bucky, who raises his eyebrows in surprise.

"Because of me?"

"Yes."

Mrs. Barnes looks like she wants to get into it but decides to leave it. "Becca who was bullying Steve?"

She looks at Steve first, her eyes apologetic. "Ryan."

Bailey turns to her, "Ryan? The Ryan that Steve's been hanging out with this whole time?" They all look up at the new voice. They forget that Bailey was here. "What? I need something to tell my friends about. Believe it or not, Steve's life is dramatic. Kind of like him. Second graders eat that stuff up."

Steve shoots her a dirty look and she sticks her tongue out at him. He rolls his eyes. Children.

"Why didn't you tell me he was bothering you, Steve?" Bucky's tone is a mix between, anger, worry and hurt. "I could've stopped him, this has been going on for weeks, I could've helped you."

Mrs. Barnes put a hand on Bucky's, silencing him. "Your best guess, hon?"

Bucky looks down at the table, a little bit upset. "Steve got really defensive when I mentioned the sketchbook, so maybe he doesn't have it anymore. Maybe Ryan took it from him. Maybe, in order for him to get it back, he has to be Ryan's punching bag and has to do whatever he says. Yes, Steve, I do know about that," Bucky says at his questioning look, a little harsher than intended. "Maybe the reason why he didn't say anything is because he thought I'd be mad for losing the book?" That part Bucky isn't so sure about, he wouldn't be mad, or at least not mad at him.

"Because there's something in the book that I drew that can get me in trouble but would get all of you, especially Bucky to hate me, and I don't want that. But the drawing also might get me in trouble with the police and he's holding that against me." He blurts it all out, not being able to hold on to that anymore.

"Okay, first off," Mr. Barnes says, "Whatever that picture is, I'm sure you won't get in trouble with the police. I don't think anyone could get in trouble if they drew a picture or well maybe they can but you don't need to worry about it. You're ten, I don't think you're capable of doing something that bad. And even if you did, I'll protect you. I am in charge at the station, y'know."

Somehow after his (very reasonable and valid) explanation, Bucky looks ever more hurt. "I can never hate you, Stevie," Bucky says. "We're best friends, we're family. 'Til the end of the line remember?"

"Yea, I remember." Steve gives a small smile and Bucky smiles back.

"We're gonna need your book back if we're gonna stop Ryan." Bucky's eyes have that glint to it. That 'I'm a Protective Big Brother' look with a mischievous edge to it. "I think he's caused you enough harm. Bailey, would you like to help?"

Bailey stops acting like she wasn't paying attention to the whole conversation. "I'd love to."

**~*~*~*~**

Steve knocked on Ryan's front door like he did every Saturday in the past couple weeks. It's not just him that's going up to the door, he has all three Barnes girls with him.

Ryan answered the door, well he just opened it then walked away with a scowl. "My ma wants my room clean. Do it. You have three hours."

Ryan finally looked up from packing his bag and his scowl deepened when he saw the girls. "What are they doing here?" His eyes were firmly on Becca, who was watching him with a glare that reminded him so much of Bucky.

"The Barnes' needed someone to watch the girls, and Bucky went out to do something." He held Beth and Bailey a little closer to him. He doesn't trust Ryan, not with the girl's safety. Not that he can do much to protect them, but Bucky trust him, so he trusts himself too. "Is that going to be a problem?" He asks harshly.

Ryan shakes his head. "No, it's not. But now I have to stay and make sure they don't mess anything up." Ryan sighs, put upon like this is a big inconvenience to him. "Now all four of you can do it. You have thirty minutes." Ryan shoulders his bag and goes to sit on the couch, opening up a comic book.

"Alright," Steve says when he gets in Ryan's room. "Here's the plan, Bailey I need you to go into Ryan's bag and get my book. Do not look in it. Beth, while she gets the book I need you t'go distract him. Ask for some milk or water to drink. Becca, you're gonna give Bucky the signal from out the window then he'll come in and take care of the rest. Got it?"

"Got it." They all said. They spent about ten minutes playing charades before they were ready to execute the plan.

"Why doesn't Ryan have his bag in here? He's not going to school." Beth questions, stalling so she won't have to go out the door. Beth isn't shy, but she easily gets nervous when it comes to talking to people, Steve understands he's the same way, so he didn't push her into coming, but she volunteered.

"He wouldn't want me to get my book from his bag when I'm in his room. Ryan's dumb, but not an idiot."

Beth looks at him. "That makes like, no sense, Steeb."

"Whatever, just go." He gives her a little push, and she leaves. He sticks his head out of the door to watch her.

"S'cuse me? Can I have something to drink, please?" Beth asks, again managing to be unfailingly polite.

"Yeah, sure." He hears Ryan reply. He can hear the telltale sound of the ice box opening.  
"Bails, quick," Bailey nods, dashing into the living room silently to steal the book. That was another thing that Bailey was really good at (though she shouldn't be proud of it), is stealing. Bucky said it was because of her being graceful and practicing dancing that makes her silent and able to move quickly enough.

Bailey ran back into the room with the book and Becca made the signal in the window.  
There was a consistent knock on the door, Bucky, and Steve couldn't wait for this moment. The moment when it was finally over and his life would be back to normal.

"Hey Ryan," Bucky greeted, his usual friendliness gone. "I'm here to pick up my sisters and Steve." Becca, Bailey, and Steve emerged from the room and Beth bounded from around the corner, straight into Bucky. Bucky looked down and smiled at her, then beckoned the rest of them over. "Bye Ryan."

"Wait, wait, wait," Ryan held out his hand and shook his head. "The girls can leave, Steve though has to stay."

Bucky raised an eyebrow. "Why? Because he has to clean your room? Or does he have to go shopping today?" Ryan gapes like a fish and Bucky continues, showing no emotion. "What? You think I don't know about that? Please. We're leaving."

Ryan stopped and grabbed Steve by his wrist, stopping him from continuing. "Do you know why he can't leave then? Did he tell you that too? Did he tell you all the things he draws in his sketchbook? All the things he is?"

"All the things he is? He's an artist, and he's smart, he's a good guy, the goodest guy I know. He's feisty, sure, but that just makes his stubbornness even better. He's the type of guy that would stand up to anyone. That's what he is. Did I miss something?"

"Yea you missed that he's a q-" Steve sucked in a breath, if Ryan continues they would hate him.

"I think you're missing the point," Bucky interrupts, to Steve's relief. "Whatever you think he is, he doesn't belong as your own personal assistant. Trust me, you're going to want to stop this now before things get ugly."  
  
"Getting ugly?" Ryan sets up in Bucky's face, a smug smirk tugging at his lips. "You wanna take a punch, Barnes? Go head, punch me. I know how much you want to, I know how much you're protective over siblings. So take a punch. Let's get ugly."

Bucky did look like he wanted to punch Ryan, he looked like he wanted to do more than punch him. "Oh, trust me, I want to punch you. No one messes with my family and gets away with it. And you are definitely not getting away with it." Bucky traded the pleasant smile that was on his face for a cold expression that matched the look in his eyes. "Let go of Steve. Now." It always amazes Steve how Bucky can go from happy to looking like his mother when she's yelling or angry in a matter of seconds. It's a truly scary look, one Steve wishes he had.

Ryan takes an involuntary step back, dragging Steve with him. The smirk faded and he let go of Steve's wrist. "Here take him. He's a piece of trash anyway." Ryan pushed him to Bucky, making them collide. Bucky instantly wrapped his arm around him in a protective vice, that Steve won't lie, he missed. "You want his sketchbook, too? I bet you'll love to look through it." Ryan digs around his bag for the book but comes back up with nothing.

"You mean this sketchbook?!" Bailey says dramatically.

"Hey! You went in my bag and stole my stuff! Give it back." Ryan moves and stretches is hand out.

"No," She replies slowly like she's talking to a child. "I went in your bag and stole the stuff you stole. Now I'm giving it back to the owner." Bailey hands the book to Steve, who takes it with a sigh of relief.

"I think you should go clean your room, Ryan. Your parents are going to be home soon. I say you have," Bucky looks at his wrist, where his father's watch is, "about three seconds."

"Huh?" Ryan looks up to see Mr. and Mrs. Lance standing behind them. "Oh no."

"Ryan Phillip Lance!" Mrs. Lance yells. "What is wrong with you?! I thought you we're better than this!" Mrs.Lance grasps Ryan by his ear, her long sharp nails digging into the skin.

Ryan screams, "AH! Mom, mom ow, ow, ow, OW!" Mrs. Lance gives it a twist and he whimpers.

"Alright, you best get home now. Thank you for telling us what was happening, James, I appreciate that. And Steven, if this happens again, you tell me." Mr. Lance closes the door behind them.

"We need to get rid of this book. I don't want people finding it." Steve panics, if someone else like Ryan finds it, or worse, Buck does, then he'll be crushed.

"Okay, hide it where?" Bucky decides to humor him, shaking his head in amusement.

"We can-," he stops to think. "We can burn it."  
  
Bucky stops walking to laugh, a full body laugh that makes him double over. Becca, Bailey, and Beth aren't any better, they laugh right along with him.

"Jesus Christ, Stevie, no," Bucky wipes tears out of his eyes. "Bailey was right, you are so dramatic. We're not gonna burn it, Steve, just keep it where no one can find it, like in your room, you know that your parents don't go through your stuff."

"Oh. Yeah, I guess that works, too," he shrugs.

Bucky lets the girls go ahead and walk in front of them, while he and Steve stay behind. "Hey, Steve," all the previous humor is gone from his eyes, now replaced by seriousness. "I need you to tell me if anything like that happens again." Bucky stops them to look him in the eye. "I'm your best friend Steve, nothing in this world is gonna stop me from being that. Nothing. So you tell me if that happens, I'll be there for you, okay?"

Steve smiles, "Yea, okay. I promise."

"Good," Bucky smiles back, his normal carefree grin stretching his face. "Let's get these little monsters home., maybe we can get Dad to take us to the park."

He can't even remember why he freaked out, this is Bucky. They're with each other 'til the end of the line. There's nothing stopping them from being friends, not some sketchbook, not some bully. He doesn't even realize he's smiling until Bucky smiles back at him, and the world finally, goes on as normal.

**______________________**

"... Ryan never bothered me again, I still got bullied after that though, but I told Bucky and it ended quickly."

Cooper nodded, "What was in the sketchbook?"

"Really, I tell you all that and that's what you focus on?" Steve ask. Cooper just shrugs. "It was a picture of me and my crush kissing." Cooper doesn't need to know who that crush was. Steve wasn't really ready to announce it yet.

"Why would he be mad at you for that? Was it his crush too?"

Thankfully, he was saved from answering when Clint called out, "Steve! Coop! Time for dinner! Laura made meatloaf!"

"C'mon let's go."

Dinner was good, Steve learned that Laura's meatloaf is almost as good as Mrs. Barnes. The rest of the Avengers liked it too, taking seconds and thirds like it was an all you can eat buffet. When Cooper and Lyla went to bed, all the adults crowded around the table to talk.

"So how long do you think we'll be staying here for? A few days, a week?" Tony question, turning his head around to look at everything. It kind of reminded Steve of when Beth was a baby, she'd look around at everything with wide eyes.

"I don't know, enough time to rest before SHIELD starts to hound us. We deserve a break," Clint had his head in Natasha's lap from where he was laying across three chairs. "Laura, you don't mind do you?" He asked, like the thought just occurred to him, which, knowing Clint, it probably did.

"No, I don't mind. It's no problem. Barney should be coming home soon, so you'll see him." Laura was sitting heavily in the chair, her feet propped against Clint's legs. "Maybe we can have a barbecue when he gets back. I'm sure Tony could fix the grill."

"How long do you think it'll take before SHIELD is calling us back?" Steve asks. He thinks in maybe a few days, a week is pushing it, but Clint and Natasha know SHIELD better than he does.

"Maybe a week, week an' a half. Nick does know what downtime means, he just doesn't like to use it," Natasha answers. Right after Natasha sends that all of their phones ping, signaling a text.

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER [9:55 PM]:** Shield is compromised. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some references of the Barnes' siblings  
> Here's Becca:  
>   
> I imagine here to be about 6-10 in this picture  
> Here's Bailey:  
>   
> She's probably 6-10 in this picture too  
> And here's Beth:  
>   
> She's about 2-5 in this picture
> 
> Next chapter should be up sometime next week!  
> Join me on [Tumblr!](https://hidingouthere.tumblr.com/)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is he enhanced? Is he like me?"
> 
> "Yeah. He might even be stronger. And faster. Just be careful, he's smart, he could probably figure out twelve ways to kill you in the first few seconds of seeing you in combat." Natasha pauses. "I just don't want either of you getting hurt."
> 
> "We won't be. It isn't my first time dealing with a super soldier that was better than me. I should be fine."
> 
> "You fought another Super Soldier? During the war? Was it Red Skull?"
> 
> "No, it was Bucky. What neither the SSR or SHIELD know is that Bucky was a super soldier too. He was faster, stronger, more durable than me." Natasha made a 'go on' gesture, so he continued. "We used to spar so it was practice for if either of us had to fight the Red Skull..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here's chapter 11! Wow, we're halfway through already. We're almost about to meet Bucky, yay! Enjoy this chapter!  
> And I just realized I forgot to add my beta's tumblr last chapter, oops, sorry. Follow her on Tumblr  
> [Mr.GoodBar](mrgoodbar11213.tumblr.com)

SHIELD is compromised.

That message keeps going around in his head. SHIELD is compromised. SHIELD is compromised. SHIELD is compromised. And he has no idea why it is.

Fury didn't give any other information. Just that one text then radio silence for the next twenty-four hours. For safety, the Avengers returned to the tower, hoping that the Barton's were still unknown and safe.

Steve himself didn't know who to trust, but he trusted Sam. He invited Sam to the tower, explaining that it was for his safety and protection. Sam seemed okay with it, stating that he was there for support if anyone needed any.

The Avengers cut off all outside information, not trusting anyone to be the cause of the compromise. Tony had put security to its highest. He forced Pepper into staying instead of going to her meeting, Thor was taking his girlfriend, Jane, Darcy, and Erik to Asgard, even Bruce had asked Betty to stay near her father in case anything was to happen.

The radio silence they got unnerved them until they received another text.

**UNKNOWN NUMBER [1:23 PM]** : Open the door

**UNKNOWN NUMBER [1:23 PM]** : We have to talk

"Jarvis, who's at the door?" Tony didn't let anyone in unless Jarvis gave them an identification, they were checked for guns and any other weapons, and had a DNA test done on them.

"Agent Maria Hill, sir," the AI replied. It was weird because even Jarvis, who was snarky on most days seemed to be affected by the mood.

"Let her up."

A few minutes later, Maria was in the room, not looking a bit like her put together, professional self. She didn't say anything, just walked to the meeting room and they all followed.

"You all know that SHIELD is compromised," Everyone nodded. "Well, it goes deeper than we thought. At first, we thought that maybe it was a mistake in the system, but we alerted you as soon as we realized it wasn't. It wasn't just a few double or bad agents, it was more than forty-nine percent of SHIELD and thirty-three percent of SI. We tried to single out the agents, see who they were but, it was too much." Maria sucked in a shaky breath, steady herself. "Fury is down." The silence that followed was deafening.

"What." It wasn't a question. Natasha didn't ask a question, no emotion showed on her face. It was like when Bucky died, he was stuck in shock.

"Phil was with him now at the hospital. He-he didn't make it, I'm sorry, Natasha. I know how much he meant to you." Maria herself sounded broken. Steve knew that she had confided in Fury too.

Natasha didn't say anything just closed her eyes and sat down heavily in the chair. Clint came rushing toward her, and she allowed him to hug her.

Steve himself wasn't as close to Fury as Natasha and Clint was, but he still felt his death. When he got out the ice first he was lonely, confused, and depressed. He hid his feelings under his mask but one day, Fury came by his apartment for an unexpected visit. It wasn't for a mission like he had thought, but Fury gave him a file. It was large and lengthy and had all his friends and families information in it. It had what they went to do after the war ended and how they lived their life. Fury had told him to open it when he was ready, he had replied that he probably won't ever be. Fury gave him another file, one that said **DECEASED** in big bright and bold red letters. It was Bucky's; he was still listed as MIA. He cried then, and Fury, surprisingly, held him, got him through it. Fury had helped him out after that, and Steve had found his first friend. He had a year of no missions, but not a year or sulking in his apartment. Fury took him out, showed him things, taught him how to use phones, computers. Fury was the first person in this century to know about his feelings for Bucky. Fury had looked after him, for no reward Steve may not have trusted him, Fury was a good person, and now the least Steve could do is kill the person who killed him.

"Who was it?" The demand wasn't hard but was said in his Captain America voice. This was now getting too personal. First SHIELD, created by Peggy, named after him, was compromised, then Fury, his first friend, who didn't care that he was Captain America. This was almost too familiar.

"We don't know. He was shot in the back three times. We were supposed to be in a secure location, only a selective few agents knew where we were. Then someone shot him through the window. Soviet bullets, no rifling, completely untraceable."

"Do we know anything about the shooter?" Natasha questioned, a look of horror and resignation on her face. Steve doesn't like that look on her.

"He was strong and fast our agents couldn't keep up with him. He was displaying the same strength and speed Steve shows."

"So he's enhanced? You think he's another Super Soldier?" Steve crosses his arms, he doesn't like that. He's going to be hard to fight if he is, but not impossible.

"Yeah, looks like it. And he had some type of metal armor on under his suit."

"Which side? Was it his arm?" Natasha's on the edge of her seat, waiting for an answer. But Steve can't tell if she's if she's hoping for a yes or no.

"It was his left arm," Maria confirms. Natasha's face suddenly crumples, like she's been dealt the hardest decision in her life, and doesn't have a choice of which side she has to choose. Natasha gets up and storms out the room. They stay there for a few seconds before following her out. She's sitting on the couch in the common room, holding an unopened bottle of Vodka.

"I know who killed Fury." Natasha has a faraway look in her eyes like she's reliving a moment of her life, but Steve can't tell if it was good or bad. "Most of the intelligence community doesn't believe he exists, he's credited with over two dozen assassinations in the last fifty years. They call him the Winter Soldier, or as I knew him, Yasha."

No one has anything to say to that. They all know about Yasha, and what he did to Natasha, how he was nice to her, and treated her like a human, instead of a body and puppet. They all know how much Yasha means to Natasha, and what this mission is now asking her to do.

On one hand, he wants to kill Yasha for revenge, but on the other, he wants to thank him, for showing kindness to Natasha when she was in a difficult position.

"Natasha-"

"I'm not killing him," she interrupts Tony like she knows what he's going to say. She probably does. "I'm _not_. I _can't_. You won't make me. And you're an idiot if you think I'm going to let you kill him. I owe him a debt, one that I thought can't be repaid, this is how I'm going to repay him." She looks every single one of them in the eye. "You want to kill him? You kill me first. And I promise you Yasha will make you regret it."

Natasha got up and walked into the elevator calmly. "Tell me when we're going on that mission." The doors closed and she was gone.

"Clint?" Maria asked, hoping he could do something.

Clint just shook his head with a sigh. "If she doesn't want to kill him, then she won't kill him. There's nothing I can do about that. And I'm not letting you kill Natasha, forget about how angry you'll make Soldier Boy, you don't want to see me when I'm on a revenge mission."

The elevator pings and they all turn around, expecting Natasha but Sam comes out instead. Sam yawns and stretches, then smacks his lips together. Honestly, with everything that just happened, Steve forgot he was there.

"Hey guys," Sam says sleepily. "What's going on?" Sam looks around to see Maria in the closest she's ever been to tears and the somber moods everyone's in. He looks to Steve but Steve just shakes his head. Not now. Sam nods, grabs the orange juice and leaves, presumably, back to Steve's floor.

Steve leaves after him, too. He has a lot of feelings going around in his head, but he knows that Natasha probably has more. He gets to her floor, but doesn't see her there.

"Natasha?" He ventures. "Nat?" He walks around the kitchen, living room, and dining room. He strains his ears to hear anything, her breathing, her tears, footsteps, heartbeat.

"In here," is the answers a few seconds later.

Steve goes follows the sound of her voice, which is leading him toward the bedroom. He sees Natasha on her bed, a bunch of tissues littered around the floor and a tissue box next to her. Her eyes are red and she sniffs, obviously trying to hold in tears.

"You okay, Nat?" She obviously isn't, that's obvious, but he's learned to tread lightly when it comes to Natasha, going into her feelings and emotions too fast is going to end up with him on his stomach and her twisting both his arms behind his back. It's painful, even for him, he had to learn that the hard way.

"Yeah." Natasha blinks a few times, then wipes the tears from her eyes.

"You sure? ‘Cause with all those tissues and the redness in your face you either had an allergic reaction to something or you were crying." He sits down on the bed next to her. "And I'm guessing it was the latter."

Natasha huffs, not in anger, but a small laugh. "I don't have allergies."

Steve groans, "Okay Nat, we get it, you're perfect. You don't have to rub it in."   
  
Natasha gives a small laugh this time. He's glad for that achievement at least.

"If you're in here to tell me about the good and right thing to do, that I should fight Yasha, I'm going to kick you out," Natasha warns, looking threatening even though she has tears in her eyes.

"I'm not. I just didn't want you to be alone." Steve opens his arms and she darts in them. "What debt do you owe him?"

Natasha's quiet for a minute before she speaks. "I had a mission when I was still in the Red Room. It was supposed to be hard, so they paired me with Yasha. I underestimated the target, I got too cocky and made a mistake. The Red Room doesn't do mistakes. When they asked who's fault it was, Yasha said it was him. They were surprised at first because the Winter Soldier doesn't make mistakes. But they took him anyway, we didn't see him for a few days, but we heard him, heard his screams. That wasn't the only time he saved or spared my life. When the Red Room fell, he got me out, gave me my file, my first identity, and I've never looked back since then. I owe him my life, the least I can do is save his."

Steve didn't have anything to say to that. "I want to help you with that Nat, but," he sighs, "I don't think I can."

"I know."

"Is he enhanced? Is he like me?"

"Yeah. He might even be stronger. And faster. Just be careful, he's smart, he could probably figure out twelve ways to kill you in the first few seconds of seeing you in combat." Natasha pauses. "I just don't want either of you getting hurt."

"We won't be. It isn't my first time dealing with a super soldier that was better than me. I should be fine."

"You fought another Super Soldier? During the war? Was it Red Skull?"

"No, it was Bucky. What neither the SSR or SHIELD know is that Bucky was a super soldier too. He was faster, stronger, more durable than me." Natasha made a 'go on' gesture, so he continued. "We used to spar so it was practice for if either of us had to fight the Red Skull..."

**______________________**

Being a super soldier at first was the best possible thing ever. He felt like he was finally the person he wanted to be. Finally big and strong enough to do certain things, to make Bucky proud. But his first disappointment came when he was roped into being a chorus girl.

When he finally was able to join Bucky in war, he thought he was able to shoulder most of the hard missions. He thought this was a good idea, until he got shot, and learned he could still get hurt, that he just healed quickly and was more durable, he just wasn't invincible.

But then he started missing the times when he thought he was. When being a super soldier sounded like the best idea in the world. Because soon he started feeling different like he still didn't belong.

He no longer had to apply more strength but had to make sure he put in less of it. He didn't want to hurt anyone, but he felt like he would crush them if he wasn't careful. He couldn't even hug Bucky without feeling less than or insecure. Who goes through an experiment for the government just so they could pretend to be a normal person?

Then he had to eat. He could last longer than anyone else in the field, but he had to eat first. And boy did he have to eat. His metabolism burns four times faster than a normal person, his rations were never enough to even sate his hunger. The Commandos would offer their's and he'd always decline until Bucky would force feed him so he didn't pass out or die from starvation. He always felt guilty about receiving more.

He had a lot of energy. A lot of energy that had to be pent up because most of the time they were waiting for their next mission than actually being on one. He'd always tried to move because staying still was hard when he had all that energy to release.

He'd wake up early, extremely early because apparently he only needs four to five hours of sleep to function. He'd have nothing to do but sketch or go over missions. But that always gets done quickly. He has to be quiet, so not to wake other people but sometimes he gets them out of their nightmares.

His enhanced senses aren't a cake walk either. He could hear everything, and that in itself is disturbing, especially when he hears certain sounds coming from Howard's lab that he wishes he could forget. It's not like he could turn off his hearing, so he deals with it, he hears heartbeats, so many heartbeats, and it scares him when he hears one stop. He could hear breathing, all those breaths people take. And when he's fighting close combat he could not only see but hear when enemy soldiers take their last breath. He hears things at night when he's trying to sleep, and it's not like he has something that would lull him too.

And don't get him started on his memory. At first, he was so forgetful, and he saw that as an undesirable trait. Now he knows how much of a blessing it was, to be able to forget things as easily as he had because now all he can seem to do was remember. Remember everything in such clear excruciating detail. He remembers screams, gunshots, and bombs, and watching the light go out of people’s eyes. It only makes it worse that, that is the only thing he can seem to remember. Those are the memories that haunt him, in the real world and in his dreams.

He hates how his mind works quicker than his mouth sometimes because people would never understand. He hates how he still worries Bucky, even though he should be capable of taking care of himself. He hates how he still doesn't like himself, even though his body is something other people would die for. He doesn't mean to be ungrateful, but he can't help but feel unnatural, fake like his body wasn’t his own. He just wanted to be normal, but he can never be that.

He never thought being a perfect specimen that girls throw themselves at, would be so terrible, because he never felt so alone.

But then that changed. It started out small, changes that if you look hard enough, you'll notice. And he's always looking at Bucky. He noticed how Bucky was growing, how he used to be smaller than Steve but at one point they were the same height, then how one morning they woke up and Bucky was taller than him.

He noticed how Bucky seemed to get bigger, his lean shape buffing out and becoming more muscular. He noticed when Bucky's clothes stop fitting him, how he one time ripped his shirt and Steve remembered his eyes getting caught on Bucky's stomach and chest, noticing how ripped and defined it was.

He noticed how Bucky seemed to get stronger, and stronger and stronger. He noticed how when Bucky got angry, he punches walls and left way more than a small dent. He noticed how when they sparred Bucky could do damage to him, that Steve would get bruises from him. He noticed that Bucky push him just as easily, and lift him like he was still ninety pounds, and wasn't two-hundred- forty pounds of muscle.

He noticed that Bucky seemed to be eating more too, that Bucky had slowly got himself up to eating like him. That when something would happen when they'd go out on a mission, something that should have hurt or even sometimes maim him, Bucky would walk out perfectly fine, the worse thing was a bruise that was already fading.

Steve noticed all this, and after a month of Bucky acting like everything is normal, Steve decided that it was time for questioning.

**~*~*~*~**

Bucky had him sitting on top of a desk, sweaty and a grin on both of their faces. They haven't had time to be alone in a while, and Steve was trying to savor all of it before their next mission. They've been back to back lately and even though he thought that downtime or even a time to rest was good, he didn't ask for leave.

Bucky had taken off his shirt awhile ago. His sculpted chest was gleaming in the dim light of the tent and Steve couldn't help but reach out and touch. Bucky chuckled, "Like what you see?"

"You know I do." They sat in silence, too lazy and content to move. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, of course, babydoll." Bucky had that adorable little furrow in his brow like he was either trying to figure out why Steve thought he'd have to ask, or what was so bad about the question that made Steve hesitant.

"What happened to you? At Azzano?" Steve said after a moment of hesitation. "You don't to tell me!" Steve rushed out quickly at Bucky's panicked look. "It's just. You've changed?" He said it unsure like it was a question. Maybe he was just over analyzing things. But Bucky sighed, he sat down on the nearest cot, and murmured, "They wanted to create a super soldier."

Steve blinked. "And? Did they succeed?"

Bucky finally looked up at him, something in his eyes that Steve never seen before, pain. "I don't know. You tell me."

He thinks about everything he noticed in the past month. "Yeah. I'd say they did. Are you okay with that?"

Bucky gave a small smile, "Yeah, means it'll be easier for me to protect you, punk."

Steve huffed out a laugh, "Jerk."

**~*~*~*~**

Steve wakes up to a quiet room. He grunts, wiping the sleep from his eyes, then yawns. He checks his watch, 5:34 am. He lays his head on his pillow then pulls up his blanket, feeling unusually cold. Then he notices that Bucky's gone. There's no body giving off heat behind him, no arm slung over him like a protective barrier. He gets up and walks outside, hoping to catch sight of Bucky from somewhere.

He sees Bucky laying on the ground, staring up at the vast black sky, looking at the stars. He walks over to him, then lays down next to him.

"Is this what you do every night?" Bucky says. Steve makes a questioning noise. "Wake up at some ungodly hour then just come out side?"

"Sometimes. I sketch sometimes, other times I do what you're doing, looking up at the stars. There's not a view like this in New York."

"No," Bucky agrees, "there's not. What about all this energy though? What do you do for that?"

He shrugs or tries to. It's weird when he's laying on the ground. "Nothing really. I just try to get some of it out during the day."

"Well," Bucky says, considerably, "that's gotta change."

"How?"

Bucky just grins, turn to him then pokes him in the shoulder, "Tag, you're it."

"I'm not playing tag. I'm not a child."

"You are a child, and we are playing tag."

"No, I’m not."

"Not what? A child or playing tag?"

"Both!" Steve rolls his eyes exasperated. Sometimes, Steve wonders how Bucky is the older one.

It's silent before, "You just know you're gonna lose."

"I'm not going to lose."

"You totally are."

"I'm not. I'm Captain America, receiver of the super soldier serum, I would win in a game of tag."

"I'm a super soldier, too! And you're still the slowest guy I know."

"I'd win!"

"Prove it." Bucky gives a smirk, he knows he won.

Steve stuttered, then poked Bucky back. "You're it."

Bucky gets up, stretches then reaches down to poke him. "Now you're it." Then he's off, running at an incredible speed.

Steve grins, then chases off after him, and that’s how it starts. Every morning they wake up, look at the stars then play a game. Sometimes its tag, sometimes it's hide and seek, sometimes they race, and other times, if one of them wake from nightmares, then they just run through the forest to clear their minds.

Steve's still sprinting when Bucky tackles him, he falls to the ground with a grunt, all the air knocked out of him.

"I don't think so," Bucky yells when he scrambles up to run again.

Steve grins, today they're playing capture the flag, where Bucky got flags from he doesn't know, but he agreed to play. All he knows is that Steve's flag is white and Bucky's is a dark green, which, in Steve's opinion isn't fair because it can blend in with the forest.

Steve guesses that sense Bucky had tackled him, he's close to Bucky's flag. He ducks under a few more trees and jumps over some rocks and the tree roots before looking around the area for a green flag. He takes advantage of his enhanced eyesight to look around, then spots something flying in the wind.

Before he even has the chance of untying it from the stick Bucky falls out of a tree. "I win!" Bucky's holding the white flag in his hands, waving it around crazily in the air. "Ha ha!"

Bucky throws the flag at him then unties his, giving it to Steve. "Here ya go. You might wanna wash them before you wear them though, I dropped them a couple times." Bucky leaves after that, laughing hysterically like there's a private joke that Steve is missing.

He looks down at the flags in his hand with confusion. Now that he's looking at it, they don't look like flags, they're too square, too small, and have two medium sized holes on one end and then a wide hole on the top... Steve wondered why they kind of looked familiar. "Are these my underwear?" He shouts. In the distance, he thinks Bucky's laughing gets louder. "Jerk!"

**~*~*~*~**

The food issue is another problem for them, which Bucky solves easily. Bucky hates being hungry, he hates it with a passion. He'd get very cranky, very loud, and act out until he finds food. It's very annoying, he kind of acts like Bailey did when she was two and throwing tantrums left and right.

"Steveeeee," Bucky whines, "I need, I need, I need, fooooood." Bucky's has his head in Steve's lap. He's been bothered by this for the last twenty minutes. "How can you go on like this? I can't wait 'til lunch. I'm gonna starvvvvvee."

Steve rolls his eyes, and Bucky calls him dramatic. "You're not gonna starve, you big baby. Just hold out for a few more hours." Steve smirks, "I know a couple of distractions." His hand travels lower and lower down Bucky's stomach, then, when he's almost at his goal Bucky jumps up.

"Nope! No, no, no and no." Bucky paces around for a little bit. "We're not doing this. Not now, at least." Bucky stops right in front of him.

He's so close, all Steve has to do is lean forward and-

Bucky takes a step back. "You're horny and I'm hungry. This isn't going to work. Find me food, Steve. Or you're not getting any tonight."

Steve doesn't think he ever looked for something so hard. He gave Bucky some K-rations but Bucky threw it back at him, saying, "Food, Steve, food."

In the end, Bucky was the one to solve that problem. Bucky obviously took his whining to the highest in command, Peggy. Peggy got Colonel Phillips to give them four times the amount of food before. Peggy just rolled her eyes at Steve's incredulous expression.

"Really Steve? Why would Philips want two of his soldiers to go hungry? It's bad when you try to go in the field," Peggy says. "And privately, I think he likes you two. It's hard not too." Peggy kisses both their cheeks. "And James?"

Bucky cringes at the use of his name. "Yes, Ma?" He snarks.

"Stop calling me when you want something, I do enjoy talking to you."

Bucky just nods since his mouth is full. When they finished eating, Bucky grins, predatory. "See, now we have full stamina. Just imagine all the things we can get up to."

**~*~*~*~**

Bucky punches him hard in the stomach and he stumbles back. He coughs and gasps, the air going out of his lungs. He puts his back against the tree and takes a few deep breaths. When he looks up he sees Bucky standing there in front of him, a worried look on his face, and biting his lip.

"Sorry," he mumbles, "I guess I don't know my own strength. You okay?"

He nods. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just took me by surprise is all. You're a lot-" he pauses, choosing how to word this delicately, "A lot stronger than I thought you'd be."

"I guess." But Bucky still seems upset. Steve doesn't like that look on him.

"I have an idea." Steve steered them off to a clear room in Howard's lab. "I tested my strength in here. Let's test yours."

Bucky listens suspiciously, raising an eyebrow. Steve could see how hesitant he was, Steve was going to have to fix that.

"Okay, we’re gonna see how much you can handle. I can lift a max of one-thousand two-hundred pounds, you should be around there too." Steve gestures to the barbells on the floor. "Howard made each one a specific weight. Let's see how much you can go up to."

After a little more coaxing Bucky picked up the barbell that weighed nine-hundred pounds, he lifted it easily, not showing much effort. He and Steve threw it back and forth to each other, and Steve could see how much fun Bucky was having again.

After a few rounds of that, Bucky picked up the one-thousand-pound barbell. He and Steve did a little competition, whoever can do more bench presses in a minute wins. The loser had to bunk with Dum Dum and his obnoxious snoring next mission. Steve won, to Bucky's displeasure.

Bucky had gained more confidence and picked up the one thousand two hundred pound barbell, they didn't throw it at each other but Bucky threw it up and down.

"This is your max?"

"Yep." Bucky wasn't straining his muscles as badly as Steve was. "Wanna see if you can hold the next one?"

Bucky hummed considerably. "Sure I guess. Can't hurt," he shrugs. Bucky picks the next one but Steve could see the strain. " ‘S heavy. Don't think I can get the next one."

So Bucky is stronger and faster than him, if only by a bit, but Steve had better senses. "Okay, so you're stronger than me, again." He's not bitter, somehow that's comforting, to have Bucky stronger and bigger than him again. He feels safe in the knowledge that he could hide in Bucky if he ever needs or wants to.

"So, does that mean I get a suit too?" Bucky asks cheekily.

"No." Steve groans, him being Captain America was something Bucky always made fun of, even though Steve knows that Bucky's proud of him.

"Don't I get my own show girls? My own performance? I'd look good on stage."

"Of course you would."

"Do I get my own comic book. I can see it now, _The Adventures of Sergeant Bucky_ ," Bucky gives Steve a consideringly look, then grins," _and sidekick_."

Steve squawks, "I'm not your sidekick!"

"And I'm not your teenage sidekick, but apparently, nothing in the comics is true." Bucky laughs, "Besides, who says you were the sidekick? I wanted it to be Dum Dum." Bucky puts on a straight face. " He's the better friend anyway."

Steve kicks him. Bucky kicks back. That somehow turns into them sparring, Steve not having to worry about hurting Bucky, and Bucky finally being joyous and carefree.

Being a super soldier, Steve thinks, is great, because being with Bucky like this, both basically matching in strength and speed for once, where they can both just be without holding back or keeping up, is the best thing in the world.

**_______________________**

"... plus it was easier during the war when there was two of us. Hydra didn't even see it coming."

"The Winter Soldier is a lot like you Steve, be careful," Natasha warns, but Steve knows that, if it comes down to it, she'll step in if she has to.

"I will," he promises.

A text stops them both from continuing, this time from, his phones says it's Maria rather than an unknown number.

**MARIA HILL [2:10]:** come downstairs

**MARIA HILL [2:10]** : it's urgent

They both go, worry evident on their faces. All the Avengers and Maria are standing around the table in the meeting room, looking at some message on the projector.

"It's a text from Phil. He said that this was Nick's last words. That he had to carry it out to us." Maria shudders, something Steve never seen her do before. "It's a warning."

"Yeah, okay, but who is it from? Does this look familiar to anyone?" Clint asks, perplexed. "Phil said Nick didn't finish."

No one says anything, so Steve finally drags his eyes to the screen and his breath gets caught in his throat.

**CUT OFF ONE HEAD, TWO MORE SHALL TAKE IT'S PLACE.**

"Hail Hydra."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be posted next week, Friday or Saturday.  
> Join me on [Tumblr!](hidingouthere.tumblr.com)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I think we should start with how you got to be a Hydra agent?" Nick directed the question to Bucky, who was looking down and in concentration.
> 
> "I-," Bucky had a pained expression on his face. "I don't really remember. I fell? And then they found me?"
> 
> "I have to ask, how did you fall? Where? What happened? Who found you?"
> 
> "I, um. It. I. Steve?" Bucky never sounded so desperate. "Please?"
> 
> Steve nodded, grateful that he could still understand Bucky even after all this time. He took a breath and started telling the most painful time of his life.
> 
> "It was supposed to be a normal mission..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here's chapter 12! Finally, finally, after 11 chapters and some teasers, we meet Bucky! Yay! And that's to my wonderful beta [MrGoodBar](http://mrgoodbar11213.tumblr.com/) for checking over this chapter. Enjoy!

As Steve stared at the screen, he felt nothing. Not betrayal, not anger, not surprise, just nothing. Like all his feelings were wiped out with that single line. He didn't move, he didn't blink, he barely even breathed. Hydra. He didn't want to think they were still going.

"Didn't you destroy them?" Tony asks incredulously. "Didn't he stop them in the war?"

"If Hydra is the reason for SHIELD being compromised then that means we've been working under Hydra this whole time," Natasha states flatly.

And that brings Steve back to reality. The fact that he's been working with Hydra, the group responsible for killing Bucky, really adds to the guilt that he already feels for Bucky's death. He feels like he's betraying everything he stood for, and Bucky.

"We have to stop them," Steve says, "I couldn't do it before but I could do it now." Steve could feel their eyes on him but he didn't care, he failed to wipe them out last time, he could do it again and this time, succeed.

"We will, Steve," Maria said gently, "But we can't just rush into it. We need to think about this wisely."

He is thinking wisely, defeating Hydra is the right thing to do, letting them stay would only make them stronger. He didn't realize he said that out loud until Clint started talking.

"Steve," Clint says, "we don't know how Hydra works, not really, but they know how we do. They know our strengths and weakness, our failsafes, and what makes us tick. Do you really wanna just go out and fight them? Without a plan?"

He wants to argue but Clint's right, rushing fist first into a fight with Hydra was stupid. Not to mention that they do know everything about them, there would be no element of surprise.  
Everyone has settled into the closest chair, ready to make a plan, but they don't have that much information to go off of. They don't know who's Hydra and who's SHIELD. They don't know where their bases are, who's the leader or any of their current plans. All they have are ideas based on the last missions they've been sent on. All they know is that Hydra is trying to get rid of the Avengers, but they don't have any solid reasons why.

Everything seems hopeless until Jarvis interrupts.

"Sorry to interrupt but there is a crisis that needs attention," Jarvis states. "There's an attack by an unknown group two blocks down from here. They're holding hostages."

"You know who this is from right?" Steve asks and some of them look confused while the others nod solemnly. "It's Hydra. They're making their play, drawing us out. They want us to work on their own terms, and have something over us." This has Hydra written all over it. He knows because they did something similar during the war.

"If Steve's right and this is Hydra we're going to need an element of surprise. They'll be expecting us, we can't just let them win," Maria says grimly.

No one says anything to that, they don't have enough time to find someone or something to help them.

"I can help," a voice says from the door. They all turn, looking at the newcomer. "I have a suit, a pair of wings, that should be surprising enough."

"Sam, no," Steve shakes his head vigorously. "You got out for a reason. I can't ask you to do this."

"That's why I'm offering," Sam smiles at him reassuringly. "They're in my bag if you want me.

Natasha smiles, "Thanks, Sam. Appreciate it."

Steve sighs, but doesn't say anything else to object, Sam can make his own choices. And admittedly, they need the help. "Maria, see if you can get a hold of Phil, we're gonna need backup."

Maria nods. "Will do, Captain Rogers." She takes out her phone, presumably calling Phil.

"Suit up guys," he says in his Captain America voice. He thinks back on the war, of a time when it was him and the commandos, getting ready to go on a mission against Hydra, Bucky by his side. But then he remembers, the war is over, it's 2012, his team is the Avengers, and Bucky is dead.

Sam touches his shoulder, a silent reassurance. "You ready, man?" The whole team is ready and behind him, waiting for his signal.

"Let's go."

  
**~*~*~*~**

As soon as they got there, Hydra struck. Not waiting for negotiations or anything. Just ruthlessly coming out the bank they holed themselves in and attacking.

He remembers the faces of the agents he's fighting. STRIKE. He'd go on missions with them every once and awhile. He trusted them, with his life, with Clint's life, with Natasha's life, but he sees it was all just part of Hydra's own mission. Maybe that's why he punches and kicks them a little harder than strictly necessary.

Hydra was packing a good punch but the Avengers gave it out just as good as the got. The agents seemed shocked and a little bewildered at seeing Sam, or Falcon if they went by what Sam wanted them to call him, but they didn't back down. A few minutes later Maria arrived with Phil and his team, and suddenly the fight turned into the Avengers' favor. There wasn't even a sign of the Winter Soldier which was good, considering how protective Natasha was over him, and how powerful and skilled she said he was.

But that all went downhill as soon as Steve started to fight Rumlow. Rumlow was a good fighter, Steve would give him that, but he wasn't relying on his fist to fight Steve. No, Rumlow was using his words.

During the months of them meeting and working together, Steve had gotten close to Rumlow, he might've even considered him a friend. Rumlow was using his knowledge of Steve to his advantage, and it worked for the most part until Rumlow said something specifically touchy.

"Are you going to fail the Avengers, like you failed Bucky?" Rumlow goaded, delivering a swift kick to the gut with to back up his question.

Steve punched him hard, right in Rumlow's smug smirk. Rumlow flew back, landing on the ground with a hard crunch. Steve stalked up to him, just in time to hear Rumlow say in his comm, 'Bring out the asset.' Steve punched him once, twice, three times to make sure he was knocked out cold. He felt oddly satisfied, seeing the leader of an important team out. But the satisfaction was lost when he heard Sam scream.

He looked up and saw Sam go down. He crashed on a rooftop of some building, dust, and debris obstructing Steve's view. "Sam?" Steve asked anxiously. There wasn't an answer. "Sam? C'mon answer, please." He held a breath in trepidation but was about to sigh in defeat when he heard Sam cough on the other side.

"I'm okay," Sam answered, clearing his throat. "But I'm grounded, sorry Cap."

" ‘S fine," Steve says in relief. "I'm glad you're okay though. I-"

"Hey," Tony interrupts, "I'm glad bird boy number two is okay but our resident bird is down."

"Clint?" Natasha says worriedly. "You alright? What happened?"

Before Clint can speak Tony cuts in again, "Your Winter buddy happened. He needs medical attention."

"No, I don't," Clint grunted.

"Ah yeah, you do. I'm pretty sure I’m not supposed to be seeing the inside of you from here."

"What?" Natasha asked.

"I mean c'mon dude, I see chunks of your sides on the street. That's not normal."

"Tony," Natasha said, "Get him back to the tower. Now."

"Um I can't do that," Tony hesitated. "The soldier took out my suit. But I'm sure Thor can give us a lift."

"Aye," the Asgardian replied. "Come on, I can give assistance."

In the sky, Steve saw a Thor flying with Clint and Tony dangling from his hands. He'd laugh if a bullet didn't just implant itself in his shoulder. He hissed in pain, looking around for the shooter.  
The Winter Soldier approached, his gait was more of a murder strut. The Soldier pulled out a knife and in his flesh and blood hand, he raised his gun. Steve tensed, and (since Natasha wasn't around to stop him) he threw himself at the Soldier, punching him in the face. The Soldier dodged, moving back a step and bringing his metal hand up to block Steve's kick.

Steve wasn't giving him an out, he'd fight until he could possibly tire the soldier out, or until Natasha got here and she could handle him. Steve brought his other leg around to kick him but the Soldier ducked.

The soldier brought up his flesh and blood hand, but Steve grabbed it and twisted. The soldier grunted, and pulled Steve off of him, pushing him back so there were at least six feet of space between them. The Soldier aimed the gun and Steve threw his shield. Amazingly, the Soldier caught it, dropping his gun in favor of catching it with his metal hand.

Steve lunged, grabbing the gun and aiming it at the Soldier. He wasn't going to shoot, but the Soldier didn't need to know that. The Soldier, in turn, raised his shield, holding it to block his face.

"Natasha," Steve said, "The Soldier is here."

A few minutes of silence followed before, "I know."

Steve was confused, didn't Natasha want to help him. "Wanna do something about it?"

"I tried, he shot me. Right in the gut. Bye, bye bikinis."

Steve winced, his grip on the gun tightened. "I thought you said he'll be mad if anyone hurt you? Does that exclude him?"

Natasha huffed, "Don't kill him, just kill the other Hydra agents. I'll be fine, Steve."

He never took his eyes off the Soldier but when he blinked, the Soldier had a gun. When he blinked again, the Soldier had moved closer to him. The Soldier aimed the gun and shot, Steve, didn't feel the impact, he was perfectly fine, but he heard someone grunt in pain behind him. The soldier shot again, and this time he knew it was a Hydra agent.

The soldier thrust the shield at him and nodded. So they worked together, and to Steve's amazement, they worked perfectly. They moved as if they were dancing, rehearsed movements so they would know where the other was, and what to do to give support.

Steve, Sam, Hulk, Phil and his team, Maria, and even though Steve didn't approve, Natasha, fought the rest of the agents and won. Even though they were two blocks away, Steve had Tony bring a quinjet since everyone was tired.

Natasha was off looking for the Winter Soldier, who disappeared as soon as the fight was over. Steve privately thought that was weird and that the Soldier should pick a side, but he didn't say it out loud, knowing how annoyed and angry Natasha would be.

He took a walk to clear his mind on everything when the Soldier came and stood in front of him.  
"What?" Steve said. "What do you want?" No answer. "Natasha trusted you, y'know? She really stood up for you. And you thank her by shooting her?" Steve shakes his head. "Some friend."

He scoffs.

The soldier doesn't say anything. Steve can't read his expression through the mask and goggles. He takes a deep breath to calm down, he shouldn't yell at the soldier, not when he switched sides to help them and probably pissed off his boss.

"Thank you," Steve gets after moments of silence. "For helping. You didn't have to do that. I'm sure your boss would be mad at you for that."

The soldier shakes his head, makes a wounded noise. He stepped forward but when Steve tensed he stopped, dropping his arms at his sides.

"Who are you?"

The soldier made another wounded noise.

Curious, Steve moved forward slowly, as not to scare the soldier and show his intentions.

"You should have killed me," Steve whispered, the soldier made a wounded sound and vigorously shook his head. "You should have, that was your mission right?" The soldier nodded. "So why didn't you?" No answer. "Who are you?" The soldier shook his head.

Steve brought his hand up and took away the goggles, the soldier closed his eyes tightly, but not before Steve got a flash of blue-grey irises. Then he slowly, touched his hands to the mask, the soldier made a noise of protest, so Steve stopped.

"Can I?" He asked gently. The soldier made no movement, and Steve was about to let his hand fall when the soldier nodded. Steve smiled, and gently pulled the mask off. He stepped back to get a good view, then froze, going into a shock. He dropped the mask, gasping, then bringing one hand up to his mouth and the other reaching out like he wanted to touch but was afraid to as if he would disappear if he touched it. When the person in front of him opened his eyes, his heart skipped a few beats.

"Bucky?" He whispered brokenly.

Bucky didn't move, he looked confused, then pained, then his face cleared, becoming sadder. He nodded slowly like he wasn't sure that was his name. "Yeah," he whispered just as brokenly.  
A sob escaped Steve, then another one, then another, and then he was in Bucky's arms, sobs wracking through his body. He felt Bucky shake too like he was crying as well. He knows that Bucky has a lot to explain, but right now, for the first time since Bucky died, he felt happy and whole.

**~*~*~*~**

"So you're telling me that the Winter Soldier, a legendary assassin, for the past fifty years, is Sergeant Bucky Barnes?" Nick asked from his seat on the couch. He was, surprisingly, not dead, Steve would have nodded, but he was still too shocked to move. He hardly believed it himself. Bucky was alive. Bucky was alive. Bucky was _alive_!

"Yes," Natasha said carefully. She had a conversation with him when Steve brought Bucky in. Bucky didn't remember her, as she remembered him. He had shakily whispered, 'Natalia?' then asked her what happened. He couldn't remember who she was to him, just remember that she was someone he used to know, someone he had once worked with.

They learned a few things like Bucky would only speak Russian to them, but let himself speak English to Steve and Steve only. Bucky didn't remember much, _'Just the missions, the handlers, the doctors, the ice, and the pain_ ', most of his childhood was gone, and the things he did remember was just blurs. Bucky didn't remember Steve exactly, he just remembered that Steve was important, that he wasn't an enemy but an ally, an ally who wouldn't hurt him.

The Avengers didn't fully trust Bucky, not to walk around on his own so soon. They didn't lock him in a cell, much to Steve's relief, but they did restrain him in a chair that was strong enough to hold down Thor.

"What's with all these World War II soldiers coming back from the dead?" Nick griped. "We need to interrogate him before we let him go."

Steve didn't like that idea and he could tell Natasha didn't either, but what were they going to do? Bucky did take down three of them and injured two others. That's not something they could just let go, no matter how much Steve might want them too.

Bucky was restrained in a chair in the meeting room when Steve walked in. He was taking deep deliberate breaths like he was trying to calm himself. It was just them, as Steve requested. He didn't want to overwhelm Bucky. He just needed to talk to him before the Avengers did.

"Are you okay?" Steve asked cautiously. Bucky didn't answer, just gave him a look that said, 'Are you stupid?'. It looked so much like the looks Bucky would give him before the war that he almost cried right then and there, but Bucky needs him to be strong. "Okay, dumb question, but how are you? Do you need something?"

Bucky doesn't say anything, and Steve's about to give up until Bucky says, "Can you unlock these restraints, please?"

Steve's heart shatters into a million pieces just at the tone of Bucky's voice, he sounds so broken and pleading. Like he's not sure Steve wouldn't burn the world for him if he asked.

"Sure, Buck, anything you want." Steve takes off the restraints on Bucky's arms and legs. "Better?" Bucky nods, rubbing at his wrist. "Anything else?"

"No," Bucky says, "Just stay. You help me remember."

"Okay," he sits down in the chair next to Bucky. "They're gonna wanna talk to you, y'know."

"I know."

"You okay with that?"

Bucky turns his head away from Steve, looking straight ahead at the door. "I don't really have a choice, do I?"

Before Steve can answer that the door opens, Nick, Natasha, Sam, Thor, Maria, Phil, Bruce, and Tony come in. They fill out any all the other empty seats, then nothing, silence.  
  
"So," Tony says, "Where do we start?"  
  
Tony seems to be the calmest about everything, like this is something that happens every day. Natasha seems to be happy at seeing Bucky, or as happy as she can get, she moved into the seat next to him. Bruce seems worried like he's not sure the Hulk and the Winter Soldier should be in the same room.

"I think we should start with how you got to be a Hydra agent?" Nick directed the question to Bucky, who was looking down and in concentration.

"I-," Bucky had a pained expression on his face. "I don't really remember. I fell? And then they found me?"

"I have to ask, how did you fall? Where? What happened? Who found you?"

"I, um. It. I. Steve?" Bucky never sounded so desperate. "Please?"

Steve nodded, grateful that he could still understand Bucky even after all this time. He took a breath and started telling the most painful time of his life.

"It was supposed to be a normal mission..."

**___________________**

Steve looked over the edge of the mountain with fear, but hid it well, confident in the fact that they would finally catch Zola. He can feel Bucky's eyes on him and looks up. Bucky looks uncertain, giving Steve a tight smile. Steve smiled back, reassuringly, hoping to convey that it's going to be all right.

He and Bucky had argued over if they should be doing this. Bucky thought it was unnecessarily risky, that if they wanted to make an entrance, they could just blow in the doors when the train stops. Steve thought it was necessary, that this was the only sure way of catching Zola. So they argued, even though it was pointless by the time they came to an agreement, it was time to go, no time to plan a new strategy.

"Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone at Coney Island?" Bucky asks, trying to keep things light.

Steve nodded, letting Bucky change the subject. "Yeah, and I threw up?"

Bucky laughed at the memory, "This isn't payback, is it?"

"Now why would I do that?" He says with a smirk. Bucky looks back at him and shakes his head fondly.

"We were right. Dr. Zola's on the train. Hydra dispatcher gave him permission to open up the throttle. Wherever he's going, they must need him bad," Gabe interrupts, bringing them back out the little bubble they created.

"Let's get going because they're moving like the devil," Monty says.

"We only got about a ten-second window. You miss that window, we're bugs on a windshield." Steve warns, grabbing onto a handle bar.

"Mind the gap."

"Better get moving, bugs!" Dum Dum says.

He glides down, and to his credit, doesn't scream like he wants to. If he tries, he could probably pretend that this is another ride at Coney Island. At least the serum stopped him from throwing up.

On the train he, Bucky and Gabe walk along the top. Gabe goes ahead into another car, while Bucky and him stay together. They silently walk across the car, but then behind Steve the door closes, separating them.

A Hydra soldier, one with guns powered by the tesseract, comes out of the shadows. Steve shoots him, but the bullet doesn't seem to affect him. The soldier fires, the blast reflecting off the shield. Steve staggers back, taking cover behind crates. The soldier fires twice, blasting two holes in the door next to him.

He looks around for something that might be able to help when he gets an idea. Standing, he holds onto a hook that's on the ceiling then runs, getting enough momentum to jump and kick the soldier in the chest.

The soldier goes down, but Steve slams the shield hard enough on the soldier's helmet to knock him out. Steve aims the soldier's gun, blasting the door open so he could get to Bucky. Through the window, Bucky's hiding behind some crates, trying to reload his gun.

Steve knocked on the glass, getting Bucky's attention. Opening the door, he threw Bucky the gun then ran, knocking the crates right into the Hydra soldier. The soldier jumped out the way, right into Bucky's line of fire, earning himself a bullet in the head.

Bucky came and stood next to Steve, "I had him on the ropes," Bucky quipped.

"I know you did," Steve smiled, but it faded just as quickly as it appeared. He heard a whirring sound behind him like something was powering up. "Get down!"

He pushed Bucky behind him, pulling up his shield just in time to block the blast. The blast shot off the shield, hitting the side of the train and making a large hole in it. The force of the blast made Steve stagger back, losing his balance, and Bucky fell. Another blast from the gun had Steve flying, right out the side of the train.

" _STEVE_!" Bucky yelled, frantic and scared. Bucky jumped out, grabbing hold of a handlebar with his hand and reaching out to grab Steve's foot with the other. Steve closed his eyes, afraid to look down. "C'mon Steve, we can't just hang here." As soon as Bucky said that the handle bar creaked dangerously. "Alright, hold on. I have an idea."

Bucky started swinging him, making him sway, going higher and higher each time. He refrained himself from screaming or making any noise, not wanting to startle or distract Bucky. The handle bar creaked louder and louder with each sway, but eventually, Steve was able to grab onto the side of the train. He pushed himself up, stepping on Bucky's shoulders to climb up.

Taking a breath, he reached around for Bucky. "Grab my hand," was the last thing Steve remembered happening. The next few seconds happened so fast, he remembered reaching out, getting so close to Bucky that their hands brushed. He remembered hearing the handlebar give one loud creak and then seeing it break. He remembered seeing Bucky's eyes widen in fear, remembered seeing Bucky tip back, and fall, fall, fall.

Bucky's scream was a loud blood curdling, piercing noise. Bucky screamed as he fell, he screamed long and loud. Steve would like to say that Bucky was scared, that he feared for his life, and Steve knew he did, he could see it in Bucky's eyes. But he also saw relief, a relief that said, ' _Thank god it's me, not you_.'

Steve tore his eyes away, climbing back into the train. He sat there, on the floor, staring, unseeingly at nothing. Then he screamed, he screamed the same name he used to call lovingly. He screamed the name of a boy he knew since he was three. He screamed the name of the boy that won't ever answer him again, or talk to him again, or laugh with him again, or kiss again, the name of a boy who Steve won't see again because he's dead.

Dead.

Dead.

_Dead_.

And it's all his fault.

Steve screamed, louder this time, loud ugly sobs wracking his body, making him shake. " _BUCKY_! _BUCKY_! _BUC_ -"

That's how Gabe found him, a screaming blubbery mess. "Steve?" Gabe said. Steve didn't answer, couldn't answer, he couldn't hear Gabe anyways, not with the way he was screaming. He was still just staring, his eyes glazed over, not seeing Gabe wave fingers in front of him. "Steve? Buddy, come on, get up, get a hold of yourself." Gabe shook him gently, but it didn't make a difference, Steve was already shaking. "C'mon." Gabe sighed. "Cap, snap out of it. Where's Barnes?" Steve abruptly stilled. "Cap?" Gabe said worriedly, "Where's Bucky?"

Oh god, oh god, oh god, " _BUCKY_! He's-he's-he's," Steve didn't finish, he broke off with a sob.  
Gabe looked at where Steve was starring, the hole in the train, and the missing bar.

"He's dead, isn't he?" He asked gently. Steve only cried louder. "Oh, Steve." Gabe hauled Steve up by the shoulders, pulling him out the train since Steve couldn't seem to walk.

The Commandos looked at them questioningly. "Where's Barnes?" Dum Dum asked, looking around. Gabe just shook his head, and Steve whimpered. That was answer enough. "Oh," was all Dum Dum said.

"C'mon, let's get Cap back to base."

**~*~*~*~**

When Steve looked around the tent, he fell down to his knees. He crawled into a cot, Bucky's cot because the pillow and blanket smell like him. Steve closed his eyes tightly, trying to rid his mind of Bucky's death.

The tent was filled with Bucky's stuff, his trinkets, his clothes, pictures he had of his family, letters that he got and some he'll never send.

He already wrote a personal letter to the Barnes'. He thought they deserved something less formal and uncaring, he wanted them to know that he cared, that he's sorry, he's so, so sorry for causing their only son's death.

He still has a report to do and hopes he gets a turn to interrogate Zola, just to get his chance to bash his skull in. He still has to explain to Colonel Phillips, Peggy, and Howard, why they are one Commando less.

"No," he screams. "No! No! No! NO! _NO_!"

It's not okay, it'll never be okay because Bucky's dead.

Dead.

Dead.

_Dead_.

And it's all his fault.

**____________________**

"I didn't catch him, and he fell." He looks down at the table. "Sorry, Bucky."

"It's okay Steve," Bucky says softly. "Not your fault."

Nick clears his throat and Bucky startles. "After the fall?" Nick prompts.

"Oh, um, I was bleeding, my left arm was gone, slightly above the elbow. Then they found me, I, I think they were Russian? They brought me to a cell, tried to torture me but since I didn't break, they told me about Steve's death and I stopped fighting for a while? I- they, um, Zola cut off my arm, then put the metal one. I fought him, I think, I almost escaped, but the shot me? Everything else after that was blurry.

"But, um, I still didn't listen to them, I fought with them, for twenty years? Then they made the chair," Bucky shuddered. "They wiped me. Until I forgot. And then they told me things, at first, with the Red Room, they gave me a name, because the Red Room was nicer than Hydra. I was Yasha, I had a room, a bed, I was free to do things, to talk to other agents, to eat, to use the bathroom, I could keep some of my memories, as long as it didn't interfere with my loyalty or the mission. But then I was sold Hydra fully, and they took that, and all my memories. They wiped me frequently and gave me punishments, and put me in cryo. I wasn't a person, I was the asset, the weapon."

Bucky laughed bitterly, clenching his metal hand. "The fist of Hydra."

No one said anything after that. Steve wasn't sure if Bucky was sparing them details or if he couldn't remember, Steve hoped it was the latter.

"So they," Bruce swallowed, "Wiped your mind?"

Bucky nodded. "In the chair."

"If what you say is true, why did you remember Steve then?" Sam asked, or more like accused.

"Because, they couldn't really wipe him out, not really. He was somewhere in the back of my mind I think, I just had to have it brought out of me."

Maria nodded, "Alright, Sergeant Barnes, that's enough for now. We'll come back for more questions tomorrow, then we'll have work on integrating you into the twenty-first century. We'll have our top psychiatrist helping you, I'm sure everyone in the tower would be willing to help you." Maria stood up and stuck out a hand. Bucky looked at it, then at her face then back at her hand. He slowly lifted his hand up and shook it, looking like he was concentrating on being gentle. "We all heard so much about you Sergeant Barnes, I can't wait to get to know you more."  
Nick, Maria, and Phil left, quickly followed by Bruce and Thor.

"I'll get a floor ready for you Barnes, you'll be right under Caps. I'll check out your arm anytime you need me to." Tony stood, looking uncharacteristically awkward.

"Thank you," Bucky said.

Tony just nodded, "Don't mention it. Oh and watch out for Jarvis, he's not a person, he's kind of just a presence, he'll randomly talk but don't freak out when you don't see anything." Then he left.

Natasha walked up to Bucky hesitantly. "I, um, wanted to thank you. For getting me out. You didn't have to do that."

Bucky looked at her confused, then his face cleared up. "Добро пожаловать Наталия."

Natasha smiled, she left the room saying, "I help you remember."

Steve took Bucky to his floor, Sam following them. He showed him around, taking him from room to room. "And here's your room," he said, gesturing to the door.

Bucky nodded in thanks, going into the room, and closing the door, Steve could hear it lock and he sighed.

"Is this a good idea," Sam said. "He tried to kill us and you're all just letting him stay?"

"It's fine, Sam. This is Bucky, he won't do anything."

"That's the thing: this isn't Bucky, not the Bucky you remember. That guy is dead, Steve. The person in that room now," Sam shook his head, "That's an assassin."

"Sam," Steve tried.

"Look, I just think you're too invested in this. This is personal for you. You'd do anything for Bucky, we all know that but he might take advantage of that. He could be lying for all we know. I don't trust him." Sam crossed his arms over his chest.

"I don't care. I trust him, they trust him. He's not lying, I'd tell," Steve argued. "He needs help."

"What he needs is to be locked in a cell somewhere, while SHIELD interrogates him and tries to learn what else they can about him." Sam sighs, "I don't like this, but I know I can't change your mind. Just be careful."

Steve doesn't say anything to that.

"Alright. See you later then, man." Sam pats his shoulder, walking away into his own room.  
When the door closes Steve sighs, leaning back against the wall.

"Should I leave?" A voice says, startling Steve.

He opens his eyes, smiling at Bucky. "No. He's probably just pissed about his wings. Sam's sentimental like that."

Bucky doesn't smile. "He doesn't trust me. And he's right, you don't know if you should trust me either."

"Yes, I do," Steve take both of Bucky's hands. "You had every opportunity to kill us. You could have killed us, but you didn't. You didn't kill me, you didn't kill Nat. And we both know Hydra doesn't like to drag things out.I trust you." I love you.

Bucky smiled, small but there. "Always said you were an idiot."

Steve smiled back, "That's why you were the one that made all the important decisions. Want lunch? I'm starved."

"Yeah. What're we having?"

"I'm sure Clint has some pizza to spare."

Bucky smiled, and Steve smiled back. Everything was going to be alright because Bucky was alive.

Alive.

Alive.

_Alive_.

And he came back to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation-  
> >Добро пожаловать Наталия-you're welcome Natalia   
> Join me on [Tumblr!](https://hidingouthere.tumblr.com/)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I didn't lose her, I just... forgot her," Steve explains.
> 
> "You said the same thing to my ma, Steve and she whacked you. If it didn't make sense then, it's not gonna make sense now."
> 
> Clint and Tony snickered. "You have to tell us that story later," Bruce chuckled.
> 
> "See, Bucky agrees with me," Tony continues, "I'm gonna make a magnet that would attract your shield to you if you ever lose it or can't get it at the moment."
> 
> Steve hums, "Okay," he agrees easily. "Howard made something like that, might be useful."
> 
> "Was that the Frisbee Incident?" Bucky asks unsure.
> 
> "Yep. And it turned out to be a disaster." Steve shakes his head, typical Howard. Hopefully, with Tony, it'll be better.
> 
> "You promised to tell us about the frisbee incident, now is a good time to tell," Clint points out.   
> Steve shrugs, "Sure. So Howard got the genius idea that it'd be fun if my shield worked like a boomerang..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in awhile. I had a really sucky and busy last two weeks, that kind of stopped me from writing. But I'm back, and have a new chapter for you guys! Thanks to my beta, [MrGoodbar](http://mrgoodbar11213.tumblr.com/) for editing this chapter.

It's been one month, two weeks, two days, seven hours, twenty-eight minutes, and sixteen seconds since Steve got Bucky back (not that he was counting) and Steve couldn't be happier. Bucky's been making exceptional progress in his recovery, just like Steve hoped he would. Bucky always bounced back from things, no matter how bad things seemed.

Steve couldn't be prouder, Bucky was going to therapy, he was working through what's been done to him, how to handle the guilt. He's been learning how to be gentle, and not use his metal arm for pain and breaking things.

Bucky had nightmares every night, but so did Steve, so they talked about it together sometimes, then they'd go to the couch and watch Disney movies while eating ice cream.

Tony had given Bucky his own floor, which Steve appreciated but would rather have Bucky on his floor. Bucky, for his part, seemed excited to get his own space. He normally spends time locked in his room, now he could spend time locked in his own suite. Sam didn't seem to like having no one to keep an eye on Bucky, still saying he was dangerous but everyone ignored him; they all trusted Bucky.

Bucky was a free man. As soon as he told Steve about the trigger words in his brain, Steve told Tony, Tony told Bruce, Bruce told Thor, and Thor told Odin. Odin gave them technology that would erase the words, and any other codes Hydra put in to control Bucky. When SHIELD found out about the words, they were able to get a team lawyers that worked to excuse Bucky of everything he did as the Winter Soldier.

Bucky didn't interact much with other people besides Steve and his therapist. Sam pretty much ignored him, so they never got the chance to talk. Bucky and Bruce were nervous around each other, Bucky being afraid of doctors and Bruce being afraid that the Hulk would want revenge or try to protect Bruce from the Soldier. He only went to Tony when he needed his arm looked at or to thank him for his suite. He still couldn't look Tony in the eyes, even when Tony forgave him after he found out the Winter Soldier killed his parents. Bucky didn't talk to Clint, he stayed far away from the archer, probably feeling guilty for almost killing him. Natasha was another story, Bucky would talk to her sometimes, they'd have short, whispered conversations in Russian. Bucky was just overwhelmed by Thor, something Steve doesn't blame him for, he was too when he first got out the ice.

They had learned that if Bucky had visuals of something, then it would help him remember, that's how he remembered Steve so quickly, that's why he knew Natasha. Or sometimes, certain memories connected with others and he would remember those memories through that. They had to do a lot of searching to show Bucky pictures of things from the past, but it was worth it because Bucky remembered most of his childhood, he could recall in detail almost every memory. Bucky remembered his family, his old friends, and what relationship he had with them. He remembered the war and the fall.   
The one thing Bucky didn't seem to remember (or if he did he didn't say anything) was their relationship. And that killed Steve.

"Hey, Stevie," Bucky greeted, sitting down on the couch next to him. Bucky looked around, then furrowed his brow. "Where's Sam?"

"At work," Steve replied icily. He and Sam had been arguing alot lately, almost to the point where Steve would've kicked him out. But, he didn't because Sam is his _friend_ and the Falcon, therefore a target to Hydra. He was in the tower for his _safety_ , and Steve couldn't tell him to leave just because of an ongoing disagreement. Or at least that's what he reminds himself when he considers it.

Bucky looks at him for a moment, studying his tense body and narrowed eyes. "What happened?" Bucky asked. "It doesn't have anything to do with me, does it?"

There's no point in lying, he's crap at it anyway. "Maybe."

"Steve, if I'm causing problems for you and your friends then maybe I should-"

"I''m gonna stop you there," Steve interrupts. "I want you here, the Avengers want you here. Sam's just," he paused, trying to see how to word this. "being overly cautious."

"It's not like he doesn't have a reason to be," Bucky mumbles. "No one here really knows how dangerous I am, except maybe Natalia. No one knows a lot about the programming, or if there's anything left in my head. There are some days when I wake up and I'm not Bucky anymore, I'm the Winter Soldier. Maybe being overly cautious is a good thing."

"I don't think treating you like the enemy is gonna do you any good, Buck," Steve said. "You wanna get better? You want to be you again?" Bucky nodded. "Then you're gonna need some friends in your corner."

Bucky just shook his head. "Steve-"

"You're dangerous, so what?" Steve continued, "Everyone in this tower is. But it's how we used our abilities that really say if we're dangerous or not. We live in a building with two of the world's greatest scientist and an alien whose tech is so advanced it makes the twenty-first century look like Medieval times. I'm sure they could figure something out. You're not the only one here who's been brainwashed. Everyone wakes up a little disoriented sometimes. Sometimes they don't know where they are, who they are, or what they're doing. Recovery, s'not an easy thing Buck, but that doesn't mean you can find reasons to stop."

Bucky looked down. "I don't want to stop. I just don't want to hurt anyone else."

Steve wanted to say, ' _Of course you won't, you got this_ ' or ' _Don't worry, you won't do that_ ' or, ' _I know you Bucky, you wouldn't hurt anyone_ ' but he didn't, because he doesn't know what will happen. He does the only thing he can, he opens his arms, gives a small hopefully smile and waits.

Bucky looks up, then goes into the hug, squeezing Steve back just as tight.

"You don't hurt me," Steve says instead. "You only hurt me, when you're hurt."

Bucky nods or tries to, but it's more like he's rubbing his head on Steve's neck. "I'll try not to get hurt then."

"You don't have to pretend with me. I know you're hurt. You don't have to be strong all the time."

"I'm not pretending."

"Yes, you are. Bucky, you haven't cried about this since we got on the quinjet home. When we were on it, you've been focused on remembering some things. Then you told the Avengers what happened without stuttering or flinching or shedding a tear. You don't have to be strong all the time."

"I know. Sometimes it's just easier to pretend it never happened."

Privately, he couldn't help but agree.

"So, breakfast is in an hour," Steve says, changing the subject, not liking the somber mood. "Are you gonna stay?"

Bucky never stays, always going up to his room (with a plate that Steve insists on him having) and locking himself away. He doesn't even come down when it's not Steve's turn to host breakfast. Steve doesn't blame him, Bucky's not the suave, talkative charmer he was before. But he wishes that he could just try to talk to people sometimes.

Bucky looks to be in deep thought like he's trying to make a decision. "Fine." Steve smiles brightly and Bucky gives him a hard look. "But, if any of them start to feel uncomfortable around me, I'm leaving."

"Deal."

Bucky stays on the couch to watch whatever it is he's watching on tv while Steve cooks. He makes french toast, something he learned to perfect and puts a side tray of toppings like bananas, strawberries, and peaches. Then he makes bacon, making sure it was crispy because last time Clint and Tony complained about it not being good enough. In the end, he makes enough to feed a small army, which should be just enough to feed four Avengers, two super soldiers, and Thor.

The first person to come up to his floor is Thor. He's sitting on the couch, his legs in Bucky's lap when the god walks in. Steve cringes, he hoped Bucky would meet someone else first, like Bruce or Natasha. Thor could be a little (very) loud and excitable. Steve doesn't want this to overwhelm Bucky, especially, if the brunet still flinches at sudden loud noises.

"Greetings friend Steve!" Thor shouts upon entering the suite. "I hope I didn't come to earlier. I had to drop the Lady Jane off to her work and figured I should just come straight here," Thor continues.

"Hey Thor," Steve waves his hand, chuckling at his friend.

Thor looks over to Steve's left, looking confused before his face clearing. "Good morning, James!" Thor greets as well, oblivious to Bucky's tense figure.

"Hello," Bucky says, monotone. He clears his voice and tries again. "Hi."

Thor doesn't seem to mind the stillness in Bucky. "It's very great to finally meet you, Steve has told us much about you."

"All good things I hope," Bucky jokes weakly.

"Of course. We heard nothing but compliments from him." Thor was now seated in an armchair across from Bucky, making himself at home. "He's told us you were a warrior for the second war against the world," Thor says solemnly, "That must mean you are very brave." The raw honesty in Thor's voice makes Bucky look away.

"I guess I was," Bucky agrees. Steve doesn't like how he's referring to himself in past tense. "And it's not actually a war against worlds, it was-"

Bucky was cut off by a dinging noise, the telltale sound of the elevator.

"I'm telling you, Nat, there's no way Sharon could beat Maria in a fight. Sharon's good but Maria is better."

"You're just saying that because you bet $100 on it."

"No I didn't," Clint scoffs. "Hey, Steve-o, what's for breakfast?" Clint asks loudly. Clint has been doing remarkably well since the fight. Bruce's friend, Doctor Helen Cho, was able to make synthetic skin for Clint, it looks so real, and kind of feels like skin too. She did a good job, and Clint was happy with it.

"Hey Clint, hey Nat. Good morning," Steve says brightly. "I made french toast and bacon. Yes, I made coffee. No, you can't have seconds," He answers before Clint can ask.

Clint pouts but nods, going into the kitchen to presumably get coffee. He hopes Clint doesn't see the cookies Steve’s hidden in there. They're for Bucky too, hopefully, help him remember more about his childhood.

"Hello, Natalia," Bucky said after a while. Steve was happy that Bucky was the one to start a conversation with someone besides him. He's finally getting out his shell.

Natasha had been watching Clint the whole time and was relaxed enough to not have to scan the area for threats. Natasha looked over at the sound of her given name, surprised.

"Hello, Yasha." Natasha slipped onto the couch, sitting next to Bucky but leaving some space in between them.

Bucky had just looked at her like he was trying to take her in and memorize her. Like he's scared of forgetting again. Then he smiled, small, but there. "Я вижу, ты хорошо себя чувствуешь, Наталья."

Natasha smiles, "Что ты имеешь в виду?"

"Вы нашли эту любовь, о которой я вам рассказывал. Навсегда добрый, о котором я тебе рассказывал. Я рад, рад за вас. Вы заслуживаете, что. Клинт хороший парень," Bucky replies. Bucky looks so sincere that Steve wishes to know what they're talking about.

"Да, он на самом деле." Natasha has this fond look on his face, the one she has when she's talking to or about Clint. "Вы тоже заслуживаете эту любовь. Что они с тобой сделали? Это было неправильно. У тебя не было выбора. Ты этого заслуживаешь. Вы и Стив оба."

"Да? Может быть." Bucky looks wistful. "Я знаю, что это была не моя вина. Я знаю, что если бы я мог остановить это, я бы это сделал. Но я не могу не думать, что я не заслуживаю счастья," Bucky chuckles bitterly. "Кроме того, кто будет любить кого-то вроде меня? У меня так много проблем, и я так много пережил. Независимо от того, что делает человек, чтобы любить меня, должен быть действительно хорошим человеком, с большим количеством деликатной детерминации."

Natasha looks at him, confused. Her face clears with realization and she sucks in a harsh breath. "Вы не помните, не так ли?"

Now Bucky's the one who's confused. "Помнишь что?"

"Nevermind. I'm sure Steve will remind you. You deserve to know your past," Natasha says, purposely in English.

Steve's just about to ask her what he's supposed to remind Bucky of when a sleepy Tony walks in with Bruce.

"Come on guys," Tony yawns. "I'm starved."

They eat breakfast without a hitch. Everyone seems to accept Bucky as one of them and no one shows any discomfort. After a while, Bucky even starts talking to them.

After a few cautious conversations, Bucky joked with them like they were old friends. Bucky asked Tony any questions he could come up with, like if there are any flying cars, or if anyone has come up with time travel. He asked Thor about Asgard and what life was like for Asgardians. He and Bruce talked about ways they could calm down and other sciences. Bruce telling Bucky about modern inventions and medicines, and Bucky filling him in on the ones from the past. Bucky apologized to Clint about ten times before Clint had challenged him by saying that if he was really sorry, then he and Bucky needed to go down to the range and see who is the better sniper. Bucky didn't miss a beat in saying that it's a bad way to apologize by beating someone in a competition.

The team adored Bucky, and Steve couldn't be more thankful that they accepted him so quickly. He's hoping that if Bucky sees the Avengers, see how broken they are, sees how much they really struggle, knows what terrible things happened in their lives to bring them here, maybe he wouldn't feel so bad.

The conversation from there somehow shifts to talking about the last mission they went on. During the month Bucky's been back Steve was really reluctant to leave Bucky, but Nick gave them a mission, it was a Hydra related and Steve couldn't resist. When they realized that Bucky knew and remembered the locations of the bases, they turned to him, hounding him for information that Bucky seemed so happy to give. Steve privately didn't think this wasn't a normal topic to talk about during breakfast, but they weren't known for being normal.

"Y'know I've been thinking about our suits. I can do some upgrades to them, make them stronger, more resilient, and have the latest tech," Tony says almost too casually.

"You mean you want to Starkify them?" Steve deadpans. "No thanks."

"C'mon," Tony goads. "I promise I won't do anything bad, scout's honor." He even holds a hand over his heart and raises the other one. Steve rolls his eyes. "It's needed, Cap, I'll make your suit better. I already have ideas!"

Steve leans back in his chair. "Which are?"

"Well, you know how you always lose things?" Tony asks.

Steve sputters, "I most certainly do not!"

"You lost the remote last week."

"Didn't you misplace your sketchbook?"

"You left your phone in one of Shield's bathrooms."

"Didn't you lose Becca once?"

Steve turns to Bucky. "It was Beth, and no, I didn't, she lost me." He sounds like a petulant child, but he doesn't care, Bucky's talking to him about their childhood in front of the Avengers. He couldn't be happier.

" ‘ _She lost me_ ,' " Bucky mocks, rolling his eyes. "She was nine, you were fifteen, I'm pretty sure she's not supposed to be in charge of you. You left her at Coney Island, not the other way around."

"It was an accident! You were there! You didn't notice she wasn't there," Steve accuses. That day had been a disaster, Mrs.Barnes had been livid when she asked where Beth was and the girl in question was nowhere to be found. He and Bucky had gone back, looking everywhere, until they found a crying, terrified and angry Beth at security.

"That's because I had a black eye and a headache, you know I never notice things when I have a headache," Bucky says exasperatedly like he was explaining this for the tenth time to a child.

"You lost a person?" Natasha asks, incredulous. "I didn't think you were that bad Steve."

"I didn't _lose_ her, I just... _forgot_ her," Steve explains.

"You said the same thing to my ma, Steve and she whacked you. If it didn't make sense then, it's not gonna make sense now."

Clint and Tony snickered. "You have to tell us that story later," Bruce chuckled.

"See, Bucky agrees with me," Tony continues, "I'm gonna make a magnet that would attract your shield to you if you ever lose it or can't get it at the moment."

Steve hums, "Okay," he agrees easily. "Howard made something like that, might be useful."

"Was that the Frisbee Incident?" Bucky asks unsure.

"Yep. And it turned out to be a disaster." Steve shakes his head, typical Howard. Hopefully, with Tony, it'll be better.

"You promised to tell us about the frisbee incident, now is a good time to tell," Clint points out.   
Steve shrugs, "Sure. So Howard got the genius idea that it'd be fun if my shield worked like a boomerang..."

**_________________**

"Steve, this is so stupid," Bucky complains. "How did you lose your shield? How can anyone lose the shield?"

Steve rolls his eyes, annoyed. "You say that like you never lost anything before."

"No, I'm saying that because I _never_ lost a brightly colored metal disk that happens to be made of the rarest metal in the world and something that could be potentially dangerous in enemy hands, in a Russian mountain that's covered in snow."

True, Bucky has a point. "It was an _accident_ ," he stresses.

It was an accident. It's not like he purposely tries to lose things like things, it just... happens.

They've been looking around in the snow for his shield for about an hour now, and still, couldn't find anything. They told the rest of the commandos to go back to camp, it was getting too cold and was snowing harder than it was before. So now it was only him and Bucky (who was complaining every chance he could get) that were looking for the shield.

Steve couldn't help but worry… what if he lost it for good? What if they missed a Hydra agent and he took it back to base. What if it fell over the edge? Phillips would, no doubt be mad, and Howard and Peggy would be so disappointed. What if they take away his rank? Or tell him he can no longer fight Hydra and has to go on with the regular units? Or worse, what if they kick him out the army? What if-

"Stop." Bucky comes over and puts his hands on his face. "Calm down, I can hear you thinking from over there." Bucky looks around before brushing his lips to Steve's reassuringly. "We'll find it. We're not gonna stop 'til we do."

"What if we can't though? What if it's-"

"Nu-uh," Bucky chides, "None of that now. We'll just have to keep looking is all. And me, being the best, best friend ever, will stay with you in the freezing cold and look for your oversized frisbee."

Steve huffs a laugh, Buck can always get him to smile, even when his situation is undesirable.

"Just stay positive," he says with a nod. They'll find it, he knows they will.

"Exactly, stay positive," Bucky repeats.

They stayed positive for probably another forty-five minutes until Bucky started complaining again.

"I can't believe I'm still out here, in the cold, digging through snow and ice for something _you_ lost, when I can be back at base, with Derniers hot chocolate, and the socks Gabe's sweetheart sent, in such a warmer place. Why am I here again?"

"Because you're the best, best friend slash boyfriend ever and will promise to stay with me in the freezing cold to find my oversized frisbee," he recites.

"Ugh," Bucky groans. "Fine, I'll stay, but don't think I won't want extra cuddles to warm up when we get back." Bucky slips as he takes a step back, his arms flailing about, and falls right the snow.

Steve runs over to find Bucky covered in snow, staring straight up with a dazed look.

"Are you okay?" Steve prompts since Bucky didn't say anything.

"I found your shield." Was all he offered. Steve looked down and saw a stripe of red, white and blue of the shield, a stark contrast from the snow.

Steve offers him a sheepish grin and Bucky glares.

**~*~*~*~**

"I just don't know how you do it. You have a photographic memory, making you incapable of forgetting things, and yet you lose your shield?" Steve nods. "I really can't with you, sometimes."  
Howard gives a dramatic eye roll and waves hand in Bucky's direction. "I don't know how you deal with this one."

"Years of practice," Bucky replies with a shrug. "You think we can come up with something so he won't lose it again?"

"I'm sure we can think of something, I am a genius after all. And you, kid genius."

"I don't know about this guys," Steve says, unsure. "What if you mess up the shield? I can just keep better track of it next time."

"Steve, you lost one of my sisters, I doubt you can handle this."

Steve flushes and Howard sniggers. "We're not gonna reverse engineer it, just make it so it'll come back to you. It'll be useful in the battlefield. And Bucky's not gonna let me do anything bad."

Bucky comes close to him and pats his cheek. "See Steve, you're shield's in great hands."

"No, it's in your and Howard's hands," Steve corrects. "That doesn't exactly make me feel better."

"I have you know, my hands are great, they can do many things, like build, and shoot bullets, and other things that are not decent to talk about in public,” Bucky says, petulant. "Bye Steve. We have work to do." Bucky pushed Steve out with a grin.

Steve left the lab, feeling slightly uneasy. He hoped whatever they did worked because he'd hate to lose the shield again. Especially if that means he has to be the one that answers to Colonel Phillips.

**~*~*~*~**

Steve stared at the glove with distrust. "And you need me to wear," he held up the glove with a bulky metal piece attached to it, " _this_."

Howard rolled his eyes. "Yes, Steve, I need you to wear that. How else are we supposed to attract the shield?"

"I dunno. Magic?" He offered.

Howard bristled. "I am a _scientist_. I work with _science_. Not something that's as ill defined and unexplainable as _magic_."

Steve held up his hands, not wanting to get in this argument with Howard, again. "Okay," he said. "How exactly is this supposed to work?"

This time Bucky rolled his eyes. "Just like how it always works. You throw the shield with the right force, it'll hit its target, then it'll come back to you. Kinda like a boomerang."

Steve nodded, picking up his shield and aiming it towards a random tree. He threw it lightly but it just came back to him after a few feet. He turned to look at Bucky eyebrows raised.

"You gotta throw it hard, pal, or else the shield is just gonna come back."

"It's all about force," Howard agrees.

So he throws it, with his normal force, it hits the target and comes back around to him. He catches it quickly before it hits the magnet. Turning to look at Howard and Bucky, the two give him twin looks, smiling at him like a proud mama. Or, most likely, smiling at their invention.

They make him do more test trials until his arm hurts from all the throwing. He had to practice catching it in time because if it gets touches the magnet, it'll get stuck. He and Bucky threw the shield back and forth to get used to the pull of the magnet when they have the shield.

In practice, the magnet was good, on the battlefield, it was great, it worked like a charm. For months, there were no mistakes, everything worked perfectly. Until they learned how strong the magnet really was.

**~*~*~*~**

The sound of the tent flap opening and closing causing Steve to look up. Bucky stood in front of his desk dressed in his standard blue jacket and pants, rifle slung over his shoulder. Dressed for a mission.

"Phillips gave you a mission?" Steve questions.

Sometimes Phillips would do that. Bucky had a specific skill set that most soldiers would die for and wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty. Phillips would send Bucky out to do some of the more... unsavory missions. Bucky was an excellent long range, never missing a target, but he was almost as good in close combat. He could disappear from sight in a matter of seconds and would move without a sound, like a ghost. He was a great soldier. And Phillips liked using that to his advantage.

"Yeah," Bucky sighs. "Just wanted to say bye." Bucky leans in for a kiss, lingering for a while.

"You gotta leave now?" Steve asks sullenly when they pull apart.

Bucky considers it for a while. "I was going to have lunch with Peggy, but I'm sure she won't mind if I stay with you."

"Great!" Steve got up from his seat, retrieving his shield and glove. "Peggy can come, I just wanted to have another round of frisbee."

Bucky shrugs. "I'll get Pegs."

By the time Steve got to their designated frisbee spot, Bucky and Peggy were already there, snacking on whatever foods they could get Peggy managed to get.

"You ready?" Steve questions, amused. When Peggy eats, it always looks classy, like she was taught how to along with the royal family of Britain. Bucky, on the other hand, is scarfing down food like a starving man raised in a barn. Mrs. Barnes would've had a heart attack from his manners. Or lack thereof.

"Hello, Steve," Peggy hugged him warmly. "It's great to see you again." Peggy has been busy, they haven't been able to talk with missions and everything in their schedule, so it was nice to be able to see each other again.

"You too, Pegs." Steve smiles.

Peggy grins, "I heard James and Howard made a something for that shield of yours. I want to see." Peggy sat back down in her chair, ignoring Bucky's indignant, ' _My name is Bucky_ ' with an eye roll. "Go on. Show me."

So they did. One thing Steve learned that day was that playing frisbee will never get old. It was fun, trying to find new moves and ways to throw the shield to catch the other off guard. Another thing is that the magnet Howard made, is definitely stronger than it's supposed to be.

In hindsight, they definitely should've known not to bring any heavy or large pieces of metal close to the magnet.  
  
Sometime in between rounds of throwing the frisbee back and forth, they unconsciously moved closer to each other until they were about five feet apart. Steve threw the shield hard, not accommodating their close distance, but Bucky didn't even try to catch it. Instead, Bucky moved closer, or well was dragged closer, considering the way his feet never moved off the ground and his wide eyes.

"Steve? What's going on?" Bucky was in his space now, the other thing between them was Steve's hand. Steve’s gloved hand.

"I think the metal on your coat and from your rifle and knife is getting attracted to the magnet." Steve answers. It's the only explanation he could come up with (unless Bucky's lying) and the only one that would make sense.

"I don't think the magnet is strong enough to drag-"

A sudden and loud cough startled them from talking. Making them jump back, or well Steve moving back and Bucky following him.

"Are you boys going to continue frisbee or going to kiss?"

Steve blushed which was surprising because it was just kissing and he certainly heard worse things coming from soldiers and Bucky's mouth.

"I think we're a little bit stuck at the moment."

Peggy looked between them and sighed. "Only you two." Peggy came and tried to pull them apart but it didn't work. Occupied with the task of getting apart, no one noticed the shield speeding towards them until it was too late.

"Bucky watch out! Behind you!"

Stupidly, Bucky turned around instead of moving. The shield still came flying back, hitting Bucky in his face.

Bucky slumped over on Steve from the impact and Steve scrambled to check for a pulse, anything, to show Bucky was still alive. He was, thankfully, he could feel a heartbeat under his finger and sighed in relief.

"We have to get him to the med tent," Peggy said. "He could be concussed."

Steve felt himself pale. He picked up Bucky and ran as fast as he could to the med tents, hoping there was at least one nurse available.

**~*~*~*~**

Steve breathed a sigh of relief when the nurse said that Bucky would be okay. The head injury was minor, and Bucky was lucky he didn't suffer too much damage. Of course, he is a super soldier and their tolerance to pain and wounds is a lot higher than the average person.

The only physical sign of what happened was the large red knot that welled up on his forehead that Bucky was going to kill him for when he woke up. It wasn't that bad in Steve's opinion. They certainly had worse, but he knows Bucky would freak when he sees it, he'll practically be livid.

He startled out of his thoughts when Bucky's eyelids fluttered and he groaned. Bucky stretched and went to comb a hand in his hair when his hand came in contact with the knot.

Bucky recoiled, hissing, and sitting up a little straighter. "What the hell? What happened?"

Steve's relief turns into concern. "You don't remember?" he asked worriedly.He doesn't know if he should get the nurse or not, no one mentioned something about amnesia.

"I remember playing frisbee?" Bucky said. Steve nodded, encouragingly. He could try to fill in the blanks when Bucky missed something. "Then I got stuck to your glove, and," Bucky's expression changed from confused to livid, "your shield hit me in my face when it came back," Bucky said with a little more force than necessary.

"That basically sums it up," Steve replied cautiously. "Your head," he paused, trying to choose his wording carefully, "is the only thing that got injured."

Bucky groaned, bringing up a hand and lightly prodding a the knot, then hissing with the impact. "You mean besides my pride?" Bucky joked. "My dashingly good looks are now ruined. God, if the commandos see my face or my _sisters_! They'll never let me live it down." Bucky shook his head sullenly, like that was the worst thing that could come of this.

Steve rolled his eyes. One day his eyes are going to get stuck like that, and he'll have no one to blame but James Buchanan Barnes.

"Where's Peggy?" Bucky asked. "Did she have more important things to do than worry over me?"

"Actually yes," Steve answered. "Since you were still unconscious and we didn't know if this was gonna be a standard head injury or a concussion or something worse, someone needed to go on that mission. Peggy volunteered."

Bucky nodded, looking guilty for some reason. Probably because Peggy just got back from whatever mission she'd been on for a week leave, only to go on yet another mission. Steve knows he would be guilty, but he also knows Peggy doesn't mind, or she wouldn't have done it.

Just then, Howard chose that moment to come in, Bucky's blue coat and Steve's glove in hand.   
"Ah, good to see Barnes is awake. You look alive and," Howard hesitated, stared at the swollen bulge on Bucky's head, then gulped, "Well?"

Bucky glared.

Howard raised his hands in surrender. "Hey, I fixed your coat and Steve's glove. Speaking of," It always amazed Steve how Howard could change subjects so quickly, "Steve I don't think it's a good idea to have that magnet around anymore."

Steve nodded. "Yeah, that was weird. It never did that before. And I was near Bucky enough times on missions to notice if something like that happened."

Bucky nodded too.

Howard scratch the back of his neck, suddenly looking embarrassed and guilty. "Well, um, about that," Howard flushed. "I thought it would be funny to attach you two together. So I took the magnet and made it stronger so it'll make larger and heavier things attract. It was just a harmless little prank."

Steve clenched his jaw and glared at Howard. No one said anything for the first few seconds until Bucky exploded.

" _A harmless little prank_?!" Bucky shouted, outraged. "I was _knocked unconscious_. I have this _monstrosity_ ," Bucky pointed at the knot, "sitting on my forehead. If it hit me hard enough I could have _died_."

Bucky was standing up now, right in Howard's (who looked like he just pissed his pants) face.

"I'm sorry," Howard squeaked. "I didn't mean to take it this far. Next time, I'll make sure it's safe."

Bucky blinked, then blinked again. He turned to Steve, who was sporting an equally incredulous look as he was. " _Next_ _time_?!" Bucky's screech startled the sleeping soldier in the bed over to wake, but no one paid him any mind. "Steve, where's my gun? I think I need to teach Howard a lesson," Bucky said through gritted teeth.

"Bucky, I don't think that's-" Steve's panicked words were cut off by Bucky, who bent down to pull a knife out of his boot.

"Nevermind, this works," Bucky looked right at Howard, then lunged.

Howard elbowed Bucky, running out the med tent so fast it could've put a super soldier to shame. Bucky chased him, cursing like a sailor as he ran.

Wide eyed, Steve followed. "Bucky no, stop! Bucky! We don't kill our friends! No matter how much they mess up!"

By the time he got to them, Howard somehow managed to scurry up a tree, holding onto it for dear life, like it would somehow protect him, and Bucky had managed to get a gun and was pointing it up at Howard.

Moving in front of Bucky, Steve put his hand out, trying to get Bucky to give it to him. "Come on Buck, drop it. Drop it!"

Of course, that's when Colonel Phillips decided to show up. He took one look at the scene in front of him, then looked at all their faces, and said, "What the _hell_?"

**_________________**

"... When the commandos found out, they dubbed this whole thing as the Frisbee Incident, and Howard got banned from making or upgrading our weapons without Phillips approval."

Clint and Tony had doubled over laughing as he finished the story. There and tears in their eyes and their cheeks were flushed.

"Oh my god," Tony wheezed out when he stopped laughing. "You used the shield as a frisbee?"

"You got hit in the head with the shield? How did you not see it? Did you not think to move?" Clint laughed.

Bucky grumbled, "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. It's not so funny when you’re on the receiving end of it."

"It was kind of funny," Steve mumbled and ignored Bucky's betrayed look. "You looked like you grew another forehead."

"We have to play ultimate frisbee with it," Natasha said. "But you and Bucky can't be on the same team. That's cheating."

"How's that cheating?"

Natasha just shrugged.

An hour and a chosen date and time for the ultimate frisbee game later, it was just Steve, Bucky and Natasha left in the apartment.

"Thanks for breakfast, Steve," Natasha said. She kissed his cheek then did the same to Bucky. "See you around, Yasha?"

"Yeah," Bucky agreed. Bucky moved in and Natasha met him halfway for a hug. "I won't be a stranger."

"Good. Cause you got people who love you that want to see you more." She shot Steve a significant look over Bucky's shoulder. _Tell_ _him_.

Steve just shook his head. Bucky's not ready for that yet.

Natasha scowls, then whispers something in Bucky's ear. "Feel free to join me and Clint at the range later. We'd like to see some competition, and maybe teach Steve."

They accept the invitation, and Natasha leaves, leaving them alone in the apartment. Bucky leaves, going to his room, and Steve goes to clean the kitchen. Twenty minutes later Bucky comes out and sits on the island behind him.

"Steve?" Bucky questions, looking down at a faded piece of paper. Steve hums, not really paying attention but looking for where he put the dish soap. "What were we?"

He pales, and his hands falter. "Um, what? What were we? What do you mean?"

If Bucky notices the stutter in his voice, or the way he froze, he doesn't mention it. "What was our relationship? How close were we to each other?"

"We were friends," _lovers_ , "Best friends. You," _were_ _everything_ _to_ _me_ , "meant a lot to me. I," _love you_ , "care about you."

Bucky looks uncertain, his brow furrowed. "Then what's this?" Bucky holds out the paper to show him and Steve stops breathing when he sees it.

It's a sketch of them when they were younger, sitting on stairs to an apartment and holding the other’s hands, lips locked in a kiss. On their ring finger are two bands, one gold one silver, the only thing that's colored in. It's no mistaking what that picture means, no point in denying it.  
"We were lovers," He confirms. "You just… didn't remember."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Bucky ask."You know if you start talking about it, or even just showing me pictures like this, I'll remember more." He sounds hurt and so betrayed. Steve hates himself for doing that to him.

"I didn't think you were ready for that," he lies. Bucky just stares at him unimpressed. He always knew when Steve was lying. "I wasn't ready for that," he admits. "You just came back, after I just come to terms with your death. At first, you were so hesitant to talk to people, to let them touch you and you touch them. You were focused on your memories, I guess. Then you moved out, I figured you didn't want anything to do with me anymore, which is fine, it makes sense, I am the reason Hydra got to you anyway. I thought you wouldn't love me anymore anyway, why would you? When you can love someone so much better, someone who won't lead you to torture."

He didn't realize he was crying until Bucky wiped away his tears. "I'm sorry I made you think that. But I could never, and would _never_ stop loving you. I don't blame you for anything that happened to me, it was an accident, not your fault. It was my choice. If you want to continue our relationship, we can, I know I want to, even though I don't deserve it, I'm selfish like that."

Steve shakes his head. "You deserve me. After everything you been through, you deserve more than me. I'd like to continue our relationship too." Steve smiles, taking his hand, the metal one, "If you'll have me?"

"I wouldn't give you up for the world."

He only had to wait sixty-eight years, four months, eleven hours, twenty-three minutes and fifty-four seconds before he could kiss Bucky again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the translations, I didn't realize there was a lot of them. If some of them are wrong, you can tell me and I'll change them.  
> >I see you're doing well for yourself, Natalia-Я вижу, ты хорошо себя чувствуешь, Наталья  
> >what do you mean-Что ты имеешь в виду  
> >You found that love I was telling you about. The forever kind I was telling you about. I'm glad, happy for you. You deserve that. Clint's a nice guy-Вы нашли эту любовь, о которой я вам рассказывал. Навсегда добрый, о котором я тебе рассказывал. Я рад, рад за вас. Вы заслуживаете, что. Клинт хороший парень.  
> >Yeah, he really is-Да, он на самом деле.  
> >You deserve that love too. What they did to you? It wasn't right. You didn't have a choice.You deserve it. You and Steve both.-Вы тоже заслуживаете эту любовь. Что они с тобой сделали? Это было неправильно. У тебя не было выбора. Ты этого заслуживаешь. Вы и Стив оба.  
> >Yeah? Maybe.-Да? Может быть.   
> > know it wasn't my fault. I know that if I could have stopped it, I would've. But I can't help but think I don't deserve happiness.-Я знаю, что это была не моя вина. Я знаю, что если бы я мог остановить это, я бы это сделал. Но я не могу не думать, что я не заслуживаю счастья.  
> >besides, who's gonna love someone like me? I have so many problems, and I've been through so much. Whatever person does to love me must be a really good person, with a lot of detication and determination.-Кроме того, кто будет любить кого-то вроде меня? У меня так много проблем, и я так много пережил. Независимо от того, что делает человек, чтобы любить меня, должен быть действительно хорошим человеком, с большим количеством деликатной детерминации.  
> >You don't remember do you?-Вы не помните, не так ли?  
> >remember what?-Помнишь что?
> 
> Hopefully, next chapter will be up next week! Join me on [Tumblr!!](https://hidingouthere.tumblr.com/)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce nods pulling out a paper and unfolding it. From the side, Steve could see it had emojis going down in a column laughing face to bored face.
> 
> Bucky looked at all of them. "You're serious?"
> 
> Bruce nodded, "Deadly."
> 
> "I don't think I know any embarrassing sto-"
> 
> "I do!" Steve interrupts smiling. "I grew up with him, of course, I do."
> 
> Bucky's face fell. "Steve, no."
> 
> He grinned, eyes lit up with mischief. "Steve, yes." He hummed in consideration. "Which one should I tell?" Then his face lit up, "Oooh, I know! Okay, so I was sleeping over at Buck's house one night..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy, I'm back again. I've been busy doing some other things and watching Rick and Morty because, priorities right? Anyway, here's your next chapter. Thank [MrGoodBar](mrgoodbar11213.tumblr.com%22%22) for betaing this chapter.

Steve laughed along with the rest of the Avengers when Bucky finished telling his joke. Apparently, seventy years of brainwashing and torture comes with a sense of humor.   
  
After the team met Bucky a few days ago, they've been making a point to come around more. Bucky was hesitant the first day, thinking they came down for him. But, then they talked and Bucky made something he hadn't had in a long time. Friends.

When Steve revealed that Bucky (who got the recipe from his mom, and later Beth after she perfected it) made the best pancakes, Clint practically fell over in his seat to beg for some, which turned into Bucky hosting breakfast the next day on his floor.

Clint practically inhaled the pancakes before eating it like he was a starving man. Clint wasn't the only one doing that and Steve had to admit, he was too. They finished with the pancakes a while ago, with the promise to do this again (though he rather not hear his friends moaning at the taste of pancakes, Clint called them foodgasms.) They were still sitting at the island when Sam walked in, looking resigned.

This surprised Steve because Sam and Bucky don't get along at all. Not the bickering good naturedly, or the 'you get any closer and I'll stab you with a knife' kind of hatred. Not that he thinks either of them is gonna stab the other. Well, maybe Sam will if he thinks Bucky did something to deserve it. And Bucky might if he's provoked or not in his right mind. It was more like 'I'm gonna ignore you while not so silently judging you and complaining about you to Steve'.   
But that's not the point, the point is, they hate each other, and never knowingly go on the same floor as each other, let alone the same room. It's not like Sam came here by mistake either, this is Bucky's floor, so he has a purpose. And despite Bucky's now sour mood at seeing him, it's Steve's job as his friend to listen.

"Hey, guys," Sam greeted nodding in their direction. "Steve, Nat," He said, smiling a little, then it dropped. "Barnes." Bucky scowled and Sam rolled his eyes, still taking a step back.

"Hey, Sam!" Steve interjects before this escalates. "What's up? You look like you just sucked a lemon." Bucky mutters something about that not being the only thing he sucks too low for anyone without enhanced hearing to catch but Steve decides to pointedly ignore it.

"Ma called, said I had to invite you guys over for her memorial day barbeque," Sam sighs, disappointed.

Steve's eyebrows raise in surprise. He knows the whole Hydra thing didn't blow over yet and Sam wants to protect his family but he didn't think he'd go as far as trying to keep the Avengers from them. He thought that they were friends. "Oh."

Clearly, he's not the only one surprised because Natasha clears her throat, Thor looks offended, Bruce blows out a breath, looking down and scratching his neck and Clint give an awkward chuckle.

"You didn't want me there, Sammy?" Tony puts a hand over his heart for dramatic effect. "I'm hurt, after all those times you came in my lab and I petted your wings." Tony shakes his head in mock hurt. "I thought I was more than just a fling." In unison, Sam and Bruce roll their eyes. "Besides, I'm great fun at a party." Tony continues.

"This isn't a party Tony, it's a family gathering that Mrs. Wilson was so kind enough to invite us to." Bruce talks like he's speaking to an over eager child. Which is not a bad example of Tony.   
"You say family gathering, I say boozed induced night out." Tony shrugs. "Does your mom like whiskey? It blends well with fireworks."

"I AM THE MOST OFFENDED SON OF WILL!" Thor's loud voice booms, causing Bucky to flinch. Thor looks over, apologetic and continues in a much lower volume. "I thought we had formed a bond! What trickery or misgivings did I put upon you to make you hesitant to bring me to your kindred!"

"Sam might think that we're a little... too much to take in for his family. I mean, you all are obnoxious."

"You're one of us too, Nat, don't try to deny it," Clint huffs. "But me and Sam are BirdBros," Clint shakes his head. "This is cold dude."

Sam rolls his eyes. "I want you guys to be there. You're my friends. It's just that she said Barnes has to come too."

Steve blinks.

Oh.

" _Oh_."

Bucky scowls harder.

**~*~*~*~**

Steve stops at the rest stop, getting out to stretch his legs. Sam and Bucky follow but to Steve's relief they part ways, Sam going off to get coffee for everyone and Bucky choosing to follow him. 

Honestly, he's glad for the break. No matter how bad that sounds. Over the course of the ride, Sam and Bucky had done nothing but argue over everything, from music station to which Twix is better, left or right, or to why the sky is blue. It kind of reminds him of his childhood. Bucky and Becca would argue like cats and dogs, and as a child, he found it amusing. Now he understands why Mrs. Barnes was so annoyed.

"Sorry for all that," Bucky says. "I know that was probably annoying."

Steve huffed but shrugged. " 'S fine. I mean, it wasn't that bad."

Bucky side eyed him. "I may not have seen you in seventy years but that doesn't mean I don't know when you lie. And right now you're lying. You looked like you wanted to pulled over and leave us dead in a ditch somewhere."

Steve laughed. "I wouldn't leave _you_ dead in a ditch. And Sam deserves something better than a ditch." He hummed consideringly. "Maybe a somewhere with a nice view? We could leave him in the ocean. Or a tropical island."

Bucky chuckled knocking their shoulders together. "As much fun as that sounds, I don't think Sam would appreciate you planning his death. Plus, those girls look seconds away from calling the cops." Bucky pointed behind them and, true to his word, there were a couple of girls who looked freaked out and speed walking away from them.

He winced, he didn't mean to scare them. "I think he'd understand."

"No, he'd probably think I turned you or something. Made you go all 'Hail Hydra' on us," Bucky said bitterly.

Steve's eyebrows rose, he was somehow still surprised by the quick changes in Buck's mood.

"You're not Hydra." Bucky just shrugged. "Listen to me," Steve stopped, grabbing Bucky's wrist to get him to stop too. "You _are not Hydra_. You _are not the asset_ , _not the Winter Soldier_. You're _Bucky Barnes_."

"And who is that?" Bucky asked, his voice small, unsure. Broken.

"Who ever you want him to be," He answered sincerely.

Bucky looked at him, searching his eyes for any deceit. Slowly Bucky reached out and with his other hand, his metal hand, and took Steve's hand in his own. Steve ignores the way his heart soars at the public display of affection in favor of listening to what Bucky has to say. "I want him to be made for you," Bucky said softly, entwining their fingers.

Steve smiled, "He already is."

His phone chirp suddenly, breaking the moment.

**ANGRY BIRD** : com on steve I got our coffee

"Sam's ready to go," Steve said, pocketing his phone. He looked up and Bucky who was already scowling.

"What, just like that? We were having a moment," Bucky said, but there was no real heat in his words. "He's in no position to make demands. I have a metal arm."

Steve rose an eyebrow, a look he got from Nat, she was really rubbing off on him. "He has our coffee."

Bucky was quiet for a second. He did love coffee."Fine, maybe he is. But I'm not going back cause he said so. He just has my drink." Then Bucky's face darkened. "He better have brought me a drink."

Steve rolls his eyes. His boyfriend could be so dramatic. "I'm sure he did." Even though he's not. Sam probably did. Maybe. Hopefully. He makes a face, Bucky could just have his.

When they get to the car Sam's already there, leaning against it and using his phone, the coffee cups in a tray on top the roof beside him. When Sam looks up at the sound of their footsteps (Well, more like Steve's footsteps, Bucky is a silent jerk that likes to creep up on people) he pockets the phone and giving them a once over, raising his eyebrow at their entwined hands, but saying nothing about it.

"Here you go. One hazelnut caramel latte for you," He hands Steve his favorite, "and black for you." He dumps the coffee in Bucky's hands, walking off to his side of the car.

Bucky grimaces, "I hate black."

Sam opens the car door and gets in. "I know."

They drive in blissful silence for twenty minutes before it's broken by Bucky nicely asking,

"Can you move your seat up?"

In his peripheral vision, Steve sees Sam narrow his eyes.

" _No_."

He looks up in the rear view mirror to see Bucky scowl and slowly move over. Resisting the urge to bash his head against the steering wheel, he grits his teeth. This is going to be a long ride.

**~*~*~*~**

Sam's mom had a nice suburban house in D.C. It was large, had a wide driveway and the lawn was perfectly done. Steve wondered if she was one of those people who likes to compete with the neighbors for having the best front yard.

They go up to the front door and Sam brings out his key, banging the door open and kicking off his shoes like he just came home from a stressful day of school. Steve raises an eyebrow (something he noticed he was doing a lot lately) and gestures to Bucky to softly close the door.

"Ma!" Sam calls, "I'm here! And I brought Steve!" Behind him, Bucky grunts. "And Steve's friend."

The house is quiet and Steve was about to guess that everyone is outside until a woman walks into the room, looking both authoritative and fond at the same time.

"Sam," She said warmly. "Good to see you. It's been awhile. Everyone's outside and they can't wait to see you." She goes up and gives Sam a hug, then to Steve's surprise, she gives him and Bucky one too. "But first, go move your shoes, I didn't raise a caveman."

Bucky coughs, and Steve elbows him. Now is not the time to offend the man.

But Mrs. Wilson doesn't seem to notice, if she does she doesn't say anything. She just lead them out back where the barbeque already started.

There's a bunch of people outside varying in age. There are kids running around, chasing each other with sticks, babies crying or cooing, teens idly chatting together, adults sitting at the tables or grilling food, some elders sitting at a round table, playing what looks like poker. It's exactly the family scene that he missed out on as a kid, and is glad that Sam invited them to his.

"I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself," Mrs.Wilson says, not stopping in her stride. "I'm Darlene Wilson, Sam's mother."

"Steve," he says, at the same time Bucky says, "James." She most likely already knows who they are, but it just seemed polite.

She nods, then stops next to a larger round table with eight chairs. "Well, here you go. Feel free to mingle and get food. You two aren't allergic to anything right?" They both shook their heads, the serum took care of that. "If you need anything and I'm not here, you can always go over to Sarah for help." She points to a girl, about their age who's rocking a small baby and laughing at what someone said. She looks a lot like Sam, and Steve guesses she might be his sister. "This table is for you and your friends, enjoy." Then she walks away.

They stare at each other as soon as she leaves.

"So," Steve starts, rocking back and forth on the heel of his foot. "What d'ya wanna do?"

"I don't know," Bucky replies, just as lost. "I was hoping you could figure out something."

"Why me?" Steve whines.

"You're the man with a plan, you're supposed to have all the ideas."

Steve scoffs at the use of that propaganda line. It seems like Bucky still likes to poke fun at Captain America. "I can only make a plan if I have enough information!"

"You made up a plan when you went to Azzano, and you didn't have any information then," Bucky points out.

"That wasn't a plan," Steve argues. "That was a reckless last minute decision."  
Bucky's about to retort when some kid comes barreling into him. Bucky turns around, quick and on guard, but relaxes some when he sees it's just a kid.

"Wow," the kid says in awe. "You have a metal arm?!" The boy can't be older than five, he's more or less half Bucky's height, and is enthusiastically pointing up to the metal arm.

“Um, no?" Bucky tries. It's quite obvious that he has one. It was too hot out to wear anything with long sleeves and after Steve had hidden all of Bucky's hoodies and unnecessarily large amount of leather jackets, Bucky had no other option but to wear a short sleeve t-shirt that was only long enough to cover half the star.

"Hey, Toby! Toby! Look at this!" The kid yelled. Another kid -Toby- came stumbling over with an annoyed pout on his face.

"What Jim?" Said the boy. He looked about the same age as the first kid -Jim, maybe a year older.

"He has a metal arm! Look, look, a _metal_ arm!"

Toby rolled his eyes. "He doesn't have a metal arm. Metal arms aren't real. He's probably just wearing a -Woah." Toby had looked over to where Jim was pointing to see the arm in question. His eyes lit up dangerously, and Bucky took a step back. "You have a metal arm!"

"Um, no?" Bucky said again, trying to pull the sleeve down like that would cover anything. Once again, the kids ignored him.

"Are you a robot?" Jim asked, enthusiastically.

Steve winces. Hydra treated him like he was a robot, a machine. Sometimes Bucky has a hard time knowing he's human and not that. He hopes he doesn't say yes, no matter how innocent the question is.

But Bucky doesn't even get the chance to answer because Toby shakes his head with an eye roll. "He wouldn't be a robot, idiot, he'd be a cyborg," He corrects his friend. "Hey, are you a cyborg?"

"I don't think so," Bucky replies, laughing.

"But you look like a cyborg," Jim says. "And if you look like a cyborg, and act like a cyborg, then you're a cyborg. It's logic."

"Tell me, do you fight crime? Do you have superpowers?" Toby ask. " 'Cause all good cyborgs have cool superpowers."

Steve laughs, "How many cyborgs do you know, kid?"

Toby shrugs. "Just this one," he says pointing to Bucky. "But I read a lot."

"You know what else good cyborgs do?" Jim said.

"What?" Bucky asks, amused.

"This!" At the same time, both Jim and Toby pushed out the metal arm so it was slanted away from his body then jumped on it.

Bucky staggered forward in surprise, then raised his arm so the kids won't fall. The kids laughed in delight, swinging themselves on the arm and kicking their feet.

Bucky looked over to Steve, giving him a look that clearly says, ' _What do I do_?' Steve just shrugs, he's not the one who has to worry about kids hanging off of him.

As if she could sense Bucky's complete bewilderment and desperation, Sarah, the women Steve assumed was Sam's sister comes over, carrying a now crying baby with her.

"Toby, Jim, get off that man's arm right now!" She says sternly, causing the baby to cry louder. Bucky lowers himself so they won't hurt themselves when they let go. Both the kids do, charging forward to give Bucky a hug, that surprises both him and Steve.

"Thank you, Mister Cyborg," they both say. Then run off.

"I'm so sorry about that," Sarah says. "They're both energetic and imaginative. I promise they're really good boys." She starts rocking the baby back and forth, but she still doesn't stop crying.  
Steve winces, he remembered when Bailey and Beth were born. Bailey cried the loudest, he always ran out the room and covered his ears whenever she cried. Beth cried too, but not as much, and when she didn't it wasn't an ear shattering shriek. Bucky who was used to the sound after Becca's birth would just go over to them and try to get them to stop, apparently, something that didn't change because Bucky asks Sarah if she needs help with her.

"Oh um, if it's not a bother?" Sarah holds out the baby to Bucky who takes her so gently, cradling her in both his arms. Bucky still holds babies like a pro, like it hasn't been decades since he held them. Steve wonders if Hydra had him practice that skill too.

Bucky shakes his head, "Of course it's not. What's her name?"

"Rose," Sarah replies. "I don't get it, I fed her, she woke up from her nap a few minutes ago, she got her diaper changed. Toby never cried this much when he was a baby. He was so quiet."

"Ok, let me try something," he says. He re-adjust her a bit and when he's about to say something, Sam comes barging over.

"Sarah," he hisses in his sister's ear. "You remember what I told you about this guy? Evil psycho assassin. I told you to keep the kids away from him. I don't trust him."

For a second Bucky looks hurt, but he masks it with indifference. " 'M not evil. And I'm an ex-assassin. I don't do that anymore." Steve notices how he didn't say he wasn't psycho, they're gonna talk about that later.

Sarah turns to him, "He didn't do anything but make them laugh, and he's helping me. I wouldn't have given him my baby if I thought he would try something. Mother's instinct." She turns to Bucky, apologetic. "Go on."

Bucky gives one last hurtful look to Sam, then starts to softly sing on of his mother's lullabies under his breath in Romanian, (exactly like his Mrs. Barnes used to do it) just loud enough for the four of them and Rose to hear. Slowly, he starts to rock back on his heels, and Rose's cries quiet down, slowly. Eventually, she starts to coo and giggle, and reaches her arm up to grab at Bucky's nose. Bucky's grinning by the end of the song, but he doesn't give Rose back to her mother, still holding on to her.

"Wow," Sarah says. "Thank you." She sounds so grateful, that Bucky ducks his head and shrugs, and Steve knows he's blushing and grinning sheepishly. Totally stealing Steve's 'Aww, shucks, ma'am' gesture.

"It was my pleasure," Bucky says.

"Where did you learn that?" Sam asks, or more like accuses.

Bucky gives him a look and says, "My mother." Sam's eyebrows shot up, but Sarah looks interested. "I had three sisters when they were babies they'd cry all the time. Mom would sing them one of her grandmother's lullabies when they'd cry and it would always calm them down." 

"What song did you sing? It doesn't sound English," Sarah says.

"It was such a long time ago when Mom would sing it that forgot the name." They both know time has nothing to do with him forgetting, but Steve says nothing, it isn't his place. "And it was in Romanian, that's how she always sang it."

"You couldn't have done it in English?" Sam ask.

Bucky shrugs again. "Didn't want to. It was either Romanian or Russian," Bucky had told him about singing Russian lullabies to the Black Widows, but he'd thought he forgotten those songs too. "But Russian makes everything sound scary."

Sam doesn't say anything else, and Bucky goes on to give Rose back to her mother.

"Awww, is the scary Winter Soldier holding a wittle baby. You going soft on us Barnes?" Tony says, snapping a picture. Bucky pouts and Tony takes another one. He looks at it and laughs.

"Yep, this is definitely going on the fridge."

"You do that, and I'll put that picture of you planting one on DUM-E on the fridge. In every suite."  
Tony narrows his eyes. "You wouldn't dare."

Bucky grins to counter it, "Try me."

"Alright, alright, enough with this picture thing. No one's putting anything, anywhere," Natasha interrupts. "Let's just try to have one normal day and act like completely normal people, please, is that too much to ask for?"

The group of people that are entrusted to save the world with nothing but a guy wearing a flag onesie and fight with a oversized frisbee, an egomaniac wearing a tin suit, a guy that turns green, a blond that fights with a hammer, a pizza lover that thinks bows and arrows will save the day, and two new comers, a guy that dresses as a bird and a cuddly assassin that reminds people of a kitten, laugh. Natasha rolls her eyes.

"Let's just get food."

**~*~*~*~**

"So," Clint says, with a mouth full of potato salad. "You had three sisters?

Bucky nods. "Yea. Doesn't it say that at the thing in the Smithsonian? Steve said it did." Bucky smacks Clint upside the head. "And don't talk with your mouth full of food. It's rude."

"So is hitting people!" Clint says through the salad and dodges Bucky's hand.

Tony waves a hand. "Yea, but it also said Steve was nice."

Steve made an offended noise. "I am nice."

Tony turned to him. "You tied Natasha to her bed as a prank, I think the proper term is a little sh- OW!"

"Language!"

There were kids around, no need for cursing. Besides him, Bucky snorted. Steve kicked him under the table too.

"Anyway," Clint said, "You had sisters, which mean that there are embarrassing stories somewhere."

Thor nodded solemnly. "Aye, to be fully accepted as our colleague then you need to tell us a mortifying story of yourself."

Natasha nodded as well. "Stories Steve already told don't count, and it has to be about you. If Steve says it's not true, then you're on cleaning duty for a week."

"Please don't let it be true," Bruce pleaded. "You can take my place for cleaning duty. I can't do it anymore."

"What did you get cleaning duty for?" Sam snorts.

"I blew up a stink bomb, it escaped outside and the air in New York smelled bad."

"Bad is an understatement," Tony said. "It smelled like what happens after Clint eats one too many burritos."

Steve nodded sadly. Mexican night was something he didn't want to repeat.

"Hey! This isn't supposed to be about embarrassing me, this is about embarrassing Bucky."

"Right," Thor said, " Bruce will rate your tale. If it's not embarrassing enough then you'll have to tell two more. Friend Bruce, did you bring the rating sheet?"

Bruce nods pulling out a paper and unfolding it. From the side, Steve could see it had emojis going down in a column laughing face to bored face.

Bucky looked at all of them. "You're serious?"

Bruce nodded, "Deadly."

"I don't think I know any embarrassing sto-"

"I do!" Steve interrupts smiling. "I grew up with him, of course, I do."

Bucky's face fell. "Steve, no."

He grinned, eyes lit up with mischief. "Steve, yes." He hummed in consideration. "Which one should I tell?" Then his face lit up, "Oooh, I know! Okay, so I was sleeping over at Buck's house one night..."

**______________________**

Steve had his fair share of embarrassing moments, maybe even more so than others. Bucky could practically recall them all, telling them to everyone and anyone who'd listen. But Bucky had his moments too. Bucky had his moments when the universe decided, 'Let's mess with Bucky today, won't that be fun?' and Steve can honestly say that he always enjoys when that happens.

Sometimes, these moments could be purely accidental, like the time when Bucky fell face first off the swings. Other times, they were purposely done, like the time when Bailey, after learning how to tie shoes, tied Bucky's laces together at lunch, just to watch him fall. But there were those times when Bucky got himself into those embarrassing situations, like today, when Bucky refused to listen to anyone.

**~*~*~*~**

"Bucky. Bucky! James!" Mrs. Barnes yelled, causing Bucky to snort into his food and sit up suddenly. Steve forced himself not to laugh, but girls just let out loud giggles, and only quieted down when Mrs. Barnes glared at them.

"Did you stay up all night?"Mrs. Barnes questioned, her eyes narrowed.

Bucky yawns, "No, of course not." Though the heavy bags under his eyes, the yawning and sleeping in his breakfast says otherwise.

Mrs. Barnes continues to give Bucky her narrowed eyed look, the look that'd have the bravest of men cowering in fear. Bucky just grinned that charming smile he'd use that'd get him out of trouble. That look never worked on his parents though, and Mrs. Barnes just rolled her eyes.

"Get up, you had your time to sleep, but you wasted it doing God knows what. Go wash your face, you look ridiculous."

Bucky grumbled, "No, I'm not gonna wash my face, you're not the boss of me."

Mrs. Barnes whirled around, point a finger right in Bucky's face. She looked scary, nothing like the caring mother look she had just a few seconds ago. " _What did you say to me_?!" She hisses.

Everyone holds their breath as they watch Bucky mumble out a reply. "I said, I'll go wash my face." Bucky gets up, walking around the table to avoid being near his mother while angry and sulks his way to the bathroom.

Mrs. Barnes sighs, "I gotta go to work, bye girls, bye Steve, bye George." Steve turns away, it's always weird when they kiss, even if it's brief. He could hear Bailey and Beth making gagging sounds next to him.

As soon as she leaves Bucky comes out the bathroom, his face still not washed. Mr. Barnes tries to get him back in there but Bucky just refuses to listen.  
When it’s time for them to leave, Mr. Barnes gets them all to the door with their bags and herds them out.

"C'mon, Bucky," Mr. Barnes says, "Go wash, please. Your face is-"

"My face is fine!" Bucky yells, then slams the door in his face.

"Why is he acting like that?" Steve asks, more to himself. Out of both of them, Bucky was the good child, he was so down to earth, this angsty teen behavior is something that's more up Steve's alley.

Mr. Barnes just places a hand on his shoulder, then squeezes. "Hormones."

Steve looks up at him strangely.

"At first, Steve, they're all cute and friendly. Then it all changes and they think they rule the world and everything is about them." They can hear Bailey scream from the kitchen, Becca starts yelling and Beth runs out and attaches herself to her father's leg. Mr. Barnes sighs, "Never have kids, Steve, they're terrors truly. Not even the army could prepare me for this."

He just nods. Steve leaves the apartment for school, hoping to catch up to Bucky.

**~*~*~*~**

Throughout half the day, a lot of people looked at Bucky strangely, or laughed or called him names. Bucky just looked at them confusedly or he snapped an insult back at them. Of course, none of this wouldn't have happened if Bucky would have just washed his face. He even brushed off Steve's attempt to get him to clean.

By the time lunch came around Bucky had a permanent scowl on his face and glared at everyone who so much as looked at him funny.

They were sitting down with their (Bucky's) friends when finally someone asked what's going on. 

"So," Michael asked. "Got a new look, Barnes?" Thomas and Dot both nodded, looking at him questioningly.

"What are you on about?" Bucky questions.

"You're new look," Dot repeats like that clears up everything. She pulls out a circular case out of flips it open, handing it to Bucky. Bucky looks in and his confusion transforms to horror and anger.

"I mean it's very brave," Thomas says. "Wearing that in public, especially school." Thomas huffs "That's a death sentence."

But Bucky ignores him, still looking at the mini mirror. "Steve," He says slowly, calmly. "Did you know about this?" He turns to him and Steve gulps but nods, no point in lying.

"Yeah"

Bucky looks angry now. "And you didn't say _anything_?"

Now Steve is the one who's angry. "I did say something. I've been trying to say something all day! It's not my fault you decided not to listen and walked out the house like that!"

"You could've said, 'Bucky you're wearing makeup'. I would've listened then!"

"Would you have? Would you really? I thought you were all high and mighty, didn't have to listen to the rest of us peasants? Whatever you say goes, right?" He spits out, annoyed.

Bucky looks like someone just kicked his puppy. "Peasants? I'm the same as you! I just don't see why I had to, I already did that morning, why waste more water re-cleaning something?"

"Maybe because your mom told you to?!"

Bucky doesn't say anything to that, they just stare at each other seething.

"So," Thomas says, dragging out the word. "You didn't mean to walk out the house like that?"

Bucky glares at him, incredulous. "No!"

Dot snorts, "Alright, how'd you not notice it on you?"

Bucky shrugs. "I dunno, I was sleeping, I'm a heavy sleeper. How did it get on me?"

Steve relaxes back into his chair. "Bailey and Becca thought it'd be funny to see you in makeup. They wanted to see your reaction," Steve explains. It seemed harmless at first but of course, no one expected it to go on this far. Bucky just rolls his eyes muttering something about annoying little sisters that's was going to pay for this later.

"Is there any way I can get this off?" Bucky looks to Dot hopefully, pointing to his face.

Dot just snorted. "No. Not unless you have a wipe or cloth to scrub your face with."

Bucky groaned, slamming his head on the table. Thomas patted his back reassuringly. "Don't feel bad Bucky. It's not like it makes you look like a girl or anything. You just look like a clown."

Bucky just glared. "That doesn't help."

"Hey, Barnes!" Some boy called out. "What's with the clown get up? Is the circus in town?"

Bucky looks up at them slowly, then smirks. "Why do you look like Frankenstein's monster? Halloween is next week."

The boy glares. "I'll get you back for that."

"I'd like to see you try," Bucky laughs.

The rest of lunch goes on without a hitch, well, until Steve drops his beloved chocolate bar and Bucky accident sits on it.

Bucky doesn't notice immediately, not until Thomas starts laughing uncontrollably, causing him to choke on his water.

Bucky, the being a worried friend, pats him on the back until he stops. "You alright there pal?"

"Oh God," Thomas wheezes. "Am I alright? I'm fine, couldn't be better. But um, your pants aren't."

Bucky looks down at his pants, confused. "What do you mean? There's no holes in it. I didn't spill anything on it either."

"Um," Steve interrupts. "I dropped my chocolate. And you sat on it."

"I sat on what?!" Bucky stands and sees the smashed chocolate bar under him. "Ugh, mom's gonna kill me. She just sewed these."

Michael covers his mouth and hands him a napkin. "You should try to clean as much of that off. It's gonna look weird."

Dot scoffs, "It’s gonna look weird regardless. Like you crapped your pants."

Steve looked down, guilty. It's bad enough that Buck has to walk around with makeup. Now he has to walk around with a chocolate stain on his pants that unfortunately looks like crap. "Sorry Bucky," he says. "Didn't mean too."

Bucky just shakes his head. "I know that doofus. It's fine, we only have two more classes left."

"Yeah, but-" Bucky holds up his hand.

"No butts, it's fine. It's not that bad. Really."

Steve nodded, then handed Bucky the other bar he brought. "I was gonna give it to you anyway," he says when Bucky was about to protest.

By some miracle, no one noticed the stain on Bucky’s pants. Not until Ryan comes barreling into them and falling on the floor.

"What the hell, Barnes?" He says. "Didn't make it to the bathroom?"

Apparently, Bucky has no comeback for that. " 'S chocolate."

"Sure it is." Ryan says, "Whatever you say. I'll be sure to tell your mom you weren't potty trained."

"You know Ryan, you'll still all bark and no bite. Go leave us be, no one here is bothering you."

"Your face is bothering me!"

"Then stop looking at it."

Steve stepped up, raising his fist. Squaring himself for a fight. "No." Bucky grabbed his hand and started pulling him away. "We're not fighting like this. Mom’s already gonna be mad at me for the pants and for not listening. I rather not have to add I was fighting because someone insulted your face to that list."  
  
He allowed himself to be dragged away and walked home to the sound of Becca and Baileys snickering.

The walk home was uneventful, no fights, no arguments, nothing. It was peaceful, too peaceful.

"What's that smell?" Bailey said, scrunching up her nose. Now that she mentioned it, he does smell something. Bucky and Becca shrug but covered their noses. Bailey came around Steve and sniffed, then went to Becca and then Bucky. "It's you!" She said, pointing at her older brother.

Bucky looks outraged. "I do not stink!" He yells. "It's not me!" Bucky stomps his foot like a little kid throwing a tantrum.

"Stop yelling," Becca says, "you're disturbing old man Wilson." Sure enough across the street, old man Wilson is waving his cane at them yelling something that Steve can't here. "And it's not Bucky that stinks, it's whatever is on the bottom of his shoe."

"Huh?" Bucky takes off his shoe and sure enough, there's something on the bottom of it. "Oh come on!" Bucky groans. "Can I not catch a break today?" Bucky asks to no one.

"Ew, what is that?!" Bailey says, moving away from it.

"I can tell you one thing," Steve says. "That's not chocolate."

Bucky glares at him so hard. "I can't wear this home. It'll get everywhere and be so hard to clean."

Steve winces, one of the reasons they weren't allowed to have a pet was cleaning up after it, especially when there was no one there to take it out when it had to go.

Bucky throws the shoe in some dumpster in an alley and walks home one shoe less the rest of the way wincing every time he stepped on a twig or rock.

When they finally got home, they were greeted by the sight of Beth opening the door then screaming and slamming it in their faces.

They stare at each other before Bucky rubs the back of his neck. "I forgot she's afraid of clowns."

Mr. Barnes opens the door a few seconds later, starting unimpressed at Bucky's face.

Bucky smiles a little sheepishly, "Hey dad?"

Mr. Barnes rolls his eyes. "Get inside and until you wash your face, stay away from Beth. You know how she gets."

Bucky nods and walks inside, taking off his coat and kicking off his last shoe, not noticing his mother sitting in the corner watching him.

Steve, on the other hand, freezes when he sees her. Mrs. Barnes isn't supposed to be home until later, but yet here she is, sitting at the table at watching Bucky with something like shock and anger in her eyes.

"Bucky," Steve whispers, trying to get his attention. "Buck," he says a little louder. But Bucky doesn't hear him. He sees Mrs. Barnes take in the missing the shoe, the chocolate stained pants and she probably saw the makeup already. The shock slips out her eyes, only leaving anger. " _Buck_ ," Steve whispers one last time, but it's already too late because Mrs. Barnes is standing up, putting her hands on her hips and yelling,

"James Buchanan Barnes!"

He never seen Bucky look so scared.

**____________________**

"... I mean, besides Bucky getting in trouble with his mom, I have to say that was probably the most embarrassing thing that happened to him." Steve's eyes lit up. "Right next to the time you accidentally kissed Colonel Phillips. If you guys need another story, I'll gladly tell that one." Bucky covers his mouth with his hand. Steve grins behind it and licks its, laughing in delight when Bucky moves his hand likes it's been burned, wiping it on Steve's pants.

"I think you told enough stories today. And that was your fault you as-OW!" Bucky clutches his foot, looking offended.

"Language," Steve sing-songs.

Natasha just waves a hand. "We'll hear about that later. For now, we need to know, Bruce what's the verdict?"

No one pays attention to Buck's, "No you won't" instead, choosing to focus on Bruce.

"Well I mean, it was funny, that kinda stuff doesn't happen to just anyone."

"Kinda like Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day," Sam points out. Steve and Bucky look at him confused but Sam just shakes his head, "It's a children's book. My mom used to read it to me."  
  
"Right," Bruce nods. "And since Clint, Tony, Thor, Sam, myself and even Nat laughed a little, I'd give it a six maybe seven." Bruce turns to Bucky sounding sad and disappointed, "Congratulations, you're embarrassing enough that you don't get cleaning duty! Welcome to the Avengers."

"Um, thank you?" Bucky says, uncertain.   
  
"You're welcome."

"Your sister's," Clint starts. "Were they menaces?"

Bucky nods. "Complete menaces. They'd do just about anything to embarrass me or find ways to tease me. Or how'd they'd randomly pop up and make fun of me. I mean, it's not my fault my cheeks are squishy! I wouldn't do that if you still want that hand." Bucky slaps Tony's hand away from his face. " But I love 'em, I'd do anything for 'em. Becca was so bossy but she was a no nonsense type of dame, she kinda reminds me of Peggy. Those two could've won the war alone. Bails was something else entirely. She couldn't stop talking for a second, she was so energetic but very bold and brave, she had no fears. And then Beth, sweet little Beth, she was so quiet, talked so softly. She was nice too, unfailingly polite, she always made sure to put her family first. She was such a sweetheart, better than all of us..." He sighs, "I wish I could've been there to see them live their lives."

Natasha makes a sympathetic noise. "You never searched them up?"

Bucky shook his head. "Steve never mentioned anything about them, so I thought they were- I didn't want to search them if I couldn't even see them again."

Now Steve feels guilty. Bucky was wondering about his sisters this whole time and Steve, just let him think they were dead, but really he was too scared to find out for himself. "I didn't look them up either," Steve says. "I didn't wanna get my hopes up. They were my sisters too, and I didn't want to have to see the word deceased next to their names. Sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for, you had your reasons, same as me," Bucky says.

Tony puts his hand on the table. "No. Nu-uh, I can't deal with this. No one likes to see a couple of sad grandpas." Tony pulled out his phone and did something, then projected a file from the screen. It was Bucky's file, and Tony opened it, scanning through the section about relatives. The file closed and three more opened up. The names 'Rebecca Barnes', 'Bailey Barnes' and 'Bethany Barnes' on their respective covers, with a picture of them paper clipped to it. "These your sisters?" Tony asked.

Bucky nodded, completely enraptured by the pictures of his little sisters all grown up. Steve stared too, they were gorgeous, and by the smiles on their faces they were happy. He can't believe he's gone seventy years without seeing Becca's face, or watching Beth smile and or hearing Bailey laugh.

"They made a life for themselves," Tony said. "Rebecca became a world renowned Doctor. Though she mostly did surgeries for vets or became the doctor of people who couldn't really afford it." There was a picture of Becca in a wedding dress, and a man smiling in a suit next to her. "She was married in 1952, to a Jim Proctor and had three kids, Mary-Ann, Lilith, and James." Bucky eyes were shining, and a small tear escaped at the mention of Becca naming her son after him.

"Bailey was a dancer. She did USO for a couple of years before she started traveling the world to do ballet and other types of classical dances. She retired in 1974 and instead taught dance at a dance school." In a picture, Bailey was standing in front of a building with a bunch of little kids in tutus and leotards around here. "She was married in 1955, to someone named Dylan Hancock, had two kids, Michelle and Steven." Now it's Steve's turn to tear up, he never did think he could ever be someone's namesake.

"Bethany became a chef. In 1952, she opened a restaurant that eventually became popular and is now in all of the fifty states. She wrote some cook books, and cooked for private events, like birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc." There was a picture of Beth sitting on a couch with a man who had an arm wrapped around here, two kids sitting on them and one next to them. Mr. and Mrs. Barnes was standing behind the couch and Bailey and Becca was standing on either side of them. A family photo. What didn't escape Steve though was the two empty spaces available on the couch, and how no one sat there. "She was married in 1946." Steve and Bucky made a pained noise, they were so close to getting to see her married, and yet so far. "To a Clark Collins. She had three kids Jasmine, Grace, and Curtis, but Curtis died in the Vietnam War."

Tony looked up at them then continued. "They're still alive, y'know. If you want to visit them, they live together, in a brownstone in Brooklyn. I'm sure they'd love to see you."

Silently, they took in that information. They could go, visit their family who thought they were dead. Or at least thought Bucky was dead. Captain America was known to be alive after the battle of New York, (Even if many people didn't actually believe it was him). Steve wanted to go, he wanted to see them, because he might not get another chance, he might not be able to see them again, and the thought of letting the girls think of them as a distant but painful memory was terrible. They deserved to see their brothers come home, even if they're seventy years late.

Steve turns to Bucky, raising an eyebrow, his expression hopeful, but Bucky looks down and shakes his head. Steve's face falls. As much as he wants to see them, he won't go without Bucky.

"I shouldn't," Bucky says, quietly. "I'm still too dangerous. No one really knows what Hydra did to me. I don't remember everything, not really. I could- I could hurt them, and I'd rather _die_ than do that." Brown hair falls and curtains Bucky's faces. "I don't want to poison the image they have of me. Let Bucky Barnes die a war hero, not a terrorist."

Steve shakes his head. "You're not a terrorist Buck. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't you. And you know they'll understand, you know they won't care."

"But they should. What if I put them in danger? What if Hydra sees me go in there and-and attacks them. What if Hydra kil-" Bucky shakes his head. "I haven't been there for them. I wasn't there when they got married, I wasn't there when they had kids, I wasn't there for Beth when her son died. I wasn't there for anything."

"You could be there now," Natasha says. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go see your sisters."

"But Hydra-"

"We'll take care of it. I'll go with you for surveillance and backup. We could bring another person if it helps?" When Bucky didn't say anything, Natasha groaned. "Go." There was no room left to argue.

"Who else would go?" Steve asks. He doesn't want to overwhelm them with bringing someone like Thor or Tony. They don't need to cause a scene with bringing someone like Bruce. Maybe if Clint would go it would be better.

"I'll go," Sam says, surprising Steve. Normally, Sam would have opted to stay as far away from Bucky as he could, but saying he'll go, knowing he'd have to be with Bucky, it made some of the tension between them melt away. "We all know that neither of your social skills are the best, and Nat is intimidating. I'll be happy to help and break the ice too." He looks directly at Bucky now. "If you're cool with me being there?"

Bucky looks like he's thinking it over, then nods. "Sure."

Tony opens up another file. "They live with a caregiver, Bethany's grandchild, Lily Smith." Tony pulls up a picture of her then whistles, "She's hot."

"She's married." Natasha quirks an eyebrow at him amusedly.

"She's my niece!" Bucky shrieks, looking appalled.

"Relax, I'm in a great relationship. Don't have to go making moves on your niece, she's safe." Tony sniggers at Bucky's glare.

When it's time to go home Steve dreads getting in the car. Sam calls shotgun and Bucky sulks his way to the back. But without promoting, Sam moves up his seat and Bucky smiles. He drives home without feeling the need to scream.

**~*~*~*~**

Steve nervously shifts from one foot to the next. He couldn't bring himself to ring the doorbell, and from shifting Bucky's doing, he couldn't bring himself to either.

"Coast is clear," Natasha says through the comm. "No sign of suspicious behavior or any agents. Do you want me to keep a look out or come help you knock on the door?" Nat teases.

"I'm sure we'll figure it out eventually, this doesn't look too hard," Bucky responds. Steve can't see through the sunglasses, but he can tell Bucky's rolling his eyes.

"Besides," Steve says, distractedly. "This door is really nice. We wouldn't have had nice doors like this back in our day."

"Wow, Steve, I didn't see procrastinator on your resumé," Natasha says, teasingly.

"It's one of my many hidden skills," Steve agrees, the same time Bucky says, "He's a professional."

"I'm sure he is," Sam says from behind them, and Steve kind of forget he was there. "But I think you'll like seeing what's behind that door more."

Neither Steve or Bucky say anything to deny that. Eventually, it was Bucky who worked up the courage to ring the bell.

A few seconds later, the door opened to reveal a girl about their age with red hair and blue dyed tips. She had a piercing on her nose and lip, and what looked like a tattoo that peeked out from the sleeve of her shirt. She had blue eyes, the same blue eyes Beth has, the same blue eyes every Barnes has. Even though she looks different from the picture, Steve could tell she was Lily.

Steve didn't notice they were staring until Lily cleared her throats and said, "Yes?" As much as she probably tried to make it sound polite, it still sounded annoyed. She crossed her arms and leaned up against the door.

When it was clear neither Steve or Bucky was gonna say anything, Sam stepped up, сlearing his throat.

"Hi," Sam said. "I'm Sam Wilson. I was hoping that we could talk to your grandmother and aunts?"

Lily stood up straighter and narrowed her eyes. "For what?" She asked, but she didn't give him the chance to answer. "Are you a reporter?"

"What?"

"Are you here because you wanna know about Captain America?"

"No, I-"

"Are you from the government?"

"Well-"

"Wanna see if you could get information about the serum from three old ladies?"

"No! We-"

"Look, whoever you are, I'm not interested. They're not interested. And if you even think about trying something, guy, I know Jiu Jitsu."

Sam raised his hands in surrender and took a step back. "Sorry guys," he whispered to them. 

In the comma Natasha huffed and slithered down off the roof, standing directly in front of Lily, almost protectively.

Nat pulled out a card from her pocket. Her Avengers ID card, it looked like and shoved it in Lily's face.

"Hi," Nat said blandly. "I'm Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, with the Avengers. Think you could let us in?"

Lily looked dazed, but she recovered quickly. "Who are they?" Lily inclined her chin towards them.

Before Nat could answer Steve stepped up. "Some really old men, who'd like to see their family again." Steve took off his hat and sunglasses, letting Lily fully recognize him. He doesn't have to turn around to feel Bucky roll his eyes at his dramatics.

On his left, Bucky steps up and removes his hat and glasses too. He looks shy, standing up there and letting someone scrutinize him.

Almost immediately, Lily's eyes widen, she takes a step back then moves away from the door, unblocking it. "Wait here, I'll get grandma."

"See that was easy," Sam says. "All you had to do was show your face. And with the fact that Lily recognized you so quickly, I think they must have spoken about you enough to have it memorized by now."

"Grandma! Aunt Bailey! Aunt Becca! The Avengers are waiting outside for you!"

It's quiet for a moment until,

"Bailey, my god, what did you do this time?"

"I didn't do nothing, Becca, don't go blaming me."

"Then why is the government at our house?"

"Maybe they're friendly."

"Yeah right, Beth. And maybe they brought the Hulk."

It was said so sarcastically that Steve was intensely glad that they left Bruce at home.

"It's nothing bad, I promise," Lily conceded. "But you might want to sit down first." They must have listened because Lily came back out and waved for them to follow.

They already had a plan on how this was going to go. Steve will go in first because most people already knew about him being alive, then he'd tell them about Bucky and Bucky would go in next. They'd answer every question they have, the best they could and then ask if the visits could continue.

Steve stepped in the room but when he opened his mouth to say something, the words got caught in his throat. Because there they were, the people he called his sisters for as long as he could remember. They're beautiful, absolutely beautiful. They make have been old, but they weren't frail, they were practically bursting with life. Their thinning gray hair was like a crown on top their heads and their eyes were still a clear icy blue. They looked like they were still in their prime.

"St-Steve?" Beth (because he even after all this time, he'd still know who they are) asked. 

"Yeah Beth, it's me."

They all met in one big hug. It felt so good to hug them because he hadn't held them in such a long time, the years he spent in the ice not counting.

When they parted, he could see the way their eyes all shined.

"What happened to you?" Bailey asked.

"How come you didn't come sooner?" Beth questioned.

"I know you probably have a lot of questions, but I-"

"Bucky?" Becca wasn't looked at Steve, she was looking past his shoulder. Beth and Bailey followed her line of sight and gasped.

"Bucky," they both repeated, shocked.

Bucky cleared his throat, and shifted, pulling the sleeve of his hoodie down, even though no one could see his metal arm.

"Hey girls," Bucky said, sounding just as awed as he looked. "I haven't seen your faces in a long time. It's refreshing from being around his ugly mug," Bucky joked.

Becca didn't say anything for awhile but then she laughed, or sobbed, Steve couldn't tell. Then Bailey was opening her arms saying,

"Come here, you."

Before he could blink Bucky was there, hugging her back fiercely. Then Beth's arms were around him, then Becca's. Steve stood back, letting them have their moment, but then Beth was pulling him back in.

He could feel a wetness on his shirt, but it doesn't matter because he's crying too. Because finally, finally after years of war and ice and confusion and despite the questions he's sure they'll have, Steve's finally _home_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't promise another chapter next week since school is starting, but after I get used to it I'll try to update ;P  
> Join me on [Tumblr!](hidingouthere.tumblr.com)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve laughed. “Yeah. A dream. Being surrounding and come on to by so many girls. I must have had the time of my life- but wait,” he shot Tony a look, “I’m gay.”
> 
> Bucky snorted.
> 
> Tony just shrugged.
> 
> “What did you do when you were apart of this, USO?” Thor asked, perplexed.
> 
> “I had to sing. And dance. And be a stage with a lot of people watching me.” He quiets, considering. “Never mind, it wasn’t that fun.”
> 
> “Tell us more.”
> 
> If Steve wasn’t drunk, he would’ve even brought up the subject. He hated being considered a chorus girl. Not that there was anything wrong or degrading about being one, but he was embarrassed and at the time, he had thought he could be doing something much more to help with the war effort.
> 
> “Sure.” He shrugs instead. “So. Senator Brandt offered me this job...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeyyy~! I'm back, and with a new chapter! Amazing right? Sorry it took so long, but hopefully I'll be able to get back on a schedule. Enjoy!

Steve leaned his head back on the interior of the jet, forcing himself to even his breathing. Ever since the Valkyrie, he gets panicked every time he went on a plane. He didn't have to go on much, he didn't have many missions, and most of them were in the country so the flight wasn't long, but this is the first one he had to go on out of the country since capturing Loki in Germany.

Steve was cut off his thoughts when Bucky plopped down in the seat next to him. "You okay?" Bucky asked, brows drawing together.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he lied, managing to keep his voice normal.  
But Bucky wasn't fooled. He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "Really? ‘Cause you're looking a little pale."

"I have an Irish complexion," Steve defended.

"You're shaking," Bucky points out.

"I'm not. I’m just... shivering, it's cold."

Bucky snorts. "It's June and Tony didn't put the AC on. You still can't lie, can you?"

Steve chuckles, blushing. "No. I guess I never really had a need to."

"Why do you need to lie now? What's wrong, Steve? You know you can tell me anything right?"

When Steve didn’t say anything to that, Bucky sighs. "I'm afraid of heights," he says abruptly. "Well, not really heights more like falling from them. I had a mission once, no one cared for about any fears I had or my wellbeing so I jumped from the plane. It made me remember falling from the train, so I panicked, winded up delaying the mission and getting punished. It's been seventy years and falling still makes me panic."

Steve looked over at him in sympathy. "It's okay to have that fear. Buck," he said reassuringly. "It was traumatizing, a near-death experience. Of course, you would panic about that happening again. Have you talked to your therapist about it?"  
Bucky stared at him for such a long time that Steve wondered if he said the wrong thing. Before he could ask though, Bucky groaned and rolled his eyes.

"What about you? Steve, you crashed a plane and drowned. You almost died. Why do you always act like it's nothing when you're obviously panicking?"

It's a simple answer really, he just has too. It's his job, to be okay and strong in the face of danger or fear, and it has been since 1942 when he agreed to be Captain America. When he tells Bucky as much he looks on the verge of smacking him.

"Idiot. Captain America is just a title. Steve Rogers is a person. You don't have to bury your problems. We all know you’re not perfect."

He really wants to hug Bucky, so he does. He clings to him and allows himself to shake. One of the things he misses about being small was when he could perfectly cocoon himself in Bucky's arms. He's grateful now that Bucky is so large, that he fits in them again too.

"Maybe we could stay in Italy for a while. A week maybe? We could come back in time to visit the girls before we go to the next base?" They decided it was time to start going for Hydra bases and this was their first one. Hydra was still hidden, so the location of bases were unknown to everyone besides operatives. Luckily they have Bucky, who remembers the coordinates to every base there is.

Steve smiles, "A vacation sounds nice. Haven't been to Italy since the war, I'd like to see how it changed."

For the rest of the ride, he feels more comfortable. He won't crash, he tells himself. Clint is an excellent pilot (he ignores the fact that he crashed the first time he went with Clint,) and if Clint does manage to mess up, Jarvis will be there if anything were to happen.

When they finally land Steve felt a sense of deja vu, because here he is, back at Azzano, a place that he and Bucky barely escaped from the first time. The base is still burned downed, nothing left but rubble and debris, a few destroyed walls still standing. If he closes his eyes he could see him and Bucky running out the burning base, and the soon to be commandos checking in on him. Even though he knows it's important, still can't imagine why Bucky would want to come back here and ask to do it alone.

"Why are we here again?" Clint asks, "This place is destroyed. There's nothing here."

Bucky just grunted, then picked up some of the rubble to throw it aside. "Exactly. Nothing here. Or, that's what they want you to think." Bucky cleared the last piece of rubble started feeling around the ground.

"What are you doing?" It didn't make sense. There was clearly nothing here. He destroyed this place himself, he wouldn't leave anything standing.

"Trying to find the door." Something clicked and Bucky stood, moving out the way as the ground parted. "You see, this base was blown up, and its location was already in U.S military records, it'd be really dumb for Hydra to start using this place again. Of course, that's what everyone would think, so Hydra used it."

He gestured down to where the ground opened up, offering them to follow him. From what Steve could see, it was a ladder that was only a few feet. But the room that it led into was big enough to fit ten people.

They climbed down into the small room and then something dinged. The opening closed and lights turned on, revealing that the room was actually an elevator. They descended slowly, but no one said anything. No one knew what to expect. If Hydra was this into hiding, then maybe they went deeper than he expected.

Bucky led them to what looked to be a huge storage room. There was huge cabinets all over the room and letter tabs on them all.

Everyone was staring around the room and Bucky was bouncing on his feet impatiently, so Steve gave out orders. Bucky already told them that there were six rooms in total. Two storage room, one command room, one lab, a break room and a medroom. There wasn't any fighting necessary for this mission unless there's Hydra agents that they didn't expect.

When he finished giving out orders everyone moved to do their task. Bruce and Tony went to check the lab, taking anything valuable and destroying anything dangerous. Clint, Natasha and himself were going to check out the files, while Thor and Sam were going to scope the area and other rooms. Bucky who had his own plan, that didn't involve anyone else, stood next to Steve hesitantly.

"I'll be right back," Bucky says.

"I still don't see why you won't let me help," Steve argues. Whatever Bucky's trying to do, he should have to do it alone.

"It's personal." Now Steve was hurt, it wasn't like Bucky had to tell Steve everything, but they never kept things from each other before. It must have shown on his face because Bucky's face softens. "I’m not trying to keep things from you. I just...” He trails off, hesitating before coming to a decision. “I'll tell you later." Bucky leaves, going deeper into the base and Steve doesn't follow, he stands there, watching Bucky's back until it disappears.

He decides to go look in the A-F cabinets. 'A' is promising, it's filled with the names of a bunch of Hydra agents, some of which he recognizes from working with at SHIELD. There are locations for some bases too, three in Austria, and one in Argentina. He hovers over 'B' but skips over it, in the end, opting to go to 'C'. It's the same thing as 'A' just more agents and locations. 'D' through 'F' is the same as well, the only thing he had left is 'B'. He skims the files once, twice and is about to do it a third time if Natasha hadn't come over.

"He's not gonna be in there," She says from behind him. A look between guilt and surprise crosses over his face, but he still says, in the most innocent voice he could muster,  
"What do you mean?"

"Barnes," Nat says, and he tenses. "That's what you're looking for right? His file?"

He nods guiltily, like a kid who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

"They wouldn't put it in here. He wasn't supposed to exist, it makes no sense to have a file on a ghost."

She's right, Steve knows she's right. But still, there has to be something, anything, that he could see to know what Bucky went through. What Steve made him go through. "You think they could have moved it?" He looks over his shoulder to see Nat give him a pitying look.

"I think that if there is one, there's a good chance we might not find it. Hydra's good at hiding. They did it for seventy years after all."

Natasha walks away just as silently as she came, leaving him alone with his thoughts. The Winter Soldier was a ghost. A myth. Something agents told each other about like horror stories and rumors. A file wouldn't be here because no one knew he existed, only certain, high ranking people knew, like Rumlow. But that didn't mean one wasn't made. Hydra lives and thrives in shadows and lies, so maybe everything important (like that file) is there too.

To be honest, he doesn't even know why it's so important to him that he finds it. Maybe he just doesn't want anyone else to find it and possibly hurt Bucky with it. Maybe he wants to give it to Bucky so he could read it, destroy it, burn it, whatever he wanted. Or maybe he just wants to torture himself and drown in his guilt. Either way, he has to find, because he knows no good thing could come from that just lying around.

After another hour or so of searching and striping the base, they regroup by the jet. Tony has put explosives in each room, and as soon as Bucky comes out it'll blow. When Bucky finally does come, thirty minutes later, his face is set in hard lines, expression grim. No one asks Bucky what he was doing or what took so long, his body language screamed: "Fuck off, I'm not in the mood.”

Steve didn't even ask if he was okay, but when Bucky looked at him and saw the worry in his eyes, he smiled slightly and shook his head. Later, he meant. So he'll just have to wait.

**~*~*~*~**

  
As promised, Bucky gets Tony to drop them off at a really classy and over expensive hotel. The first day was filled with them just relaxing, talking, goofing off, kissing, making love... just them doing the things they haven't gotten to do in a long time. It was the best day Steve had in a while.

There was a consistent knock on the door that woke Steve up from his nap. It was the middle of day two of their vacation and Steve had been enjoying a peaceful, dreamless sleep. He didn't bother to open his eyes or even make any signal that he was awake, instead he laid there on the bed content let Bucky answer it.

He heard Bucky walk out the bathroom and huffed when he walked past the bed. Bucky, who's roomed with Steve since he was the young age of four, already knew he was awake. So Steve cracked an eye open to stare at Bucky's naked chest, that was dripping wet from his shower and smiled lazily. Bucky just flipped him off and muttered something about him being lazy.  
He closed his eyes again but his mouth was still curled up in a smile. He heard Bucky open the door then, before anyone could answer Bucky said "no" and closed it. Bucky came back and flopped on the bed next to him.

"Who was at the door?" He asks, curious. Room service only comes when they call and the maids normally show up later. He can't really think of anyone else it could it be.

"No one important.," Bucky replied. The knocking started up again. "And if they're smart, _they'll go away_." Bucky half shouted the last part, probably for the people behind the door to hear.

The knocking stopped, much to Bucky's pleasure. "You've been sleeping all day. Wanna do something?"

"Sure," Steve replied. "I mean I do have my incredibly hot and naked boyfriend laid out on the bed next to me. I'm sure I could find something to do."

Bucky's eyebrows rose, but he smirked. "That's what you wanna do?"

Steve just kissed him as an answer. The slow kiss turned into making out, making out turned into Steve straddling Bucky, and grinding. Steve let out a moan and right when he was about to take off his shirt, there was an awkward cough coming from the other side of the room.

"Um," Clint said hesitantly, "should we come back later?" 

Steve froze and turned a brilliant shade of red while Bucky pushed Steve off of him to throw a pillow at Clint's face.

"No, Clint, why did you have to stop them, it was getting good," Tony whined, teasingly. At least Steve hoped it was teasing, sometimes he really can't tell with him.

"How did you get in here?" Bucky growled, but Steve knew he wasn't really mad.

They both just pointed at Natasha, who was staring at them daringly. Bucky sighed and shook his head. "Right."

"I think it's time for you to go now," Steve said, finally getting his embarrassment under control. "Do you guys have a place to stay or..?"

"We're in the room over," Natasha said. "We'll wait for you to clean up or finish." She left with a wink, Clint, and Tony following her out.

"So, are we really going to see them? Or are we just going to pretend this never happened?"

Bucky sat up and rummaged through his suitcase for clothes. "Tony would never let us forget. And I mean they have bad timing but they came all the way here for a reason, right?"

Steve snorted. "Yea, to bother us." Steve finally sat up too. "We're really gonna go now?"

"Yes Steven," Bucky said, throwing his towel at him.

Steve dodged and whined, "But she said we can finish. And I didn't get to finish my nap." He laid back down and flopped his head on a pillow. "I wanna go back to sleep."

"You’re such a baby," Bucky laughed. "You were sleeping for 3 hours, get up."

He felt something lightly kick his thigh, but he didn't budge. He's a super soldier and can handle kicking, dammit. Bucky kicked a few more times before stopping and got suspiciously quiet. Steve was about to give and open his eyes, when Buck pounced, then to Steve's utter horror, starting tickling him. Mercilessly. His eyes flew open, laughs gurgled out of his mouth, and limbs failed everywhere. He couldn't help it, and he definitely wasn't proud of it, but he giggled like a schoolgirl.

"Stop, stop!" He gasped, his face was red and if it wasn't for the serum he'd probably be having an asthma attack. Bucky let up slightly but didn't stop.

"Are you gonna get up?" Bucky said, grinning ear to ear as Steve withered under him.

"N-n-noooo!" He managed to giggle out, but it sounded more like "nuuu".

Bucky just grinned wider. "Then I won't." He tickled him again, even going for the secret spot on Steve foot that had Steve bursting into laughter.

In his head, he's cursing Bucky out but all that actually comes out is hysterical giggles. "Okay, okay! I'll get up, I'll get up."  
As soon as the tickles stopped, he grabbed the nearest pillow and smacked Bucky with it. Bucky fell back onto the bed.

"Punk."

"Jerk." he shot back, automatic. They laid there for a few minutes before they got up. Instead of getting dressed though, they just held each other. Bucky, with his chest to Steve's back and his arms around his waist. It was moments like this that Steve really enjoyed. Moments when all around him, was Bucky. It was the simple moments that he longed for and he's going to bask in it.

"Lemme go, Buck." Steve tries to wiggle out Bucky's grasp but he just holds on tighter.

"Why?"

"Cause I gotta, I gotta go."

"Do what?"

"To go to the bathroom."

Bucky sighs like this is a big inconvenience to him. "Can't you hold it? We're having a moment."

Steve turns around in his hold and starts to unbuckle his belt. "I will pee on you, James Buchanan. I will do it, I will do it."

Bucky pushes him away so fast he trips on himself and crashes into the wall. "Oh my god, you disgusting human being. Why am I friends with you?"

"If I tell you but then it'll ruin the mystery." He runs off to the bathroom after that, takes care of his business, and fixes his hair from its bed head. By the time he's done, Bucky is already dressed and ready, sitting on the bed and enraptured by something on his phone.

"Ready to go?" Steve asks, directing Bucky's attention to him.

"Hmm? Yeah, sure." He pockets the phone then smiles up at Steve, who feels the room just get 10 times brighter. "Let’s go."

They text Nat to ask her what room she's in and they walk to it, holding hands. They knock on the door and Thor pulls them in a tight hug. "MY FRIENDS!" He booms, lifting them up and shaking them around, "IT’S GLORIOUS TO SEE YOU AGAIN! IT’S BEEN TOO LONG!"

Steve winces and holds in a gasp. He loves Thor, he really does, how could he not, the god is like a giant puppy, but it's times like this, when he's getting a hug from him, that makes him feel like his insides are being crushed and his bones are breaking.

"Thor, hey buddy, you're kind of crushing us," he manages to get out. Thor gives them one last squeeze then drops them. He stretches out and groans, pretending not to hear his bones clicking back in place.

"It hasn't even been 2 days yet."

Thor shrugs, "In some realms, two days is an eternity."

"Really?"

"No," Thor says blandly. "But it felt like one."

"We missed you too Thor," Steve says earnestly.

" _We_?" Bucky scoffs, "You're such a sap Steve, it's barely been 2 days."

"Hey," Sam says, drawing their attention, "Wanna play a game?"

"What game?" Bruce says, sticking his head out from under the sheets (no one questions why he was under there, but Bruce had something about it being a stress reliever for him).

"Um, truth or dare?" Several people shake their heads or make disgusted noises. "Never have I ever?"

Seven pairs of grins are answer enough.  
  
"Aren't we supposed to get drunk for this?" Buck says.

"Yep," Tony replies, digging into his suitcase. “Which is why I brought a couple things." A couple things turn out to be bottles of wine and one vodka bottle for Natasha.

"Yeah, Tony, that's great but, that can't get me drunk. Or Bucky."

"Don't worry, I had Thor bring the magic juice."

Turning, Steve saw Thor pull out to bottles of Asgardian wine from, somewhere, and shake them like maracas.

"Great, I haven't gotten drunk since 1944."

**~*~*~*~**

Four games and a two bottle of wine later, Steve was pleasantly drunk, something he hasn't been in a long time, and was currently sitting in Bucky's lap, with Bucky carding his fingers into his short hair.

"I'm just saying," Natasha, who is currently the least drunk of all of them, continues, "If this is your first time in Italy, why did you plan on spending the whole time inside a hotel? Why not go out? Go sightseeing? Climb the Tower of Pisa?"

"Ow," Bucky mutters, stilling for a second then continuing to play in his hair.

"Shut up, and stop being a baby," Natasha snaps, then does something (probably pulling his hair) that causes Bucky to grunt. She was laying across the couch braiding Bucky's hair, while Clint painted her toenails. Steve hasn't seen her this relaxed since they had all cuddled up to watch The Little Mermaid on movie night. "You could go to Rome. I always wanted to go to Rome."

"I can take you to Rome," Clint offers, perking up.

"No," Natasha says so fast, Steve isn't even sure he heard her.

"Aww." Clint settles back down, and from the corner of his eye, he could see a pout forming on his lips. Clint could be such a baby sometimes.

"We already been to Italy,"Steve responds, words only slurring slightly.

"Why'd you go?" Sam asks, he was watching Tony and Bruce do some modifications to his wings. Sam normally wouldn’t let Tony touch his wings but in his drunken state, he could be convinced.

Apparently, next to each other, Drunk Science was one of Tony and Bruce’s favorite thing to do.

“We were at war. Duh. Stevie pass me that bottle.” Steve leaned forward, instantly missing the feel of Bucky’s hand in hair, and grabbed the third bottle of Asgardian wine Thor had brought. He passed it to Bucky, hearing the bottle open and him taking a larger swig. “Thanks.” He said, then proceeded to pet Steve’s hair again.

“I meant on your own, doing something fun.” Steve could practically hear Natasha roll her eyes.

“Well, between the depression and being dirt poor, I don’t think we had enough to go Italy,” Bucky replies flatly. “OW! That hurt!”

“Stay still then,” Natasha says, annoyed. “You’d think a sniper knows how to sit still.”

Clint starts snickering and earns a pillow to the face from Bucky, which only makes Clint laugh louder.

“I went to Italy.” Steve offers over Clint’s laughter. “It was for the USO tour. That was fun.”

“Yea, I bet it was, all those women surrounding you. Musta been a dream,” Tony said, not looking up from his work.

Steve laughed. “Yeah. A dream. Being surrounding and come on to by so many girls. I must have had the time of my life- but wait,” he shot Tony a look, “I’m gay.”

Bucky snorted.

Tony just shrugged.

“What did you do when you were apart of this, USO?” Thor asked, perplexed.

“I had to sing. And dance. And be a stage with a lot of people watching me.” He quiets, considering. “Never mind, it wasn’t that fun.”

“Tell us more.”

If Steve wasn’t drunk, he would’ve even brought up the subject. He hated being considered a chorus girl. Not that there was anything wrong or degrading about being one, but he was embarrassed and at the time, he had thought he could be doing something much more to help with the war effort.

“Sure.” He shrugs instead. “So. Senator Brandt offered me this job...”

**_________________**

Steve stood in his dressing room, completely lost. Brandt has shown him to his room, then told him to go find the girls, so they could show him around. His room was simple, almost bare. It doubled as a bedroom and dressing room, one small bed in the corner, a closet, and a dresser.

He already looked on the dresser, just finding some standard clothes and undergarments. The closet only has one thing, something called a Captain America outfit. He’s apparently supposed to dress up as the guy to help with the war effort. It’s not exactly what he planned on doing when he joined the army, but it’s better than nothing.

Sighing, he walks out his room to find the girls dressing room. It’s pretty easy to find, only a few twist in turns in the narrow hallway. He knocks on it when he gets there, but no one answers. Again he knocks and asks, “Hello? Is someone in there?” No answer. “O-okay, I’m coming in. I hope you’re dressed.” Hesitantly, he slowly opens the door, his eyes closed and hand covering it. When no one screams at his intruding, he peeks through and finds the room empty.

Steve doesn’t think himself a nosy person, (though Bucky would say he made sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong his job) but as he walks further into the room he can’t help but look around. Their room is better decorated than his is. There’s vanities lined up to a wall, a cubby with blue helmets that if like up correctly spells ‘USA’. He walks over to one of the vanities that have a giant, sparkling ‘B’ on it and picks up a perfume bottle. It’s expensive, and exactly the one that Bailey had wanted for Christmas. He takes a whiff and when he doesn’t start coughing at the scent, he resolved to ask the girl who owns it where she bought it from. Right when he was about to spray it again, the door opens, about a dozen girls enter the room giggling. Both he and the girls freeze when they see each other, neither expecting the other to be here, but then they jump into action.

“Quick! Get the rope!” A girl who sounds like Bailey orders. “Drop him!”

What he doesn’t expect is for them to actually attack him. The girl who gave out the orders runs at him, two other girls at her heels. Now that he’s getting a closer look, he realizes that she is Bailey, but of course, he didn’t get to ask because the next thing he knew he was getting punched, right on the jaw.

He grunted, mouth forming a surprised O. A girl pulled him forward then pushed him. He staggered back, then tripped over Bailey’s leg. He fell, breaking the vanity in half like it was a karate board on his way down.

“Molly get the brick! Brenda, the rope!” Bailey orders from somewhere above him, he doesn’t really know. His head is swimming, his ears ringing, he hears a pained groaned and it sounds like it’s coming from him.

“Drop it! Drop the brick!” Someone to his right says.

“Wait!” Bailey (or at least it sounds like her) screams. “Steve?”  
He slowly opens his eyes, wincing at the light and looks up at Bailey, who's looking down on him. “Hey Bails," he says casually. “How’s the weather up there?”

Bailey expression shifting between surprise, outrage, curiosity, and unimpressed. “Steve? What- What happened to you?”

She held out a hand and he took it gratefully. She ushered him to a chair and sat him down, forcefully. “Helen, can you see if there’s an ice pack somewhere?”

A girl-Helen, he guessed- nodded hesitantly then left, presumably to get an ice pack.

“Don’t need one,” he mumbled, but Bailey ignored him.

“You guys can put the stuff away. We won’t need it.”

The girls holding the brick and rope didn’t put them down though, they just held tighter and narrowed their eyes. “Who is this?” The girl holding the rope demanded her body tense.

“This is Steve. My brother Steve. Come on Brenda, this one I was telling you about.” Bailey stepped in front of him, so he couldn’t see her expression, he guessed it was annoyed, she always hated it when she had to explain things.  
  
“You said he was small,” The girl shot back.

“Yeah, he was when I left, I don’t know what happened to him now.” She looked back at him in question.

“I just started eating my veggies and milk like Ma always told me to. Now I’m a big boy!” He told her very seriously. He’s proud of himself for not smiling. She stares at him, her eyes wide like she wants to strangle him. He just smiles innocently.

The door opens again, revealing Helen, who hands the ice pack over to Bailey. Bailey gives it to him, so he holds it to his head, wincing when it touches a sore spot.

“He’s not gonna, y’know, try anything?” A different girl asks.

“No,” he and Bailey say together. Bailey gives him a look to shut up, so he does. “Steve’s a good guy. He wouldn’t do that.”

Brenda and the brick girl nodded then put the rope and bricks away. “C’mon Steve, we need to talk.” Walks out the room, so he follows her, waving bye to the girls.

“Where’s your room?” Bailey asks. “Figured you didn’t wanna talk in the hall.”

Steve led her to his room, locking the door and listening to for a few seconds to make sure there was no one outside to hear them. What he was about to say was classified and these walls were paper thin.

“Steve, what’s going on? Cause you were gone for two months without so much of a goodbye and telling us where you were going. We were really worried. We would’ve called the police if Bucky didn’t tell us you’ve been writing him. You better explain. Now. And no lying.” Bailey's expression is furious and he hates that he made them worried about him but Doctor Erskine told him it to tell anyone, and he left the next day. He would have written them to explain but he knew they would tell Bucky and Bucky would get mad and try to talk him out of it.

“Bails, this is classified, I can’t really tell you everything but you gotta promise me nothing will leave this room.”

“Classified? What? Steve, what did you get yourself into?”  
  
"Nothing bad, I promise. Just promise me you won't say anything."

Bailey hesitantly for a second but then agreed. “I promise.”

He took her word for it and told her everything. He told her about enlisting and Doctor Erskine accepting him. About how he agreed to be one of the candidates that would get the serum. He told her that he was chosen because of his bravery for jumping on a grenade and that when he got the serum it only hurt a little, (like he didn’t scream and say a bunch of Hail Marys the whole time he was in the pod). He told her about Erskine being shot and that he was able to catch the shooter and save a kid. He told her about his strength and speed, and how he could actually breathe. He told her about Peggy, and how she believed in him, and how Colonel Phillips didn’t want him and still doesn’t. He told her about Senator Brandt’s offer, and how he accepted it thinking that maybe he’d finally go to the front lines. He told her basically everything, leaving out the parts about the SSR and spies and secret agents. With every detail, her eyebrows raise higher and higher until they particularly disappeared into her hairline.

“You signed up to be a government experiment?” She said slowly like she was speaking to a child. When he nodded she sighed, like a doctor who was about to tell a mother that their child won’t make it. “You know Bucky’s going to be pissed right?”

Oh, did he. In his letters to Bucky, he had yet to mention that he was big now. He just told him that he got a new job that paid well, and everything is fine. He knows Bucky’s going to be beyond mad, but he was doing it for the greater good. Besides, what Bucky doesn’t know won’t kill him. “Yeah, I know.”

“So, the army still rejected ya and instead of going home like you should’ve you took a job for the USO?”

“Yeah. I’ll help any way I can.”

“You do realize you’re going to have to sing and dance, right? You can’t do either,” Bailey pointed out, smirking.

“Hey,” he said offended. “I can sing.”

Bailey snorted. “You sound worse than an alley cat Steve, trust me you can’t.”

“What am I supposed to do then? I can’t do nothing.”

“You could read the words?” She suggests. “Oh man, this is gonna be fun. You took a job as the star, Steve you hate being the center of attention.”

He sighed, she was right. But what else was he going to do? He couldn’t just sit back while other people risked their lives. It wasn’t right. He had to do something even if he wasn’t being on the front lines.

“Let me see your costume.”

“No. Absolutely not. You’re gonna laugh.”

Bailey snorts, “I will not. Come on Steve if you show me yours I’ll show you mine?”

“That sounds really suggestive Bails, I don’t think Bucky would like that.”

He laughs when a fist pounds on his shoulder.

“Come on, Steve. It’ll be fun. Just imagine we have matching costumes for Halloween or somethin’.”

He sighs, grabbing the costume out the closet. He stares at her for a long moment before she rolls her eyes and turns around. In the semblance of privacy, he changes, pulling the top over his head and wiggling his way into the tights. He pulls the extremely short shorts on and then the boots. Looking at himself in the mirror, he could see how everything sticks to his skin, and the shorts aren’t even giving him the decency of hiding his johnson.

“Can I turn around now?” Bailey asks, innocently. When he gives her permission to, she holds in a laugh. “Who made that? It looks like someone wrapped a flag on you? And what’s with the tights?”

“It’s not tights, it’s leggings." he huffed petulantly.

“Whatever they are, they look ridiculous,” She counters. “At least you know Bucky would like it.”

Steve’s cheeks heat up and he gasps, scandalized. “Bailey!”

“What?” She laughs, “We both know it’s true. He’s weird like that.”

“Can I take this off now?” He asks, trying to change the subject. Bailey nods so he does, changing back into his normal clothes.

“Where’s yours? You said you’d let me see.”

Bailey snorts. “Yeah, during dress rehearsal. It’s all the way in the room, that’s too far.”

“How could you be a dancer and still be so lazy?”

“Gotta save my energy,” she replies cheerfully. “Gonna need it if I have to save the show from your horrible dancing.”

He doesn’t even try to disagree, they both know it’s likely. He flops down on the bed next to her. “I’m gonna look like an idiot," he mumbles into the mattress.

She makes a sympathetic noise in the back of her throat and rubs his back. “It can’t be that bad Steve.”

He hums, maybe she’s right.

**~*~*~*~**

She’s wrong, she’s wrong, she couldn’t be more wrong, Steve thinks as he prances around. It was their first rehearsal and the director made him go into costume already. He didn’t find that fair since the girls weren’t, but when he tried to protest they just shut him down. So here he is, parading around on stage in tight and chafing tights, boots that he swore he saw a dame wear and extremely short shorts that outlined everything.

“Sing louder, Steven,” The director, Mr. Stains, exclaimed.

“Who’s strong and brave, here to save the American way.”

“Louder Steven! Don’t croak!”

“Who vows to fight like a man for what’s right night and day!”

“Louder!”

“WHO WILL CAMPAIGN DOOR TO DOOR FOR AMERICA! CARRY THE FLAG SHORE TO SHORE FOR AMERICA!”

“Sing, Steven, don’t scream! Now do it like you mean it!”

“From _Hoboken_ to _Spok-aaaannnnnneeee_! The _Staaarr_ Spangled Man with _aaa_ _Plaaaannnn_!”

“STOP!” Mr. Stains commanded dramatically, his hand held out in front of him for effect. “Take a five.”

In the background, he could hear the laughter of the others and blushed. Bailey snarled, telling them to shut it. Of course, even though he’s bigger, stronger, and more physically capable than anyone in this room, possibly in the city, he still has to have someone sticking out for him. Though that’s not his latest concern, no his latest concern is the disappointment that Mr. Stains directs toward him.

“Steven,” Mr. Stains starts. “ When I accepted this job, they told me I’d be working with the best of the best. The greatest of the greatest. They told me that you, you. Steven,” Mr. Stains pokes a finger his chest, “Are the most perfect person for this job. And yet you sing like nails on a chalkboard.”

Mr. Stains directs them further into the room. “Steven, Steven. Do you know what my goal was when I accepted this job?”

“Um. To sell as many war bonds as possible?” Steve asked, hoping that he at least got something right.

“That’s a good answer. An admirable answer. But, no. I accepted this job to make you, each and every one of you, stars.” He directs his hands forward when he says that.

“What if I don’t want to be a star?”

Mr. Stains turns to him sharply, like he can’t believe what he’s saying. “Steven everyone wants to be a star.”

“But-“

“No buts!” Stains exclaims, “Steven, what is your dream? What is your goal when you came here?”

“To be a soldier,” he answers honestly.

“My dream, Steven, is to be a director. To be the best of the best, the one that every star wants to work with. I wanted to produce plays on Broadway, but yet I am here. Maybe there is a way for us to both get what we want?”

Steve cocked his head. “How?” He didn’t see the army giving him a chance anytime soon. Not with Erskine dead and Peggy away somewhere in Europe.

“If this works out, and everything goes to plan, this show would be good enough to get me recognized for my amazing talent.” Stains was quickly becoming the vainest person he ever met, and he lived with Bucky and Bailey. "And if you do your job well enough, then maybe they'll think you are good enough to be a real soldier. So you can't sing? That's something we can work around. Anything else you need to tell me?"

As much as Steve hated to admit, Stains was right. Maybe this job was the key to becoming a soldier and getting back to Bucky. This song and dance routine didn't seem that bad. And Stains said he could work with his singing. There was only one problem.

"Um, Mr. Stains?"

Stains tsked. "What's my name?"

Steve rolled his eyes, annoyed, he asked flatly "Director Stains?"

"Yes, Steven?"

"I can't dance either."

**~*~*~*~**

  
Steve took a deep calming breath. Today was the day he dreaded for about six months. Peeking around the curtain, nervousness flushed through him. There were so many people, all sitting around and waiting for him to go on stage. Waiting for him to perform. After six long months of rehearsals, they finally got a routine down and ready for opening night.

Stains had changed up the lyrics to make it be that he didn't have to sing much. Now the chorus girls do all the singing, he just has to read the lyrics off the paper in a way that matched the tune. The dance routine was changed to fit his non-existent dancing skills. Now all he has to do is do what he practiced. Easier said than done. Steve takes his shield and puts the mask on his head as he's pushed on the stage.

" _Who's strong and brave, here to save the American way_?" The USO girls sing.

"Not all of us can storm a beach or drive a tank. But there's still a way all of us can fight." he recites the dutifully, reading the words carefully taped on the back of his shield.

" _Who vows to fight like a man, for what's right, night and day_?"

"Series E Defence Bonds. Each one you buy is a bullet in the barrel of your best guy's gun."

" _Who will campaign door-to-door for America? Carry the flag shore to shore for America? From Hoboken to Spokane, the star-spangled man with a plan_."

Steve marches in place, pretending to lead a group of men dressed as soldiers in front of a moving image.

" _We can't ignore there's a threat and a war we must win_."

"Each one you buy is a bullet in the barrel of your best guy's gun."

" _Who'll hang a noose on the goose-stepping goons from Berlin? Who will redeem, heed the call for America? Who'll rise or fall, give his all for America? Who's here to prove that we can? The star-spangled man with a plan_."

"We all know this is about trying to win the war. We can't do that without bullets and bandages, tanks and tents. That's where you come in. Every bond you buy will help protect someone you love."

Greg, the guy playing Hitler. sneaks up behind him on the stage at his cue.

"Turn around! He's right behind you!" Some enthusiastic kids yell.

"Keep our boys armed and ready, and the Germans will think twice about trying to get the drop on us."

When Greg attacks him, he turns around at the right moment to give him a fake-punch. He was nervous about doing this since the first time they practiced, he punched him for real. Greg was still sour about that, and Steve couldn't really blame him. Supersoldier punches hurt.

" _Stalwart and steady and true, forceful and ready to defend, the red, white, and blue. Who'll give the Axis the sack and is smart as a fox? Far as an eagle will soar. Who's making Adolf afraid to step out of his box? He knows what we're fighting for. Who waked the giant that napped in America? We know it's no one but Captain America. Who'll finish what they began? Who'll kick the Krauts to Japan? The star-spangled man with a plan_!"

**~*~*~*~**

  
“Steve you did great!” Bailey cheered and hugged him. “I thought you’d at least forget your lines or trip or something.”

“Yea, thanks for believing in me Bails." he deadpans. To be honest, he thought he would too.

“You’re welcome Steve!” She replies cheerfully. “Me and the girls are gonna go celebrate our first and successful show. Wanna come?”

He thought about it for a second but nodding, “Sure. I’d love to.” With all the rehearsals going on for the last six months he hadn’t the time for himself or any of his newly made friends. Going out with them and relaxing sounds like the best idea he heard in a while.

“Great!” Bailey stands on her toes to kiss his cheek. “We’re gonna change, you should too. There’s a dance hall not too far from here and it’s calling my name!”

He scoffed, he hated dancehalls. He remembered all the times he had to go because of Bucky. It wasn’t Bucky’s fault, but someone had to keep up appearances, and it was easier for Bucky to do that since women actually liked him and he liked them too. “But didn’t you just finish dancin’? Aren’t you tired?”

Bailey snorts, “That wasn’t dancing, I’m talking about real dancing. You know, the kind Bucky tried and failed to teach you,” His smile falls. “You don’t have to come. I just thought I’d be fun.”

He shakes his head. “I’ll go.” He reassures. “Who knows, maybe I’ll meet some nice girl,” he jokes and laughs when Bailey snorts.

“Meet us in the front in thirty.”

Back in his room, he changed into something more appropriate. After checking himself in the mirror, he goes to meet everyone.

They’re all in nice dresses and make up their hair a done up. They look exactly like the dates Bucky would take dancing, that he can’t help but feel a little bitter towards it. “Hey, guys.”

Bailey looks up and smiles widely. “Steve’s here! Let’s move out!”

She holds out her arm and Steve takes it. “You look beautiful,” he compliments.

Bailey blushes and punches his arms. “Thanks.” She looks at her dress, her expression turning sad. “Bucky brought this for me. Before he left. I miss him, Steve.”

He looks down at her and brings her close. “I miss him too, Bails. But he’ll be alright.”

Bailey looks up at him then. “You can’t promise that,” She sadly accuses.

“You’re right, I can’t, but he has his whole regiment watching out for him. I gotta believe he’ll be okay.”

They reached the dancehall, the girls split up, some getting a table, some going off on the dance floor and others sticking to the bar, like Steve and Bailey. Bailey had a few drinks, just enough for her somber mood to turn light and carefree but still sober enough to do things on her own. Steve opted to not drink anything, he’ll be the one to watch everyone and make sure they’re okay, besides from all his previous times of getting drunk, he knows he’s a lightweight.

Sometime in the night, a guy asks Bailey to dance. She goes off course, but not without reassuring him that if anything happens, she’ll be okay. A lot of girls ask him to dance to, but he politely declines. He still can’t dance worth a dime, and even though it’s only dancing, he feels like he’s stepping out on Bucky. He’s been spending time sitting at the bar, talking to Bailey whenever she took a break or came for a drink and the bartender, Fred, who has a great sense of humor when Helen comes stumbling over, obviously drunk and nearly plops herself in his lap. He startles when she sits, nearly throws her off her stool. “Hey Helen,” he says warily.

Helen looks up at him through her eyelashes, her hazel eyes glazed over. “Hey Stevie,” she says, her words slurring together. He cringes at the use of his nickname, he doesn’t like it coming from anyone besides Bucky. “You’re sitting alone so I figured you’d wanna get outta here. Maybe we can have some fun.” Somehow her hand got on his bicep and she squeezed it firmly. “Everyone is here so my room is empty.”

He stared, shocked at her actions and her forwardness. Helen is usually so shy, not the type of person who would just come on to him. “Um,” he gave an awkward chuckle and coughed, prying her fingers off his arm. “I don’t, um, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He didn’t know what to do, Helen was his friend, one of the first people who liked him for him, not his body, he didn’t want to ruin that, besides they both had boyfriends.

“Why not?” Her voice took on a sultry edge, and his eyes widened. “I think it’s a great idea. I think it’ll be great. Just imagine.”

He was really, really trying not to cringe at that imagine. “W- You have a boyfriend,” he said. “Eric right? You’re not the type of gal to cheat.”

Helen’s eyes flashed but then she smiled, “Eric won’t be a problem, we broke up. So now I’m available. And I deserve a guy who’s gonna be good to me. You’re good to me, and with a body like that, I bet you’ll be great where it counts right?”

His face flushed, with embarrassment, but he doesn’t know if it’s for her or him. “I don’t think this is a good idea. I mean, you’re drunk, you don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I know what I’m saying. I know what I want, and I want you.” She was on his lap now, and Steve he really didn’t want to hurt her, so he couldn’t just push her off. When she started to lean in, he started to lean back when,  
“Get off him, Helen,” Bailey’s voice interjected, sternly. He doesn’t think he’s ever been more grateful to hear her voice.

“But, why?” Helen whined. “He’s a grown man. He can make decisions for himself.”

“Yeah but he’s dating someone. My, um, sister. And it’s bad to cheat.”

Helen looks at him inquiringly and he nods, playing along. Then she frowns confused, “I thought he was your brother, how is he dating your sister?”

This time Bailey actually rolls her eyes. “Really Hel? Come on, do we even look alike? He’s been dating my bro- sister for so long that he’s practically my brother too.”

“Oh," Helen says forlornly. In one graceful movement (or as graceful as a she can get in her drunken state) Helen slides off his lap. “Sorry about that. Steve. She must be a lucky girl."

He shakes his head, he’s the lucky one. “Don’t worry about it.”

Helen nods looking so sad and embarrassed that Bailey sighs.

“Come on Hel, lets sober you up and talk about how much of a douchebag Eric is.”

After that, the night goes on to be normal. When he the hall is an hour away from closing, he rounds up the girls and gets them to drink plenty of water. He doesn’t mind looking out for them, they’re actually pretty easy to handle. He remembers the time when his Ma died and Bucky, being eighteen, brought them a bottle of whiskey to share. He remembers how, not even half the bottle in, he was already completely wasted and when Bucky has taken care of him, he threw up all over his shoes and clothes. Luckily these dames seem to know what to do when they’re drunk.

When he gets back to his bedroom and is in bed, he doesn’t waste time drawing or practicing lines. Since the show was good, they now have to travel all over the states to perform.

He closes his eyes, dreaming of Bucky being there to sweep him off his feet and take him away.

**~*~*~*~**

  
“Steve!” Bailey squealed. “We’re going to Europe! We did it!!” Bailey jumps up and down like a kid on Christmas. She hugged him then ran off presumably to go tell her friends.

Steve couldn’t wrap his head around it. He was going overseas. Sure, he’s still not fighting in the war, but he’s one step closer to Bucky. They went to all the states and currently in Washington DC. Steve wasn’t even sure he’d make it that far, let alone to be able to go to Europe. He couldn’t help but smile, maybe he could see Bucky there. Maybe he’ll be able to talk to Peggy again. Maybe he could convince Colonel Phillips to give him another chance. Maybe Stains’ plan did work.

He smiled all the way through his last performance and through the meeting that confirmed that they were going to Europe.

Specifically Italy.

He couldn’t wait. He wanted to introduce Bailey to Peggy. He wanted to see Bucky again. He wanted to Howard, who became a close friend during his whole training process.

When he finally gets there, it’s not what he thinks. They even give him a chance to perform, but the audience just boo-ed him off the stage and throw food at him. They demanded the girls, so he brought them out, feeling a unreasonable spike of jealousy at the cheers and whistles that were sent their way. He didn’t stick around to watch them, instead, he went out to sketch somewhere.

By the time he was done, it started raining, loud enough that he couldn’t hear the footsteps behind him.

“Hello, Steve,” A familiar voice greets.

He turns around shocked to see her here. “Hi,” he says stunned. He didn’t expect to see her here.

“Hi,” she says again, amused.

“What are you doing here?” He asks, wincing internally at how rude it sounded.

Luckily, Peggy doesn’t seem to mind. “Officially, I’m not here at all. That was quite a performance.”

Heat rises to his face but he steadfastly ignores it. “Yeah. Uh...I had to improvise a little bit. Crowds I'm used to are usually more, uh,” he pauses, looking for a word that doesn’t make him sound like a joke. When he finds none he settles for the first word that fits the description, “twelve.”

Peggy doesn’t poke fun at him. Instead, she asks, “I understand you’re America’s new hope?”

“Bond sales take a ten percent bump in every state I visit,” Steve recites dutifully, repeating the word Senator Brandt said to him.

“Is that Senator Brandt I hear?” Peggy replies teasingly, only half joking.

He huffs, “At least he's got me doin' this. Phillips would have had me stuck in a lab.”

“And these are your only two options?” She asks rhetorically. “A lab rat or a dancing monkey?” She asks, nodding toward his sketch. “You were meant for more than this, you know?” When he hesitates she raises an eyebrow expectantly. “What?”

He sighs. “You know for the longest time I dreamed about coming overseas and being on the front lines. Serving my country. I finally get everything I wanted, and I'm wearing tights.” In the background an ambulance honks, he turns to watch as the drag out a wounded soldier on a stretcher. “They look like they've been through hell.”

Peggy nods, but he’s not sure if it’s sympathetic or understandingly. “These men more than most. Schmidt sent out a force to Azzano. Two hundred men went up against him and less than fifty returned. Your audience contained what was left of the 107th. The rest were killed or captured.”

Killed or captured. It makes sense why the crowd seemed so small. For some reason, the well-being of this particular until matters to him more the others, he doesn’t understand until a few seconds later when it dawns on him. _Bucky_.

“The 107th?!” He asks, his voice sounding shrill. He probably sounds hysterical, he is hysterical. It finally makes sense why he hasn’t received any more letters from Bucky. Because he’s been-

“What?” Peggy asks him, confused, worried, he doesn’t know.  
He gets up and starts running, not caring if he’s getting wet. “Come on!” He shouts over his shoulders. “Colonel Phillips!” He says once they get to his tent.

Phillips looks up from his work, greeting him by leasing his glare. “Well, if it isn't the Star-Spangled Man With A Plan. And what is your plan today?” He snarks.

“I need the casualty list from Azzano,” he demands, for once not rising to the bait.

Phillips' face hardens, making himself look more like an authority figure than a grumpy grandpa. “You don't get to give me orders, son.”

“I just need one name,” he barrels on. “Sergeant James Barnes from the 107th.”

Phillips shifts to point an accusing finger at Peggy. “You and I are gonna have a conversation later that you won't enjoy," he promises. Peggy doesn’t even twitch.

“Please,” Steve begs, “tell me if he's alive, sir. B-A-R-“

“I can spell,” Phillips interrupts, staring at him for a few seconds. He gets up to shuffle through a pile of papers but gives up not even halfway through. “I have signed more of these condolence letters today than I would care to count. But the name does sound familiar. I'm sorry.”

Everything freezes, his world stops. He doesn’t breathe, he doesn’t blink, everything fades away. He couldn’t comprehend what was going on. It’s impossible. It should be impossible. The universe itself should stop everything, because what was the reason to keep going when the best thing on earth is gone. He could hear as much he could feel his heart breaking. Bucky was gone. Killed or captured.

An idea blossoms in his head. Peggy said killed or captured. That doesn’t necessarily mean that Bucky’s been killed, he could be captured somewhere. Hope replaces the heartbreak. Bucky could be alive. It was only a possibility but he was going to take it.

“What about the others? Are you planning a rescue mission?” He asks, not mentioning his real plan, knowing that if they knew, they won’t tell him anything and write him off as being crazy with grief.

“Yeah. It's called winning the war.” Phillips replies. Steve bristled, he was just going to leave all those people behind? Without even trying to help them? He took a breath, arguing with Phillips wasn’t gonna to get him anywhere.

“But if you know where they are, why not at least-?” He tries to reason but Phillips interrupts him with a glare.

“They're thirty miles behind the lines. Through the most heavily fortified territory in Europe. We'd lose more men than we'd save. But I don't expect you to understand that because you're a chorus girl.”

His jaw ticks, but again, he doesn’t rise to the bait. “I think I understand just fine.”

“Well then understand it somewhere else. If I read the posters correctly, you got some place to be in thirty minutes,” Phillips huffs, dismissing him.

Steve looks at the map of bases pinned behind Phillips’ head, committing it to memory, plan already in place. “Yes, sir. I do.”

And with that, he turns and leaves, a few moments later Peggy’s there chasing after him

“What do you plan to do? Walk to Austria?” Peggy asks, already knowing what he’s doing.

“If that's what it takes,” he says, not bothering to deny it. Peggy already knows he’s too stubborn to back down. And she’s not going to stop him, she’ll probably try to help him.

“You heard the Colonel, your friend is most likely dead.”  
Steve wants to scream at her that Bucky isn’t just his friend, Bucky is his everything. His sun, his moon, his stars, his whole world. No, his universe. He wants to scream at her because she just told him that his best friend, his boyfriend, the love of his life, is dead, and he should give up.

“You don't know that,” he says stiffly, holding all his emotions at bay.

“Even so, he's devising a strategy. If he detects-“

“By the time he's done that, it could be too late!” He lashed out, annoyed that she’s trying to stop (or gently persuade) him. He walks up to a jeep, pulling open the door. “You told me you thought I was meant for more than this. Did you mean that?” he asks, holding the door.

“Every word.” She promises.

“Then you gotta let me go.”

Peggy looked at him long and hard before coming to some sort of decision. “I can do more than that.”

**~*~*~*~**

Steve hurriedly stuffed his sketchbook away in his bag and went to hunt for wherever he put the shield. He could’ve sworn he left it by the bed. He started throwing everything around haphazardly in hopes to find it.

“Steve?” Bailey questioned, knocking on the already opened door. He looked up with a slightly wild look in his eye. “What are doing?”

“I can’t- I can’t find my shield,” he said in explanation, then went back to digging, this time in his closet.

“It’s backstage with the other props.” Bailey supplied. He perked up instantly and started to walk forward but Bailey held her hand out to his chest, trying to stop him. “Steve, what’s going on? What are you doing? The show doesn’t start for another 10 minutes.”

Steve just shook his head wildly fighting against tears. He had to stay strong for when he told her. He couldn’t fall apart. Not yet. Besides, he reminded himself, there’s still hope.

“He’s gone, Bailey! Bucky, they- he- I gotta find him,” he rambled. So much for staying strong.

Bailey's eyes widened in shock, brimming with tears. “Wha-? Steve, are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

He nodded vigorously. “I found out today. We just performed for the remaining 107th.”

Bailey’s expression shattered. And he never wanted to see that on her.

“I’m going after to him. I know where he his. Only a few miles past enemy lines.” He goes to move out the door, but Bailey grabs his arm.

“Steve, don’t.”

He froze and turned around confused and angry. “I have to go. I have to get him.”

“Steve, you can’t,” she pleaded. “You can’t go, you don’t know anything about war. You only had a few months of training. And even that was incomplete. What if you get hurt?”

Steve shook his head, it doesn’t matter. “I have to go, or die trying.”

He shrugs he hand away but she grabs it again tightly, digging her nails in. “And if you die?” She shakes his head violently. “I already lost one brother. I can’t lose another one.”

Steve’s heart broke again. He couldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t let her lose him too. He had promised Bucky to take care of their family if anything were to happen to him. If he dies, he can’t do that. But if Bucky was still alive… he can’t just leave him. He has to try.

“He could still be alive, Bailey. I can’t just leave him. Even if there is a small chance.”

She looked into his eyes for a long time then nodded. “You’re gonna need protection. Take my helmet, it’s the third one with an ‘A’ on it.”

“It’s plastic. I can dent it with my fingers.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’d feel better knowing you had something covering that thick skull of yours. Superhuman or not, I want you safe.” He squeezed her hand and she squeezed it back.  
“Bring my brother home.” He nodded, hearing the words she didn’t say, _dead or alive_.

“I promise,” Steve vowed, and took off down the hall.

  
**~*~*~*~**

“I thought you were dead.”

“I thought you were smaller.”

Running.

“What happened to you?”

“I joined the army.”

Explosions.

Fire.

“Just go, get out of here.”

“NO! _NOT WITHOUT YOU_!”

**~*~*~*~**

  
Steve held on to Bucky’s hand tightly. He had no intentions of letting go anytime soon. Not when he just got Bucky back. Not when the both of them could’ve died.

They were back in his dressing room, cuddling close together on the bed. Bucky woke up from a nap a few minutes ago, looking absolutely adorable with his bed head and the drool stains on his shirt. The cuts and bruises that littered his face and chest have already healed, and Steve would be worried (more than he already is) if the nurses didn’t give him a clean bill of health.  
Right now, they just decided to bask in the peacefulness that was each other.

“I missed you,” Bucky said, breaking the silence. “I was lonely, I made friends with my unit but, none of them were you.”

Steve looks over and kisses Bucky’s cheek. “I missed you too. I’d draw you every night and hang the picture up on the wall,” he points to his wall that’s littered with sketches of Bucky. “The chorus girls were nice enough, so I had company but, it wasn’t the same.”

“You know what else isn’t the same?” Bucky asks. Steve raises an eyebrow in question. “You. I mean, last time I checked, you weren’t taller or larger than me. And before you say anything, I know you cannot grow all that muscle and height in a year. And your asthma is gone. You jumped over a fiery pit and fought some Nazis,” Bucky says before Steve can even open his mouth. Steve deflated a little. “Steven Grant Rogers, what did you do?”

There was no point in lying. Might as well rip the band-aid off now. So he took a deep breath and said, “I-agreed-to-let-a-German-scientist-experiment-on-me-with-a-untested-serum-that-made-the-last-guy-have-a-red-skull-face-and-let-them-run-test-on-me-and-then-agreed-to-be-the-symbol-of-america-because-I-wasn’t-allowed-to-fight,” he said all in one breath. Steve knew Bucky understood him.

When Bucky didn’t say anything, Steve let out a breath, but then Bucky’s eye twitched. “You. You let some random scientist and Howard Stark experiment on you?!” Bucky screeched. “What’s wrong with you! I leave you alone for a second, a _second_ , Steve and now, now you’re some super secret government experiment?!” Bucky pinches the bridge of his nose “Sometimes Steve I just can’t with you.”

Steve swallowed. “Are you mad at me?”

“Am I mad that it cured your asthma? Am I mad that you can’t get sick anymore? That you finally physically strong enough to finish your own fights? Am I mad that you finally have the body to that matches what I always saw? No. I’m not. But am I pissed that you let yourself do something so dangerous? Damn, right I am.” Steve smiled weakly. “You know I love you, and that I worry. I mean, what if you died?”

“But I didn’t,” he protested.

“That’s not the point.” Bucky grinned, “You know what this means?”

“What?”

“That I can finally kiss you without worrying about your breathing.”

They move forward, both of them reaching out for the other, and when their lips meet, it’s like they are both finally coming to life. It’s been so long, so long since Steve was able to kiss Bucky, was able to hold him close and just be. As he kissed Bucky now he can’t help but sigh, as far as reunion kisses go, this is the best. It’s not desperate, or rough but soft and slow. In this moment everything is perfect, he never wants this moment to end.

Then the door bursts open. Steve and Bucky spring apart like they touched something out hot.

“Steve!” Bailey shouts, happily. “You’re back and-,” Bailey’s grin gets bigger. “Bucky!”

She dashes across the room, hugging her brother. “I thought you were dead.”

Bucky hugs her back tightly. “Never. I won’t leave you. I promise.”

She pulls away enough for Steve to see the tears in her eyes. “You can’t promise that.”

Bucky shushes her. “I can and I will.” Bailey laughs, but it sounds more like a sob. “You know what we should do? We should go out later? Me, you, Steve, and some of the guys I made friends with. Whaddya say?”

She nods helplessly. “Sure, Bucky. Whatever you want.”

“Great,” he said. “Let me tell the guys.” And with that, he ran away.

Steve came up to her and touched her shoulder. “He’s okay. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Thank you. For bringing him back. You didn’t have to.”

He looks at her confused. “Of course I had to. Bucky’s my family. ‘Sides he would’ve done the same.”

“He’s gonna try to drink and forget isn’t he?”

Steve nods, they both know it’s true. Mr. Barnes had his share of stories from the war. He told them how the soldiers would drink themselves to the grave. They won’t let that happen to Bucky.

“I’m sorry I interrupted your makeout session,” Bailey switches the topic quickly, smiling cheekily at Steve. Steve flushes bright red. “I mean, to be honest, I thought he would’ve kissed you sooner. Have you seen the way he was looking at you in that uniform? I’ve seen a few bedroom eyes in my day, I mean, look at me,” she waves a hand up and down her body and points to her face, “but the way he was looking at you takes the cake.”  
“He wasn’t looking at me like that. And if he was it probably just ‘cause he missed me.”

“Mhm,” she hummed. “Sure it is. See you later Steve.”

And with that, she left the room with a wink.

Steve looked around the room, looking a little lost. So much has happened, between getting Bucky back, and getting offered to be a real captain and lead a real unit? He doesn’t think the day could get more exciting. He goes to his closet and picks out his new military jacket and slacks. Apparently, he’s going out tonight.

**~*~*~*~**

When sits down at the bar right next to Bucky after asking Bucky’s friends to join unit (and they actually said yes), Bailey is nowhere to be found (probably went off flirting with the guy who wouldn’t stop looking at her) and Bucky was sitting alone drinking something.

“See? I told you. They're all idiots,” Bucky says, smirking and shaking his head fondly.

“How about you?” Steve asks, “You ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death?”

“Hell, no,” Bucky says, and Steve tries to tamp down his disappointment. Bucky deserves to go home if he wants to. With everything he went through, Steve would want to stay home too. But Bucky continues, “That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight. I'm following him,” Bucky smiles at him softly, something secret passing between the two of them. But then he smirks, leans in, and ask all too casually, “But you're keeping the outfit, right?”

Steve swears he could hear Bailey’s laughter.

**______________________**

"...Of course, you could probably figure out what happened after. I'd tell you but I don't kiss and tell." Steve bites his lip and winks.

"I kiss and tell." Bucky piped up, "So if you want a detailed explanation of what happened I'd be more than happy to tell you."

"I'd take you up on that but I think that's all I'll think about when I look at you. " Clint answered, not looking away from his feet.

Their stages of drunkenness went from four to eight in the span it took him to tell his story. Somewhere along the way, they had taken off some clothing items, sacrificing it as Tony and Bruce did Drunk Science and needed something to clean up grease or fan out a fire. They all moved around until they were in comfortable positions on the floor, staring at either each other or the white ceiling. Steve can't help but think that if Mrs. Barnes were to see him and Bucky now, she'd stuff them in clothes, drag them out by the ear and make sure they never talk to the Avengers again, for being such bad influences on her boys.

He was currently enjoying the view of Bucky's bare chest. His chest was glistening due to the alcohol Bruce spilled on it. Steve himself lost his shirt awhile ago, but only because Bucky had told him to take it off.

Tony and Bruce had finished with Sam's wings and were now making something else. What, he doesn't know, but he doesn't particularly care, not unless they make more explosions. Sam had been checking over his wings, a combination of awe and skepticism.

Natasha was softly singing a Russian (or what he thought was Russian) lullaby to a sleepy Thor, who had his head in her lap. Thor got tired somewhere between the third and fourth bottle of Asgardian booze. His eyes drooping but still staying aware enough to listen to him talk.

Looking at the states he and his friends were in, he knows that if someone were to attack them, the Avengers would probably lose.

"Clint?" Steve asked slowly. "What are you doing?"

"Painting my nails."

"With, lipstick?"

"Yeah," the archer replied as if what he was doing was completely normal. "I ran outta nail polish after doing Nat's and Bucky's."

"Oh," Steve said, accepting that answer. Bucky's nails were black but Clint somehow managed to draw little red stars on them. They were nice, and Steve wanted his done too, but Nat didn't bring blue or white.

"Hey Thor," Sam said, "How'd you learn to fly?

“Well,” Thor started. “When I was younger my mother threw me off her balcony so my fight or flight instincts kicked in and I flew to safety,” he said very seriously.

Bruce’s eyes went wide. “No shit? Really?” Bruce doesn’t curse much, and if Steve was drunk he’d probably tease him for it.

“Yes, yes of course. If Samuel wishes to learn to fly than he should try this.”

And that’s how they ended up on the roof of the building Sam standing dangerously close to the edge with Bruce, Tony, Clint, and Bucky egging him on.

“Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!”

“Should we be worried this is happening? Like isn’t this dangerous?” Steve fretted.

Nat shrugged. “It worked for Thor.”

“Sam’s not Thor. He’s not even superhuman.”

She shrugged again. “It’s not that high up.”

“It’s five stories. If he doesn’t die then he’ll get severely injured.”

“Then he’ll learn not to jump off of buildings when he winds up in the hospital with all his bones broken,” Natasha reasoned.

“Alright, alright hold on! Let me get my wings, can’t fly without those.” Sam picks up his wings and gives Tony and Bruce a withering look. “If they don’t work and I die, I’m gonna haunt you.”

“It’s not like your jumping off a bridge,” Tony said. “Besides we were only a little drunk.”

“Yeah,” Bruce nodded, “just a little.”

After strapping the wings on, Sam jumps and glides through the air for about 30 seconds before falling.

“Thor!” Steve panicked, “go get him!”

Thor ran while holding his palm out for Mjolnir. The hammer came and he jumped off flying after Sam.

“What happened?” Bucky turned to Tony and Bruce expectantly. “I thought you said his wings work.”

“They do, or well they did. I don’t know what happened. It worked perfectly fine before.” Bruce explained. “Maybe they run on something?”

“Or maybe it actually needs these?” Tony pulled out a bunch of wires from… somewhere and waved them around.

“Tony!” Bruce scolded. “Those were probably important. Well, the good news is if he dies I can get his wings.”

“The bad news is they might not be able to hold the weight of the hulk.”

What? _This_ is what concerns them right now? Tony and Bruce are huddled together probably talking about fixing the wings.

“Guys!” Bucky snapped, getting everyone's attention. “He’s not dead. At least I don’t think he is.” Bucky inches dangerously close to the edge of the roof, much to Steve’s horror. Because the last time he was near an edge Steve had to watch him fall, and fall, and fall, and-

Something zooms up in the air, startling Bucky enough to make him stumble back into an unsuspecting Clint and then both falling on the floor on top of each other with an undignified thud. Steve snorts while Nat snaps a quick picture. The previously flying object lands next to Clint’s head, making him flinch and slamming it against the back of Bucky’s. They both groan in pain and stumble back on their feet, giving each other and Thor a dirty look.

“I’ve retrieved Samuel!” Thor announces loudly. “He is unharmed if a little nauseous.”

Next to him, Steve sees Sam throwing up his breakfast and lunch, looking a little dazed as he wipes his mouth and straightens. Honestly, Steve can’t tell if that’s from the alcohol they just had or because of the fall. Wordless Natasha passes him a stick of gum, which Sam takes gratefully and pats his back.

“You!” Sam accuses, pointing a finger next to the direction of Tony’s head. “You did this!” Sam unstraps his wings and thrust them towards Tony. “You’re gonna fix it!” With that Sam turns on his heels and walks away. “Oh!” He says suddenly, “but not tonight. Not while drunk. No more drunk science. Not with my stuff.”

They stand there awkwardly, until Steve’s stomach grumbles, breaking the silence. “I’m hungry.”

Bucky runs over to Steve to grab onto his hand. “Wanna go n’ eat?”

Steve nods, eager to go. They planned on going to a really nice and (in Steve’s opinion) really overpriced restaurant that supposedly served the best food. It was supposed to romantic, and to be honest, he and Bucky hadn’t been on a proper date since 1943.

“You guys gonna order food?” Bruce asked. “ ‘Cause I want in.” 

Bucky scoffed, “No, we’re not gonna order food. We’re in Italy! Why would stay cooped up in a hotel while we could be enjoying some of Italy’s delicacies? We’re going out.”

Bruce held up his hands in surrender. “Alright. Can I still come? I’m hungry too.”

“We’re going out alone. Just the two of us.”

Bruce huffed but relented. Grabbing Tony by the hand and pulling him away, mumbling something about getting food alone together too.

“C’on Stevie, let’s go,” Bucky says and goes to walk forward but Nat steps in front of him.

“You’re not going out,” she says decisively.

Now Steve’s frustrated. He just wants to eat and go out with his boyfriend for once, dammit. “But Naaaat,” he whines, “we have a date.”

“Don’t care. This is what happens when you get drunk before six.” Steve sticks his tongue at her but doesn’t protest when she led them to their room. They didn’t protest when twenty minutes later she came back with trays of food and a laptop. “Have fun,” she said and left them.

Three plates each, and half an episode of How I Met Your Mother later, Steve and Bucky were curled up together in the comfy king-sized bed. They were just having a nice time enjoying the other's presence, when Steve remembered.

“What were you looking for? At the base?” He phrased his question carefully, trying to make sure Bucky didn’t close up.

Bucky was quiet for a moment, his jaw clenching. “A book.”

“A book?” Steve asked flatly.

“Yes. It’s-” Bucky sighed, untangling from Steve and curling into himself. “It’s my- the Winter Soldier’s book. It had his trigger words, maintenance, everything. I can’t let people get that. It’s too dangerous.”

Steve’s brow furrowed. “Didn’t we get the words out?”

Bucky shook his head. “The words I knew about. There’s so much more about the Winter Soldier that I can’t remember, that I don’t know.” Bucky looked at him, panicked. “I can’t let someone find it. I can’t let _Hydra_ find it.”

Steve put a soothing hand on his shoulder. “And we will. I promise. Where is is it?”

Bucky shuddered. He looked sick, like the thought of going to this place made him want to throw up. He took a deep breathe like he was mentally preparing himself for what he was about to say next.

“Siberia.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sorry? Sorry for what? It's fine you're not okay. None of us are. But we have each other. That's what matters. We'll figure something out okay?"  
> "Sorry? Sorry for what? It's fine you're not okay. None of us are. But we have each other. That's what matters. We'll figure something out okay?"  
> "I'm sorry that I'm focusing on me. This is supposed to be about you! You have so much going on right now, and instead of focusing on me, I should be focusing on helping you."  
> "Hey," Bucky says, "as far as I'm concerned, we should be worried about both of us. We're in this together. And yeah, we might both need help, so let's help each other, yeah?"  
> "Yeah."  
> "I'm not going anywhere, Steve. Not without you." Bucky wipes away his tears. "You were there for me. Let me be there for you. What was Dum Dum talking about before?"  
> This is uncharted territory. Steve never talks about this. Never thinks about. He never brings it up, and since Bucky came back it's almost like it never happened. Almost.  
> It's not his favorite memory, in fact it's one of the worst, but Bucky deserves to know.  
> "After you fell, my life turned into a complete wreck..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, sorry for the long wait. I swear I was going to have this out a mouth ago, I don't know what happened. Anyway I hope you like this chapter, apologies in advance for the beginning. As always, thanks to MrGoodBar for beta'ng this chapter.
> 
> **A FEW NOTES BEFORE WE START:**
> 
> **AFTER THE TIME/MEMORY BREAK (___________________ ) STEVE HAS A NIGHTMARE ABOUT BUCKY FALLING, IT'S PLAYED UP SO IF THAT'S TRIGGERING IT ENDS AFTER THE STORY BREAK (~*~*~*~)**
> 
> **ALSO, AFTER THE THIRD STORY BREAK THERE IS A MENTION/REFERENCE OF SUICIDE, NO ACTUAL SUICIDE HAPPENS, IF THAT'S TRIGGERING IT STARTS AT THE THIRD STORY BREAK (~*~*~*~) AND ENDS AT THE LAST TIME/MEMORY BREAK (___________________ )**
> 
> Enjoy!

Siberia, Steve learned, is a cold place. It's freezing, and he thought Brooklyn winters were bad. But it was also void, no life spread out for miles. No trees, no little animals, no birds. Nothing, just snow. It would make such a pretty picture if everything didn't seem unnaturally still, and it didn't give him the creeps.

They walked five miles through the snow just to get to the base. If he didn't have have his winter gear that Tony made he's sure he would've froze awhile ago.

The base wasn't as dramatic or as menacing as he would have thought it would be. It was nondescript built into the side of a hill. If someone wasn't looking they probably would have missed it. Just about a thirty feet away, Bucky put a hand out and stopped then from continuing. 

"There's motion sensor cameras lined on these walls, if it detects you, it'll alarm the guards inside. Let me go open the door, the guards won't come out if it's me."

Steve nodded than looked towards door, noticing the the keypad on the side of it. "It's locked. There's a password for it, do you know it?"

Bucky gave him a look, like Steve was a idiot for asking. Which he probably is. He waved him off, and walked forward. "I know it."

Steve waited with the rest of the Avengers until Bucky waved them over.

They enter the base quietly, weapons drawn and ready. No one knows what to expect. Not with Hydra. But they prepare themselves for anything. Bucky points to a corridor and quickly whispers, "You have twenty seconds to get to the end of that hall and down the elevator before agents come to see who came in."

"Why aren't you coming?" Steve whispers harshly.

"Because, if no one is here to be taken in by Hydra, they're gonna know someone snuck in and be on high alarm. Someone has to be here, and Hydra is gonna be lot more welcoming to the Winter soldier than the Avengers." Steve must have given a doubtful look because Bucky was holding him in his arms reassuringly. "I'll be fine. I'll be back with you before you know it." Bucky detached himself, kissing his forehead and giving him a light push. "Ten seconds."

Steve turned and ran, not looking back because he knows if he did, he wouldn't be able to continue. Leaving Bucky on a silver platter for Hydra, willingly, was not easy. It was worse than pulling teeth, completely painful, and he can barely keep his composure. Bucky, though, Bucky was so strong for coming up with the daunting plan, let alone actually doing it. Going back to his captors, who tortured him for seventy years, wasn't something just anyone could do, and Steve was so amazingly proud of Bucky for it. But he was worried. Of course he was, this was Hydra, they may be one step ahead of them, they may already know the Avengers are here. Maybe their plan was just a mistake because Hydra is letting them fall right into their trap.

He startles when a hand touches his shoulder, jerking him from his thoughts. He whips around to find Natasha staring at his face worriedly. He didn't even realize he started panicking.

She raises a eyebrow so he shakes his head. He's fine. He can do this.

The elevator was as small as Bucky said. It was wide enough to fit at least four of them, five at most. They decided that Steve, Nat, Clint, and Bruce would go down first, making Thor, Tony and Sam wait. The ride down is quiet and cramped. No one says a word, and Steve is suddenly struck with the thought that as soon as they get out, there's no going back. They already entered the lion's den, and the beast likely already knows they're here.

They wait for Sam, Tony and Thor to come down before continuing, figuring they have strength in numbers.

Everyone was on guard, watching all around them and listening for the even the slightest movements. When they get to the room Bucky told them would have the Winter Soldiers, they brace themselves. Tony pries open the doors and Clint aims ready to take out the Winter Soldiers that should still be in cryo, but instead of them seeing them in there, the cryo-stasis chambers are opened and empty. It takes a second for Steve to realize what that means. But he doesn't have time to say anything because a someone tackles Clint onto the floor, pinning him down and punching him.

In an instant Natasha is on him, but Clint knees the guy and he howls. Everyone freezes and all the sound -expect for the machinery- in the room quiets, quickly being followed by footsteps.

Steve shots Clint a annoyed looked. So much for the element of surprise.

What happens next happened so fast.

A swarm of Hydra agents surrounded them, there was a shout and an alarm blared. One minute he was fighting off three agents, the next he was laying spread out on the floor. He blacked out for a few seconds before an unfamiliar face comes into view. The guy snarls at him, a cruel smile taking home on his face. The guy uses his disorientation and puts a hand on his neck, pressing down on it hard, efficiently cutting off his windpipe.

Steve scrambles, his hands fail but eventually find purchase on the guys arm. He squeezes until he hears the sound of bone crushing. The guy grunts but doesn't stop choking him. Black spots dance around in his vision, so he punches the him, twice. Blood drips from his nose and a few teeth came loose, but the guy just smiles wider, showing his bloodied gums.

Just as suddenly as he came, he gets ripped off of him with a scream by a metal fist. He lands on the floor and Bucky straddles him, repeatedly punching his face with the metal arm. The guy struggles but manages to pin Bucky's arms to his body. Bucky doesn't stop though, the metal arm whirs and twists, catching the guys arm and pulls, dislocating his shoulder.

"You're a disgrace," the guy spits, "a disgrace to the me, a disgrace to them, you don't deserve the name the Winter Soldier. You're a disgrace to Hydra."

Steve can't see Bucky's face, but he knows he's smirking. "Well that's a relief. 'Cause I think I want to be Sergeant James Barnes, the Avenger, instead."

"I don't think they want a killer." With that, Bucky produces a knife out of nowhere and plunges it into the other Winter Soldier's neck.

The soldier smiles, smug, like he won something. "Hail Hydra," he gurgled, blood shooting from his mouth as said his last words.

Steve scrambles up from where he was to go check on Bucky. "You okay?" He ask, hoping the answer is positive.

"M'fine. C'mon, there's more." Bucky picks himself up from the ground, dusting himself off. They don't waste any time, they joined the rest of the Avengers and fight off all the remaining agents and Winter Soldiers. Hulk barricades the door, stopping anyone else from coming in.

Just when they catch their breath, the sound of footsteps accompanied by a slow clap fill the silence of the room. There was a shadowy figure coming closer to them from the other side of the room, Steve tensed, preparing for a fight. The figure moves in toward the light to reveal a middle aged man, pale skin, blue eyes and thinning blond hair. The man had an air of confidence around him, and even though he never saw the guy personally, Steve knew he was familiar.

In the corner of his eye, Bucky tensed. Steve raised the shield, preparing for an attack that he might not have seen. But an attack never came, instead the man just raised his hand, in a placating gesture.

"You could lower the shield, Captain Rogers. I just want to talk." The man stopped in the middle of the room. "I'm Alexander Pierce, Secretary of the World Security Council, and that was quite the performance you all put on. You killed those agents easily. Quick work. You could've died on this mission though, if you didn't have have your teammates to watch your back. You must really trust them."

That's why he was familiar. Nick talked about him once or twice, and Steve saw him on the news, giving a speech about achieving world peace. What bothered Steve was what he doing here. If he's part of the United States government, then why was why was he here? Did he know what Hydra was? Did he even know about Hydra? So many questions flew through his mind, but he didn't voice any of them. He wanted to know where Pierce was going with this.

"Of course we trust them," Natasha's voice cut in, she sounded every bit of a predator playing with her prey. "We're a team. We don't keep secrets. Do you?"

Pierce chuckled and that immediately set him on edge. Steve gripped his shield tighter, and saw Bucky curl his metal hand into a fist.

"Everyone has secrets, Miss Romanoff. Especially your associate. Did Mr. Barnes tell you his secrets? His past? Surely you wouldn't want to work with him if you knew."

"We know all about Sergeant Barnes' past. How do you?" Sam stepped up, hand hovering over his gun.

"How I possessed the information doesn't matter. What does matter is if you know what to do with that information. If you know about the Winter Soldier then why is he still here? Why not turn him in?" Pierce was now looking directly at Tony. "Why let him free after what he did to your parents?"

Everyone turns to Tony to see his reaction. The man has the faceplate up, showing his face and peering at a Pierce with a curious yet blank expression. "My parents died in a car crash. Buck-o here, had a mission, and while going to get his targets he and my parents car collided. Dear old dad didn't see him until it was too late, so he swerved and hit a tree. They died on impact. Not his fault, dad was probably driving drunk anyway."

Pierce smirked, and Steve's blood went cold. That was the story Steve told Tony. That was the story Bucky pleaded for him not to say. It wasn't that Steve didn't trust Tony to make the right decision and know that it wasn't Bucky's fault. He did, Tony was smart, and when he thought things through, he could be understanding. But he'd be mad first. He'd be out of his mind with rage.

Chuckling, Pierce tossed a red object at Tony, which Tony caught. The object was a book, Steve realized. It was a simple red notebook, with a black star at the top center. Steve didn't understand. Why throw the book? Was it something of importance? He went to turn and ask Bucky, but the burnet was pale, staring at the book with haunted eyes.

Pierce walked up to a large box like room, a huge glass window that expanded from each side. "Let's see how much of that was true, shall we?"

Something clicks and a little screen turns on. Everyone turns to it, wary and curious. The screen shows numbers and a word in what he thinks is Russian. On screen, the video shows a seemingly random road.

"I know that road." Tony says, mainly to himself. "What is this?" he says louder to Pierce.

The man doesn't say anything, just smirks, looking smug.

On screen, a car crashes into a tree, and a man crawls out. The video is a little grainy and the man is fifty years older, but Steve recognizes that it's Howard, and a sinking feeling happens in his gut.

"Help my wife," Howard begs the Winter Soldier. "Please. Help."

The Winter Soldier stalks over and grabs Howard by his hair. He stares down blankly at Howard's bloody face. Howards stares back, hopefully and pleading.

"Sergeant Barnes?" Howard asks, surprised. His voice sounds a little more hopeful, like he believed that his friend would help, despite the fact that he caused the crash.

"Howard," Howard's wife, Maria, moans from the car. She sounds in pain, Steve can't imagine what that must feel like for her.

The Winter Soldier ignores Howard's pleas and Maria's moans. He curls his metal hard into a fist a beats it into Howard's face. He does it continuously, until Howard goes limp. "Howard." Maria moans again, and Steve realizes that she can't see her husband. She can't see that he's dead.

The Winter Soldier pulls Howard up into the driver's seat, laying his head down on the steering wheel.

From the camera's angle, he could barely see inside the car, but he could see the bloody face of Maria. The Winter Soldier goes to the other side of the car, his right hand slides into the vehicle and he's choking Maria, he realizes with a jolt. The Winter Soldier is expressionless the whole time, his face blank like he does this everyday, which he probably did. After a moment, the Soldier moves to the camera, he looks directly at it as he raises his gun and shoots. The screen goes black.

There was a heavy silence in the room, tension so thick you could slice it with a knife. Nobody, says anything, and Steve could hear the heavy breathing coming from Tony, and Bucky's racing heartbeat.

Then Tony moves, lunging for Bucky. Bucky flinches back, and Steve and Natasha hold Tony back. Bucky's looked so guilty and remorseful, his eyes are glassy with unshed tears. "Tony," Bucky whispered brokenly.

"No. You killed them. You- you killed my parents." Tony didn't shout. He didn't yell, or cry, he just said it like a statement, like a betrayal.

"Tony, it wasn't his fault. He didn't have control," Steve said, still holding on to him.

Ton whirled around, breaking out of their grips to stare at Steve. "Did you know?"

"Tony, I-"

"Don't, Rogers. Did. You. Know? That story you told me, about the crash..." Tony shook his head. "Did you know?"

Steve hated lying. More than that, he hated lying to his friends, his family. He really wants to explain, he wants to justify his actions but he knows Tony would never go for it. He knows Tony wouldn't listen. So instead he simply says, "Yes."

Tony flinches back, like he's been burned. He stares at Steve like he's seeing him for the first time and nods once. Then he punches him.

Steve, surprised, barely gets time before he's blocking it, and straining to hold down Tony's hands

The faceplate closes and Tony breaks out of Steve's grip. He turns toward Bucky, lifting up a hand, and firing. Bucky dodges, but barely.

There was a clicking sound, and a door opened, Hydra agents pouring in. Steve looks at Natasha when she groans.

"We got this. You handle Tony." Then she's off, the other Avengers close behind her as the run to meet the opposing agents.

Steve focuses all his attention on Tony, trusting his team to handle Hydra. "Tony, stop this. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't him."

Tony stops moving. He lands and stalks closer to Steve. "He killed my mom. And lied. He will pay." Tony punches him then and lifts off the ground, hovering about ten feet in the air. In his hands is the book he's been gripping since Pierce put on the movie. Steve watches him quickly scan through the book, flipping pages like mad man.

"Steve," Bucky whisper shouts, trapping his attention. He notices Bucky in his designated hiding spot a few seconds later and runs to him. "We have to get the book away from him. It has my trigger words. If Tony says then, I'll become the Winter Soldier again."

Steve turns to him sharply. "I thought we got them out. Didn't Bruce and Tony do something?"

"That wasn't all of them. There's more. Those were the ones that I knew of and they could find. "

Steve distantly remembers having that conversation. He told Buck that he'd get Thor to bring some of his Asgardian technology and help fix Bucky's brain. He remembers them never going through with it. He regrets that now. "How are we gonna get the book out his hands? We can't shoot him, the bullet would bounce off him."

Bucky thinks for a minute. "Throw the shield at the book. That should knock it out if his hands."

Steve nods, positioning the shield when a Hydra agent grabs his arm and yanks him back.

Steve, shocked, manages to use the momentum to smack the guy in the face with the shield. The agent dropped and, as soon as Steve was about to turn around to hit the next agent he heard behind him, another agent, a female, jumped on him. He stumbled but held his ground. He yanked her off him, and threw her to the ground. She grunted when she landed, and (even though he was taught to never raise his hand against a women) he raised his shield, ready to hit her with it too. But a knife had embedded itself in her chest. He breathed out, staring at Bucky thankfully and guiltily. Even though he hates killing, he's always guilty when Bucky does it for him.

"I had 'em on the ropes," he quips, just like he always used to do when he got in a fight. And just like always, Bucky responds in kind, "I know you did."

They fight the other Hydra agents that managed to slip by the Avengers, side by side, just like they did in Brooklyn, just like they did on occasions in the war. Steve was so focused on fighting that he forgot about Alexander Pierce in the vault. He forgot about Tony and the the trigger words until he heard Tony say;

"Say these words JARVIS."

Steve freezes and sees Bucky do the same besides him.

"Sir, I don't think that would be necessary. I think that maybe you should give-"

"JARVIS!" Tony growled. "Say the words."

Steve reacted and threw the shield at Tony's hand. Tony moved out the way, and shield landed on the other side of the room. So much for that plan.

There was heavy silence. The only noise was the groan of the last Hydra agent and the clattering of his shield hitting the floor. Reluctantly, JARVIS spoke, "I'm sorry Sergeant Barnes. Zhelaniye."

Bucky ripped the comm out his ear and crushed it, but Tony wasn't deterred. Jarvis' voice started coming through the suits speakers.

"Rzhavyy." It sounds so tiny coming the suit. Bucky runs to the door, Steve behind him, and starts tearing at the barricade that Hulk put up to block it.

"Semnadtsat'. Rassvet. Pech'."

When the blockage doesn't budge, save for a few inches, they run to a part of the room that has a trap door in the ceiling. The ceiling was open, and Bucky started scaling up, jumping from ledge to ledge to get out. "Devyat'."

"Tony, stop this. Listen to me, it wasn't his fault, he was brainwashed."

"Dobroserdechnyy."

Tony shoots the handles of the door open, making it fall back it place. Steve watched as Bucky, who was already at the top and climbing out, jumped down to stop himself from getting crushed.

"Vozvrashcheniye na rodinu."

Bucky looked hopeless, but Steve rushed to his defense. He finds his shield and throws it at Tony. This time he doesn't miss. It hits Tony's suit and he goes spiraling out of control. He drops the book to right himself and Clint and Sam rush towards it. He thinks that the end but Jarvis still continues.

"Оdin."

"Thor, drop him," Natasha commands coming up behind Steve. Thor flies up and hits Tony with his hammer hard. Tony loses control and falls, landing on the ground with a crash. The suit is damaged, sparks are flying out from it, but it works enough for Jarvis to say that one last word.

"Gruzovoy vagon."

It hurts, seeing someone you love in so much pain. It hurt Steve to see Bucky as the Asset, face covered by a mask, eyes surrounded by blackness, and shaded goggles to cover them. It hurt watching him slowly destroy himself in the first days of his recovery. It hurt every time there was a Winter Soldier day, when he reverted back and was confused, angry and hostile. It hurt having to watch him fall, it hurt having to fight him, it hurt looking at the scar the metal arm made, and the scars that undoubtedly healed with the serum and time. But, what hurts more is seeing the fear, and pain and guilt and regret and worry in his eyes turn into a cold blankness. What hurts more is seeing the person who was previously looking so much alive look dead. Because Bucky looks every bit of the Winter Soldier. Dangerous, cold and deadly.

"Soldat?"

"Ya gotov otvechat'."

Tony pushed himself up, and walked over to Bucky. Steve tensed, rushing to Bucky's side, but not getting there quick enough to stop Tony from punching him.

Furious, Steve lunges, grabbing on to Tony's neck and pulling him down. They grapple, trading punches until an arm yanks him off. He looks up to see Bucky standing over him, gun aimed at his face. His heart falls.

"One thing the Asset was programmed to do was to protect the handler." Steve forgotten about Pierce in the vault. He can't help but bristle.  _Asset_ , they called him.  _Programmed_. Like Bucky's some kind of machine. His fist clench, he really wants to beat something, preferably Alexander Pierce's face. "You know what he excels at though? Following orders. He'd do whatever you tell him, those trigger words would make him docile, but wiping him would make him blank, empty. Completely yours to mend."

A series of clicks and a machine whirs to life in the far back corner of the room. If he wasn't so worried Bucky would shoot him if he so much as moved his head, he would've turned to look.

"Wipe him, Tony. Make him pay. All that pain he's put you in. All that pain he's put a lot of people in. All you have to do is wipe him, and trust me, he will pay when you do."

A loud bang, coming from the same direction as Pierce's vault starlets him. He flinches, and Bucky turns the safety off his gun. He goes stiff, and makes sure he doesn't move at all. Another bang, and Steve focuses his eyes toward the direction of the sound.

Hulk is smashing the vault. Most likely trying to get to Pierce. Hulk hits it again and again, and roars when Pierce goads Tony again.

"Don't do it, Tony," Natasha says, "Don't do it. I know your upset. You have every right to be. But not at James. He hasn't done anything."

"He's done everything.  _Everything_. He's not innocent. Far from it. He's killed people. A lot of people. Women, children, innocents. Why should I just let him get off Scot-free?"

"We all killed people. It's part of our jobs. We chose to do that, Tony. He didn't. He didn't have a choice. Don't let your grief overwhelm you, Tony. Don't do this," Sam says, using what Steve calls his 'Therapist Voice'.

Clint took a step forward causing Bucky to pull out another gun and pointed it at him. Clint raised his hands slowly, palms out.

"Tony, you remember when Loki brainwashed me? You were there. You know that's not who I really am. I'm not evil. I was controlled. Yes, I killed a lot of people because of it. But you never blamed me. Not once. So why blame him?"

"Because he killed my mom!" The anger bled out of Tony, leaving only grief and sorrow. "He killed my  _mom_."

"Tony-" Natasha started.

"Don't. Just don't, okay." Tony took a breath. He looked at Bucky's form long and hard, then the pain in his eyes hardened. "Soldier?"

Bucky -the Soldier- cocked his head to the side, indicating that he's listening.

"Go sit in the Chair." The Soldier listened, sitting in the chair without hesitation. But Steve could see the worry and fear in his eyes.

The machine whirled to life. The restraints clicked together, holding Bucky in place. The metal helmet places itself on Bucky's head.

"Tony, don't do this please. Please," He begs. Hulk smashes the vault again. And again. And again. " _Please_."

The machine turns on, and shakes. Bucky's eyes are wide. He screams. And it sounds just like the scream he gave when he fell off the train, that Steve has to focus to remember his surroundings.

"Tony, stop! Stop!"

Bucky bites his tongue hard enough for blood to drool from his mouth.

"Tony please! Tell him to stop please!" He doesn't know if his screams could be heard over Bucky's, who screams seen to drive out all noise. Steve can't hear anything besides that, until he hears Natasha yell, "SPUTNIK!"

Bucky freezes and the screaming stops, he spasms uncontrollably, eyes rolling to the back of his head and his chest stops heaving.

"Buck?" No answer. Not even a twitch. "Soldier?" Bucky doesn't move, it doesn't even sound like he's breathing. He strains his ears, but he only counts eight heartbeats; Natasha's, Hulk's, Thor's, Tony's, Sam's, Clint's, Pierce's and his own, not Bucky's.

"Bucky, no!"

Steve lunges forward the same time Tony does. Thor restricts Tony in a bear hug, and Natasha holds Steve back.

"He's okay," she whispers in his ear. "It's a trigger world. It makes him unconscious, and slows down his heartbeat. Making him look like he's dead for easy extraction I'm guessing. He'll wake up."

He calms, but only by a little. Bucky's okay, he tells himself. He's going to be okay. The machine still whirs, but Nat assures him it'll have no affect on him in this state.

What happens next happens so fast. Hulk finally breaks open the vault, and smashes everything inside. The Chair stops working and Pierce runs out. Clint shoots Pierce, and Tony breaks out of Thor's hold only to be held in by Hulk.

Thor rips the the restraints off Bucky and Steve lifts him in his arms. If Bucky was awake, he'd hate being carried bridal style, but since he's not, and Steve doesn't have another way to carry him, he opts to do it anyway.

Steve runs out the building, running to Quinjet with Natasha on his heels.

"Nat, don't try to stop me. I have to get him somewhere safe."

"I won't. James is important to me too." She looks at Bucky's sleeping form, and tucks a stray hair behind his ear. Nodding her head toward the Quinjet she ask, "Do you know how to fly it?"

"No."

"C'mon. I'll show you." He joins her, laying Bucky down across seats, and staring down at him fondly and worriedly.

Natasha gives him a quick tutorial and shows him how to put the plane on stealth mode so no one (Tony) can't track them.

She disables the tracks in their suits and gives them a teary goodbye.

"Tony's not going to want you at the tower anymore," She says.

"I know. "

"If he sees you, either of you, there's no telling what he'll do."

"I know."

She hugs him tightly and he hugs her back. "Don't tell me where you're going. I don't want Tony to find out. Be careful, okay? I'd hate it if anything happened to my two favorite super Soldiers."

He nods, "We will. How are you gonna get home? We didn't bring another plane."

She just waved him off. "We'll steal one of Hydra's. They had to get here somehow."

He takes off when she leaves the plane, flying them to the only other place he calls home in this new century. To a little brownstone in Brooklyn that's home to their sisters. Surely, they will take them in.

**~*~*~*~**

He had to land the Quinjet on a landing pad. He landed at Avengers Tower and took Bucky, who was awake by the time they got back to the states, to get a cab ride to Brooklyn.

Bucky was quiet the whole ride. He didn't make a sound, making Steve worry that he's still in the Winter Soldier mindset. But Natasha assured him that he would wake up being Bucky Barnes, and Steve remembered all those mornings when it wasn't Bucky that woke up but the Soldier. Bucky would be the cold distant soldier for awhile before he would start to remember Steve, and Bucky was in charge of his mind again.

He's not sure if that still applies. Buck was put in the Chair, who knows how much he remembers, maybe everything, maybe nothing, but he won't know until Bucky talks to him.

When they get out the cab Steve walks up to the Barnes' house nervously, Bucky silently following behind. It's not that he's not sure that Becca, Bailey and Beth wouldn't take them in, he's positive they are, but seeing Bucky in the state that he's in now might not be the best idea. Of course they know about his past as the Winter Soldier, it was one of the first things they told them, but knowing and actually seeing Bucky acting like the deadly assassin are two different things.

Regardless, he rings the doorbell.

It's Becca who opens the door. She looks at them shocked, taking a long look at their faces, and ushers them inside.

She urges them in living room, forcing them to sit down on the couch. She leaves then, only to come back a second later with a first aid kit.

"What happened?" She demands as she starts working on the cuts littering Bucky's face.

Steve glances at Bucky, trying to ask him how much he wants her to know, but Bucky just turns away and stares blankly ahead, simply letting himself be treated. He opts to tell her the truth.

"We stormed a base. There was a lot of soldiers there and um, we may have gotten into a fight with Tony."

"This is more than the arguments you said you have." She tugs at strapped top Bucky's kevlar suit. "Off." Bucky pulls it off, revealing the purplish-red bruises that decorate his torso.

"He, um, he found out about Bucky killing his parents. He wasn't very happy."

Becca looks at him quickly, her gaze then darting away to look at Bucky. She lifts his chin gently and leans in close. "It wasn't your fault Buck. You know that right?"

Bucky doesn't answer, just keeps staring at the wall. Becca looks at Steve questioningly but he just shrugs. The blond, for once doesn't know what's going on in Bucky's mind. Becca sighs. "Your ribs are fine, luckily not broken, but you might want to go up stairs and rest."

Abruptly, Bucky stands, knocking over Becca but he catches her quickly. He walks up the stairs, predictably to the spare room. Steve hears the sound of a door closing and a lock sliding in place. He tries not to be disheartened at that, but he can't help it. He wants to help Bucky, but he knows now he's not welcomed.

Becca moves to work on his wounds next, even when Steve assured her that he could heal quickly and they're minimal. She does it in silence, neither of them knowing how to break the somber mood Bucky had put them in.

"We need a place to stay. I'm not sure Tony wouldn't want us at the tower and I don't want to chance it. You think you could let us-?"

"Of course! You didn't even have to ask!" Becca tells him excitedly. "We always wanted you two over, though, I admit, for better circumstances. Dinner's gonna be in about an hour. Beth and Bailey went to the store with Lily for more food."

An hour later, Steve's at the dinner table surrounded by his sisters, Lily and her husband Dylan. They give him the same reaction Becca did, welcoming them with open arms and concerned smiles. They waited, anxiously and hopefully, for Bucky to come down for dinner, but he didn't. Steve had put two plates of dinner for him in front of his door. By the time he went back upstairs for bed, the plates were empty. Steve smiled, he'll take what he can get.

That night, when he went to sleep, he realized that it was the first time he was sleeping alone since they got together. Even though there was a only a wall between them, Steve felt so lonely, like they were miles apart.

**~*~*~*~**

It's been a week. It's been a week and there was nothing but radio silence from the Avengers. Natasha didn't even try to contact them, which got him worried. Was Tony still mad at them? What was going on? Where they still going on missions? He hated being kept in the dark but at the same time, he was enjoying not having to be leader for once. Of course, this is by no means a vacation, hiding has its drawbacks. They haven't been outside in a week, and as much as he loves lazing around inside he has a weeks work of pent up energy to get rid of.

Bucky, who finally came out his room the third day, does too, and Steve knows it's eating at him. Distracting themselves by hanging out with their sisters and Lily proved useful but they couldn't do it all day. Lily had work, Becca, Bailey and Beth go the the Senior Center everyday and came back tired. And Dylan was still too starstruck to have actual conversations with them. They had each other of course, but still, they were frustrated.

It was around noon, when the front door opened and closed, the girls back from their daily activities. They walked in the house to be greeted by the sight of Steve and Bucky pacing the length of the halls and living room.

"If you burn a hole through my floor, you're fixing it." Becca said. "The wood was just polished. Dylan put a lot of work in that."

"Can ya' stop pacing, ya making me dizzy," Bailey gripped. Steve stopped immediately, and Bucky, who was too deep in thought to hear, crashed into him. They landed in a heap on the floor with a "Oof." The girls snickered and Steve glared, it's not his fault Bucky wasn't paying attention. Besides it's rude to laugh when elderly men fall. "Why're you pacing anyway?"

"'Cause, super soldiers have a lot of energy. We need to release it somehow."

"I could think of some ways," Bailey said smirking. Steve's face heated up and Bucky let of a laugh.

"Bailey!" Bucky said, sounding scandalized.

"What?" Bailey sniffed. "I was talking about Zumba. That thing is tiring. It's not my fault your mind is always in the gutter."

"Maybe we can get you a treadmill?" Beth asked, always the considerate one.

"Nah, don't do that." The blond said, hating the idea that they would have to spend money for him, even if it's for a good reason.

"I want donuts," Becca suddenly announces. "I want the dozen box from Dunkin Donuts. But I'm so exhausted from my swimming class earlier, if only Lily were here, maybe she'd be able to go on a donut run for me."

"I want donuts too!" Bailey agrees. "I want chocolate with sprinkles. And a jelly donut. And a cream donut."

"I think I'd settle for a powdered donut."

Steve and Bucky look at each other and shrug. "We can get them for you," Bucky offers. "We weren't doing anything anyway."

The girls smile. "Great!"

 

When they're a block away from the house Steve asks, "We just got played into leaving the house, didn't we?"

"Yep."

"We're so gullible."

"Yep."

"Wanna race me there?"

Bucky grins, "Yep."

Steve wins, fair and square. He absolutely did not purposely trip Bucky so he would fall and lose his place, nope of course not. His foot randomly sticking out was just an accident, he swears.

The trip to Dunkin' Donuts wasn't uneventful as they thought it would be, because the cashier handing them their donuts suddenly squeals.

"Oh my gosh!" The girl says, excitedly. "You're Captain America! And you're Bucky Barnes!"

Steve's eyes widen in surprise then narrowed, no one knows about Bucky being alive. No one but the Avengers, his sisters and Hydra. While he's famous, he's not famous enough to get recognized and stopped on the street. It's a very seldom occurrence one that he's suspicious of already. A quick look around assures him that no one heard her exclamation, and their identity is safe.

"Can I get a picture?" The girl asks, "Please? My grandpa would freak." He nods, and girl comes from behind her counter, forgetting about their order and the other people waiting in line. She leads them toward the back, to a door that says  _Employees Only_ in a bold red print. The room has a bunch of chairs and bookshelf, a radio and two tables.

"This is where we hang when we're on break. It's kinda like a den. Anyway-" As soon as she turns around, Bucky's on her.

"Who are you?" He demands, "Are you Shield? Hydra?"

The girl looks around nervously, her eyes shifting back and forth to Bucky's then Steve's.

"No. Hydra was destroyed in World War II. Everyone knows that."

"But no one knows Bucky is alive. Or, at least, the public doesn't."

"I didn't know Bucky was alive! Not until five minutes ago. I'm Miranda," The girl, Miranda introduces. "Miranda Dugan. My great grandfather told me so much about you two."

Steve stands in shock after she introduces herself. Dugan. Like Dum Dum Dugan. He hasn't looked at the Howling Commandos files but he'd hadn't dared to hope that even one of the was alive. Dum Dum, the second oldest of the commandos would surely be passed a hundred by now. Gathering his wits, Steve asks, "Timothy Dugan?"

"Yeah," Miranda says. "He speaks so highly of you, but at the same time always manages to make you guys sound like punks. He's still alive. He lives in Manhattan now. Wanna visit him?"

Bucky instantly lets her go, holding her away at arms length suspiciously and hopefully. "Really?" He asked "you'd let us see him."

"Of course," Miranda replied, "He was your friend. My shift's about to end in thirty minutes, you could drop your donuts home and me come meet me back here. Me and Kevin were just about home anyway."

They thank Miranda, pay for their donuts and leave, bringing home the donuts with a smile on their faces.

**~*~*~*~**

Because of Bucky's hesitance to go on a train, they hailed a cab. The cab ride is uneventful but still interesting. They take the time to learn things about each other.

They learned that Miranda was a history major at a college in the city. She grew up in Boston with her mother, father, a sister and a brother, but came to Manhattan when Kevin expressed his need to go away. She took care of her grandfather since she didn't want him to be all alone in a home somewhere and wanting to be the one to keep an eye on him. In between her job and school, she volunteered at a pet shelter, and had a couple cats that she couldn't bear to give away at home.

Kevin, Miranda's boyfriend since they were seventeen, didn't grow up in Boston. He lived in Pennsylvania until he was thirteen when his mom had enough of shooing away bears and decided to move somewhere bear-free. Kevin went to culinary school, his love of cooking coming from all the times he spent watching his grandma and dad cook in the kitchen. He's transgender, but moved away from his family when his mom and dad started giving him a hard time for it.

Kevin and Miranda, though they both were very different, proved to be a good couple. All the bickering and inside jokes reminded him of himself and Bucky when they were younger and first started their relationship.

They arrived at Miranda's house shortly. "Gramps!" Miranda calls out as soon as they enter the house. "We're home! And I brought friends!" Miranda's just as loud as Dum Dum used to be, yelling at the top of her lungs, loud enough to make sure that from anywhere in the house Dum Dum can hear.

"In here!" Yells the strained voice of Dum Dum.

Miranda led them upstairs, presumably to where Dum Dum is. She takes them to a room that's decently sized. Pictures of people, family members he assumes, litter the walls. Two chairs, and dresser lie in the corner diagonally across from each other. There was a tv playing a black and white movie, across the tv was a bed, currently holding a pale elderly man. But Steve doesn't only focus on that, he focuses on the way the man gazes fondly at the two pictures on his night stand. One is a picture of a younger (though older than what he looked in the war) Dum Dum in a fancy suit with his arm around a women in a wedding dress, Dum Dum's wife, he guesses.

The other picture is of the Howling Commandos. He remembers taking that picture, it was a few days after they formed the group. Peggy had taken the picture and they all got a copy, he can't believed it survived seventy years. Maybe his is in a SHIELD storage room somewhere.

"Hey Gramps," Miranda says, grabbing Dugan's attention.

Dum Dum looks at the mention of his name and smiles. "Hello Miranda. You said you brought guests? They're not from your history classes, are they? I can't answer anymore questions about the Howling Commandos right now."

"They don't wanna talk about it. They just wanna talk to you." Miranda ushers then in the room, and Dum Dum's face changes from playfully scolding to surprised.

"Hey Dugan," Steve says, breaking the silence. "I see you aged well."

Dugan gapes at them, then laughs, the same loud hearty sound he did seventy years ago. " _I_ aged well? Look at the both of you. You don't even look over thirty." Dum Dum ushers them closer, making them sit in the seats next to his bed. "What happened t'ya? Last I checked you both were-" A series of coughs wracks his body, and Bucky rushes to give him the water on his bedside table. "Guess I ain't as healthy as I used to be."

Steve frowns at that. His life now, even as good as it is, isn't the same. He misses his old life, even if he and Bucky were dirt poor, They never went hungry, they had a roof over their heads, family, friends. But all his family and friends are either dead or near death. He tries not to pay attention to it, but now he can't help but notice the pale and sickly way Dum Dum looks. His frown deepens, he doesn't want to think about it.

"What have you been up to?" Steve ask, trying to lighten the mood.

"Eh," Dum Dum shrugs," After you, uh- crashed, I took over the Howling Commandos with Peggy. We finished up the war. Some of us went home, some of us stayed in the SSR. I went home. I helped Peggy out on her missions when I could. Me and Howard stayed in touch, I haven't been around him as much. I've seen his son though, looks just like him.

"I got married. She was beautiful, a real spitfire. No sugar, all spice, definitely nothing nice. Her name was Candice. Had a few kids, then they had kids, and they had kids. Candice died a few years back. Now, here I am. What about you? It's been seventy years since I saw you last. You do anything interesting?"

Steve and Bucky look at each other. Anything interesting? Spending time in suspended animation isn't interesting. Bucky's life (if you could call that a life) in the last seventy years could be called interesting, but it depends on the definition. Still looking at each other, they shrug, they'll tell Dum Dum everything.

"I was frozen in a block of ice inside the plane in the arctic. I don't know anything from that time cause it basically like taking a nap. A really long nap. But after that, SHIELD found me and I worked for them ever since. I joined a group call the Avengers. Have you heard of them?"

Dum Dum nods, eyes wide. "You were there when the aliens attacked? That was actually you?"

"Yeah. It was weird. Fighting aliens is definitely not a cakewalk. But hey, at least I can check it off my bucket list."

"Was it easier or harder than fighting Nazis?" Dum Dum ask, generally curious.

"Definitely harder. They packed a mean punch. And the guy that was leading them, my friend's brother, they're aliens to, he was real smart about it. I'm just glad we were able to stop him in time. Who knows what he would've done."

Dum Dum nods, looking grim. "What about you, Sarge? Are you part of the Avengers too?"

"I wasn't then. I'm not a official member now. They probably wouldn't want me as a member any more."

"Buck-"

"No Steve. They won't. Why would they? Why would Tony? Especially after what I've done."

Dum Dum coughs, it's fake at first, then a he starts coughing for real. This time, it's Steve that gets him the water. Dum Dum drinks it all, and props himself up with his pillows. "Sarge, why wouldn't they? I don't know this group but they'd have to stupid to not see how helpful you are to a team. Your a good shot, a great one. Really resourceful, overly protective of anyone on your team. On top of that, you're also a great guy. You'd make a excellent addition to any team. Whatever you did to Tony, I'm sure he'll forgive you. The boy could hold a grudge but he knows when to be rational."

"I killed his parents," Bucky says, monotone. "I killed them. I looked Howard in the eye and bashed his face in. I choked Maria. I killed them!" Bucky was getting himself worked up, Steve could hear his heart beating faster and his breathing becoming ragged. " _I killed them_."

Dugan stares, not blinking, mouth open in shock. "Well I- Bucky, I don't know what to say."

"I'm a monster, why would he forgive me?"

Steve's heart shatters into a bunch of little pieces. He though they got through this. "Buck, that's not true. You're not a monster. It wasn't your fault."

Bucky glares at him from behind his hair that's curtaining his face. "I did it. It was my body, my hand-"

"But not your mind! It wasn't your fault!"

"Hey!" Dum Dum interrupts. "I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened to you in the last seventy years. And yes, people change with time, and seventy years is a real long time, but I still know you. Your the same boy as you where in the army, if a little more hardened and jaded, but you have the same values. Those values still make you a good man. Bucky, I know you would never kill a man without reason, you wouldn't just go up to Howard, your friend, and decide to off him and his wife. No, don't interrupt. I know I don't have the full story, but I can tell you this; I bet it's not your fault."

"You don't know what I've become," Bucky protests.

"Then tell me."

So Bucky does, he tells Dum Dum everything, from the fall to remembering Steve and getting taken in by the Avengers. He tells him how Hydra treated him, what he was used for, a few examples of some of the missions he was sent on. He tells him about the other Winter Soldiers and the Black Widows he trained. He tells him about his handlers and chair. He skips through all the explicit details, and Steve knows it's for Bucky's sake as well as Dum Dum's, who looks stricken and heartbroken enough.

Dum Dum stays quiet for a long moment, when he speaks, it's in a voice so seldom used by the old soldier, regretful and filled with grief. "Well, if I didn't hate Hydra before I sure as hell hate them now." At the surprise on Bucky's face, Dum Dum chuckles sadly. "Bucky. You were one of the best men I knew. I was honored to serve with you. Your past won't change that. Steve's right, it wasn't your fault. I hope for both your sake and Tony's, that he would realize that too."

" _Please excuse the interruption, your show will be back on shortly but we must interrupt for this important news_." Three pairs of blue eyes drag to the screen, looking at it in apprehension.

" _Sources just got alerted that there is a terrorist hiding somewhere in New York. The assassin is known to have excellent undercover skills and could be anywhere. He is a master assassin, he won't hesitate to kill targets and witnesses. If seen do not engage, call the police and the Avengers will take care of it. He is a heavily built Caucasian male. Around six feet, five inches, long brown hair, blue eyes. Avenger Tony Stark spoke up about the deadly assassin_."

The news man's face cut out to a video of Tony looking at the camera with sad, angry, vengeful eyes. " _As you know my parents, Howard and Maria Stark have been dead for a long time. It's a well known fact, December 16th, 1991 was the day my parents have died in a supposed car crash. That's not true. December 16th,1991 was the day my parents were assassinated_." A large uproar happens from the crowd of reports, all taking over each other, but Tony speaks louder, " _By the assassin, the Winter Soldier. He's a threat to National Security. The Avengers are currently looking for him_." Tony went on to talk about Bucky's features, some of his missions and kill count. " _The Winter Soldier doesn't have a known identity but we have our best looking into it._ " That was a lie, but Steve was glad that Tony didn't say that he was Sergeant James Barnes. He didn't see that going well for anyone.

The screen cut back to the reporter, going back to speaking about Bucky as if he was a threat, instead of an adorable cuddly snarky teddy bear that rescued strays and let kids hang off of him.

" _His most noticeable feature is his metal arm that replaces his left, it extends all the way up to his shoulder to the tips of his fingers. Once again, do not engage. The assassin is an enchanted individual, and will most likely be armed. He might be on his way to different states at the moment so keep your eyes open and report anything. Thank you, your scheduled program will now resume_."

The black and white tv show went on like nothing happened. Like Tony didn't just expose Bucky, didn't just put him at risk of getting found and captured.

"Steve?" Bucky ask, "What're we gonna do?"

"I don't know Buck." He has thought Natasha and Sam would've handled things by now. He thought Tony would've forgave them by now and everything would've been fine. Clearly he was wrong.

"I can't go outside. I have to lock myself in Becca's house until something happens."

"Bucky, there are a lot of tall blue-eyed brunettes. What makes you think they'll know it's you?"

Bucky wiggles his metal arm in response looking at Steve like he's a idiot.

"You could wear long sleeved shirts and hoodies. And wear a glove on your hand."

Bucky shakes his head. "In the summer? It's going to be way too hot to stay like that. Maybe I should just turn myself in."

"No!" Both he and Dum Dum protested.

"Bucky, you can't. It's not right. This isn't you and Tony is painting you as some sort of villain. You're not Hydra's scapegoat." Steve says.

"I know that." He gives Bucky a disbelieving look. "I  _know_ that. I do. I had enough therapy sessions to actually believe that. But what else am I goin'ta do? I'm wanted. The entirety of the US hates me, everyone is after me. There's nothing else for me to do but either turn myself in, or go on the run."

"Bucky," Steve pleads. "We could figure something out."

"Figure out what, Steve? I don't know if you noticed but I look exactly like the assassin he described, because I  _am_ the assassin he described. And if someone realizes that, then I'm screwed. Until something happens, until someone high up proves I'm innocent and this wasn't my choice, I'm going to have to run, or else a cold prison cell for life is the best thing that could happen."

"We'll go on the run together then."

"Steve-"

"I mean in it Buck. Your my best friend. My boyfriend, my family. I'm not going to abandon you when things get rough. We're in this together. If you're going in the run, I'll go with you."

"Steve," Bucky says, fondly and gratefully. "I just want you happy. You're not going to be happy like that. Being on the run can be so lonely and isolating. You always gonna have to change who you are, leave any new friends you make. I don't want that life for you. You deserve the best."

"You deserve the best too. You want me to happy? I'll be happy with you. Wherever you are, I wanna be there too."

Bucky stares at him for a long time before smiling. "Okay, okay. Jeez, you don't have to go sappy on me, Rogers. Just, you sure? 'Cause once we go, there's no turning back."

"I'm sure." Steve smiles.

"Yeah. He's sure," Dum Dum says. "You can't disappearing him this time, Sarge. I don't think he could handle it again."

Bucky gives Dum Dum a confused look. "I never disappeared on him. At least not on purpose. Steve could handle himself without me."

"No, Sarge, he can't. You weren't there. You didn't see how-"

"I think I can handle myself just fine. I mean, I'll miss him like crazy but I'll be fine. I can handle it."

"Handle what?" Bucky ask, "I didn't see what. Steve, what's he talking about?"

"Nothing Buck. He's probably just not remembering correctly. I mean, it was a long time ago. Who remembers these things anyway."

"I remember perfectly fine!" Dum Dum protest. "He changed, Barnes, he wasn't the same after the fall. He was more distant. He hardly spoke. He didn't eat. It's like he shut down. You can't do that to him again, Bucky. He needs you. You need each other."

Bucky furrows his brow, looking at Steve imploringly. "Steve, is that true?" Eyes wide, he hears his breathing speed up and his body tensing. "Stevie?"

"I-" he says then shoots up. "I gotta go." He rushes out the room, making a turn and going down the stairs. In the hall, he yanks open the closes door he could find, the bathroom door, and slams it closed, sinking to the floor.

His breathing is ragged and irregular, like when he used to have asthma attacks, his hands are shaking uncontrollably. He can't get himself to calm down. Thoughts that say in the back of his mind are racing now, leaving him spiraling.

He didn't want Bucky to know about that. He didn't want Bucky to pity him. To think that he was needy and selfish and couldn't do things on his own. To that there was something wrong with him. So what if he sometimes panics when he's surrounded by new people or in a situation that he can't control the outcome to. Doesn't everyone? So what if he maybe doesn't eat as much as he should? It's fine, he's still functioning, besides he can't eat everything, other people have to eat too. So what if he flinches at loud sounds or has flashbacks of the war, or still thinks of himself the way his Da did? No one has to know. So what if he stopped talking after Bucky died? He was grieving, that's all. So what if his self preservation is shot to hell. He's Captain America, saving people come first. He doesn't want Bucky to know for a good reason. He doesn't want Bucky to worry, or think he has to look out for him, or think that he somehow owes Steve for helping him, when it was Steve's fault in the first place. He doesn't want Bucky or anyone to know he's weak, just as weak and as vulnerable as he was before the serum. He could deal with his own problems. He doesn't need or want anyone to have to carry the burden that is Steve Grant Rogers.

"Stevie?" Bucky ask from the other side of the door. His hand fly to mouth so he could muffle his sobs. "Steve? Baby? I'm coming in okay?"

The door pushes open slightly. Only letting a small sliver of light shown through the dark room. "I need you to move from door so I can come in." There's a pause where no one moves, the only sound is the whimpers Steve lets out. "Please?"

He moves from the door and Bucky quickly comes in, cradling Steve in his arms. "Hey," Bucky says gently. "What's this all about?" Steve shudders and shrugs. "C'mon you don't let me hold things in, don't hold things in either. What's going on?"

"I was lost without you," Steve mumbled. "I didn't know what to do. When I woke up, everything was so different. The world changed, the people I knew were either old and gray or dead. You were too. I freaked out when I met the Avengers. I had flashbacks of the war or difficult experiences. I worried and still do worry about a lot of the things. Mainly my responsibility to other people. And to you. I guess I'm not as okay as I thought. I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry for what? It's fine you're not okay. None of us are. But we have each other. That's what matters. We'll figure something out okay?"

"I'm sorry that I'm focusing on me. This is supposed to be about you! You have so much going on right now, and instead of focusing on me, I should be focusing on helping you."

"Hey," Bucky says, "as far as I'm concerned, we should be worried about both of us. We're in this together. And yeah, we might both need help, so let's help each other, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not going anywhere, Steve. Not without you." Bucky wipes away his tears. "You were there for me. Let me be there for you. What was Dum Dum talking about before?"

This is uncharted territory. Steve never talks about this. Never thinks about. He never brings it up, and since Bucky came back it's almost like it never happened. Almost.

It's not his favorite memory, in fact it's one of the worst, but Bucky deserves to know.

"After you fell, my life turned into a complete wreck..."

**______________________**

"Steve." A familiar voice calls. He looks around but can't find the source. "Steve. Come find me, Steve." The voice calls again. In sounds like it's in the walls, it sounds like it's everywhere.

"Stevie. Come find me."

It's Bucky's voice. Bucky's calling him. He runs, down the corridor, toward the sound of Bucky's call. He finally gets to a room, and sees Bucky, strapped down to a metal table. He rushes over, but the table gets farther away with every step.

"Come help me, Steve. Come save me." Bucky's voice sounds so soothing, like he's not calling for help. He would question it but he's too focused on trying to reach Bucky. "Come help me, Steve! Come save me!" Bucky's voice gets louder, the soothing hypothesizing tone turning panicky. "COME SAVE ME, STEVE. COME HELP ME, STEVIE."

Bucky is no longer on the table, instead he's on his stomach on the ground, clawing at the floor to get a grip. " _COME SAVE ME STEVE! COME HELP ME_!" Behind him is a large gaping hole to outside. He's sees snow and mountains. He instantly recognizes the place. He pushes himself to run faster.

Bucky's clawing at the floor trying to find purchase against the unseen force that's dragging him away.

"Bucky!" Steve yells, but it's too late. Bucky's dangling over the edge and suddenly they're not in a Hydra base, they're on a speeding train, and Bucky is dangerously close to falling. "Buck!"

Bucky falls, but instead of screaming he goes back to chanting soothingly, "Come find me, Steve. Come find me."

He falls on his knees with a shout, staring out at the white snowy land. Bucky seems to falling forever, until, in a blink, he's gone. A hand comes down on his shoulder, Steve turns and finds a bruised and battered Bucky.

"Why didn't you save me Steve? Why didn't you find me?"

Another hand touches him. This time forcefully gripping his hair. " _WHY DIDN'T YOU FIND ME_?!" This Bucky is worse than the other. He's all bloody and mangled. " _YOU LEFT ME THERE TO DIE_!" Blood spits out of Bucky's mouth as he talks, and Steve distantly realizes that he doesn't have any teeth. He's like a walking corpse, Steve thinks. It's the worst thing he's ever seen. The Red Skull looks good next to this. " _YOU LEFT ME THERE TO ROT_!" The grip in his hair twist and becomes tighter. " _I THOUGHT YOU CARED! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME! BUT YOU NEVER DID, YOU LEFT ME. **YOU KILLED ME**_!"

"No," he whispers. "I do love you, Bucky I'm-"

"Sorry?" Bucky's corpse smiles then, wide and humorless. "You can't apologize to me, Steve. You can't apologize to the dead! YOU CAN'T APOLOGIZE TO THE DEAD!" If possible Bucky smiles wider, his face twisting up in what looks to be a painful way. "You love me? Well if this is how you treat the people you love, I wish I never was one."

"You don't mean that," Steve says, wishing it could sound confident.

"Yes. I do. You left me, Steve. You left me there to die." Bucky stops smiling then. " _YOU LEFT ME THERE TO ROT_!"

"Why didn't you save me?" The first Bucky says again. "Why didn't you find me?"

" _YOU LEFT ME! **YOU KILLED ME**_!" The other one screams.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He repeats, over and over and over, not loud enough to be heard over Bucky's questioning and screams, until finally, finally he woke up.

**~*~*~*~**

Steve's eyes pop open, he shots up, and realizes he's drenched in a cold sweat. He can't get his heart to stop racing, the guilt he feels almost suffocating him. There's a wetness on his face and he knows it's from tears not sweat.

He shakily gets to his feet, walking over to his desk to get his watch. It's three am but he knows he's not going back to sleep. Instead he gets out a piece of paper and begins to write.

_Barneses,_

_You guys have been my family since forever. I owe everything to you. You gave me a family and a home when I needed it. You gave me a best friend. I promised you that I'll protect him. And I did my best to. But I failed. And he's ~~dead~~ gone. And it's all my fault. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I killed your only son, your only brother. It was an accident, I swear. I didn't mean for him to ~~die~~  get hurt. I tried to protect him, I really really did. But, even with my strength and speed, I failed. I wish I was faster or there was something I could do to fix it, and if there is, I'll do it, but because of me, Bucky's ~~dead~~ , gone, and I will always have to live with that._

_Bucky is was such a good man. It ~~is~~ was a honor having him beside me. He's a amazing Sergeant and sniper. Really valuable to the team. I know I'll miss him. And the team will too._

_I can't tell you the details, but his death wasn't painful. He didn't get shot or bleed out. He died protecting me. I did something stupid and he, like always, came to save me. I did everything I could to save him. I tried. And I'm really sorry I couldn't._

_We did everything together, since we were little kids. I thought we'd fight the war together, go home together, grow old together. I really wish I could go back in time, I'd make things different. I'd protect him somehow. I know it._

_It hurts. It hurts a lot. And I can only imagine what kind of pain you're in right now. I thought that it would be better for me to personally send this letter, than getting a impersonal letter telling you about his ~~death~~  what happened._

_I know you guys probably hate me now, and you have every right to. It was all my fault. And I'm sorry._

_My apologies,_

_~~Captain~~ Steve Rogers_

He folds it up, being careful not to rip the tear streaked paper, and seal its in a envelope. Another glance at his watch tells him it's close to four. He didn't think all that time passed, but between writing the letter and all the sobbing he did after every sentence he guesses it can. He forlornly looks around the room. It's quiet and empty, reminding him of his apartment in Brooklyn when Bucky left for training, but unlike the anticipating and cheerful quiet, the room is filled with the tense unforgiving silence. He never thought the quiet could be so loud.

In the corner of the room, he spots the heavy scarred trunk holding Bucky's trinkets. With a sigh, he heaves himself up, slowly dragging his socked feet across the room to the chest. Inside is all Bucky's stuff. The books he never got to read, the letters he got and some he never sent. The family photo album is placed on top of Bucky's neatly folded uniform, the lighter one that he'd wear during the summer. What really caught his attention was the small envelope marked  _For Steve_  in Bucky's handwriting.

Gently he opens it up, to reveals two tickets to a Dodgers game. Steve gasps, feeling surprised and excited and giddy all at once, but that is crushed down by the guilt he feels about the man who bought the tickets not being able to go. It hurts, looking down at the tickets in his hands and knowing that Bucky, his wonderful, charming, nerdy Bucky, had brought these for them. It hurts knowing that Bucky had made plans for them on their week of leave to go home and enjoy a game, to give them the break they both needed. It hurts, and knowing the reason Bucky can't go, that he's the reason is too much to bear. He puts the tickets down, maybe he'll give them to girls when he gets home.

There's a knock on the door, a pause, and whoever it was comes in. He here's the door squeak close but he still doesn't turn around to know who it is. He knows all his friends breathing patterns.

"What is it, Peggy?" His voice is hoarse from his crying, and it hurts his throat to talk, but he can't ignore her. Not when he's spent three restless days in bed, not moving, not blinking, and wouldn't have been eating if Peggy hadn't forced him. He owes her this.

"I just wanted to check on you," the brunette replies, not commenting on how rude he sounded. "I'm glad to see you up."

He doesn't know how to answer, so he doesn't, just stares at her blankly.

"Have you eaten?" She asks, but Steve suspects that she already knows the answer.

"No. Not hungry." He stomach growls in protest, and looks at her sheepishly when she raises a brow. "I don't want to eat," he amends.

"And I don't want you to starve, so get up, we're eating."

"Peggy-"

"That's a order, Steven."

Abruptly he stands, looming over Peggy. She looks at him unflinchingly, not once feeling intimidated. They stand there for a while, stare the other down before Steve says, "Fine," picks up his coat and walks out.

"Where are you going?" Peggy says when she catches up.

"To eat."

"Where?"

"I don't know. Not all of London is destroyed. I'll find a diner or something."

"Steve-"

"Agent Carter," a voice says, interrupting. They turn to find a frazzled Howard looking concerned. "Steve," Howard nods in greeting with a wink, "I'm sorry to interrupt but there's something's that need your attention. It's important." He adds when he sees that she's about to deny.

Peggy sighs, troubled, but nods. "I'll see you in a few to make sure you eat, Steve, ok?"

"Bye Peggy."

**~*~*~*~**

Despite what he told her, he walks down the bombed streets of London anyway, until he comes across a twenty-four hour diner. It looks blown to pieces, but he could see people walking around in there and giving way food to other, probably citizens, through the broken window. He doesn't go inside.

Instead he goes to the pub across the street from it. It looks terrible, the chairs and tables are haphazardly strewn on the floor, glass shards from bottles litter the bar, broken parts of the walls are laying on the floor. He goes inside, picks up a table and chair and finds a intacked drink. Sitting down, he takes the first sip of many wondering if he's still the lightweight he always was.

" _Blackout is still in effect throughout the London area. Please wait for the all-clear. Your attention, please. All citizens shall remain indoors until further notice. Blackout is still in effect throughout the London area._ " Hours later he barely registers the man on the radio talking, to focused on pouring himself a drink.

He doesn't turn around when he hears Peggy come up behind him. When she drags up a chair and sit next to him, he breaks the silence. "Dr. Erskine said that... the serum wouldn't just affect my muscles, it would effect my cells. Create a protective system of regeneration and healing. Which means um...I can't get drunk. Did you know that?"

"Your metabolism burns four times faster than the average person. He thought it could be one of the side effects." Peggy looks at him then sighs, she puts her hand on top of his for comfort and support. "It wasn't your fault," She says. She tried to convince him of that for three days, but he never answered her. He didn't believe her, he still doesn't.

"Did you read the reports?"

"Yes."

"Then you know that's not true."

"You did everything you could. Did you believe in your friend? Did you respect him?" Of course he does. He loves Bucky, he believes in him, he respects him. While Bucky may not be perfect, he is a good man. "Then stop blaming yourself. Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice. He damn well must have thought you were worth it."

He doesn't know why. He's not worth anything without Bucky by his side. "I'm goin' after Schmidt. I'm not gonna stop till all of Hydra is dead or captured."

"You won't be alone," she says.

He shakes his head. He has to do this alone. This isn't normal missions, not like the ones before. This is revenge. He thinks about before, when he was small and told Doctor Erskine that he doesn't want to kill anyone. He briefly wonders if Erskine would still think him a good man, with all the blood he spilled and will spill. But it doesn't matter. Hydra killed Bucky. He's going to make them pay.

**~*~*~*~**

He spent his week of leave going over battle plans, strategies, maps and getting as much information out from Zola as he could. He even took out one base. The Commandos didn't go with him for that, he told them to stay and rest. They deserved it, they just lost a friend, no one should have to get up and fight when they're grieving.

He's in his room packing up all the content in his room, one small pile of things he's taking, and another pile of things that he's sending home with Bucky's stuff, when there's a knock on the door. He grunts, signalling whoever it is to come in.

"Hey Cap," Dum Dum says. "We just got some food. You've been in here all day, did you eat?"

He points to the wrappers of k-rations off the side of his desk. He doesn't have time to eat. He can still function without it. He can go longer than an average person without eating.

"C'mon Steve, really? Those? That's not food. You gotta eat something more than that. You know how your metabolism is."

He shrugs and roughly stuffs his book into his bag.

"Steve." Dum Dum crouched next to him on the ground. "I know you're hurting, we all are, but this has to stop. You don't eat, you don't sleep, you don't take a break. You're working yourself to a early grave," Dum Dum paused, trying think what to say next. "Is this what Bucky would've wanted?"

Steve froze. He stared down a the bag in his shaky hand and whispered, "Bucky doesn't want anything."

"What was that?" Dum Dum said.

"Bucky doesn't want anything," He hissed, turning to glare at Dum Dum, a burning anger in his eyes. "Bucky doesn't want anything because Bucky's dead. Dead people  _can't_ want things, Dum Dum." Just as quickly as it came the anger fades out of him. "Dead people can't want things."

Dum Dum looks taken aback. "Steve, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Look, after we destroy these bases you have to take a break, okay?  _Okay_?" He stresses. Steve just stares at him blankly. "Steve, you can't do this to yourself. We can't lose you too.  _I_ can't lose you too." Another blank stare.

Dum Dum heaves himself up with a sigh. "We'll help you, okay, Steve. We want to help. I know it's difficult but we'll get through this. All of us. And when this is over, and when we go home we'll still help each other out. We're with you Steve, but you just gotta stay strong for us. You gotta take care of yourself." Empty eyes continue to stare at older soldier. "Don't shut us out. Please, Steve, don't do this to yourself, to us. We're your friends. Please?" He doesn't even blink. "Okay. Okay, I see." Dum Dum leaves the room with a sad smile. They both know what he's going to do.

He wraps up the pile of things to go home and puts a note on the top of it, telling Howard or Peggy or whoever who to give it too. He won't have need for it no more, because after the last mission, after the last base is destroyed and Hydra is gone, he's not planning on coming back.

**______________________**

"... The Valkyrie crash wasn't a accident. I did it purposely, I'm sorry."

Bucky looked at him tearfully, and hugs Steve tighter. "Don't ever do that again, okay? Promise me, that whatever happens, you're not gonna do that again."

"I promise." And he means it. If anything were to happen, he'll do whatever it takes to take care of himself.

"Like we said, we're in this together. 'Til the end of the line. If we're gonna go on the run together though we'd need to plan."

Steve nods, and repeats their treasured phase, "'Til the end of the line. Where should we run to?"

He shrugs, "Always wanted to go to Romania. Ma and Dad talked about it enough. We're gonna have to make fake identities, but I'll take care of that." Bucky hadn't let him go, just rocked him back and forth. "We'll figure this out."

They leave the bathroom a while later, going back to Dum Du's room. He lends them his car sense he doesn't have use for it, and they drive home, silently, holding hands across the compartment. When they get inside, they're greeted by their sisters sitting on the couch with Natasha and Clint, drinking tea and laughing.

"... But that was only the first time Bucky got chased away, you should've seen what happened when Mr. Smith learned that Bucky was dating his Brittany, he chased Buck around with his gun!" Bailey recalls. Natasha and Clint laugh, and Clint almost making the tea burst out his mouth.

Bucky groans, and Steve snorts, covering it up with a sneeze when Bucky glares at him. The girls, Natasha and Clint look up at the sound and wave them over.

"Steve, James!" Natasha greets, getting up to hug them both. "It's good to see you. I'm glad you're well."

Clint comes over to give them hugs too. "Good to see you guys."

Natasha turns to the silver haired beauties on the couch. "Is there a place we talk to them alone?"

"Upstairs in the guest room," Beth says. "We won't bother you."

"Thanks," Nat says, setting down her tea she picks up a bag and walks upstairs, not watching if they're following her. In the room she closes the door, sets down the bag and the facade that she put up. She looks tired and concerned, and now that he's looking, he could the bags the under her eyes. Sighing, she rubs a hand down her face and sits down on the bed.

"Nat?" Steve says, sitting next to her. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just worried. You know what Tony did right?" Natasha's green eyes shift between him and Bucky.

"Yeah," Bucky says. "It was unexpected. I thought you guys had it under control. We're thinking about going on the run. I don't like the idea of being held by the government again."

"Woah, lets not get ahead of ourselves here," Clint butts in, "I get it, you don't trust the government but let's not do something so rash. We're working on getting Tony to calm down, but it's going slower than I thought it would."

"We're here for that reason actually. We wanted to warn you in case you didn't know. But going on the run isn't that bad of a idea. We're not telling you to do it but I'm giving you a different option." Natasha says, composing herself. She gets up and takes out a small Ziploc bag from the black bag she was carrying. "This is a synthetic arm. Bruce made it in the lab to go over the metal one. It'll make it look completely real, and feels like normal skin." She hands the bag to Bucky. "I was thinking we could disguise you."

"Disguise me?" Bucky says, surprised, examining the bag. "I don't know, Natalia. It seems risky. If I stay what if someone still could find out. It won't be safe if I have to look over my shoulder every few seconds or everyone's out to bring in the Winter Soldier."

"It's your choice, Yasha. But i'm just saying, you have options. Me and Clint will help you either way."

Bucky's eyes shift over to Steve's, a question in his gaze. They have a silent conversation with their eyes.  _What do you want to do?_

_It's up to you._

_But this affects both of us._

_Seriously it your choice. I'll be there with you either way._

_But what do you want to do?_

_Honestly?_

_Honestly._

_I want to stay._

_Then we'll stay._

"How do they do that?" Clint mumbles. "Does the serum give them telepathy and they never told us? Can anyone do that? Anytime I stare at Nat she just glares at me."

Both Steve and Bucky ignore him. They knew each other since they were three and four respectively, they're bound to know how to speak each other.

"Alright," Buky says, turning to Natasha and Clint. "I'll stay." Bucky holds up the synthetic skin. "How do I put this on."

Still sitting, Steve watches as Natasha and Clint change add details and change parts of Bucky. With contacts, his icy blue grey eyes become brown, his wavy shoulder length hair becomes short and ruffled, a transparent face prosthetic that changed Bucky's fair skin to a olive complexion. Luckily, Bucky didn't shave this week and the stubble grew enough that it made him look less like the young James Buchanan Barnes, even if no one knows the Winter Soldier's identity.

They couldn't do anything about his build or height, but they gave him instructions to slouch when he walks, don't look over his shoulder, don't have any noticeable weapons, talk with a Brooklyn accent to make himself fit in. Keep the synthetic on at all times. Make sure he's seen going out, but don't make it something overly noticeable. Bucky had only rolled his eyes, telling Natasha that he's the one who taught him this stuff anyway.

Hiding in plain sight was the best thing to do, they agreed. No more black hoodies or long shirts or things that made him suspicious. They gave him soft clothes to make him seem approachable, and to top it off they gave him glasses.

"Alright, Bucky, you're done." Clint set down the extra pair of glasses. "But are you sure you don't want to dye your hair. I swear you'll look good blond."

Bucky scowled, shoving Clint's hand away. "Don't touch my hair. You already cut it, I don't think I deal you messing it again." Bucky looks forlornly at the strands on the floor. "It was perfect."

"Don't be such a baby, Yasha. It looks fine," Natasha says, rolling her eyes in tune with Steve. "Steve can you get the wallet from the bag."

Steve digs into the black bag next him, pushing clothes and other accessories out the way. He pulls out a thin brown leather wallet, and hands it to Natasha. Natasha hands them each a ID, driver's license and multiple credit/debit cards.

There's a picture that he doesn't remember taking on the card with the name Chris Evans and a birthday in 1985. "When did you make this?" He asks, examining the card.

"I had it sitting around for emergencies. You can never be too prepared."

"I think the word you're looking for is paranoid, Natashenka." Bucky says, looking over his card. "Sebastian Stan," he reads. "1984." He looks down at the card intently. "When did you take this picture of me?"

"When you first came into the tower. The rest of it was edited to make it look like you do now." Then Natasha hands them a small blue booklet. "Passports, in case you have to leave the country. The metal arm won't be detected under the synthetic skin by the way. We should go, we're gonna try to get Tony to stop. We'll bring you home soon."

"We got this" Clint adds. "Secretly, I think Tony misses you guys. We'll take care of the hunt for the Winter Soldier too. But we need to know if you're cool with us say who you are?"

Three eyes stare at Bucky imploringly. "Not, not yet," He decides. "I don't think that's a good idea. If people know the Winter Soldier is James Barnes, and I still look enough like him or they saw me around, it might not be safe. Besides I don't think I'm ready for that particular storm."

"Alright. We're still gonna have to tell them about what happened to you though, we just won't mention your name."

"Fair enough."

They say goodbye, not knowing the next time they'll get to see each other. Back inside the room, Bucky looks at Steve worriedly.

"What if all this," Bucky gestures to himself, "doesn't work? What if Tony still hates me? What if I'm still arrested, or killed, or worse, get controlled again? I can't let that happen to me Stevie." Without his long hair, Bucky couldn't hide his face behind it, but he hunches his shoulders, making himself look small. "I'm scared."

He won't lie to Bucky or fill him with false hope that everything would be okay, but he can do one thing, he could promise to be there. He brings Bucky in close, lips brushing against his temple.

"Whatever happens, good or bad, I'm gonna be by your side the whole time."

"Always and forever?"

Lips brush against each other in a slow kiss. A promise.

"Always and forever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations in that order:  
> >Longing  
> >Rusted   
> >Seventeen  
> >Daybreak  
> >Furnace  
> >Nine  
> >Benign  
> >Homecoming  
> >One   
> >Freight car  
> >Ready to comply
> 
> Chapter count might change from 21 to 20, but I haven't decided yet.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky raises a unimpressed eyebrow, "Idiot."  
> "And he calls me names. You hear this abuse Sam. I never once said anything that would go against him or make him look bad."  
> Bucky's look intensifies. "You tell embarrassing stories about me all the time."  
> Steve ignores him, putting on his best wide-eyed innocent look and turning to Sam. "Never."  
> "I really can't with you two," Sam laughs. "You know, I think you should tell us some stories about him now, just to get back at him."  
> "Steve no!" Bucky says, horrified.  
> "I shouldn't," he tells Sam, pacifying Bucky and disappointing Sam. "But I will." He thinks for a moment, what's the perfect thing to embarrass the fearless Winter Soldier? "Remember that Christmas in '25? When we went to your grandparent's house in Indiana? And you were afraid of-"  
> "Stop." Bucky narrows his eyes, "Don't you dare."  
> "You're right, I shouldn't spoil this for Sam." He turns to a grinning Sam and grins back. "So it was a few days before Christmas..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm back with a new update. It only took two months. I wanted to get this out last month but homework. Anyway, here's the next chapter, apparently it's extra long so, here you go!
> 
> Thanks to [MrGoodBar](http://mrgoodbar11213.tumblr.com/) for betaing this chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!

"Order 43!" One of the cashiers call. Steve checks his receipt, reading his order number. Order 44. He feel like he's been waiting in line forever. Burger King was so crowded this time of day. He would've thought that since most kids were at school there was less of a chance of them getting stuck held up in lines, but nope. All these people must be on their lunch break.

A man, presumably order 43, walks up to the cashier and takes the offered to-go bag. The man then turns and bounds up the stairs to the second floor, but not before he got a glimpse at the familiar face. Sam. What's he doing here? They haven't know each other long but Steve doesn't remember him ever mentioning Brooklyn. Maybe he was looking for them? But no, he would've called first. Surely if something important happened they would have heard it on the news and Natasha would've called them on one of their burner phones. Perplexed, Steve turns to follow him when he hears his order called. "-der 44! Order 44!"

Flushing in embarrassment at being lost in thought, he takes the brown paper bags of food with a 'thanks' and scurries up the stairs. He quickly spots Bucky sitting at a table in the corner looking intently on his phone. From an outsider's perspective he looks just like any other twenty-something year old, but Steve knows that he's armed with at least six knives and three guns, knows that while he may be looking at his phone, he's watching his surrounding area and scanning for threats. He slips into the seat across from him and bumps his knee against Bucky's. Bucky looks up and smiles, his face lighting up, and tucks his phone in his pocket.

"Hey Buuuuuuu-dddddy. Yeah, hey buddy." He saves himself at the last minute, smiling at how fast he was able to stop himself from saying Bucky. "Got your food, Sebastian."

Bucky raises a unimpressed eyebrow but smiles fondly. "Hello,  _Chris_ ," he says, still smiling.

This whole fake identities hasn't been necessarily easy for him. He's spent his whole life calling Bucky, Bucky, and to suddenly change to some random name is weird. He doesn't really like it, but he agreed to. Besides, he knows that this is keeping them safe.

While there hasn't been any pictures identifying Bucky as the Winter Soldier they weren't going to chance it in case some surfaced. They don't know what the government knows, how much Tony is telling them and what the Avengers managed to keep under wraps. If the government knows what the Winter Soldier looks like, there's no doubt they wouldn't send their best task force out to find him. His face would be everywhere, and the manhunt for Bucky would suddenly become more prominent.

Changing identities was important too. The Winter Soldier doesn't have a name according to news stations. He's every bit the ghost that Hydra trained him to be. Untraceable. But that doesn't mean they shouldn't be careful. Hydra is still out there, and if they feel the need to get a scapegoat, there's no doubt in Steve's mind they wouldn't leak everything the Winter Soldier has done, and have Bucky be crucified for them. Besides, both Bucky and Natasha said that now that Hydra knows Bucky's still alive, they would probably try to track them down. So they have to hide, of course that would be so much easier if all trace of Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers disappeared from the face of the earth, hence them becoming Sebastian Stan and Chris Evans, two completely unassuming in-home caretakers, looking after Becca, Bailey and Beth Barnes.

Bucky makes grabby hands for the bag and Steve chuckles, giving it to him. They pull out their food, a wide array of burgers, sides and two strawberry milkshakes. His eyes widen at all the food in front of them, it wasn't the most they had, they lived in the tower, but it made his stomach rumble in obvious anticipation. He can't remember the last time they had a burger.

He looks up at the sudden really inappropriate noise Bucky makes, only to see him scarfing down a burger (the BBQ Bacon Whopper if remembers correctly) like starving man offered his first meal in weeks. He takes a bite of his and to put it simply, falls in love with it too. This is the best burger he's ever tasted, he's kind of pissed they never came here before.

"So," Steve starts, licking the salt from his last fry off his finger, "I saw Sam earlier. He's sitting at another table, wanna go bother him?"

Bucky looks up and over, toward the direction of the man in question, snorting when Sam fumbles to hold his burger and phone then drops them on the floor. "Will he even recognize me? Are we even supposed to?"

Steve frowns, he didn't think of that. He doesn't really know the rules for this. "Natasha never said not to."

"Unspoken rule?"

Steve grins, slowly, remember a similar conversation they had in their youth. "If she never said it, we're technically not breaking it," he says, repeating the same words he said to Bucky what feels like a lifetime ago.

The brunet laughs, his head going back and body shaking. It feels good to make Bucky laugh like that, Steve hasn't seen him do it in a long time, since before the war. Maybe this whole hiding thing is a good thing after all.

"That type of thinking is only going to get you in trouble," Bucky says. "Remember when we pulled that prank on the mass down the street? We had to clean up for months."

Steve laughs, eyes twinkling mischievously when he remembers that moment. It was the height of their pranking career. Sister Marie and Father McKenzie were so angry. He's never knew that the expression 'red with rage' was actually true before then. He had thought Sister Marie was going to skin them alive. "We put buckets of permanent black ink on top of a door and connected some more together with a string so when it opened, it all spilled on the person and the floor. We got banned and had to go to a new mass."

"Yeah. I still don't know why I ever agreed to do that with you."

"What do you mean?" Steve squawks, outraged, "It was your idea!"

"Yeah but if you haven't been drawing and actually been looking out for Sister Marie, we wouldn't have been caught!"

He doesn't have a solid argument for that, so he just sticks out his tongue, like the five year old he really is. Offended, Bucky sticks out his tongue too. Sticking out tongues turns into slapping hands over the table, slapping hands turned into judging, nudging turned into kicking, and kicking turning into a full on foot war. He wonders if anyone notices the two grown men kicking each other under the table, but he's having too much fun to care. He's never felt this light, this carefree, this much like his old self since before the war.

"Steve?" A different voice, somewhere to his left ask. Steve turned around, surprised and happy to hear his friend's voice. He looked around subtly (and yes, he can be subtle) if anyone noticed something weird, or if they were listening a little too closely. No one was. "Man am I glad to see you," Sam continued, oblivious to Steve's plight. "I thought something happened. Nat and Clint didn't say anything when they came back."

A wave of guilt crashes over him. He never thought that Nat and Clint would tell his friends that they were okay, but it makes sense. Loose lips sinks ships, Peggy used to say.

Steve stands up and pulls Sam into a bone crushing hug. He brings his mouth to Sam's ear and whispers, "I'm Chris, Bucky's Sebastian, no questions, just go with it I'll explain later." He let go of Sam and slid back into his sit, patting the spot next him so Sam could sit.

Steve almost laughs when Sam looks at Bucky and does a double take. "Wow Bar- Sebastian. I barely recognized you."

"Yeah, it's been a while. I'm glad to see you though," Bucky says sincerely.

"It's even better seeing you know that you don't look a like a homeless raccoon with rabies. Your face is almost pleasant to look at."

A fry lands dead center of Sam's forehead, and bounces off on his jeans.

"Never mind," Bucky grumbles, glaring, "I take it back, I don't want to see you anymore."

At the offended look on Sam's face, Steve laughs. He missed this, he missed his friends, being in their company. Sam being here now just reminds him of their absence. His smile dims a bit, how long is he going to be away from the rest of friends?

"To be fair Sam, you did have that coming. Besides it was a good look on him," Steve says honestly. In his opinion, Bucky would always look beautiful, but maybe he's a little bias.

Bucky grins, his eyes dancing. "See Sam, Stevie thinks I looked fine."

"He's your boyfriend," Sam retorts, "He has to agree with you."

"That's not true. If I looked like a raccoon, he would tell me I look like one, right Steve?"

He doesn't get to answer before Sam retorts with, "He's to polite and loyal to say anything, even if you looked like you got dragged out a dumpster."

Steve wrinkles his nose, he's not much for staying in with the trends of today, but if someone looked that bad, he'd say something. Not to be rude, but to just help them out, keep them aware. No need for anyone to embarrass themselves. When he tells Sam this, the other man just harrumphs, and Bucky makes a noise of triumph.

"Told you, I've been nothing but beauty and grace my whole life."

Both Steve and Sam snort. "That's not true. Steve's told me the stories. It's amazing how you  _ever_ became the Winter Soldier."

A few months ago, Steve would wince at a joke like that, and Bucky would've either shut down or tried to break Sam's arm, maybe both. But he's glad that those two are at the stage in their friendship (if you could call that friendship) and Bucky's at the stage in his recovery that being the Winter Soldier is something they could joke about now.

"Are you kiddin' me? You see this right," Bucky points to his face, "I don't know what stories Steve's been telling you, and I don't wanna know. But he was lying if he said my face never got us out of trouble." He resolutely ignores Steve when he says, 'got us into trouble too'. "And I have more grace than you, Birdbrain. If the way you dropped your phone and burger over there was anything to go by."

Sam scowls, "That's not fair. You can't just judge me for that one moment. I didn't have my coffee and I just came back from work. I have plenty of things to judge you by."

"Name one."

"The time your sisters made you look like a clown and you got in trouble with your mama," Sam smiles, smug at the annoyed expression on Bucky's face. "I wonder, did your face get you out of trouble then."

Another fry flies across the table, but this time Sam dodges. Bucky had planned for that, and when Sam moves, another fry smacks Sam's forehead.

"I don't deserve this abuse."

Bucky has another fry in his hand, ready to throw, but Steve leans over the table and snatches it, putting it into his mouth before Bucky has a chance to take it back. "Stop playing with your food,  _Sebastian_."

Bucky makes a disgusted face. "Stop talking with food in your mouth,  _Christopher_."

He takes a handful of Bucky's fries, shoves them in his mouth, and makes sure to leave it open while he chews, never breaking eye contact with Bucky.

"Disgusting. Why do I put up with you?"

"Cause you're a jerk and no one else likes you."

"Such a punk."

Sam clears his throat, and Steve flushes, having forgotten the other man was there. He swallows and licks the salt from his lips, turning to Sam to see him staring with a expression Steve can't quite place.

"I never thought I'd see the day _Captain America_  forgets his table manners."

"He has to  _have_ table manners to forget them," Bucky grins.

Dramatically, Steve slaps a hand over his heart, drawing a fake tear going down his face for affect. "I can't believe it. My own boyfriend. Going against me like that." He shakes his forlornly. "I thought I could could trust him."

Bucky raises a unimpressed eyebrow, "Idiot."

" _And_ he calls me names. You hear this abuse Sam. I never once said anything that would go against him or make him look bad."

Bucky's look intensifies. "You tell embarrassing stories about me all the time."

Steve ignores him, putting on his best wide-eyed innocent look and turning to Sam. "Never."

"I really can't with you two," Sam laughs. "You know, I think you should tell us some stories about him now, just to get back at him."

"Steve no!" Bucky says, horrified.

"I shouldn't," he tells Sam, pacifying Bucky and disappointing Sam. "But I will." He thinks for a moment, what's the perfect thing to embarrass the fearless Winter Soldier? "Remember that Christmas in '25? When we went to your grandparent's house in Indiana? And you were afraid of-"

"Stop." Bucky narrows his eyes, "Don't you dare."

"You're right, I shouldn't spoil this for Sam." He turns to a grinning Sam and grins back. "So it was a few days before Christmas..."

**_________________________**

**  
**

"... And Miss O'hare said that we can write our letters to Santa tomorrow, and that she'll help us send them! I can't wait, I'm going to ask for new dolls and shoes, and my  _own_ room."

The warm apartment was a sharp contrast from the cold December air. For the first time that day, Steve felt too hot in his two coats and many scarves. He took off his coats and yanked of his hat, jumping up to pin them on the coat rack. He gave Bucky's scarf back to him and hung his two scarves up.

Carelessly he rips off his boots, throws down his book bag and rummages through it until he finds what he was looking for, his Christmas list to Santa.

"Look Bucky," Steve says, flattening the crumpled paper on the table, "I wrote my list to Santa today. Our teacher said we're going to send it tomorrow."

Bucky reads the list over, a confused frown on his face. "Who's Santa?" All the sound in the apartment stops. Becca stops telling Mr. Barnes about her Christmas list. The sound of Beth and Bailey playing ceases. Even the noise from the kitchen stops. Everyone just stares at Bucky, shocked. "What?"

"Did you just ask who's Santa?!" Becca demands, outraged.

"Bucky," Mrs. Barnes says, coming from out the kitchen, "Do you really not know who Santa is?"

Bucky slowly shakes his head. "No. Do we know him?"

"Do we- Of course we know him!" Bailey says, "Everyone knows Santa! How do you not know Santa?"

"I dunno. It never came up I guess. What does he do?" Bucky ask no one in particular.

Steve's, Becca's, and Bailey's face lights up at the question. They love talking about Santa, last week they spent the whole afternoon begging Mr. and Mrs. Barnes to take them to the store for a chance to sit on Santa's lap.

"He's a big fat man that wears red and has elves and a beard and lives in the North Pole and eats cookies and milk!" Bailey declares.

"He' always watching. He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when your awake," Becca adds.

"And when everyone's sleepin' he comes into your house and leaves gifts under the tree. But only if your good. He doesn't leave gifts if your bad." Steve explains.

Somehow, Bucky doesn't look happy or joyous with the news of Santa. Instead he looks horrified. "What happens if your bad?"

All children, including little Beth look him in the eye and tell him "Don't be," as seriously as children can.

"So, you're telling me that some random guy is stalking us, breaks into our house every Christmas and eats our food?" The three of them nod. "Is that even legal?"

"Anythin' is legal if there's no cops around!" Bailey tells him. Mr. Barnes clears his throats, and looks at his daughter questioningly. "At least that's what Uncle Robbie told me."

"Okay, no more talking with your uncle," Mr. Barnes tells her. "Anyway," he crouches down in front of Bucky, and smiles reassuringly. "It's going to be fine Bucky. He leaves kids toys, he doesn't hurt nobody. He's Santa, it's what he does.

"But he doesn't sound real."

Steve Becca and Bailey gasps, outraged and shocked.

"You take that back!" Bailey yells.

"Who do you think left you all those gifts every year?" Mr. Barnes ask.

Bucky shrugs, "You and Mom."

Mr. Barnes laughs, it sounds weird. Like the laugh he does when Mrs. Barnes catches him lying. "Nope, it was Santa. He's very real."

"If you say so," Bucky says dubiously.

"Now, c'mon, who wants to help decorate Christmas cookies?" Mrs. Barnes asks.

Five raising hands and sounds of excited screaming is answer enough.

**~*~*~*~**

It was three days before Christmas, and Steve could barely wait for the day to come. They weren't going to school, which was something that he was grateful for, but instead Mrs. and Mr. Barnes were taking them shopping. He hates shopping, but they were going Christmas shopping, which is the best kind, in Steve's opinion.

Every year they go shopping for gifts for each other and for their extended family. Steve was always dragged along on their somewhat boring expedition. He and Bucky and sometimes Becca would run off and find the toy section to occupy their time while the grownups did their thing, but this year was high to be different.

This year, Mrs. Barnes promised to take them to see Santa, and to tell him their Christmas list themselves. She wanted to show Bucky that Santa is nice and real.

"C'mon Buck! The faster we finish the more time we'll have with Santa!" Steve says, pulling Bucky to the door of the store. "You're going to love him! I saw him once last year, but I didn't get to say hi, but he's really nice."

Bucky quickened his pace, trying to keep up with him. "I didn't say he wasn't nice. I jus' said he was creepy."

"Steve, Bucky, slow down." Mrs. Barnes reprimands. They slowed a bit, but still couldn't help their enthusiastic running. Any kid would be excited for toy shopping.

When the reach the store, Steve puts his face to the window and looks in, awed. There's Christmas decorations everywhere. The window is decorated with lights and tinsel and mini wreaths. There were nutcrackers and dolls sitting off to the side and in the middle, there was a train track going in a circle, with a small training going around it in a loop. In the center of the track was a mini Christmas tree. It looked like the one they had at home, but better, and the star they had one the top was gold and shiny. It was magical.

"Wow," Bucky said. "It looks so cool."

"I want to decorate my room like this," Becca agreed, somewhere off to his right. "You think Mommy and Daddy will let us have it? Or take it to grandma and grandpa's house?"

"I hope so," Bailey said, "this is the best they ever decorated. What do you think Beth?"

They all looked down at little two year old Beth, who had her hands and face pressed against the glass. She turned her head towards them, smiling wide and showing off her little baby teeth. "Pwitty."

A hand touched his shoulder, he looked up to see Mrs. Barnes standing over him. "Let's go inside. You and Bucky can take Becca and Bailey to the kids area."

They walk inside, and as soon as they get the okay, the four of them run off, weaving through the herds of people, and going through aisles until they finally got the the daycare center. There was a bunch of other kids there, and the workers were all dressed as red and green elves.

"Let's go play!" Bailey says, pulling them over to the toys. "Let's play family! Me and Becca will be the kids you and Bucky have to be the mom and dad."

Steve groans, why does he always have to be the mom? He was the mom last time. And the time before that. He wants to be one of the kids, they don't have to do anything but play and take fake naps. "Can't I be a kid this time?"

Bailey shook her head. "No. Me and Becca are kids cause we are already sisters. And Bucky is the oldest boy so he's the dad. And the only place left is the mom. And you guys are best friends. Mommy and Daddy said that you should be married to your best friend."

He rolls his eyes. "Fine."

He picks up the mom doll and starts playing like Bailey and Becca instruct him. Soon, he forgets about being annoyed and just has fun playing when someone taps his shoulder.

"Why are you playing with dolls? Dolls are for girls," A boy asks. Steve looks the boy up and down. He's about Steve's height, but he looks more like Bailey's age.but unlike Bailey, he has a mean and disgusted expression pointed at both Steve and Bucky. Steve sighed, he really hoped he didn't have to deal with bullies, especially this close to Christmas. "What are you? A fairy?"

Steve glared, not putting the doll down as he stood up to his full height to face the bully. "No. Leave me and my friends alone!"

Behind him, he could hear Bucky, Bailey and Becca stand up as well, ready to defend him if he got in a fight. He clenched his fist, he didn't want to fight anyone, not this close to Christmas. Santa could put him on the naughty list and there's no fun in that.

"No! Not until you stop playing with those dumb dolls. Boys aren't supposed to. They're supposed to play with cars and baseball, not dumb girly toys," The bully made a fist, too, and snarled.

"Shut up, will 'ya!" Bucky said, coming to stand next to Steve and in front of his sisters in case the guy was going to attack.

"Make me! I ain't afraid of anything. ''Specially not some fairy boy that plays with girl toys. I'll beat you!"

Glaring, Steve brought his fist up, "Wanna test that theory?"

He geared up, ready to beat the bully down (or at least try to) when a new voice was heard.

"Hey, what's going on over here?" The voice said. Steve looked up to see girl staring down at them, eyebrows raised in question. She was wearing a green and red suit, had pointed ears and a pointy hat. Steve gasped, delighted. It was Santa's elf! She came to help!

"They," the bully says, pointing his finger accusingly at them, "are bothering me! I was just minding my own business and they started it."

"No we weren't!" Becca yells, "you came here, bothering us."

Before it could escalate the elf talks again. "Hey, calm down. How were they bothering you?"

Steve glares at the elf, of course, she takes the bully's side. He hopes Santa fires her.

"They were playing with dolls. I told them to stop but they didn't listen."

The elf blinks, and looks over at the dolls that they four of them had in their hands. She purses her lips but doesn't say anything. "That's not bothering you, you were bothering them. Just leave them alone and go back to your friends."

"But-"

"Nope," The elf puts her hands on her hips in a attempt to gain authority. "Go now. You know Santa doesn't like it when people bother others right?"

The boy nods, sporting a pout on his face.

"Then you should know what happens to bad kids." The elf drops down to their height and leans in real close, so only the five of them would hear. "They get put on the naughty list."

Steve, Becca and Bailey gasp. Not the naughty list! Only the baddest of the bad kids get put on there. Steve has never been on the naughty list before, and he doesn't plan on it. Kids on the naughty list don't get good gifts, and Steve doesn't want the gag presents for punishment.

The bully whimpers, his mouth wobbles and tears spring to his eyes. "I don't wanna be on da' naughty list."

"Then apologize and go."

The bully considers them for a long time, seeming to weigh his options. Should he continue to bother them and risk being on the naughty list or should he be on the nice list and play with his friends? Seeming to come to a decision the bully sticks his thumb in his mouth, mutters a 'Sorry,' and scampers away.

The elf turns to them then, looking at them with a slightly curious, slightly disinterested expression. "Why were you two playing with dolls anyway? You know we have other toys here, right?"

Steve frowns, are they really in trouble? Just for playing with a toy? "We were just-"

"What's going on here?" Mrs. Barnes' icy voice cuts through. Steve turns to see her looking agitated, giving the elf a icy stare. She never liked it when strangers talks to her children.

"Oh nothing," the elf stampers. She straightens herself and dust off dirt that only she could see from her green tights. "They were just playing with some dolls and I was telling them they had more options, that's all."

Mrs. Barnes continues to stare. "Is there something wrong with them playing?"

The girl bites her lips, scratching behind her neck. "Well no, but-"

"Then why does it matter what they play with?"

"Some people just might take it the wrong way and think that they're-"

"Think that they're what?" Mrs. Barnes voice sounds slightly accented, like it normally does when she's angry. "Think that they're two boys playing with their sisters? 'Cause that's what they are."

The elf shrinks back in herself a little. She licks her licks, eyes tracking them all nervously. "...Right." When Mrs.Barnes doesn't look away, the girl gulps and looks away. "Hey kids, Santa's coming in three minutes, you want to wait in line?"

Steve looks behind the elf to see the long line of children standing in front of Santa's chair. He hadn't noticed it when they were confronted the bully. His eyes widen, it's pretty long all already, if they don't hurry they might be at the end. They don't even wait for Mrs. Barnes to say okay, Steve, Becca, and Bailey run to it, leaving behind Bucky, who opts to wait with his mom.

They cheer when Santa comes out, only thirty more people and then he can tell Santa his list, personally. He can't wait, he's practically shaking with excitement.

They're about four people away when Bucky walks up to them holding Beth's hand. She lets go of Bucky and toddles to Steve, latching on to him.

"Steeb! Hi!" She says looking up at him with her wide smile.

"Hi Beth," he says, laughing at the way she says his name.

Another person goes up on Santa's lap and he sighs in relief, three more people.

"So," Bucky says, "how does this work?"

"We sit go up to Santa and tell him what we want for Christmas. He writes it down and gives him to a elf for safekeeping," Steve tells him, remembering what he heard some kids in his class tell him and from what he saw in previous years.

"That's it?" Bucky ask, surprised.

"Yep," Steve says. "That way Santa knows what we want and will give it to us on Christmas."

Bucky looks at Santa, considering. "He looks weird."

"Bucky!" Steve gasps, "Manners."

Bucky shrugs, "I'm just saying, his smile doesn't look normal. It's forced. And his stomach looks weird."

"He's just jolly, Bucky," Becca says, rolling her eyes. "Jolly people smile. Unlike you."

"Hey, I smile!" Bucky protests, "And I'm jolly."

"And his stomach isn't weird, he's just fat," Bailey defends, "nothing weird about that."

"It looks like it's stuffed, is all," Bucky says, "like with pillows or something."

Steve frowns, "why would someone stuff their stomach with pillows?"

Bucky just shrugs, turning away from Santa and bending down to entertain Beth.

Two more people.

He feels a tug on his sleeve and turns, finding Becca staring at him pleadingly. "Can I go in front of you Steve?"

He pouts, "But Becca! I got here first!"

"Please Steve, I won't take long."

He considers it then moves back, letting her go in front of him. She flashes a smile at him, and goes in front, taking her Christmas list from out her pocket.

One more person.

"Can I go in front of you too Steve?" Bailey ask.

"Me too," Beth says.

"No."

Bailey pouts, aiming her big blue eyes at him. "Please."

If he doesn't look, he won't give him. Puppy dog eyes don't work if he can't see them. "No."

Bailey stomps her foot, causing Steve to look over at her. "Fine,"she says, glaring at him. "Just remember Steve, I know where you live."

Becca goes up, jumping up the stairs to his chair, Steve watches her go with a twinge of jealousy. He should have never let her in front of him.

"He practically lives with us," Bucky says, unimpressed.

"Exactly. And I know where  _we_ live," Bailey explains slowly, like Bucky has a hard time comprehended. "It's not fair he let Becca go."

Steve shrugs, "Yeah well Becca didn't shove snowballs down my shirt and pants," he retorts, he still remembers that day, and had promised to get her back. Making her wait in line to see Santa will do.

"That was two weeks ago, Steve."

He's about to retort when someone lets out a high pitched screech. He covers his ears, trying to find the source of the sound when Bucky yells 'Becca!' And flings himself toward Santa's platform.

Santa has Becca up in his arms and Steve can't really see what he's doing from down here but he sees Becca wiggling to get away.

Bucky doesn't stop running toward his sister, he picks up a the closest toy car, and stop just short of the stage.

Looking harder, he realizes that Becca is smiling and she's not screaming, she's laughing. Santa's tickling her. He doesn't get the chance to tell Bucky though, because the toy car in the brunet's hand gets flung directly at Santa, hitting the man in the nose.

"OWWWWW!" Santa yells. Santa then lets out a string of curse words that Steve didn't think Santa would say. A couple of kids 'ooh,' some laugh, others shout out 'language' and the rest frantically ask if Santa's Okay.

"Let her go, you creep!" Bucky yells, trying to climb on the platform to get to Becca.

Steve watches the scene unfold along with all the other kids on the line. He can't believe Bucky threw a car at Santa. Bucky's going to be on the naughty list for sure.

"James!" Mr. Barnes scolds, grabbing Bucky before he's able to climb up. "What are you doing? Why did you throw that?"

"'Cause he had Becca," Bucky replies, glaring balefully at Santa.

Santa had let go of Becca to clutch his bleeding nose. Becca had given her list to a nearby elf and got off the stage, hovering near her father.

"Okay, but that's not a excuse. If I was holding Becca would you have thrown a car at me?"

"Of course not," Bucky says, offended that Mr. Barnes would even think that. "But you said that if a stranger grabs one of us, we haf'ta start screaming and that we have to fight them so they let us go and run away, remember?"

"Well, yes, but-"

"And Santa's a stranger, he grabbed Becca and didn't let go when she was tryin'ta get away. So I fought him so he did let go and she got away. You said that strange adults aren't supposed to grab children."

"Yeah but I didn't-"

"So I technically did nothing wrong. All I did was try to get my sister away from the strange man. I told you Santa was bad."

"Bucky," Mr. Barnes sighed, "I didn't mean Santa. Santa's not bad. He's a good guy, and he was just tickling her, you know how ticklish Becca is."

Bucky frowns. "But-"

"James," Mrs. Barnes comes over and touches Bucky's shoulders, grabbing his attention. "I think you should apologize. I understand you were just trying to help but it wasn't needed. Not now. So apologize to Santa, and make sure you don't get yourself in the naughty list."

Bucky looks like he rather eat dirt than talk to Santa, but Steve watches him stalk on stage, walks up to Santa and eyeing him distrustfully. "I'm sorry, Santa," he says, sounding anything but. "And I would appreciate it if I'm not put on the naughty list."

Steve can't see his face, but he imagines Bucky still glaring, and trying to force a reluctant smile on his face.

Santa looks at Bucky for a long time considering. Steve waits with a bated breath for Santa to make his decision. He hopes Bucky's not on the naughty list, he was just trying to help. But if he is, it doesn't matter, he and Bucky can share gifts. After what feels like a eternity, Santa sighs.

"Fine. No naughty list." Steve gives a sigh of relief. Bucky turns away, ready to climb down the stairs when Santa speaks again. "But remember young man, if you do something wrong I'll know. I'm always watching."

A look of horror flashes over Bucky's face, and it doesn't disappear until he's safe inside his mother's arms. "Am I in trouble?" Bucky ask her, and Steve hopes she says no. He and Bucky had plans to play in the not yet melted snow.

"No, James, you're not. But we are going to have a serious conversation when we get home." She takes Bucky by the hand, grabbing Bailey's with her free one. "But we are leaving now."

"No!" Bailey protest. "I didn't get to see Santa. I didn't tell him my Christmas list yet!"

Mrs. Barnes hums. "Blame your brother."

Bailey glares at Bucky, sticking her tongue out at him. "Next time I'm gonna throw snowballs at you." Bailey promises, her glare not wavering the whole trip home.

Steve himself can't help but be disappointed. He had waited, years without meeting Santa, and now because of Bucky he lost his chance. Oh well, it doesn't matter, Bucky says he's going to make it up to him somehow. Steve doesn't know what could top meeting Santa but he trust Bucky. He trust Bucky a lot more than Bucky seems to trust Santa.

**~*~*~*~**

Bucky does make it up to him. Somehow, Bucky got Steve's parents to allow Mr. and Mrs. Barnes to their family's home in Indiana. Steve's never been there, but the way Bucky has described it makes it seem grand. Big and a lot more playroom, much more than Brooklyn can provide.

They were going to stay there for a whole week, and Steve can barely wait, he's been packed and holding in his excitement since Bucky told him the news.

It's nearly midnight and Steve is packing his bag in the car. Mr. Barnes had said they had to leave early, because Indiana was far in distance. It would twelve hours, so if they wanted to get there early they had to leave really early.

Tiredly, Steve climbs into the car after stuffing his sleeping bag in the trunk, he's never stayed up this late before. He barely registers Beth being placed in his lap before he falls asleep.

**~*~*~*~**

A bump in the road shakes the car and wakes Steve from his sleep. Slowly he opens his eyes, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. Outside his window all he sees is road, a few cars going by but not enough to make traffic. There's the tallest trees Steve's ever seen, but he doesn't get to look at the properly with the speed of the car. The sky is bright now, a clear blue a few clouds and snow slowly descending from it.

Steve looks around the car. Beth is still sleeping, somehow managed to curl herself up on his lap and between the seatbelt. Becca is painting her nails, and humming a song that Steve can't quite place. Bucky's reading, or attempting to read a comic while steadfastly ignoring Bailey, who keeps poking him and saying repeating his name in different tones. Up in the front seats, Mr. and Mrs. Barnes must have switched spots when he was sleeping, because now she's driving and telling a half sleeping Mr. Barnes everything he has to do in preparation for Christmas tomorrow.

It's nice being surrounded by family like this. At his house, they don't do anything for Christmas. Daidí is never home, and Mama barely cooks enough for two. There's a Christmas tree but no presents under it. Maybe one or two from Santa but never from his parents. He doesn't mind though, he knows money is tight, and that Daidí and Mama have their reasons.

"Hey Bucky?" Steve tries getting Bucky's attention. He's ignored at first but Bucky when Steve calls him again, Bucky looks over.

"Hey Stevie," Bucky says grinning. "You're finally awake. Mom says we have five more hours until we get there."

Bailey continues poking him, and almost pokes him in the eye. Bucky turns to her, and pretends to bite her finger.

"Bucky!" Bailey scolds. "Don't eat me! I need these fingers, how else am I supposed to poke you?"

Bucky brings her close, and attacks her cheeks, she puts herself in a fit a giggles, until Mrs. Barnes warns her against waking Beth.

"Bucky?" Steve tries again. Bucky looks up at him, a question in his gaze. "What's it's like there?"

For someone who's never been out of Brooklyn it's a little foreign to him. What does Indiana look like? Does it a lot of buildings? People crowding the sidewalks? Or is it a more of a small town?

"It's amazing there," Bucky says. "There's a lot of space for us to play outside, and a lot of people we can play with too. And Grandma always makes cookies for us and we get to decorate a big Christmas tree! I'm the favorite grandchild so I get to put the star on the tree," Bucky tells him proudly, smiling smugly.

"You are not!" Both Becca and Bailey yell.

"I'm the favorite!" Becca says, "I'm putting the star on!"

"No, I'm the favorite!" Bailey counters. "I'm the cutest so I have to the favorite! And Grandma pinches my cheeks all the time, she owes me!"

"Guys," Mr. Barnes says tiredly, "Grandma has eight grandchildren, I'm sure she doesn't have a favorite."

Steve watches Bucky, Becca and Bailey argue, feeling a little left out. He doesn't have a grandma, or if he does have one he's never met her. He's never had to fight to be someone's favorite. But he should be happy right, he's the only child, and as far as he knows, he has no cousins, that should automatically make him his hypothetical grandma's favorite right? That should make him his parent's favorite.

Maybe that's why Steve asked for a sibling for Christmas. He wants the loving family that Barnes has. He wants the Christmas' they share, the love that obviously mutual. Even though they argue a lot, Steve can tell they love each other. Even though Mr. and Mrs. Barnes probably do have a favorite child, they show all their kids a equal amount of love and support.

Maybe he wanted a brother or sister to play with at home, one that he could read to and draw pictures with. One that he could take to Bucky's house and they could explore Brooklyn together. Maybe he wants someone that would come into his room at night because he had a nightmare, or someone who could break the tense, unforgiving atmosphere that is the Rogers' apartment.

Maybe he's just jealous of Bucky, who Steve recently learned has nine cousins, thirteen aunts and uncles, and four grandparents. Maybe he's just jealous, because all he has is his very controlling and angry father and his hardly present mother.

"-eve? Steve?!" Bucky shouts, grabbing the blond's attention. He didn't even know he zoned off.

"Huh?"

"I asked if you wanted a chance to put up the star?"

Steve nods, the star is the most important part of a Christmas tree. Everyone knows that. It's supposed to be the brightest part, the one that catches the attention of someone walking by. Steve always wanted a chance to put up the star. At his apartment, the tree is always already done by the time he gets home thanks to their neighbor. Putting up the star on the tree would be like a dream come true, and Steve can't believe Bucky would just suggest something like that, even when they were just fighting over it.

"Maybe Grandma and Bunica would let you sense you're new. They always let the newest person in the family do it when they're old enough," Bucky tells him. "Well, Grandma will probably let you, Bunica, I'm not so sure about."

"Boon-ik-ca?" Steve ask, careful not to mess up the pronunciation.

"Bunica," Bucky nods in confirmation. "It means grandma in Romanian. Since we already call Dad's mom and dad Grandma and Grandpa, we had to call Mom's parents something. My cousin Jeanne came up with calling them Bunica and Bunic."

"Yeah Bunica is just like Mom," Becca interjects. She leans in close and whispers conspiratorially, "Her and Mom are so much alike it's scary.  _They're scary_."

"What did you say?" Mrs. Barnes says from the front.

"Nothing!"Becca denies quickly, "I was just telling Steve how Bailey fell down when she was dancing yesterday."

"Becca!" Bailey says, aghast, smacking her sister on the shoulder. "You promised!"

Steve enjoys the rest of the car ride listening to Bailey's whining, joining in on Christmas carols and singing louder when Mrs. Barnes ask them to stop. He eventually gets lulled into sleep by the soothing motion of the car, and doesn't wake up until they park in front of Mr. Barnes' parents' house.

**~*~*~*~**

Bucky was right, the house is huge, and the space around it is even bigger. To Steve, it looked like mansion, because it was definitely one of the biggest houses he's ever seen. There was a lot of trees and shrubs obscuring the view of the stone and white sliding walls. The yard seemed to extend for miles. He could just make out sport equipment farther back, leaning against a shed. Steve couldn't imagine why Mr. and Mrs. Barnes would move to their small four bedroom apartment in Brooklyn after living here. He's a city boy, but even he thinks he would stay here, even if someone offered him $70,000 to go back.

Shouldering his overnight bag, he walks up to the front door along with Bucky and Becca, waiting for Beth, Bailey, Mrs. Barnes and Mr. Barnes to catch up. They didn't have to wait long, and as soon as Mrs.Barnes opened the door, Steve was assaulted by the smell of Gingerbread cookies.

Besides the smell, the house was also amazing. Somehow it looked bigger on the inside than the outside.

There was a grand staircase, on one side, there was the living room that lead into the dinning room, and the other was a large kitchen. The living room had standard furniture, which surprised Steve to see. He would have thought that they would be living in luxury. It didn't matter though, it was still beautiful, and the couch and air chairs were nice. A coffee table was in front of the couch, piled with toys, books, plates and cups. A small table, complete with four chairs was pushed up against a wall with a large window, the curtains drawn back to let in sunlight. The table was empty, except for a vase of flowers that looked like they belonged in a display window, rather than someone's home, but then again, if Mrs. Barnes' mom is anything like her daughter, than she would probably only have the very best of what she could afford in her house too.

Past the living room, was a dining room. From what he could see, there was a simple long, but elegant table, with enough seats that it looked like it could fit double the size of Steve's whole second grade class. Plants decorated the corner of the living, a little greenery that add life and a homely touch to the room. Unlike the table in the living room, there was no centerpiece on this one, just a short white tablecloth that that didn't extend from the side of the table. A mirror was hanging up behind the table, but Steve was to short to see his reflection through it.

Across from it lied a kitchen. The kitchen was the best he's ever seen. The mint green counters added nice touch to the white of the floor, walls, and sink. He made a mental note to try coloring with only white and green. The large sink was filed with unwashed pots and pans and dishes, the counter-tops and island was covered in a combination of flour and food, and the stove seemed to be boiling five different things at once. Barely peeking out from behind the refrigerator (and wow, they had a refrigerator instead of a icebox!) was the plate of freshly baked gingerbread cookies. His mouth started watering just on the sight alone.

Behind him, the door slammed shut, and stopped Steve's staring at the cookies. In the kitchen, a women looked up at the sound of the door, and the concentrated look she had on her face eased into a smile.

"Winifred!" The women grinned, running out the kitchen to hug Mrs. Barnes. When she pulled back, Steve was able to look closely at her face. Now Steve knew why she looked so familiar, she was Mrs. Barnes' mom. They looked enough alike, only with subtle differences, like Mrs. Barnes being a tad bit taller and unlike her daughter, Mrs. Barnes' mom had gray eyes instead of blue, dark brown hair instead of a dark red. Her face was slightly wrinkled with age, but it was obvious to see the relation. "Oh, I missed you. It's been awhile, you should come over more."

Mrs. Barnes' mother moved over to Mr. Barnes, hugging him briefly, and whispering something in his ear that caused Mr. Barnes to nod vigorously and blush.

"Ah, my grandbabies!" The elder women said. "Cea mai dulce Bethany!" She picked Beth up, kissing the young girls cheeks until Beth was giggling and squirming in her grandmother's arms. Putting her down, she went to the next kid.

"Bailey, uită-te la tine, încă atât de drăguț." Bailey smiled smugly when he grandmother pinched her cheeks, brightly saying 'I know' in reply. Her grandmother laughed, and with one last pinch she moved to Becca.

"Wow, Rebecca, cresti asa de repede, in curand vei fi mai inalt decat mine. Vino aici și dă-ți bunicii ceva zahăr." The lady opened her arms, and Becca went into them clinging on to them and pecking her cheeks.

"Și James, arăți așa de frumos ca niciodată. Și tu arăți ca tatăl tău, mă simt prost pentru tine." Whatever she said had Bucky smiling widely, and Mrs. Barnes and Mr. Barnes laughing. He hugged his grandma, telling her, 'Mulțumesc bunica, și eu mi-a lipsit' and only letting go after she kissed his forehead.

"Si tu-" she started turning to Steve, but then cut off mid sentence, switching to English, "are not one of my grandchildren."

"No, ma'am," Steve said a little shyly, rocking back on the heels of is feet. "I'm Steven Grant Rogers," he said, proudly sticking out his hand for her to shake. "Pleasure to meet you."

"Ah, what a well mannered boy," she commented, shaking his offered hand. Her hands were as bony as hers, but her grip was strong. "George, why didn't you greet me like that."

Steve watches in amusement as Mr. Barnes, a large and strong man, fumbles to take off his glove and offers his hand to his mother-in-law.

She snorts, slapping his hand away. "Don't make a fool of yourself, George, you already greeted me." She turns back down to him, a pleasant smile on her face. "How do you know the my daughter's family Steven."

Before he could answer, Bucky smiles widely, and drapes his arm over Steve's shoulders, dragging the blonde in close. "He's my best friend!" Bucky proudly tells his grandmother. "Where gonna be best friends forever and ever."

She looks him over for a long time, considering. "Forever and ever, huh?" She looks back at Mrs. Barnes, questioning, and Mrs. Barnes looks at her mother with narrowed eyes, coming up to stand behind them defiantly. Steve has no clue what's going on, but they seem to be having a silent conversation, like the ones he seen Mr. and Mrs. Barnes have. Suddenly Mrs. Barnes' mom smiles. "Welcome to the family Steven, call me Bunica I have a feeling your going to be a around for a very long time."

Bunica winks at him after that then walks back to the kitchen.

"C'mon, Steve," Bucky says, removing his arm from around Steve and taking his hand. "Lets meet everyone."

For next twenty minutes Steve spends the time learning about the Barnes' extended family. Bucky had aunts and uncles from both sides of the family, and a multitude of cousins that seem to pop out of every room.

All to soon, all the kids are rounded up into the family room, and taken to the big tree in the corner. Grandma Barnes had waited until all the kids were there before starting, she left them to it, sitting on the couch to watch or helping the really little ones reach some of the higher up branches.

Steve was entranced by the process. He's never decorated a Christmas tree before. He's never been the one to put up the ornaments or lights, never seen the star get put up. He's only seen the product, but it wasn't the same as being part of it.

He's happily decorating the Christmas tree, elbowing and bumping into Bucky any chance he gets when Bucky dodges, and he trips over the box of ornaments bumping into someone else.

"Ow," the young girl says, dropping on the ground. "That hurt." The girl doesn't sound hurt, just slightly put out. She drags herself up and dusts off. "What was that for?"

The girl pouts, staring at him with big eyes. Steve didn't see her earlier, when Bucky was introducing him to everyone, he can't help but wonder where she came from, and how she fits into the family.

She had slightly darker skin, than compared to the rest of the family, almost like a permanent dark tan. She had kinky, tightly coiled, black hair, that went down to her chin. Her facial features are different from the standard one the Bucky's cousins seem to have, but Steve guess she just got them from the other parent. Steve wouldn't have guessed that she and Bucky were even related, but her eyes, the blue-ish gray eye that all of them family members have, convinces him. 

He doesn't realize he's staring until a boy, with even darker skin than her clears his throat and glares at him.

"She asked you a question. Why'd you knock her down, you got a problem?"

Steve stares a little bit more. The boy looks just like the girl, just darker, and Steve thinks they're related, maybe siblings. Great, he accidentally pushes a girl and now her slightly intimidating brother comes to her rescue and look like wants to fight him.

"It was accident Neil," Bucky says, coming to Steve's defense when it doesn't look like he's going to say anything. "He just tripped over a box, nothing against you, or Freda."

"How can you be sure about that?" Neil asks dubiously. "Everyone white person -besides you guys- are always making fun of us or-"

"He's not like that," Bucky says, quickly. "Right Steve? You don't care about their skin color do you?"

Steve shakes his, he doesn't. He thinks it's beautiful, and he's never exactly seen someone with skin like Freda's. They definitely look better than his pale and blotchy Irish complexion. "No, I don't. I think it's cool."

Neil blinks, dropping his guard a little. "You do?"

"Yeah. Besides why would someone make fun of you for skin color, that ain't right. You shouldn't listen to people who do that, they're just bullies. I hate bullies."

Freda smiles, "Yeah, she agrees, so do I! There so mean. Mama says that one day, I'm gonna fight them, and win, and people won't look at me weird no more."

"I fight bullies too!" Steve tells her, glad that they have something in common. "But sometimes I get hurt, and I think I can't get up, or I'm gonna have an asthma attack and there's nothing I can do. I get scared and I wanna run away."

"But you can't run!" Freda exclaims, "trust me, I know a thing or two about running. You start running they'll never let you stop. You stand up, push back. They can't say 'no, you're not valid' or calls you names forever. Eventually they'll give up and go away, because they'll know, you're too strong for them to beat, even if you're a little bit different. Remember that, Steve. Promise me."

Steve nods, taking the advice to heart. "I promise."

Neil smiles at his sister and nudges them all back toward the tree. "C'mon, let's go back to the tree, the quicker we get down, the quicker we can have hot chocolate."

They go back to decorating the tree, this time being careful not to bump into anyone else. Neil and Freda get called away for something by a tall black women in an apron, and leave Steve and Bucky alone with nine other kids decorating. Before Steve could ask who she is, Bucky answers quietly.

"That's their mom." Steve's eyes widen in surprise, but he doesn't say anything. "She's been dating Uncle Robbie for a long time but they never got married. Black people can't marry white people. It's illegal. But Robbie didn't care and neither did Aunt Makena, they loved each other and that was enough. I know you're not like that Steve, but you can't say anything. People think it's wrong and if the wrong person hears, they could get in trouble. Like he said, anything is legal if the cops aren't around."

"Okay, I won't."

"Now, c'mon," Bucky grins, brightening the mood, "Bunica is coming with the star."

At that all the kids heads snap up and toward the doorway, where Bunica is leaning and holding up a angel. It looked old, ad like it had better years, but it was still in very good condition, very well taken care of. "Hmm, who wants to put the star on this year?"

All the kids give cheers of 'me's' and push in front of each other to get the star first. Even Jeannie, Bucky's cousin who's thirteen and Bianca, his aunt, push through, trying to convince their Bunica and mother to give them the star.

"Hey," Grandma Barnes laughs from her seat. "Settle down now. You know everyone will get a chance at some point. Now, Beth, you gotta put it up last year correct?" Beth nods, smiling and showing her little baby teeth. "And Eloise is only nine months, not old enough yet," she says, pointing to the little baby sleeping in Aunt Valeriya's arms. "I think Steve should put it on the tree, what do you think Ionela?"

Bunica considers it, before nodding her head slightly."Well I did welcome him to the family, he should include him in tradition."

Steve grins, feeling elated when Bunica carefully hands him the angel. Uncle Paul comes into the room and picks him up, but before he could lift him up all the way, Bunica stops him and tells him, very seriously, "Do not drop this angel Steven. It's old, very old, older than me, and very fragile. It's been in my family for generations, and it was the only thing I brought with me from Romania. It's very dear to me, so do. Not. Drop. It. Understood?"

Steve nods, clutching the angel to his chest like someone would hold a hurt child. "Yes ma'am."

Uncle Paul lifts him up, and Steve puts the the angel on the triumphantly. When he's set back down, Steve looks at the complete tree with a sense of pride. He put the star on. He did this, he helped decorate the tree and make Christmas magical.

Steve turns to Bucky with a smile. "Now what?" he ask curiously. What else to people do on Christmas Eve besides decorate the tree?

"Now we go to the living room so Grandpa could read us a book in a giant pillow fort and we drink hot chocolate." Bucky replied, pulling him out the family room into the living room.

The living room was different from when they first walked in. The couches were pushed back, making more for the giant pillow fort. There was a old man that looked like Mr. Barnes sitting in a rocking chair in the front middle of pillow fort, a tray of hot chocolates next to him. Bucky led him to the fort, grabbing two hot chocolate mugs for both of them and sat down next to him, slinging his arm around his shoulders like he normally does.

It smelled good, and it took everything Steve had to not start drinking it right away. Once everyone was in the fort, Grandpa Barnes cleared his throat and began.

"'Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the house,                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;"

Out of the corner of Steve's eye, he saw Bucky tense, looking around in case Santa was actually there.

"The children were nestled all snug in their beds,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   While visions of sugar plums danced in their heads,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  And Mama in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap-"

Beth yawned from her position on the floor, and snuggled closer to her brother's side, closing her eyes and taking another sip of her hot chocolate. Bucky slipped his arm around her with a smile, looking down at the girl for a second before moving her cup and covering her with one of the spare blankets.

"When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Away to the window I flew like a flash,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Tore open the shutters, and threw up the sash.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below;                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          With a little old driver, so lively and quick,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick."

Some of the kids tried to get out of their places and check the window, but the older kids, Jeanie and Bianca held them in place and told them to stay until the end of the story. Bucky's eyes looked wild, and he held on to Beth and Steve just a little bit to tightly.

"More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       And he whistled, and shouted, and call'd them by name:                                                                                                                                                                                                                        'Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer, and Vixen,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   On Comet! On Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen;'"

Steve laughed at the funny names of the reindeer, but Kevin, Bucky's cousin from daycare shushed him.

"'To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              With the sleigh full of Toys - and St. Nicholas too:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  The prancing and pawing of each little hoof. "             

Steve and Bucky strained their ears to see if they could hear reindeer on the roof but to Steve's disappointment, they heard nothing but the soothing sound of soft howling wind and the hustle going on in the kitchen.

"As I drew in my head, and was turning around,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;                                                                                                                                                                                                                                A bundle of toys was flung on his back,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    And he look'd like a peddler just opening his pack:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      His eyes - how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry;                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      He had a broad face, and a little round belly,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf," 

Bucky looked alert, looking around like Santa would crawl into their pillow fort for the story with them too. Steve wanted to shake him until he got it through that thick skull of his that Santa is a good guy who gives kids toys. Honestly, Bucky could be so difficult sometimes. What kid was afraid of Santa? But maybe some people are, isn't that what claustrophobia is?

"And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself;                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  And laying his finger aside of his nose,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  He sprung to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  And away they all flew, like the down of a thistle:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight-"

Grandpa Barnes deepened his voice and said very heartily, "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night."

Somehow Bucky looked even more disturbed than from when the story started.

All the kids yawned, and Grandpa Barnes shooed them to bed. Bailey, Becca and Beth went to sleep in the same room as their parents, and Steve and Bucky went to the boys room, pushing their cots together like the always do and ignoring the weird looks they got from Toby, Kevin and Levi (another cousin).

As soon as Steve's head hit the pillow he was out like a light, too tired to stay up and try to see when Santa was going to come.

**~*~*~*~**

"Steve," a familiar voice whispered. Steve groaned, rolling over and falling back to sleep.

"Steve," this time his name was accompanied with the owner of said voice shaking him. Steve slapped the hands away from, trying to get sleep to claim him again.

" _Stevie_ ," the voice hissed, and Steve slowly sat up to rub his eyes and sleepily glare at the older boy above him.

"Wha's the matter Bucky? Is it Christmas already?" Steve slurred, looking around to take in his surroundings. No light was shining through the curtain and all the other boys were sleeping. Steve turned back to Bucky confused. Why would his best friend wake him up?

"I heard some noises downstairs, I'm going to check it out," Bucky said. "It's probably Santa, so I'm going to go meet him and give him the greeting he deserves."

Steve nodded, about to tell Bucky to have fun and go back to sleep when he noticed the metal baseball bat in Bucky's hand. Oh no.

"Bucky," Steve hissed, jumping out the bed and chasing after the older boy. "You can't hit Santa with that, you're going to get on the naughty list!"

Bucky grabbed his arm and pulled him further away from the other bedrooms. "Shh. Don't wake anyone else up. Everyone else is fooled by Santa and thinks he's some sort of hero. But we know better, don't we Stevie?"

What? They do? "We do?" Steve asked.

"Yes, and we're going to do something about it, right?"

Right? "No, wrong. C'mon Buck, you can't hit Santa with a baseball bat. That's probably breaking so many rules. Let's just go back to sleep, or say hi and maybe share some of Aunt Nicoletta's delicious cookies with him before he leaves okay?"

"Steve," Bucky sighs like he's disappointed. "What's the one thing I always tell you?"

Steve frowns. "That I'm a punk?"

"Besides that."

He takes a minute to think on it. "To not argue with a guy with a baseball bat?"

Bucky smiles, lightly slapping the bat down on his hand twice. "Bingo. So here's what we're going to do, we go in I'm not going to hit Santa, but I'm going to try to scare him off with the bat. Maybe then he'll leave and never come back."

Digging his hand in his back pocket, Bucky produces a slingshot. "This is Freda's slingshot," Bucky said, giving the weapon to Steve. "Be very careful with it. If you lose it or break it she'll have my head."

Steve takes it diligently, stuffing the marbles for it in his pocket for later. Not that he'll shot Santa of course, he's not stupid.

"Only use it if he grabs you and tries to take you to his evil elf factory to turn you into one of his elf minions," Bucky tells, him before turning away and walking the length of the hallway, stopping at the edge of the stairs.

Steve blinks, because... what? He really wants to know what kind of books Bucky's reading because they certainly aren't normal.

He follows Bucky to the staircase, and they walk down together, creeping through the quiet house until they reach their destination, the family room.

Steve barely hold in a gasp, because there, in all his holly jolly glory is the man himself, Santa Clause. He feels giddy, and almost rushes in to hug the man when Bucky hold him back. Steve turns to him, about to tell him to let go when he hear voices.

"Are you sure this is really necessary?" A feminine voice asks. Steve's pretty sure that it's Mrs. Barnes and he can't help but feel jealous. How come she gets to be in the same room as Santa?

"Of course it is Winifred! Bucky can't be scared of me forever, he's gotta learn that I'm a good guy, so what better way to do that than taking pictures of me doing good things?"

Steve looks back at Bucky, who looks pale at the fact that Santa knows Bucky's name.

"Ger-" Mrs. Barnes starts but gets cut off by Santa.

"Uh-uh-uh," he says in a disapproving tone. "What's my name?"

Mrs. Barnes breathes out through her nose, loud enough that he could hear. "Santa," She says through clenched teeth, her tone patient, " Don't you think you're a little to invested in your role?" He doesn't hear Santa's reply but whatever he said has Mrs. Barnes sighing. "Can't we take pictures in the morning? I'm tired, we've been up all day, and will have to get up early later on too. Can we call it a night?"

"If you want too, but I'm going to stay up, I gotta do this for Bucky," Santa says.

Steve could hear the smile in Mrs. Barnes voice when she replies. "You're a amazing man, and we're so lucky to have you."

They could hear Mrs. Barnes soft footsteps against the carpeted floor and see her walk into view. Before she could walk out the room, Santa comes at her, spins her around and lightly pushes her against the wall. "Not before a good night kiss though, right?"

"Oh," Mrs. Barnes says. "I don't now. I know how you get, one kiss and suddenly you want to go at it. You're insatiable."

"Please honey," Santa begs, "Just one, and I'll leave you alone. Promise."

Mrs. Barnes sighs, and Santa takes that as permission to starting kissing her and-

Bucky lets out a shrill battle cry that Steve swears woke up the whole house.

Paralyzed Steve could only watch as Bucky lunges, bat raised and yells at Santa. "Get off my mom!" The sound of metal hitting cloth and skin startles Steve into action.

Santa lets out a howl and Bucky raises the bat again, but Mrs. Barnes strict reprimand of ' _James_ ' has momentarily Bucky distracted enough for Santa to disarm Bucky, and throw the bat on the couch.

Steve tries to intervene, he really does, he takes out the slingshot and marbles and everything, about to load the marble in the sling shot when Bucky yells, 'Steve now' and Santa spots him and he just freezes, the slingshot slipping from his hands.

Santa restrains Bucky then, picking the boy up and pulling him close to his chest, almost like a hug. Bucky kicks and bangs his fist against Santa's arm.

"James, stop this right now!" Mrs. Barnes says, suddenly sounding very awake. If Steve wasn't already frozen he's pretty sure he would be from fear with just the sound of her voice.

Bucky doesn't seem to have that kind of fear, because he still continues to kick and even says, "Ma, get out of here," in his futile attempt to fight Santa. In all books or pictures that Santa was in, not once did they mention how the bearded man was so strong.

"Let me go!" Bucky says, "Put me down." But Santa doesn't, but he seems to be struggling to hold the boy.

"Bucky," Santa says, "Calm down. Stop fighting. Wait hold on." Somehow, Bucky managed to turn around in Santa's grasp, and he bangs his child sized fist against Santa's chest, while simultaneously kicking his feet. "Woah, watch your feet their buddy."

"James stop right now or you will not get to open your gifts on Christmas. We will give them back to whoever brought them," Mrs. Barnes threatens and finally, Bucky stops. He turns his head back to his mom, then with one last disdainful look at Santa's way, he pulls the man's bread and slips out his arms.

Instead of hearing Santa grunt in pain at his beard getting pulled, it actually snaps, and falls from his face to reveal-

"Dad?" Bucky asks, staring up at the face with confusion and alarm.

"Mr. Barnes?!" Steve exclaims, not caring to use his inside voice because if no one woke up from Bucky's fussing, they're not going to wake up from him. "You're Santa?"

"Yeah, you're Santa?" Bucky says, looking at his father accusingly.

Mr. Barnes sighs, getting down on one knee to be at height level with Steve and Bucky. "No, Bucky, I'm not," Bucky sighs in relief but still looks dubious. "Truth is, Santa's not real."

Steve's heart breaks at those words. Santa? Not real? It makes no sense. How could Santa not be real? How could you explain the flying reindeer, and the mysteriously appearing toys, and all the tiny little elves if Santa isn't real. Unless, reindeer don't actually fly, and toys are actually from Mrs. and Mr. Barnes, and the elves Steve sees at the stores are actually just short people. He gasps at the realization. All this time, he thought Santa was real, only to find out his life is a lie. Tears form in his eyes, why did have to know! He enjoyed being blissfully ignorant.

He turns to Bucky to see his reaction only see the fool actually smiling.

"So I was right?" Bucky ask no one in particular. "Santa isn't real?"

"No Bucky, he's not." Mrs. Barnes tells them. "It's just something adults tell their kids for Christmas." Bucky smiles pleased with himself, but what Mrs. Barnes says next whips the smug smirk off the jerks face. "But since you attacked your father, and ruined Christmas for Steve, you are going to be grounded when we get home, so enjoy your freedom now."

The sound Bucky makes is between a whimper and a groan. "But ma-"

"No buts. Now, apologize, then get to bed. I don't want to hear a peep coming from your room, understood?"

"Yes, mom," Bucky says, then rushes over to his father. "I'm sorry Dad. I didn't mean to hit you. I mean I did, but I wouldn't have done it if I knew it was you. I'm sorry. I didn't hit you that hard did I?"

Mr. Barnes pulls his son into a hug. "No, Bucky I'm fine. I'm just a bit sore, but I should be fine in the morning, I've taken worse." He kisses his son's forehead. "And I forgive you."

Bucky smiles at Mr. Barnes, and then walks over to Steve, slinging his arm around his best friend's shoulder.

"Sorry about ruining your Christmas Stevie," Bucky tells him. "I didn't want to."

"I know, and it's okay," he says, even though it is not. But what Bucky doesn't know won't hurt him.

Bucky gives him a small smile, and turns to walk away, Steve was just about to follow him to bed when Mrs. Barnes calls him.

"Steve wait, how would you like to join me and George and eat some Christmas cookies with us?"

At Bucky's offended and shocked scowl, Steve smiles. "I would love to Mrs. Barnes." He sticks his tongue out at Bucky, like the mature seven year old he his, and joins the Barnes' on the couch, those cookies are too amazing to pass up.

**_________________________**

"...I don't think Bucky has been afraid of something as much as he's been afraid of Santa. Sam, I wish you were there to see it, he was terrified."

All throughout the story Sam was laughing, his body shaking with the force of it. Even Bucky was laughing along at the ridiculousness of his younger self.

"It wasn't that bad..." Bucky mumbles. "I wasn't that scared."

Steve rolled his eyes, yeah, sure he wasn't. Steve was obviously just lying to embarrass his boyfriend. Of course Bucky didn't have a fear of Santa. The great and power Bucky Barnes wasn't afraid of anything. He rolled eyes again.

Steve didn't realize he said any of that out loud until Sam snorted, and Bucky coughed, hiding his face in his hands.

"One day Steve, you'll regret telling people these things," his boyfriend threatened, words muffled behind his hands. "Just remember I grew up with you too. I know all the stories, and I will embarrass you when I see fit."

"You wouldn't dare," Steve narrows his eyes. Bucky would do, he would do without the need for revenge. It's surprising Bucky didn't start this before, embarrassing Steve is one of his favorite past times. He could say Bucky doesn't remember, but he knows that Bucky's just biding his time.

"I really, really would," Bucky moves the hand off his face to show his grin. "But we better go, we've been out to long, someone could be watching."

Steve's mood dampens a bit. He honestly forgot about them hiding. The fear comes back and Steve looks over his shoulder to check and make sure no one is watching. "Yeah, Sebastian is right, we should get going."

"Alright guys. Guess I'll leave too, I have more work to do anyway," Sam says, walking with Steve and Bucky to the door. "I'm not supposed to say anything, don't wanna give you any false hope but, I think Tony's changing his mind. He was busy doing something that he wouldn't tell us about the last two days. Kept making calls, and looking guilty. I think he wants you guys to come back to the Tower but I'm not sure."

Sam gives them a lopsided smile and a friendly hug, leaving them feeling a little hopeful.

**~*~*~*~**

Steve and Bucky returned home, feeling happier and lighter than they had in every since Siberia. What Sam said have them hope, maybe Tony really was changing his mind, maybe their lives will go back to normal. He wished he could've talked to Sam longer but he was pretty sure it was odd for adults to sit around at a fast food place for hours talking to random strangers.

They didn't get Sam's number in their new phones, not wanting anyone to find it and connect them to the Avengers. He doesn't think that would happen but still, being on the run includes looking over your shoulder, and preparing for situations that might not even happen. He doesn't like thinking about the paranoia his life has become.

"So movie night?" Steve asked, distracting himself from his thoughts. "Lily said she has a collection of Disney movies we need to see. Have you watched Mulan yet?"

Bucky shook his head, "If you haven't seen it, I haven't seen it."

"Alright. Take out or pizza?" Steve asked, checking to make sure. Maybe they could order Chinese or Thai, he hasn't had that yet.

"Pizza. And real pizza. If we're in Brooklyn we're getting real pizza, from a pizzeria." Bucky replied, with a frown. The brunet wasn't too keen of Dominos for some strange reason. Steve didn't mind, pizza was pizza, and Dominos is, in his opinion, always delicious. He likes the options and the way he could practically build his own pizza. But he gets what Bucky is saying, nothing beats pizzeria pizza.

"Yeah okay," Steve agrees. "What toppings? I'm in the mood for pineapples, is that okay?"

Bucky looks at him as if he grew a second head. " _Pineapples?!_ " The ex-assassin outraged. "That's worse than anchovies! Who puts pineapples on a pizza?! If I'm going to eat pizza I want it to be greasy and unhealthy, not fruity. I can't believe you sometimes. Pineapples? Seriously?"

Steve laughed at Bucky's pissed off expression. It's like the fruit had personally offended him, and The thought of it on pizza just made it worse. Steve hoped for this reaction, he loved riling Bucky up. He always got so expressive and passive aggressive about things. It was hilarious, to see such normal controlled and down to earth guy fed up at such a small thing like toppings on pizza.

"I don't know," Steve teased, "pineapples sound really good. It's blends so well with tomato sauce and cheese. I'm telling you, you don't know what you're missing."

"Chris, pineapples don't belong on pizza. It's not natural. If you want some so bad, go to the store and buy one, but we will not be having it on our pizza. We're going to have everything meat, like every sane person should."

"I don't have everything meat."

"I said  _sane_ person, Chris, not people who jump out of planes without parachutes. And yes, I know about that, don't give me that look, we'll be talking about this later."

Steve pouts. Whoever told Bucky is going to be the receiving end of his 'Captain America is Disappointed In You' face for a long time. He'll even top it off with a lecture about the list of 'Things Not To Tell Bucky'. "Fine. But you have to try pineapples on your pizza first."

"No."

"C'mon Bu-abe. Don't knock it, til you try it."

Bucky looks over at him for a quick second, silently judging him for his food choices and almost messing up his name.

"No. Never in my life will I-"

Steve looked over at Bucky when he cut off midway, only to see his boyfriend looking somewhere in the distance, wariness creeping into his expression. Following Bucky's line of sight, Steve immediately thinks the worst. Is it a Hydra agent? Have they found them? Are the holding hostages that caused Bucky to freeze instead of attack? Is it a random civilian, or someone they know? Hopefully not their family. Or do they have a weapon pointed at them?

Is it someone else? Or could be a government agent, from the CIA or a whole SWAT team ready to intercept the Winter Soldier. Preparing for the worst, Steve looks in Bucky's line of sight only to see a deep red sports car parked in front of the driver way to their sisters' house.

Steve blinked. Bucky was acting so weird. Did he want to tow whoever it was that was parked there? That was little harsh. The girls didn't drive, Lily and Dylan were home so it know one was leaving anyway. The block was already packed with cars, Steve couldn't blame them for parking there. It looked out of place, but he was sure no one was going to steal it. He was about to ask Bucky about it, but he noticed something, the license plate. The license plate that boldly stated 'STARK 33'.

Dread filled his mind. Tony couldn't be anywhere else but inside the house, Steve knew. What else would make him come all the way to Brooklyn for? He knows why Bucky had froze, why he looked upset. Tony has been causing them trouble for weeks, and now to suddenly show up, to their sisters doorstep?

He couldn't think of what tony could be doing in their. When angry, the genius gets unpredictable, Steve can attest to that. He knows that Tony would never hurt his sisters or any civilian just to get back at them, but maybe question them, or threaten them. And, if he's being honest, he's not completely sure he can trust Tony, not after what he did to Bucky.

Sharing a look with Bucky, they get ready to fight, serious and battle ready minds slipping on them like second skin. They could go through the side door that leads to the basement and go up from their, scan the house for Tony and threats if there are threats they could easily take them out, find the girls, Lily and Dylan and get them to safety. They'll deal with Tony later.

Steve nods, and Bucky nods back, the brunette pulling out a gun from... somewhere. Steve really hoped that wasn't where he thought it was, that can't be comfortable. The creep up to the house, plastering themselves to it like spies do in the movies. Bucky picks the lock to the basement and they creep in.

It was dark and quiet, Steve couldn't hear anyone with his enhanced hearing. They were still on alert though, they both knew Tony was full of surprises. They walked through the basement, their enhanced eyesight thankfully strong enough to help them find their way through the dark.

Upstairs is quiet too, and no one is anyway of the rooms. They're just about to give up and go upstairs when the hear a loud crash coming from the kitchen. Alert, the soldiers run into the kitchen, guns and fist blazing, only to see Dylan with his back braced on the counter.

"Dylan?" Steve questions, moving around to see a broken glass bottle on the floor, a citrusy smelling yellow liquid surround the glass in a puddle. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just tripped over the mat," Dylan replies, pointing to the mat that is haphazardly strewn on the floor.

Bucky moves around to, pocketing his gun and get the broom to sweep the broken glass. "Where is everyone?"

"We have guests," Dylan says. "Their outside, drinking lemonade. Your friends are here, they're looking for you." Dylan peers at them curious. "You're going to be okay right? They're not here to arrest you or anything?"

"I don't know." Bucky moves to stand next him, trying to give Dylan a reassuring smile, but failing. "I guess there's only one way to find out."

They leave Dylan then, walking to the backyard to see the girls sitting at the little circular patio table, with Lily, Tony and to Steve's surprise, Thor and Bruce. Beth is having a quiet conversation with Bruce, those two seeming to get along. Bailey and Thor were laughing along to whatever is was that Lily was saying, and Thor put out his arm for Lily to take and start an arm wrestle with. Becca was glaring at Tony, hissing something at him.

Becca looked so hostile, and that immediately set Steve on edge. He hates to see her pissed off, and he wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of her glare. Even in her old age does she look scary. Whatever Tony said back to her cause Becca and bang her fist on the table, startling everyone and causing Tony to squirm in his seat. Good.

If Steve had his shield he's sure he would have hit Tony in the head with it. Clearing his throat, he shares another look at Bucky, who nods his head in agreement with him.

They walk up to the table together, Steve standing behind Thor and Bucky standing behind Tony. He doesn't miss the way Bucky has his gun pressed into Tony's back or the way Tony tenses. It might seem sadistic, but he wants Tony to suffer, just a little bit. Just so he'll know how much pain he put Bucky in.

"My friends!" Thor booms, starling a few birds and making them fly away in the process. "It's good to see you! It has been many weeks and I was worried for your health and safety. But it seems that you have found great refuge with your kindred."

Thor stand up and engulfs Steve and Bucky in a tight hug. Steve doesn't do anything to fight it. He loves the God, and Thor's hugs are easily the best. He missed the blond too, Thor is a good friend, and it saddens him that he hasn't seen him the past few weeks. "Lady Bailey was just telling a tale from your youth, and Lady Lilith makes very good jokes. You should bring them around the tower more. I'm sure the other Avengers would appreciate their company."

The tower? Steve didn't think they were allowed back. Do they even want to go back? Besides their friends, there's nothing for them there, and it wouldn't be the same. He's pretty sure his relationship with Tony is ruined now. And he doesn't know if he even wants to fix it.

"Right the Tower," Tony says, standing up and dusting his hands on his pants. "I want you to come back."

Before Steve could even think of a response Bucky answers.

"No." Bucky's eyes are cold, glaring at the genius in front of him, and Jesus, if looks could kill, he's pretty sure Tony would be dead ten times over.

Tony falters, his confident facade disappearing. He forces an awkward smile and wrings his hands together. "Look can we talk about this inside somewhere? Please?"

Without saying anything, Bucky inclines his head, leading them inside then downstairs to the basement. Steve turns the light on so Bruce and Thor can see, and as soon as the get into the middle of the room, Bucky spins, lunges and attacks, punching Tony in the eye with the metal arm. Steve can't help but wince, that doesn't look pretty.

Tony falls with the impact, and Bruce rushes over to help him up.

"Been wanting to do that for a long time," Bucky says. "Been wanting to do more than that, but I don't like to hurt my so called friends and mean it."

"Okay," Tony says. "I probably deserved that."

Steve scoffs. "Probably? Tony you brainwashed him. You tried to wipe his mind. You know he spent seventy years getting tortured and used and blamed for everything, and you just do it without a second of hesitation because you were angry. You didn't  _probably_ deserve it. You  _did_ deserve it. You're just as bad as Hydra."

He hasn't realized he got into Tony's face until Bruce lightly pushes him back.

"Alright, I get you both are upset, but let's not resort to violence okay?" Bruce says. "This has been difficult for all of us, but before you just decide to start throwing anymore punches, let's just take a breathe and talk things out."

Steve breathes out harshly through his nose, but backs away, moving to stand next to his boyfriend. Bucky is clenching and unclenching his fist, his eye twitching a little like it does all the time when he's barely containing his anger. Steve puts a consoling hand on Bucky's shoulder, and Bucky leans into it, relaxing a little.

"Thor and I are gonna leave the conversation to you guys. We're just here to facilitate and to make sure things don't get out of hand."

"Right," Thor agrees. "I want all of you guys to be happy, but if you're going to be happy bashing Tony's face in then I recommend doing it in a proper battle arena with proper armor. There's some on Asgard if you don't have any here."

"Thor!" Bruce scolds, looking alarmed.

"What?" The God asks, confused. "On Asgard it is custom to fight out arguments. Most battles I had were the ones between me and Loki when we have a argument. Is this not customary on Midgard?"

"No," Bruce said, pinching the bridge of his nose, "It is not. On Earth we try to talk out our problems."

"But I've seen people fight all the time."

"I said we  _try_ , not that we  _succeed_."

Thor just waved his hand, dismissing Bruce and address Steve and Bucky. "Regardless, if you feel the need to a better solution, Asgard will always be there."

Steve feels his lips twitch up. He learns the strangest things from Thor all the time. "Alright buddy, thanks for the offer but I think we'll pass."

Thor shrugs, a clear 'suit yourself' and sits in the closest armchair.

Steve turns back to Tony, his smile fading. Neither Steve or Bucky speak, they wait for Tony to start.

"I'm sorry," Tony says, not really looking at them, but at some point between their heads.

"For what?" Bucky scoffs. "For controlling me? Or wiping my mind? Or for telling the whole world about the Winter Soldier and how evil and cruel I am? I don't do those things anymore Tony, I don't. I'm not what Hydra made me into. You know that."

"You're right, I do. And I'm sorry, for all of it."

"Are you though? 'Cause you sure didn't seem sorry when you told me to sit in that chair. You didn't seem sorry when you turned it on and tried to fry my brain."

"But I'm sorry now. I was angry at you and just acted."

"I was trying to apologize, Tony! God, do you really think I don't care about killing your parents? I do, they were my friends too Stark-"

"If they were your friends then why didn't you recognize them? You knew Steve, you didn't kill him. Hell, you tried to protect him."

"That was different," Steve says, jumping into the argument. "We knew each other longer. Bucky's first instincts always to protect family. We're not lying Tony, Bucky really is sorry about that. Even if it was out of his control."

"Oh you're not lying are you?," Tony laughs, and it's a bitter sound. "You didn't have any problem lying before, when you told me that they died in a crash. Why didn't you just tell me? Huh, Steve, why? Isn't that what you're all for, truth? Justice? The American way? I'm pretty sure covering up a murder is a crime."

Steve grits his teeth. "I was doing it to protect you and Bucky."

"How? How was it going to do anything for me? No, don't even try to say anything," Tony says when Steve goes to open his mouth. "It would've have done anything to protect, just to keep me unaware that my parents killer was living a few floors under me. All it did was protect you and your boyfriend Steve."

"I was trying to make sure you didn't throw him out, or turn him to the authorities. Or get mad and it would escalate to this! I was trying to stop you both from getting hurt."

Tony takes a step forward, and so does Steve, clenching his fist. "Well guess what, that didn't happen. I did get hurt Steve. And so did your murder buddy. And you, I trusted you. I called you my friend. But you're a liar, and used me to keep your friend safe. You didn't even think to tell me what really happened to my parents. Did you even care? I was twenty-one when they died, Steve. I'm in my forties now, didn't you think that maybe, after all these years, I would want to know the truth about my parents death?

"I don't know what Dr.Erskine and my dad ever saw in you. And I was right, everything special about you did come from a bottle."

Steve stumbles back, like he just got shot. That shouldn't hurt him as much as it did, but he can't help it. Somehow it's hurts even more than it did before, maybe it's because he and Tony are (or were) friends, or maybe it's because Steve feels like a douche for lying. Regardless of the reason though, it has the same effect.

"HEY!" Bucky yells, "Shut up Tony, just shut the hell up. Don't you ever, ever say that about Steve again, 'cause that Asgard option is sounding pretty great right now."

Steve ignores Bruce's murmur of "We should've brought Sam." He thinks it's a blessing it didn't come to blows already.

"Steve ain't the victim here," Tony argues.

"Yeah but neither are you," Bucky rebukes. "Neither am I. We're all at fault here, so why don't we just all accept the blame, apologize, and move on?"

Neither Steve or Tony say anything, feeling properly chastened. Steve looks at the ground, trying to think of something to say that would make it sound like a meaningful apology. Surprisingly it was Tony who spoke first.

"I'm sorry, I really mean that. I know I shouldn't have tried to hurt you Bucky. I know you didn't want to kill my parents, I know it wasn't you. Natasha made me read your file and the red book and it was sick, the stuff they did to you. And the fact that I even caused you a fraction of the pain that they caused you makes me feel sick, and like I'm a terrible person and friend. And I know you might never forgive me for violating and hurting you like, and I deserve that, but I want you to know I'm sorry."

Tony takes a breath, looks at Bucky sincerely and then, to Steve's surprise, turns to him next. "And I'm sorry for everything I did to you too. I know you were trying to protect me too, in your own way and I'm sorry for lashing out at you for it. Everything special about you, it doesn't come from a bottle. I know I can't take back what I said, but I didn't mean it, I never did. You're one of the greatest, bravest and caring people I've ever met, and in so glad and lucky to have called you my friend. I know our relationship will never be the same after this, but I want you to know that I care about you Steve, and if you and Bucky don't come back to the tower, then I'll help you in anyway I can."

Steve smiled at the end of Tony's apology, knowing how hard it could be for the brunet to do that. He nodded and cleared his throat, starting his own apology.

"I'm sorry too, Tony. I really was just trying to protect you both. You're my friend, and I hate that I hurt you. I didn't want you to get hurt tony, I know how much you were hurt by your parent's death, even if you pretended not to be. I just thought, that by not telling you I was protecting you. Sparing you from the harsh reality of the truth. But I was, I see now that I was only sparing myself, and I'm sorry. Even if we don't become friends again, I'll be there for you too, Tony."

With a awkward smile, Steve patted Tony on the back, making the older man smile. See, they could be civil.

Bucky clears his throat, causing both Steve and Tony to simultaneously turn to him. Bucky lips his licks, and begins. "I...accept your apology, Tony," Bucky says after a moment, choosing his words carefully. "Do I forgive you? No. Not yet, at least. I need some time to get over what happened before I can do that. I understand why you did it. You were angry, and hurt, and I get it. You just found out that I killed you parents and you didn't see your friend, you saw what I really am, your parents' murderer. I'm sorry for that, you don't have to forgive me but I'm sorry. I never wanted that to happen, Howard was my friend too, even if I didn't remember."

"It wasn't your fault Bucky," both Steve and Tony insisted, but Bucky waved them off with a sad smile.

"I know, but I did it. It wasn't my mind but it was still my hand, and I feel really guilty for what happened. I'm sorry for not telling you earlier. I was content with my life in the tower, I had friends, I was recovering, and planning to help out the Avengers. Most importantly I had Steve, and I didn't want to give him, or any of that stuff up. I scared of what would happen if you found out. I could've stopped Steve from telling you that story, but I didn't, and that makes it as much of my fault as it is his. Do I still want to punch you in the face sometimes? Yeah, but I'll get over it."

"Are you coming back to the Tower?"

Steve turned to Bucky, trying to gauge his reaction. Personally, Steve didn't think it was a good idea. He, Tony and Bucky were still to hostile with each other, even if they apologize he wasn't naive enough to think that they'll get over their problems just like that. Give in time, maybe, but not right away. They shouldn't be living together again so soon. Yeah, the Tower is big, and everyone has their own floors, but the Avengers practically lived in each others pockets, they visited a floor whenever they liked, their own suites practically belonging to everyone, unless asked otherwise, the Avengers didn't really have boundaries. Wherever they had breakfast or the majority of them were dictated where they hung out for the day.

But in the terms of safety? The Tower might be the safest place for them. Anyone could come looking for them at any given moment. They could be attacked at any time. And they didn't want to risk their family's lives and safety. Frowning, Steve looked into Bucky's eyes, trying to convey everything he was thinking. After a few seconds, Bucky nodded back, like he understood and they both turned back to Tony.

"We'll think about it," Bucky said, and Tony nodded sadly.

Someone sneezed, and then there was a harsh scolding whisper shout of ' _Lily_!' And a much quieter congested answer of 'Sorry'. The Avengers looked whipped around, at the sound, and was graced with the sight of Becca, Bailey, Lily and Beth creeping at the topic the staircase looking comical, with wide eyes and expressions like their hands were caught in the cookie jar.

"Guys?" Bucky asks incredulously. "What are doing here. I thought you were upstairs? So we could have a  _private_ conversation."

"Nothings private with them around, Buck. This is why you were never able to keep any secrets. One of us always found out," Bailey says with a laugh.

"I just wanted to make sure my you were going to be okay. I just got you guys back, I couldn't let them take you away. So I'm here for support and to beat Stark up if he tries anything," Becca said smoothly, with a lot smile.

"I'm here for protection purposes only," Lily added. "Not for my own curiosity of course."

"I tried to stop them from coming, I really did," Beth said apologetically. "I came here to try to get them away, let you fellas deal with this on your own."

"Don't even start Grandma, you were the one who suggested we come in the first place."

"I most certainly did not!" Beth said to her granddaughter. "I merely said I wish I knew what was going on, the suspense was killing me."

"Thanks guys," Bucky smiled, "But I think we can handle ourselves, right Stevie?"

"Yeah, we're good," Steve says, thinking on everything they talked about. They covered all topics expect... "But Tony didn't apologize for outing the Winter Soldier. Y'know the other part of the reason we're hiding?"

Tony's expression shifted to a guilty one, and he bit his lip. "Right! I forgot. I'm sorry about that too, I really shouldn't have done that. But I'm going to fix it. I'm fixing it right now."

Bucky raised a brow, looking dubious. Despite good intentions when Tony says he's going to fix something it usually means throwing money at people or spending a unhealthy amount of time trying to build things. Steve doesn't think either of those could work in this situation. Bucky won't be brought and he's pretty sure not even Tony could make something that would change the brunet's mind.

"How?"

"I hired the best lawyers in the state—no, the country— to represent you. If the US government finds you they plan on either starting a trial, lock you up, probably for life, in their super secret underwater prison that I know nothing about, or execution on sight." One of the girls made a startled and frustrated whimper, causing Tony to wince. "But I won't let that happen. You'll have lawyers doing their best to help you, evidence against Hydra, and all of SHIELD to back you up. Nothing is going to happen to you."

"Thank you Tony, I really appreciate that but why do I have the feeling there's a 'but' in there somewhere?"

Tony hesitated then made some sort of weird aborted hand gesture that Steve had no hope to understand. Bucky didn't understand it either if the way he was looking at Tony in confusion and barely concealed amusement was anything to go by.

"What Tony's trying to say is," Bruce cut in, translating his boyfriend's weird spasming, "that the public is going to learn a lot about the Winter Soldier if and when the trail starts and it might be better if you told them yourself. Come out on your own terms."

Now Steve could get why Tony hesitated. Bucky is very austere when it comes to his privacy. He doesn't like for everyone to know what he's doing, or everything about his life. He didn't willingly open himself up to people besides his friends, and people making opinions about him.

Steve respects that. He wished he could have it for himself really, but he signed his rights to his privacy and life away the moment he became Captain America.

Bucky deserves privacy, especially after Hydra stripped him of everything that made him human. They violated him, and it makes since to want to have some privacy in his life now.

Bucky takes a deep agitated breath, and Steve gets ready to console him if he has too. Bucky licks his lips, then bites them, weighing his options.

"I'll do it," The brunet decided. "I just have to tell them who I am and some things about the Winter Soldier right?"

"Right," Bruce agreed. "Clint, Natasha and Tony looked into it. You don't have to say anything personal if you don't want to."

"Okay. Okay," Bucky set his jaw, determination and stubbornness In his features. "When do we start?"

**~*~*~*~**

Bucky was nervously shifting foot to foot, playing the cue cards Nat gave him. Steve intertwined their fingers, giving a quick, comforting squeeze to his partner.

"It's going to be fine, Buck," Steve reassured. "I'll be right behind you. You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. You can still back out."

Bucky shook his head, tightening his grip on Steve's hands. It hurt, but Steve didn't say anything, Bucky needed this right now. Besides his boyfriend would just feel guilty.

"No, I got to do this. I want to do this on my own terms, not somebody else's."

"Alright," Steve nodded. "I'll be right behind you. You'll be fine."

"Right," Bucky said he fiddled with the cue cards again before thrusting them at Steve. "Here, I won't need them."

Steve took them with a frown. "You sure?"

"Yeah. It'll be easy, I just have to say what I'm comfortable with." Bucky darted in for a quick kiss, squared his shoulders then marched off, Steve close on his heels.

As soon as they got to the stage, the camera started clicking and flashing. The reporters instantly shot up, and there was a bunch of noise, probing voices speaking at once, all demanding "Captain Rogers!" Or "Captain America!" followed by rapid fire questions that Steve didn't catch. 

The voices all died down when Bucky cleared his throat in the microphone. He licked his lips one last time then begun.

"Hi, I'm Bucky. But you probably already know that. It turns out I'm not dead. I didn't die when I fell off that mountain like the books said I did. I was actually captured, and forced to do some really terrible things. Most of you, if not all you, already know of some of the things I've done. You've all heard of the Winter Soldier, notorious assassin, identity currently unknown. Well, that was me. I'm the Winter Soldier, and I did do all those things-"

There was a uproar in the crowd, and Steve started at the amount of yelling and feared panicking going through the room. Reporters were either trying to leave or ask questions. It hurt to see people run away from Bucky in fear, but Bucky didn't let that deter him.

"But I will try to atone for everything I've done," Bucky continued, somehow speaking louder than the voices in the room. He takes the glove off his left hand and lushes up his long sleeve shirt, showing his metal arm to the people in the room. "I plan to join the Avengers, try to save more people than I hurt."

He wants to protest, tell Bucky that he saved hundreds if not thousands of people during the war, but he doesn't. It's not what Bucky needs or wants to hear right now.

"Captain Rogers!" A reporter shouted over the crowd. "Captain Rogers, how does it feel to know that your best friend and second in command betrayed you and switched sides to kill innocent people?"

The crowd quiets, waiting for his response, but on the inside he's howling with rage. How dare they make it seem like Bucky chose this. Like Bucky chose to be part of Hydra. How dare they make it seem like Steve's the one being betrayed and let down by people he trusted. How dare they accuse Bucky, the best guy Steve knows, of being a traitor and a ruthless killer. He tried to remind himself that they don't know what happened, they don't have the full story, but he see the pinched kicked puppy look on Bucky's face and the smug smile on the reporters face that had his anger glaring again.

"Bucky never chose to do any of this," he says, a little bit to harshly, but he doesn't care, he won't let these vultures destroy Bucky's already fragmented image any further. "He was taken after being declared MIA, and the organization," he hates how he has to call Hydra an 'organization' because the Avengers don't want to start a widespread panic to neither the people or Hydra. Hydra could try to retaliate by starting their timer on world destruction, like the Project Insight thing Bucky was telling them about and Natasha has an eye on. Hydra is more like a cult than a organization anyway. "Had tortured and brainwashed him into doing what they want. He didn't get a choice. They mended him completely to their will, so no, I don't think he betrayed me, or anyone else. I don't think he killed innocents. He had no choice. Would you blame the gun or the person who fired it?"

He looks at Bucky, hoping he didn't accidentally say anything the brunet wasn't comfortable with, but Bucky gives him a grateful smile, and the reporter frowns. He considers that a win.

"Don't you think it's weak to give up and let them manipulate and control you like that?" The reporter ask with a sharp smile. "No one can brainwash you, you've had to had at least some control of yourself. You can't blame the weapon, but you could definitely be sure that it would never be used again, especially in the wrong hands. Getting rid of it would be the best thing to do, right Captain Rogers? You can't seriously believe what he's telling you."

Steve growled, animistic sound escaping his throat, and before he could answer her another voice broke interrupted.

"Did you know that when I was captured in Afghanistan, I was tortured?" Tony asked, making a grand entrance. He parted through the sea of reporters, coming up on the raised platform and stood next to Bucky, bring up his hand to touch the younger man's metal arm.

Steve smiles at the gesture. Everything the genius does is deliberate. The way he speaks and what he does is all thought of and considered before he does it. He may seem like a loose cannon but every move is thought out to display exactly what he wants to be perceived as. Standing next Bucky, the feared assassin everyone is afraid of, and touching the metal -and the most dangerous- arm shows the crowd that Bucky isn't to be feared. He's not dangerous, he's not going to snap, and despite the problems between them, they're friends and trust each other. 

"Yes, I do Mr. Stark. What does this have to do with the Winter Soldier? Was he the one that kidnapped you? Didn't he kill your parents?"

All three of them winced at the blunt way she said it, but they all held their gaze.

"Nope it wasn't him, some other guys that just wanted power. But that's not the point. The point is, I was torture too. They took me, and told me to build them the perfect weapon, one that would be unstoppable. I refused so they decided to torture me until I complied. It took two days. Two days and I broke, I was building them a weapon, not caring about the people they would hurt it with but caring about myself. This guy," Tony says, pointing to Bucky, "took twenty years to break. It took that organization twenty years to finally get him to comply. He fought them back for twenty years, and the only way they could get him to listen was by brainwashing him. They took his memories, his will, everything that made James Buchanan Barnes, James Barnes. They took all that away, everything that makes him a person, and replaced it with mission after mission after mission, they treated him like a weapon, so he thought he was a weapon. They hurt him, and melded him to their own image. I've read what happened, and it wasn't pretty, it's sickening to see someone do that to another person. And the thing is, he didn't 'give up' because even when he was alone and confused and didn't remember himself, he still fought back, that's why they had to wipe him all the time, to try to stop him from escaping, because Bucky Barnes never gave himself to them, they took him.

"You have to remember, before he became the Winter Soldier, he was a good man. He was a war hero, getting medals for his bravery and sacrifice. He was in the front of the front lines, watching everyone's back and trying to keep as much people out of danger as possible. He saved people, and because he was a Howling Commando, we all know what he did, we all know how his story was supposed to end, how even though he was experimented on and tortured before he still chose to help other people, even if it meant dying for them.

"Before I was torture I was handing out weapons left and right, not caring who I was selling them too, as long as I got money, fame and they were the best, I was happy. I didn't care that they hurt people, that my weapons were used to kill innocents. I didn't care about helping people, only myself, and it wasn't until I got hurt that I realized I could do better, I could help people where it counts, stop innocent lives from getting taken.

"Yeah, he killed my parents, and yeah I'm angry, but I realized I shouldn't be angry at him. I can't blame a weapon for doing what it's been made to do, but I blame the organization that put the hit out on them. I've known him for sometime now, and he's nothing but caring and gentle to his friends, boy-" Tony clears his throat, carefully not saying the word boyfriend. While Steve and Bucky weren't ashamed or afraid to be out, they wanted something for themselves. "Boy best friend, yeah his boy best and girl best friend, and respectful to strangers. I know that he wouldn't hesitate to take a bullet for any of you in here. I'm going to say this once, and make sure your cameras are recording this because I want everyone to hear: Bucky Barnes is a hero, a victim, not a villain. And if anyone wants to say something or do something about or to him, you'll have to deal with his lawyers, Stark Industries, S.H.I.E.L.D and the Avengers. We got his back, and always will."

Without warning, Bucky spins around to hug Tony. He holds on to the older man tightly and Steve hears him sniffling quietly into Tony's shirt. Tony awkwardly pats his back, then hesitantly hits back, only spurring Bucky to hold on even tighter.

"Thank you, Tony," Steve hears Bucky mumble into the shorter mans shirt.

"No problem," Tony replied, "but could you let up a little, I don't have superhuman strength like you do."

"Sorry," Bucky went to let go but Tony scoffed, hugging him even harder.

The tension that was stirring between them the last few days bleed out of them, and saw the promise of trying to be friends again, when they smiled at each other and let go.

Bucky turned back to the podium, and addressed the audience again, blushing slightly and flashing a charming smile.

"Thank you for your time."

With that, Steve and Bucky rushed off to the back, where the Avengers PR manager and CEO of Stark Industries, Pepper Potts and Natasha was waiting.

"Good job guys, I think you won the public over," Pepper said, then went out to the stage, probably to answer questions.

"Yeah, Bucky Barnes is a victim is already trending," Natasha tells them, showing them something called 'Twitter' on her phone.

"I don't know what that means," Bucky says sheepishly.

"It mean you guys did a good job, if there is a trial, we know the public will be in our favor. We could win a lot of people over with this, and more people will feel safe with you around. Your influence in the public and with you being an Avenger and all the evidence against Hydra will really help your case."

Steve and Bucky looked at each other, then reached out at the same time, hands interlocking with each other.

Steve knew everything they weren't saying, they were going to support each other through this, they were going to be okay, and they were going to be happy, and continue on with their lives, no matter what S.H.I.E.L.D, the public, or the Avengers expect of them.

"Ready to go home?" Steve asked, and Bucky squeezed his hand, starting to lead Steve outside into the humid May air.

"Yeah," Bucky agreed. "I'll get call a cab to Brooklyn. Do you wanna pick up a pizza on the way?"

Steve smiled, "And popcorn. We never watched Mulan and Lily told us we have to see it. But it's late, so I guess it'll just have to be me and you."

Bucky grinned, leaning in to peck his lips quickly. "Sounds like the perfect night."

It really did, relaxing with his boyfriend after everything that happened sounds like the best idea he's heard in weeks.

Steve tightened his grip on Bucky's hand, and the brunet squeezed back. They shared a secret smile, the ones that are saved for each other, and kissed innocently, trying to convey all they were feeling through the feeling of their lips meeting. He felt like he did when they first starting dating, afraid of the future and what could happen to them, but Ultimately giddy in the knowledge that they could finally be together, and that they'll always have each other's back.

A horn brought him out his thoughts and they broke their kiss to see a cab waiting for them.

They ducked into the cab, Bucky resting his head on Steve's shoulder and Steve carding his fingers through Bucky's hair. The driver doesn't say a word about their cuddling, and if he recognizes them he doesn't mention it.

When they get home, they climb up the stairs to their sisters' place, setting up the movie, and eating pizza and popcorn on the couch, cuddling just to feel each other.

When Bucky starts humming along to a song, and his face lights up with the reflection from the screen and with a carefree joy and happiness that Steve hasn't seen in a long time he realizes that yes, everything will be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRANSLATIONS:  
> -Cea mai dulce Bethany- My sweetest Bethany  
> -Bailey, uită-te la tine, încă atât de drăguț- Bailey, look at you, still so cute  
> -Wow, Rebecca, cresti asa de repede, in curand vei fi mai inalt decat mine. Vino aici și dă-ți bunicii ceva zahăr.-Wow, Rebecca, grow up so fast, you'll be taller sooner than me. Come here and give your grandmother some sugar  
> -Și James, arăți așa de frumos ca niciodată. Și tu arăți ca tatăl tău, mă simt prost pentru tine-And James, you look as handsome as ever. And you look like your dad, I feel bad for you  
> -Mulțumesc bunica, și eu mi-a lipsit-Thank grandma, I missed you too  
> -Si tu- And you
> 
> Sorry for this taking so long, I'm writing two fics in between the chapters so it might be a bit of a stretch between updates. In related news, there are 3 more chapter after so, yay! it's almost complete. If anyone catched the spongebob and CA:TFA references, virtually cookies for you.  
> ['Twas the night before Christmas](https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/25/twas-the-night-before-christmas_n_801194.html)  
> Join me on [Tumblr](https://hidingouthere.tumblr.com/)


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